Telling work you are pregnant can sometimes be a daunting task. Try telling them you are pregnant for a second time when you haven’t even come back from maternity leave! Yep, that was me.
When I found out I was pregnant with our second baby I think I went in to a slight bit of shock. It is not that I didn’t want another baby, we did, but it was more that I hadn’t been thinking about it quite yet. You see Molly was only 11 months old when I fell pregnant and there were a myriad of emotions swimming around in my head. We had had a difficult time conceiving Molly so of course I was happy that we hadn’t had to experience that again this time but she was still a tiny baby. I had only just started to feel remotely normal again and most importantly I hadn’t even gone back to work yet. At the time I was working for a big ad agency and was actually looking forward to going back in many ways.
I had been very lucky to be able to have 12 months off with Molly and then with holidays and Christmas it meant I had closer to 14 months and was due to return to work at the start of January. Being pregnant again wasn’t part of the plan. Not quite yet anyway.
One of my biggest feelings when I found out I was pregnant was dread. Not about having another baby but about telling work. “Hello I’m back. Oh and by the way I’m pregnant!”. Not really what I wanted to tell my boss.
Back To Work
My 12 week scan was due on the 5th January. One day after my return to work date. Didn’t really give me much time to settle back in did it?
I went in for my pre return meetings, caught up with everything and was actually really looking forward to starting back and getting back in to Ad agency life. I kept quiet about the pregnancy even to my closest friends. After all, I wanted to wait until I knew everything was ok.
On my first day back I got called in by my CEO to help sort a crisis on a client that needed a new brand campaign/TV ad/The whole works. This was great as I love a challenge and it was nice to be back in the thick of things. Problem was we had a meeting the next day. The day of my scan. When he asked if I could make it he said he’d checked my diary and I was free. Hmmm. Cue a call to the hospital to rearrange for two days later. I just didn’t want to have to tell my CEO then why I couldn’t make the said important meeting.
So a few days later I went off to my scan telling work it was a follow up appointment for the liver complications I had when pregnant with Molly. Everything was fine at the scan and I came back excited but still nervous of the news I had to impart. I told my close friends who were excited as ever but decided I would wait a while longer before telling work.
Breaking The News
Then came the announcement that they were planning restructures within the team. Somehow it didn’t feel right keeping the news from them that I would be leaving again in a matter of months and so I headed in to see my boss. The conversation went something like this:
Me: I need to tell you something.
Boss : Oh, everything all ok? (not a clue)
Me : I don’t really know how to say this but I’m pregnant.
Boss: F**k (Puts head in hands and stays that way for a good few minutes whilst I ramble on my apologies)
Let’s just say he wasn’t impressed. It’s not he wasn’t happy for me (I think) but he’d been waiting for me to come back and then I go and change all the plans around again. Yes I know I could choose to leave anyway but this wasn’t really in the plan for either of us. Despite that I felt a huge relief once they knew. It meant I could relax and get on with things and focus on doing as much as I could during my remaining (short) months at work.
Money Worries
I also had the added worry of the financial implications of going back on maternity leave. I only got statutory pay and had decided to take the 12 months with Molly not imagining I would be back on maternity leave so soon. It was tough as I had no time to save up or really make any provisions for being off work again. I just used the six months I had at work to try and save a few pennies and luckily I didn’t need too much for the baby as we had everything.
I think underlying everything was the knowledge that I probably wouldn’t return after having the baby. Having two little ones in nursery wasn’t going to make the best financial sense and I knew that in my current role I would be required to come back four days minimum. It was a strange feeling as I had been at the company since leaving university and knowing I wouldn’t return was rather sad.
Luckily I was still entitled to my next lot of maternity pay and due to the way my holidays had fallen I was actually ok for additional benefits like my car allowance when I was off again.
The Up Side
One big benefit of all of this was that I only had to be back at work for six months. It flew by. It meant I knew Molly was only in nursery for a short time (I couldn’t really justify the cost when I was off again) so the mornings of tears and upset from her part were easy to handle. All the chaos of juggling work, nursery drop offs and general home life was ok as it was for such a short time. And of course we now have our gorgeous Alice and I’ve ended up working for the amazing RMLtd so all is good.
Has anybody else experienced the same? How did your work take the news?
I too had a back to work meeting with my boss Lottie, and was heavenly pregnant with Joseph. It didn’t go down to well. In the end after using some holiday, the day I was due to return to work I started my second maternity leave. So I had 20 consecutive months off work. xxx
Oh gosh Lorna! I’d forgotten how close together the boys were! You are mad! x
Everything happens for a reason. I truly believe that and look everything has worked out for you and lorna even though I bet it was daunting.
I’m due to return next February after being away since November and had thought maybe we should just have another to get the sleepless nights out the way! But two kids in nursery is too expensive for ourselves.
Boss’ can be annoyed but really shouldn’t show you they are annoyed and if they do so and continue to do so you could go to a union. I work in the nhs so it is easier to fill a post than say in a private sector job so don’t think I’ll experience it- hopefully!
I have been day dreaming other ways to not return to work, setup a business but I have no business to set up! I will continue to daydream
Do it Jill! There were definite benefits to not having got out of baby phase yet. Still a shock to the system mind you! We were the same with the nursery fees hence realising I probably wouldn’t be returning. There was no point working my socks off to spend most of it on nursery. My boss definitely wasn’t the best at hiding his emotions, especially when at the end of the conversation he walked out his office saying ‘Best f***ing go and tell HR now!!!’. Good job I knew him well. x
This article is music to my ears! I took 9.5 months off with my little girl and returned to work in April. Little did I know that 3 weeks later I was to fall pregnant again…currently approaching 10 weeks so no-one knows yet. Like Lottie we knew we wanted 2 kids but hadn’t even thought to start trying until later this year. Our daughter will be 19 months old when the new baby is born and I’m concerned as to how on earth I’ll cope at home on my own whilst my husband works. I also work in an ad agency and came back to work in a promoted role so feeling the pressure somewhat and dreading “that” conversation with my MD…
Firstly Congratulations!! Amazing news. You will be fine, I promise. Your two will be exactly the same difference as mine. I’m not going to say it isn’t tough, it is, but those few short months go very quickly and now they play so nicely together. My husband works really long hours and often is away in London in week so from when Alice was 2 weeks old I was pretty much on my own. I got a dab hand at bathtime with the two and managing to juggle them both. Molly did watch a lot of Disney films when Alice first arrived as Alice wasn’t great at being put down. But by around 4 months we were sorted. There is something very high pressured about Ad agencies isn’t there? I was AD and knew that it wasn’t going to be a good conversation. Didn’t help that the week after I told my boss four of my team also announced they were pregnant. Poor guy! Good luck with the conversation xx
I would be interested to hear the end of this story – i.e. when you told your employer that you wouldn’t be returning at all after your second period of maternity leave, how they felt about this and how you felt. You mention knowing that you “probably” wouldn’t return but how did you really come to this decision and did you feel at all disingenuous toward your employer? I find this a very interesting topic, especially having been on both “sides” of the discussion – both telling my boss that I was pregnant and managing staff who returned from maternity leave.
Definitely one for a future post as it was quite a big decision for me and not an easy one to make. It certainly is hard managing it from both sides and it became very apparent within my team when 5 of us went on maternity leave within a month of each other. Think it was the starting point of employing more males within the team (we were purely female before!!) x
There’s definitely plenty to discuss. What a shame your firm thought the way to make things better was to employ more men! I guess I am lucky to work in a sector where that kind of behaviour would be frowned upon (not least because it’s actually illegal) but also where the practice of employing working parents is really held in high regard and our contribution is so valued. I understand from the employer’s point of view that there can be difficulties and obstacles but it would be a pretty foolish employer to dismiss or overlook half of it’s workforce on the basis of gender. We have a lot to learn from other countries in this regard, unfortunately after Friday’s results things are only get to get more challenging for working parents, not easier.
So glad it all worked out for you Lottie! I would be interested to hear more stories of breaking the news at work, or starting a new job when pregnant.
I am just coming to the end of a year abroad (not working!) and am pregnant – by the time I start a job I will be about 20 weeks. I’m hoping to return to my last employer to ease the pain, but I know they won’t be happy! The alternatives of trying to find a role whilst showing, or not working at all, also aren’t that attractive.
Of course we had it all planned to have a baby during the year out, but as I know now, these things don’t always happen the way you hope and you can’t plan the perfect time!
Congratulations! Gosh, that must be hard trying to relocate and find a new job and here’s hoping your old employer has a positive reaction for you. Things definitely never go to plan where babies are concerned!! Good luck with the job hunting xx
I fell pregnant a few weeks after returning to work following the birth of my daughter. Outwardly my boss was pleased for me etc but I did have to put up with a few snide comments and jokes. After returning from my second maternity leave it was clear they thought I may be leaving again as I wasn’t told of any promotion opportunities etc whilst I was away. I now freelance from home and am much happier, plus if we do decide to have baby no3 I no longer will have to endure weeks of anxiety at work!
It’s funny how all talk of pay rises and promotions disappear for most people isn’t it? I’m glad you’ve managed to find something that works for you as being happy is definitely the best thing (and you can get planning no 3!!) xxx
This is great timing for me because I am having to have this conversation with my manager in a few weeks time. I’ve decided to tell him over the phone about three weeks before I am due to return back from maternity leave. I feel this is the best for me because I am already showing and will be 17 weeks when I return. I have to be honest I’m not looking forward to the call! I’m not nervous about having a 17 month and a newborn but I’m worried about work’s reactions, eek!
Congratulations Louise! I too was more worried about the prospect of telling work than the fact I was going to have two little ones. You will be fine and at least over the phone you can take a deep breath and get it over with. I was having heart palpitations before I walked in to my bosses office. Good luck! xx
I was pregnant a month or so after returning to work. For various reasons, I didn’t tell anyone until 16 weeks and I only told my team around 23 weeks. Everyone was obviously speculating but let them. I’ve already handed in my notice and I’ve told work I’m not coming back after my second baby – I still get maternity benefit.
Unfortunately, I felt like I had to do this because I don’t have the type of career where having two children is a workable option. Sad but true. Better to be open about these things in advance so you can cut your cloth accordingly during a second maternity leave.
It is definitely true that it’s best to be open. I didn’t really say as financially I really needed to go back but knew it probably wasn’t going to be a feasible option. I think everyone knew I wouldn’t really be coming back. Well done you for getting it all sorted before you leave and good luck with the rest of your pregnancy. xx
This is timely for me – I’m 9 weeks pregnant with number 2, and although I’ve been back at work for about 8 months now it still feels quite soon. I’m dreading telling my boss even though I’m sure he’ll be nice about it. I’m looking fairly pregnant already so I’m hoping I can hold off telling work until after my scan!
Like you, Lottie, I’m probably not going to go back after this one as although we can (just) afford to have two in nursery it doesn’t leave enough left to be worth the stress of us juggling two kids, nursery logistics, a long commute and two jobs. The plan was to tighten our belts for a few years so I could have a few years’ break and then hopefully find something part-time and more local, but who knows what will happen financially after Friday’s bombshell!
Not quite the same but I’m going back to work on Monday after 10months off with Felix who is 10months too!
Basically I started a new job in March last year and found out I was pregnant the week before I was due to start (cue a leaving do where i pretended to drink wine!). I then found out at my 12 week scan that I was 4weeks further on than calculated!
I then also started my mat leave 3 weeks early as he was 5weeks early! I’ve been off longer than I was in so its like I’m the new girl all over again!
And I only qualified for maternity allowance….so really not intending to get pregnant too soon yet!! I think my new boss (my old new boss left whilst i was on mat leave) might have a fit if that happened!!
But we worked it out (and now have a large credit card bill…) in the end!
I took 9months off with baby Rupert then headed back to work not knowing I was already pregnant. which wasn’t planned but still a joy.with it been bsby four I’d just had boobs expected me to then announce I was expecting again aswel as me!
I waited till I was 23 weeks before I said a thing I managed to hide it well but now at 27 weeks I’m huge lol
This will be baby 5 I’m not sure what to do about about work this time or to return at all.
Time will hopefully tell (fingers crossed)
Noone* baby brain lol x
Blimey, number five. You are superwoman!!! xxx p.s. Rupert was one of our top names if we had a boy, love it. x
I don’t wish this to sound disrespectful but it does worry me a bit that out of all the Rock My babies only Molly was planned (or so it seems from the various bits of information you’ve all shared). If a group of educated and intelligent women haven’t mastered family planning what hope do the nation’s teens have? Perhaps a post on contraception is required?! (I’m thinking how quickly you can get pregnant after Baby number 1, etc)
Wow that sounds rude!! You have no clue what goes on behind closed doors in people’s relationships so I find your comment rather judgemental. Surely a post about contraception would negate the need to have Rock My Family in the first place, since no-one would be creating families due to all the “safe” sex!
Erm, sorry that really does come across as disrespectful! I don’t think I’ve read that none of the babies were planned, rather than most of the babies came quicker than anticipated, due to having expectations it would take a while to conceive. And anyway, what does it matter if they were unplanned? They are all clearly loved and cared for and that’s what matters the most surely?
There are all sorts of reasons why ‘educated and intelligent’ women become pregnant accidentally or slightly unexpectedly – I did following some health problems where I’d been told I’d probably struggle to conceive and it was the best thing that ever happened to me ? It wasn’t ‘planned’ but very much wanted and I’m sure all of the Rock My babies were too. No contraception is 100% and sometimes life throws a curveball, it doesn’t mean the woman (and man!) in question hasn’t ‘mastered contraception’ which I’m afraid does sound rather patronising…
I didn’t mean it to be, honestly. I apologise if it was taken that way. By ‘planned’ I meant ‘planned at that time’. I do think there is a lack of awareness about how quickly you can get pregnant again, what impact breastfeeding plays, etc, and along with the advisory/health type posts people may find this helpful.
I don’t think it sounds disrespectful Laura, no one really talks about how quickly you can / should get pregnant after having a baby, how breastfeeding affects things, how health conditions in/after the first pregnancy can have an impact etc. so I think it’s a genuine question. I also don’t think there’s much endearing about the tendency to dumb ourselves down as women and be “oh whoops I got pregnant, oh silly me, however did that happen!”. Even if that’s not actually how it happened and as others say, things just happened quicker than expected. Beware the fan-girl wrath! 😉
Lottie, this is exactly what happened with my daughter Alice (currently 9wks). I got pregnant again when our first – Penny -was only 10mths old. Like you, we wanted another child – at SOME point, but maybe not THAT point. I too work in ad land & was back at work for just 6 months before waddling off into the sunset – again. I actually found out the day before I returned to work. I also dreaded telling my boss. Obviously getting pregnant in quick succession is perfectly legal but it’s not very professional, is it? To make matters worse, I had a new boss as I’d switched teams while on mat leave. Awkward!
Was it a difficult decision not to go back? I’m sort of toying with the idea but not sure we can make it work financially. Am having all the unrealistic mat leave fantasies about opening a coffee shop/soft play, etc. (As IF that would be easier than working in an office. But it’s nice to daydream…) Might make for an interesting (if controversial!) post.
Great name for your newest daughter BTW! Also, what is it with all these advertising people getting pregnant before returning? Do you think we were attempting to avoid the chaos of ad land for a bit longer?! I’ll get a post sorted on my decisions asap for you. In truth it wasn’t too difficult. Financially I knew I could do with earning the money but after I’d paid two lots of nursery fees, although I’d have money left over, it didn’t seem worth the stress and hassle of working 4 days a week for it. Plus as Acc Director they wanted me back full time really and trying to manage all the time away, shoots, meetings etc was just too hard. I knew we could probably make cuts and make it work and I thought I’d look for a new job too as I’d need to do something. I even considered just working in Waitrose (cheap food after all!!). I was pretty lucky that I actually managed to find a job client side 2 days a week and my mum had the girls for me but it didn’t last long as mum really struggled with a 9 month old and 2 year old. Then lady luck was very nice and I ended up with the great folks here. So you never know there may be something out there for you. Maybe think about consultancy or freelance as that was one of my other options. Also, soft play is the best idea ever! xxx
Oh, Lottie – I could have written this post myself (well, up to the point of you returning to work & having to break the news to your boss!) I’m returning to work in a couple of weeks & am also pregnant again – not entirely planned, but certainly not unwelcome! It took us 18 months & lots of intervention to have our daughter so blow me down with a feather when it happened second time on the first go!!! Anyway…
I’m absolutely, totally, 100% dreading the conversation with my boss. Like you, I was (am) really looking forward to going back & getting stuck into things. They’ve been crying out to have me back for months, and I feel really guilty, and unprofessional if I’m honest, at the prospect of going off again in little over 6 months.
Unlike what seems to be most people (going on the above), I am intending on returning full-time after the second mat leave (luckily I have great support from husband & can financially justify going back) so I’d like to hear any stories or thoughts on whether this has worked out for anybody? Or did you find you were cast aside and pretty much hung out to dry? I’m really hoping my employer will see the value in keeping me, maintaining relationship with me etc. but I can’t help wondering whether they’re going to write me off completely when I tell them my news. I do hope not, my career is important to me, but it’s what I fear
It’s helpful to know there are many in the same boat though – anecdotal evidence suggests it isn’t that uncommon!!
Firstly congratulations and secondly good luck! It will all be fine, I’m sure. I too felt very unprofessional and bad about my news but once they knew I felt a sense of relief. In a way I really wanted to go back as I loved my job (most of the time) and still do miss it. I will never know if they would have written me off, I’m hoping they wouldn’t but I felt happy that I had got to the level I had before I had kids. I hope everything works out and fingers crossed your news goes down well. xxx