This may seem a bit of a strange post given the nature of our work. I mean the whole blog started because of our children and they all make regular appearances on these pages and on our social media channels. It was kind of a given that they would.
However, there is still a part of me that isn’t sure about sharing images of the girls and would love to hear your thoughts on the matter.
Even before Rock My Family began I had been sharing images on my own social media. I’m not that big on Facebook (I mean as in using it, not my number of friends!) but would regularly post pictures of the girls or little albums of things like our holidays. I figured that it was a nice way to share the pictures with my family and yes, in truth, be proud of what gorgeous little girlies they are. After all, every parent likes to celebrate their child’s achievements and those special little moments.
Then there is Instagram. I was a bit late to the party on this one and joined well after Molly and Alice were born. It was set up to share my cake creations and so needed to be public rather than private. I originally avoided posting pictures of the girls mainly because I knew anyone could find them. Then the nature of this job meant I wanted to start sharing their snaps, even before Rock My Family began. Social media is a large part of Rock My Family and an important way of our readers knowing the team.
Finally, when Rock My Family began I knew their little faces would be all over the world wide web and so it seemed silly to be worried about the Instagram effect. I was proud to share their stories with you all and I know most of the team feel the same. I do find it quite odd still when teachers or friends chat about our posts and I suddenly realise all these people are following every aspect of our lives. Scary stuff.
My husband on the other hand is completely in the other camp. He HATES social media and really doesn’t agree with me posting pictures, not just of the girls, but of any part of our life. I’m not quite sure he gets what my job is about! Nor that even he appears on these pages more regularly than he knows.
There are obvious safety concerns for a lot of parents and then there is the whole issue of is it boasting, or is it creating a false world so to speak? I know a lot of Instagram accounts are built purely on images of their kids and are super popular for it but I don’t think I would feel right with a feed that is purely my children’s faces. The images the team share in their personal feeds are all snippets of real life – those little moments, the trips to the park or messy ice cream faces.
I suppose in truth I’m not too bothered about having the girl’s faces out there for all to see. Maybe I should be more concerned. As usual we’d love to hear your thoughts on the matter.
This is an interesting discussion topic. I vowed j would never be “one of those” mothers who spammed my friend’s social media feeds with baby photos. In all honesty, there were a few bloggers (who I obviously have never met!) who’s children I was somewhat interested in, and of course seeing my friend’s children in my feeds were nice, but when I wasn’t in that life stage – I honestly just found it all so boring! Just being honest 😉 Well, fast forward when I have a little girl (9 months old) and I have to say that now I get it! I actually have become worse than friends who share the odd album and I started a project on Jan 1 called #acassieaday whereby as it says on the tin I share a picture EVERY SINGLE DAY of Cassie (on Instagram). I decided on Jan 1 that I would block anyone I didn’t know or have some sort of relationship with and make my profile private. Even though now I AM a mum, the aforementioned social accounts of bloggers with kids now became so much more interesting to me… I actually believe in the free web, I believe in the value exchange between offering up my data to brands in return for amazing free services like Google, gmail and the like, but I can not put in to words why I felt so motivated for my profile to be private. I don’t have any judgement for parents who share their content on a public scale, in fact I actually enjoy spending time with it. I suppose it’s just following an intuition. I have friends like your husband though and also really get their POV too. See, good discussion – its a personal choice and I think people should do what makes them feel comfy and save any judgement concerning others who might have a different intuition.
I’ve seen lots of the ‘one pic a day’ things and I think it’s a nice way of documenting their life and I actually think changing your profile to private is good for this. I haven’t done it mainly as I’d normally forget!! You could get it printed in to a little book afterwards to keep as lots of the photo sites link up with your instagram xxx
We personally don’t. It’s my husbands choice and he feels very strongly about it. He believes that whether or not she has any social media profile should be her decision and she’s too young to make that decision. But he’s unusual in that he has none (no Facebook, no Instagram). He has a Twitter handle but it’s used for political commentary purposes and in no way is linked to his personal life. I’m not even allowed to follow him!
Your husband sounds exactly the same as mine! lol
My husband has no social media either except Twitter and that is normally for banter with his friends or keeping up to date on news and rugby! He hates all forms of social media really and I can’t see him ever joining Instagram! xx
Oh this is a great idea for a post-well done (again!) Rock My Family! I’m really strict about pictures of my daughter appearing on fb and Instagram. For personal reasons though, me and hubby both work for the prison service and so for that reason I think I’m just more wary about sharing personal info on social media. That’s not to say I don’t share anything at all-but I make sure my profiles are private and generally only share the odd pic of Florence. It is hard when I’m so proud of her and want to share everything she does with people but I think from a safety perspective what we do feels more comfortable this way! And one of my greatest fears as a mum now is her not really understanding how to protect herself on social media when she grows up, due to the specific nature of the work that I do. Although I’m aware that a lot of people will have this fear it’s something I worry about now even though she’s only 14 months so not yet able to use social media! We have found an amazing app called LifeCake though that’s all very private and secure and allows you and people you invite to see and add pictures of your child/children. It means family who don’t live near us can still get regular updates and if she ever goes out for the day with her grandparents we can also see what she’s been up to!
This LifeCake sound great. I completely agree with your job influencing what you do share. Mine has obviously had the opposite effect but it does still make me feel a little bit uneasy sometimes. Such a tough one xx
Hmm. Tricky. I have sort of rules for S on social media- no nude pics (no matter how cute) and nothing humiliating if she saw it as a teenager. Speaking of teens, I really dislike seeing parents of older kids publicly discipline/criticise their older children on social media. Just no.
That said, I did blog about her pooing in the bath after I got an automated job rejection email the same day- there was just so much similarity between the two situations….
Oh you poor thing. Poo and a job rejection. That is a seriously bad day! Hope today is a bit better xxx
I have to say I really disagree with putting children/family images on the Internet. This is an interesting article on the matter that I have posted on my blog, can’t find the link just now but search guardian children privacy Internet and it should come up.
My worry is that anyone can take and print that picture, it is no longer yours once it is posted online. I have sadly worked with many individuals who use children images and will never post a picture of my child online as a result.
Another of my views is that they are their own person and maybe do not want to be online, they don’t even know what it really is. Would you want your childhood memories forever accessible on the Internet for the world to see?
I’m not meaning to say I don’t enjoy this blog I really do but the pictures don’t add anything to it so it would not be missing if you chose to not include them.
This is part of the reason why I’m just not sure. It’s the not knowing where the pictures have gone that worries me. I also have friends that have created profiles on Facebook for their children which I find a bit odd. The child can’t talk let along post a picture and tell you what they have been doing!! x
It’s an odd one isn’t it. My main concern is that once you put a pictue out there, it is no longer yours. I was always adament I would never post pics online. I have put a few pics on insta since my little chap has arrived but none of his face and always fully dressed. I don’t judge those who do share pics, I follow accounts who do, it’s just not for me. I haven’t and won’t put anything on facebook of him, although a friend of mine did put a couple of pics on there of her meeting him. I did consider deleting the pics of him on my insta the other day because I had a like from one of those accounts with no profile pic, no photos and an account name made up of random letters and numbers. I don’t use hashtags on the pics of him and I didn’t like this odd account liking just this one photo of him. I am so proud of him but I just choose to share photos of him on whatsapp groups with friends and family where it’s private.
Not using # is probably a good call and one I hadn’t thought of. Those random likes are always a bit disconcerting x
This is an interesting subject. I made a conscious decision to keep my pregnancy off social media and we’re doing the same for our son too, now 8 weeks old. I personally don’t like the loss of parental control once the pictures are posted, they can be lined, commented on and shared all without your permission and that makes them visible to people I don’t know. I also don’t think that’svery fair on my son. I love sharing photos of our son with friends and family but just don’t use social media to do it.
I didn’t post my pregnancy either but for some reason after they were born I started sharing a few snaps on FB now and again. Mainly for friends and family who live far away. I didn’t mind FB so much as it was more friends but as my Instagram is public it’s more difficult to control. x
Another good ‘thinky’ post RMF. Yesterday I posted only the 2nd picture of my 1 year and 1 week old on FB. Wide angle shot, walking on the beach with daddy, taken from behind. I thought a lot before posting it too. I dislike the FB ‘share’ button immensely. I don’t think it’s right a friend can take my photo and show it to all their ‘friends’ and so on. A friend wouldn’t (shouldn’t) take a printed photo from your home and pin it up in their own home without permission so why this happens in the online world baffles/irritates the life out of me. FB is my main social media platform. I have Instagram too but mainly for looking at cakes, shoes and shelvies. As for my own postings, if I wouldn’t show a stranger in the street, it doesn’t go online however as with all things, each to their own.
I’m quite relaxed about it to be honest, I think it will be more of an issue when they are older and may not want pics embarrassing them. I don’t think they will mind pictures of them as a baby being shared as they wont look like that any more (does that make any sense???).
I totally get not posting if you have a sensitive job and agree with no nudity etc but otherwise am totally happy for the world to see the amazing little people in my life. #ridiculouslyoverproudparent
Oh, where do I begin? So timely!
Social media is a strange world. As well as connecting with friends & family, it creates relationships that wouldn’t exist otherwise and of course it’s a fab way to bring a brand to its audience too. There are so many sides to this discussion for me!
I’m an over-sharer, so I’ve recently restricted myself to two platforms – Facebook & Instagram. I’m too old for most of them anyway (what even IS snapchat?) and I deleted my Twitter account for various reasons.
When it comes to our own children, it’s going to be so hard, but posting anything online just isn’t an option. I still don’t really know how I feel about that yet, especially when so many people are putting so much positivity and light my way… I want to share our happiness, but I also have to consider who will see the images.
I guess overall, sharing images of our family is a lovely way of sharing what we care most about in life… and it’s down to personal choice. I absolutely adore sharing pics of my nephews and niece, they’re too gorgeous not to!
On the other hand, I would always say – consider who can see your image. Having worked for several years at a child protection charity, I’ve sadly seen the darker side – we should all be aware that not everyone who uses the Internet will see innocence and beauty in a photo, and we may never know who or where it has been shared.
Anyway… that was a ramble and a half! I think my main point though is that yes, I love to share – but doing it safely (in whatever way that is to all of us personally) is the most important thing for our little ones. It’s obviously difficult for me to go into my own reasons, but I know you’ll get where I’m coming from! ?
Great discussion post Lottie, you’ve certainly got my brain working xx
What IS snapchat….?!! I am exactly the same. It’s such a toughie isn’t it on what to share. Glad I could be of service getting the brain working on a Monday morning x
We only put the odd photo up of our little one, as both me and hubby cannot stand the baby/child overload of some people. We made a decision together not to do it, if we want people to see her we will send photos privately. In fact my hubby found out our daughters nursery page was public and wasn’t very happy about it so talk to them about it and asked them not to post her. Anyone else think nursery pages should be closed groups?
My future nursery included a signed release in the contract so you can opt in or out of your child being included in photos shared in social media.
I’ve been thinking about this a lot recently. My profile on instagram is public and I post pictures of my child on a weekly basis, and I feel pretty relaxed about it. I also have the no nudity rule. Personally I like it when sometimes people I don’t know like my pictures – it’s a way of me discovering other accounts to follow.
However, one of my best friends is a teacher and her account is totally private and I know she wouldn’t like it if I posted a picture of her daughter on my account (which I never would) because she feels very stongly about it. Which makes me think am I missing something? Should I be more careful with my account?
It’s an interesting one and a double standard in a way because the minute Juliet is old enough for her own social media account I will be super strict on making sure everything she does is private so perhaps I should be the same with her precious images now..
I also think whether I am missing something or not thinking enough about the implications of what I’m doing. Such a tough one and I’m not sure I’ll ever know the right answer x
It’s a toughie. I’ve never posted any pics of Penny or Alice on social media. I’m not sure why though. I guess it started out as not wanting to bore my friends but now most of them have kids themselves this reasoning seems kind of redundant. Plus I actually looking at pics of my friends’ children, so why would they feel any differently?! I also think it’s nice to keep their special moments private, particularly they are so little. I wouldn’t want my baby pics all over social media! That said, I’ve started using a lovely app called Lifecake to store & share all our snaps with 4-5 close family. If anything, I kind of regret making such a big deal about not sharing pics on FB. Now that Penny in particular is a bit older, I’d quite like to post the odd one. I think the whole thing is symptomatic of friends & families living so far & wide across the country & indeed the globe. I have a v good friend living in Oz & she says she posts loads of pics of the kids because she’s a bit lonely/isolated & it’s a nice way to connect with people. And who could argue with that?
Also, for what it’s worth, I think it’s too prolific to be remotely dangerous.
Firstly, great names. Edd wanted Alice to be called Penny so two great choices there! Lots of people have mentioned Lifecake so I need to take a peek. xx
Another fabulous post by RMF, I love reading everyone’s thoughts on topics like this. My decision to be public or not has been taken out of my hands really. I’m a secondary school teacher and have the highest privacy settings on Facebook and Instagram. I have public Twitter accounts but they are specifically for school and for sharing information with students and parents.
As my accounts are private I’ve always felt safe posting pictures of Isabelle and like others have said before, it’s a great way to share news and pictures with family and friends. I am quite picky with who I’m ‘friends’ with and who can see what.
I’m currently stuck in the house trying to master potty training so I doubt I’ll be posting any pictures today!!
I actually think its good when your job dictates things like this as it makes the decision a lot easier. Good luck with the potty training. You’ll be fine! x
My Facebook friends know the back of my son’s head very well! I want to share some of the things we do as a family on Facebook. But I am very wary of Miles’s face being all over the Internet, so my compromise is posting photos that don’t show his face! Also the only people who can post any photos is me or my husband, and we have to agree on the post before sharing!
I don’t think I’d ever get my husbands agreement on this matter but think it’s so nice that you both have that same understanding. Makes these decisions so much easier x
Really interesting post Lottie, I’m already enjoying reading the comments and looking forward to hearing other opinions! It’s something that plays on my mind a bit, as I like to share the odd picture on Facebook / Instagram of my son but try not to do it too much – my definition of not too much is a picture every month or so which may not be what others think… The other self-imposed rules I follow are nothing embarrassing (obviously subjective but stuff like no nudity or talking about his poos etc!) and only things that I think might generally be interesting to friends and family – I think grandparents are often the only ones that want to see every single picture you take of your little ones! My privacy settings on my accounts are fairly closed too. I think there are two main concerns for me – firstly, how my son will feel about anything I’ve posted when he’s older, and secondly whether there’s a risk to him in posting it. The first I feel ok about given the rules I stick to, the second is the one that has my finger hovering over the ‘post’ button each time, and I’m interested to see what others perceive the risks to be. Great discussion topic!x
I think having some rules in place is a great idea. And agree on the grandparents! x
It is a tough question. I am a lifestyle blogger so my children are part of my blog. My husband does not like social media. Very selective of photos and don’t like when others post photos of my children without my permission. Thank you for sharing your feelings and thank you to people commenting.
I had never thought about it. I’ve shared pictures on Facebook and on instagram of my little boy as have my family. However I only just questioned this lately when my nephew was born. His parents are both in the police and have said they won’t be putting any pictures of him anywhere. They’ve said when you see what they have with children’s pictures being used without consent. Also the possibility of a stranger being able to find quite a lot about your child is a real possibility if you are not careful with your security and sharing settings
Without trying to scare you, on this blog we know children’s real names and surnames of the ladies that blog along with clear pictures of the children that we can access without being a member as such. When you think about all those instagram and Facebook likes and shares that you have no idea of who is doing them it makes the Internet quite a scary place.
Writing that is making me really consider future picture posts
Oh Helen, it definitely is a scary place and I just have to not think about it sometimes. I certainly think that your experience in your jobs affects what you do post online. I have family who have similar jobs and don’t use social media for exactly those reasons. x
This post has really got me thinking. I post photos of my son on Facebook and I’m safe in the knowledge that just friends and family can see those as my privacy settings are quite high but Instagram is another matter entirely. I love Instagram and fairly frequently post pics of my little boy and it does bother me when I see likes from random people I don’t know. As much as I love the ‘mum’ community on Instagram and follow some fantastic people, I do worry about those pictures going astray. I did have a private account for a while but i’m trying to boost my little freelance business and therefore do want people (the right people that is) to see the things i’m posting….. K X
Such a hard decision isn’t it. I was exactly the same. Im sure a few little pics now and again will be ok x
Great talking piece, it’s a tricky one and I’m testing the water with a public insta profile before I blog fully as I want to know how I feel about the public nature of it all.
If I’m honest I feel it’s ok to share, there are horror stories surrounding everything and I think if we let the “bad guys” as it were rule our lives then we will all just live in fear.
I take so much inspiration from blogs like this, and public Instagram accounts, there’s a whole wide world of people and friends to access and visually enjoy. Hell I have insta friends I’ve never even met but I like their journey and wish happiness for them.
I feel it’s kind of oddly hypocritical to enjoy using these platforms and seeing the cute pics of people’s kids but then want the utmost security for our own. It’s like it’s ok for them but not for me and that sits a tiny bit uncomfortably with me. That’s the kind of voyeristic stalker vibes I think is worrying. I read somewhere in a silly meow kind of quote that it’s not the people who like your pics you should worry about, but the ones who don’t…! You can always block people you don’t trust. I just hate the thought of living in fear when smiles are brought to faces all over the world by Instagram pics.
Strangely I find FB friends more creepy and voyeristic. More judgey from their arm chairs maybe? Instagram for me seems like a happy place. Love this blog too xxx
I love that you see Instagram as a happy place (and RMF obvs!). I totally agree. As you said sometimes you do have to stop thinking or you will stress yourself out too much. x
I post photos of my daughter on facebook and instagram and can’t say I spend too much time worrying about it – it does enter my mind now and again but I’m inclined to agree with Sophie above that there are always going to be horror stories for everything and ultimately I don’t feel like my child is in any danger because I post a few photos of her online. Of course it doesn’t bear thinking about what certain people may do with photos of children they have found online, but I’m sort of inclined to think that if I let that thought dominate my life I’d never take her outside to be seen in public at all… who knows who may be looking at your child the wrong way or taking sneaky photos by the pool on holiday – there’s always a risk but she is safe with adults who love her and will protect her at all times. To me personally sharing a few photos online won’t change that. That’s just my take though and I think every parent’s own view should be respected – I only have one friend who doesn’t post anything of their child online and I totally respect that as her choice and would never post a photo of her child. In fact I don’t think I’d post photos of anyone else’s child without asking them first even if they themselves share photos happily.
Both me an my hubby decided that we weren’t going to share on face book etc. Before little one was born. We have told our family and friends that we aren’t happy with them posting pics of her either.
When she is older she won’t the have a ‘history’ online that she may not want.( naked / embarrassing pictures of when she was younger)
We do however use whatsapp groups to send updates to our families and friends
We also worry about the pictures being used by third parties as well
Really interesting to hear everyone’s views.
My sister is a big Facebook poster of her children and that’s fine. However, my first due later this year and my husband and I agree that we don’t want any photos of our little one on social media. I’ve got a feeling this might cause some tension between my sister and I but I’m hoping she understands my viewpoint.
We are planning on using Lifecake (mentioned above) to share pics with family as my good friend introduced me to it and I think it’s brilliant.
Edd is not amused.
You aren’t meant to read the blog. Good job you don’t have an Instagram account! x
SUCH a great post, and so honestly and openly written, Lottie, thank you.
We decided not to post pics of our girl on social media for a whole host of reasons largely covered by the comments above. But this decision has had an interesting side effect for me, in that out of all our friends and family with small children, I think we’re the only ones who DON’T post shots of our little one. For this reason it occasionally comes up in conversation and I feel awkward and a bit embarassed confirming that we don’t and then having to explain why. Sort of like a reverse peer pressure. I’m probably being overly sensitive, but the subtext I pick up on from the other person is something like “so do you judge me for doing it then?” The honest answer is no, I really don’t. I think it’s lovely when others post pics of their kids, not least because it generates so much enjoyment for them and their followers. And just to lob a nice healthy dose of hypocrisy in there, I’m one of those people who loves following those Instagram accounts of those perfect mothers with perfect kids and perfect lives, for what good it does me (you know the ones, huntersandheels, amberfillerup etc.)
We’ve found our middle ground, of course, in the form of the 23 Snaps app, which is very similar to Life Cake by the sounds of things. It’s a mini social media feed just for specially-invited friends and family. But like one of the posters above, I still worry about adding any pictures at all to the cloud given the dark web etc. Grim.
Some call this the third age of the internet, the one where we’re going to have to set down some moral legislation to temper the way we all use it. And I guess we’re still figuring it out as we go…
Definitely still figuring it out. Peer pressure is a funny thing both ways isn’t it? x
So interesting to read this and the comments. We always said we wouldn’t, and there was no scan photo sharing. My pregnancy only ‘went public’ when I had a big bump and got tagged in photos. However we have shared photos of our little boy on Facebook, but I’d say perhaps no more than ten in a year. It’s hard not to as I want to show him off. I am conscious of being a baby bore but also I worry about there being too much information about us on the Internet- a quick Google and you can often find out where someone works/lives/hangs out. Add to that photos or information regarding my son and it all makes me a little uncomfortable. I’m a big follower of Insta-mums but not a sharer. Very hypocritical I know! we use apple family sharing for all of ours pictures, we have a photo stream which has over 1000 photos of my son which all his grandparents, great grandparents, aunts and a couple of best friends have access to.
I completely get what you mean. I have to try not to think about it. Must take a peek at Apple family sharing xxxx
We do share pictures of our daughter on Facebook and Instagram – but we both agree on each shot first and both have maximum privacy settings on the pictures. We also both removed a lot of acquaintances from Facebook before she was born so that we could be sure we were only sharing with people we wanted to share with.
We also use Lifecake to share more day to day snaps as both of our families live far away.
The main problem we have is with family members who are less fussy about their Facebook profiles. My Gran in particular (yes, really!) was very upset that I wouldn’t let her post pictures of our baby when she was born. For months, I was inundated with requests to publicly post pictures by various family members who were most put out when we said no. It’s a sign of the world we live in that people want to show off online, rather than print those gorgeous pictures and put them up on the wall.
I have only shared a couple of pics at birthdays and that’s it. For me, it’s about consent. He’s not old enough to consent and I don’t know enough about the implications of social media sharing to comfortably make that decision on his behalf. I think I’d feel a bit like I’d had my privacy violated if my parents had documented my life on social media and I had no way of controlling what happened to those images. Plus my husband is very uncomfortable with it. He’s an equal parent so even if I felt a strong need to share I wouldn’t go against his wishes on this as it’s too important an issue to disregard them. I think it needs to be something both parents agree with.
I agree there Tig, my husband is as equally against posting pictures online, if he did like it and I did I still would not post as you say he is an equal parent. It’s like giving them the fingers and like they have no rights or feelings at all!
I don’t mean to scare but the amount of information that can be sourced through one picture is scary, people will know your child’s full name, date of birth, hospital of birth, school, what they look like and sometimes even the town they live and I do know of cases where fraud has happened due to socia media picture. Worth thinking about.