“Mummy Mummy! I’ve got LADY BITS!!!” exclaimed Mabel at the top of her voice. This would have been ok, had we not been stood at the front of a massive queue in the John Lewis sale. I could hear the stifled sniggers of the department store staff and other shoppers as I did by best to try and persuade her to pipe down.
“But Mummy Mummy! YOU have lady bits TOO!!! but Daddy doesn’t have lady bits Mummy, Daddy has a tail….”
He has a what now?!
At that point I thought the young man serving at the till to my right might spontaneously combust with laughter.
Honestly, I nearly died. And I probably would have made a swift exit had I not managed to grab the last box of pink espresso cups that were less than half price. There was no way I was leaving without them – one can never have enough discounted and instagrammable crockery.
It turns out the lady bits description heralded from my husband James, who had got himself into a small pickle when Mabel had been reciting all of her body parts a few days prior. She had proceeded to point between her legs and say “What’s this Daddy? my bottom?”
“Err no Mabel…..Those are your um… lady bits”
And so it stuck. Neither of us have the first bloody clue where “tail” has come from by the way.
This got me wondering with regards small people, what do you refer to the male and female reproductive organs as, unless utilising the correct anatomical terms of course, and I don’t know about you, but I’m simply not that fond of the idea of Mabel shouting “Mummy! Mummy! I’ve got a vagina!” at this point in our lives.
As a child I always used to use the term “Fairy-Ann”. I’m not sure where it originated from exactly, but I know myself and many of my friends still use the term now, although it is mostly shortened simply to “fairy”. Yes you read that correctly, there’s a bunch of us 30-something year old women in the West Midlands booking a 6 weekly “fairy” waxing appointment…etcetera etcetera.
What has been your take on this particular situation with your littles? any embarrassing stories you would like to entertain us with in the comments section?
I recall a very similar discussion occurring in my previous job role where a group of us (mostly parents – of which I wasn’t at the time) shared our vast array of alternative names for genitalia and associated amusing tales.
A bloke called Jim in the office: “Charlotte, you double barrel?! To “Fairy-ANN”…?!”
Yes Jim. Yes I do.
Image by Anna Clarke Photography.
[…] even further news, for something less frivolous and potentially more amusing, I’m over on Rock My Family today sharing Mabel’s latest […]
We have a ‘willy’ and ‘lady bits’ also… My little Flynn,who is 2 is quite pre occupied with this at the mo… His favourite questions to ask anyone & everyone we meet are ” do you have a willy?” ,
‘Does gangan (grandma) have a willy?’ or simply ‘ I’ve got a big willy..!!’
I’m trying not to make a big deal out of this in the hope it will soon pass..?!
Oh Mabel. Out of the mouths of babes… In our family, “lady bits” are a “Mary”. It’s been the family moniker for it for generations now – as in “William” (willy) and “Mary”. Not anatomically correct by any stretch of the imagination but it works for us, is innocuous enough and it doesn’t matter when she yells “you’ve got a big Mary mummy” in Waitrose, which she has done. Twice.
I like Mary and William very much! x
We decided to use vagina and penis as we couldn’t think of alternatives that we were comfortable with using. And actually it’s fine – it’s usually quite amusing if she says something like “mummy, when is the baby going to pop out of your ‘gina?” at full volume on the bus, though maybe I have quite a high embarrassment threshold! But I think there’s always going to be a level of embarrassment when your child starts talking about “bits” loudly in public, regardless of what you call them!
There is an argument for naming them by their proper names to guard against sexual abuse which is quite interesting to read about, but that wasn’t why we decided to do it.
Hi E, if there is a specific online article ref the guard against abuse then please do feel free to share a link in the comments section x
I’ve heard research suggesting this too, but never looked into it. A quick google search does bring up some interesting reading on it though
http://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2013/04/the-case-for-teaching-kids-vagina-penis-and-vulva/274969/
Thanks so much for sharing this Nikki. I love The Atlantic, some of the best journalism that I’ve read in the past couple of years comes from this journal and I will definitely be reading this article.
Two other really good articles from The Atlantic which I come back to again and again are:
The Confidence Gap by Katty Kay & Claire Shipman – I couldn’t live without this article on the socio-cultural reasons why women might suffer from less confidence than men, especially at work, and what we can all do about it:
http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2014/05/the-confidence-gap/359815/
The Case Against Breastfeeding by Hanna Rosin – NB: this isn’t actually tirade against breastfeeding, despite the title. I had to stop breastfeeding after 5 weeks and was devastated about it, but found the analysis of the breastfeeding literature that Hanna presents in this article incredibly reassuring that I wasn’t failing my daughter by not breastfeeding her:
http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2009/04/the-case-against-breast-feeding/307311/
Jxxx
Thanks Nikki, I’ve bookmarked these articles to read this evening x
Excellent Thursday morning lols! We’re not quite at this stage yet.. thankfully. But when we were in Devon a few weeks ago my husband was getting out of the shower whilst Juliet was playing in the bathroom and it was like she’d noticed his tail (totally keeping this one) for the first time. She just stood there staring at it whilst shoutting “Mama! Mama!” at the top of her voice seeking some sort of explanation..
I’m looking forward to other people’s suggestions. When I was younger it was bits in our house, which I’m not that keen on..
I LOVE Mabel, she’s hilarious. We haven’t had too many public embarrassments so far which is good going considering Molly is nearly five. The girls just call it their bottom and I’m happy to leave it at that. Molly has however told many nanny that Daddy doesn’t do a wee wee sitting down, he does it standing up though his fingers! I dread to think what she tells her school teachers!! x
We had this conversation at pregnancy yoga back in the day and settled on a Gigi. Like a horse. We always called them Lady bottoms when we were younger (my Mum). Or were very English and said we didn’t talk about it (Dad).
At the moment, we have bottom and like Lottie, I’m happy with this.
My little ‘un is 10 months so not a issue yet – however his name is William so ‘willy’ seems inappropriate. My husband has decided it will be his ‘Samuel’ (as in Samuel Pepys) and we’re just hoping he doesn’t meet a school friend called Samuel with a willy! Oh dear…
Ha hahahahhahhaha! This made me laugh out loud!
Minnie. As in ‘I’m lifting up my skirt to see my minnie Mummy, the bus is making it all jiggly”!
This is why I don’t do public transport very often.
Sara a friend of mine uses Minnie…. ‘I’m lifting up my skirt to see my minnie Mummy, the bus is making it all jiggly”! Bless her 🙂
Hilarious! Growing up I called lady bits my ‘fou fou’ (just fou for short!) so I think that will stick with our little girl.
My 4 year old nephew recently asked me how my baby got in my tummy (I’m 5m pregnant) and I sent him to ask him mum. He proudly returned to tell me that the baby was going to eventually come out through my fou fou!
We use vagina and penis. Because, that’s what they are, and growing up NEVER using either word (god forbid), I don’t want it to become a word that becomes an embarrassment. My twins are 3, it’s become really helpful when they are on the toilet and they shout out ‘come and wipe my bum/’bagina’ for us to shout back ‘do it yourself’ (bum needs help, bagina not so much). I love that there is no ‘shame’ for them .. my mother on the other hand was HORRIFIED when she first heard one of my girls proudly pointing to it and telling her what it was ..
We were in Costco a few years ago, and a little girls was sat at a table waiting for her mother to come back with food. Another woman walked past with a muffin (if anyone has been to Costco, you’ll know their produce is always super sized) and the little girls shouts out to her mother ‘Mummy, look at that ladies muffin, it’s even bigger than your vagina’
we wept.
Nikki, totally agree on the shame aspect. Also the Costco incident, hilarious x
Haha tail really made me chuckle!
When I was little my lady bits were called my ‘tuppence’ – Which I thought for ages was the correct term until my gran and grandad named their new cat tuppence and I found it hilarious/shocking, until my grandad explained to me it meant penny. Maybe penny would be a nice name for lady bits!?
Boys bits were always willy – I think it sounds inoffensive and everyone seems to know what that one means!
We had this similar conversation last week but about what you called wee and poo/trumps as a child! A lot of funny ones came out. I think my fave was air poo for trump!!
Sex Education gets taught in Scotland during P6. There is also a Keeping Myself Safe topic that gets taught across the country. This has been going on for many years. However, the last sex ed training session I was on was suggesting that we start teaching some parts of Sex Ed at P4 level. The argument was that it would support the girls that start their periods much earlier. Did you know that you can start your period at any age if your 8 Stone or over? I never knew this until I attended this course. We were also told that children needed to know the correct terms for every body part and sadly, this was to support children involved in abuse. It’s such a difficult debate. With TV being more sexualised, how do we keep our little ones ‘little’?
After all that, I’ve decided that I’m going to tell my baby boy that he has a winky. I’ll tell him the correct names when I feel it’s appropriate. I don’t know where this name came from but I remember that’s what boys had when I was little. I should probably stop singing the nursery rhyme ‘Wee Willie Winky’ as he’s going to think that there’s a penis running through the streets!
*you’re
Definitely using proper names here. Don’t mind using a different word too but she will know the right terms alongside. Vulva though, not vagina (cos that’s just one bit of the whole area). I just don’t think it does anyone any favours to use “fluffy” names exclusively. It teaches that we have this bit of our body that we can’t even address. It’s not it awful that we have no agreed terms for what to do here? The abuse thing is a serious issue and so easily avoided. There’s an awful story in one of the pieces I read. A little girl told a teacher that someone had tried to touch her “cookie” – her word for her bits. The teacher told her she had to share. http://www.theglobeandmail.com/life/parenting/the-serious-education-of-teaching-kids-correct-names-for-genitals/article23313079/?service=mobile – the poor girl just didn’t have the language to talk about what was happening to her. We need to empower girls with knowledge and confidence in their body from day 1.
Also – vulva /vagina is no worse a word than anything else – it’s just our own embarrassment that stops us saying it. And that’s bad for all sorts of reasons.
that’s heart-breaking. poor woman. this article has some really good points, especially this bit:
“early, accurate naming also promotes the development of a healthy, positive body image. “We don’t create pseudonyms for other body parts,” she said. “No part of our body should be secret, shameful or embarrassing.”
Growing up, we never saw our parents naked, we never spoke about periods/sex, in fact, at age 11 when I did get my period, I had no idea what was happening and didn’t even tell my mother, I was really frightened by it all. And I don’t have a very positive body image at all – It’s made me even more adamant to be open and approachable with my girls x
Vulva is no worse a word than anything else but I don’t think my 21 month old could say it. It would be a bit like describing the neck as the clavicle which seems a bit ridiculous.
I think using a word like “cookie” is quite irresponsible because of the potential for the scenario you use above – but Lady Bottom is quite different and makes it clear what it is.
In our house, with a daughter about Mabel’s age, it’s a nunny for her & I, and daddy has a willy. We didn’t put that much thought in to it really but that’s what came about and has stuck! She talks about her nunny ALOT, she’s constantly got her hands down her nappy and is absolutely fascinated by it – to the point I’ve goggled it to see if it’s normal!!! Having read many hilarious stories on various parenting forums, I feel reassured that it is absolutely normal.
Funny story from when I was a little one – in mum’s arms in a big queue at Debenhams, “mummy, why is my poo always pointy at one end??”
My dad decided to recite this in his father of the bride speech – cheers Dad!!
xxx
Haha this is making me chuckle this morning!
We just refer to her “Fairy-Ann” as her front bum! We haven’t christened her father’s genitalia yet, luckily she doesn’t seem that bothered about it!
Whilst perusing the Tesco aisles yesterday with my daughter sat in the trolley (she’s 3) she insisted on shouting out “Boobies!” very loudly but then adding a food item to it so, “Jam boobies!”, “Bread boobies!” etc then laughing her head off. The young bloke filling the shelves in the cereal aisle found it very amusing!
In a house of girls it was always our front bottom. I now have a son and he isn’t at the talking stage yet but we already say willy (as he’s very much discovered it!) I don’t know what to call his testicles though….
Man there are some hilarious and some absolutely heart wrenching comments being shared here. The latter is the reason we decided that we would use the word penis. Predominantly, but he also knows it as willy & pee pee. I don’t see anything wrong with those names as long as he knows the anatomically correct version too. We also tried vagina, but he says “girls have chinas”… Which is close enough.
It’s nice to have a place so willing to talk about these kind of things too, because as a parent, sometimes you just have no idea if you’re making the right choice or the other options out there.
Also, last night on the sofa, Ethan buries his head in my chest while we were having a cuddle and exclaims “Mummy, I love your boobs”. Definitely getting jotted down in my ‘Things my kids say’ book. Purely for teenage bribery. Haha!
Ha hahahaha Naomi! definitely one for the bribery book in his teenage years. And yes exactly, it’s the whole point of articles like this, to bring some light-hearted amusement to our sometimes manic mornings, but also so we have the opportunity to discuss what everyone is doing regarding certain topics – so that we don’t feel alone/so confused in our decisions.
Ha! Love these comments. My son has a ‘widgie woo’ (why? I don’t know, it was some baby talk that got stuck) and loves to talk about who has widgie woos and who doesn’t, including dogs on the street, ladies at checkouts and so on. We do use the correct word for testicles though, which he often mispronouces as tricycles. I will use the correct terms for female anatomy when we discuss it – at present the widgie woo and tricycles are so interesting he never comments on mummy’s bits!
I have two boys. The eldest is four and knows he has a willy as do all boys and he knows girls don’t have them. We’ve not gone into what girls do have……
Is fine until we go into a toilet cubicle together when we are out and about and he always feels the need to very loudly confirm that he has a willy and I don’t!
Adorable,hilarious and serious stories shared here today. That’s what I really love about the RMEmpire! My boy is only 6 months old, so I am not sure what I’ll choose to use. And I really can’t remember what I used to call the vulva when I was little. I still know several for the penis though… What does that say about our society?
However on a lighter note? Where do I get that lovely notebook used as the heading?
Hahahaha awesome post which makes me smile on this tragic day in my country. So we use the French word “zizi” for the willy. My son hasn’t asked about the lady bits but once when he was chatting to his dad, I heard my husband say : “Yes I have a zizi” and my son pointed at his and my hisband said “yes you have a zizi too” and then my son pointed at me and my husband said : “No maman doesn’t have a zizi”. And my son to reply : “all gone!”
Yes for now that will do!
We have ‘ninny’ and daddy has a ‘wiggly ninny’ which he’s not overly pleased about!! Ha ha ha!!