I’m really looking forward to 2017. I’m not sure about you but 2016 has been a funny old year (for me at least) with lots of ups and downs. I’m not going to lie and say that I wasn’t disappointed when we realised that we really weren’t going to make our self-imposed deadline of being residents in our very own house by Christmas. I was…and I might have shed a few tears in the process.
Dreams of a Christmas tree in the bay window, a luscious wreath on the front door and perhaps a pom pom or two hung from the bannister were dashed. Most of all I wanted to host Christmas to say thank you to my parents and to Ste’s for all the help they’ve given us with the house thus far.
Of course now that I’ve accepted it isn’t meant to be and that actually I needed to give myself a stern talking to and to pull myself together, I can see that perhaps us still living at my parents’ house is a blessing in disguise. After all, we have a roof over our heads, gorgeous living arrangements and most importantly Hector is surrounded by lots of family members including his grandparents and my sister and her boyfriend who have also temporarily moved in. What more could a two year old want than a captive audience at Christmas?
As it happens we now have a new deadline of March. It’s feasible, achievable even. As I type there are plasterers and carpenters doing their thing on the top floor of the house. I’m awaiting quotes from tilers and we’ve found our desired bathroom floor and wall finishes from Topps Tiles. All is good…aside from that is from this fear that Hector really will not adapt to moving house.
This fear is a new thing. An anxiety that up until say about a month ago hovered on the periphery but which I didn’t give much thought to. You see Hector is a creature of habit; I’d say most toddlers probably are…at least that has been my experience so far. But he’s a clever cookie too (yes I’m sure all parents say this about their offspring!). What I mean by this is that I hadn’t given much thought to the extent of his geographical awareness; he really does know the world outside his doorstep and he’s quite comfortable with the current area he knows as ‘home’ thank you very much.
For example, I happened to buy him a Kinder Egg one afternoon on the way back from nursery and now every time we pass this self-same corner shop, he roars out ‘EGGGGGG!!!‘ as we drive on by. It bewilders me to think that his brain even at this young age is sufficiently developed to grasp such complexities – to know from a single experience where things/shops are situated. Perhaps I’m the naive one in all of this; perhaps this is completely normal for a child of his age.
I regularly take him to our house. Granted we don’t stay there for long (it’s far too dusty and dirty for a two year old to be for any length of time) but I do it partly out of necessity if I’m meeting builders/plumbers etc and partly because I want him to get familiar with his new surroundings. As it stands he hates it. Like really hates it. Full-on-tries-to-drag-me-out-of-the-house hates it which has left me feeling a bit panicked.
What will happen then when he reacts the same way on moving in day…when he realises that we’re not actually going back to Gramme’s house, that this new house is now HOME. Will it unsettle him? Given that all he’s ever known is being surrounded by lots of people and that he shares his house with more family members than just Ste and I. Will he completely hate it? Will he hate me?
I’ve shared my concerns with numerous friends and family and practically all have said that he’ll adapt and get used to it and before long won’t even remember what it used to be like. I’d like to say I believe them but my gut says otherwise; the fact that we’ll regularly visit my Mum’s house means that it won’t be a simple question of moving on. I’m sure there’ll be a huge part of him that will be confused as to why he doesn’t stay/sleep there any more. How do you explain this to a two year old?
There’s also a part of me that is nervous about moving on myself. Don’t get me wrong, I am ecstatic about the potential to create a brand new home just the way we want it. I’m giddy with glee about unpacking all those boxes with all my wonderful knick knacks I haven’t seen for nearly three years. I know I’ll feel a sense of relief as we restore my mum’s house back to normal as the guilt over overrunning her home will be lifted from my shoulders. BUT and it’s a big ‘but’… I’m going to miss my mum so much. Although she’s never here for more than four days in a row (SUCH a social butterfly) it’s going to be weird not having her around to chat to whenever and wherever. It’s going to feel odd not listening to Hector call my sister from the bottom of the stairs and hearing her reply and it’s going to be a whole darn sight trickier not being able to avail myself of another person’s help when I just want five free minutes to put on some makeup without a toddler hanging off my arm. Their support has been completely invaluable…I honestly could not have done it without them and I’ll forever be eternally grateful.
It feels like the end of an era somehow.
But I’ve gone off topic. Really in essence this post was to ask for your help with hints and tips in helping toddlers to move house. And I don’t mean the practical/logistical side per se…it’s more about helping them to adjust psychologically. How did you help them to settle in to a new home if you’ve gone through a similar experience? Did you build up to the move before the day? If so, how? What sage pieces of advice can you pass on? I’d really appreciate any thoughts and recommendations that you’d care to share…
Beautifully written as ever Lolly. I’m sure you’ve heard this before, but home to Hector is where you and Ste are. Sure, it’s a huge change for him but it sounds like you’re preparing him really well. He’s spent his whole life at your folks place, so as you say, it’s so much more than a house move.
I know it’s COMPLETELY different but I’m sure there’s a lot you could take from our experience to help, I’m more than happy to have a chat offline to share some techniques that you could adapt. When E came home, we let three words rule our approach – happy, healthy, safe.
Your new home is probably a scary place for him right now with strange people, smells, noises etc. He’s obviously taking everything in, so he will understand more than you think. If it helps, i have a couple of suggestions:
– Take photos of his favourite toys and people in the new house. Maybe create a book out of them, to explain what room each one is and how it will look soon. Read it often and let him look at the photos as often as he can.
– Smells are huge triggers, so when you move house you could make sure the same flowers, candles, sprays and washing powder are used. Vice versa, try and bring some new house smells to safe space now (although wet plaster and paint aren’t too child friendly).
– Leave it as long as you can before he comes home so it’s more of a home than a house full of boxes. Do it gradually over a few days, so each day he spends longer and longer there until he has his first night sleep.
I’m not sure if any of that is helpful! As I say, I’m more than happy to share a little more of how it worked out for us. But he will be fine when it happens!
In the meantime, enjoy one more Christmas at your folks lovely home. Huge festive love to you all xx
SO much amazing advice from you Karen! I hadn’t thought about smells and the idea about the book is a particularly fantastic one. I’ll get cracking on that asap. We’re very lucky in that as soon as some rooms are complete (read painted and second fix completed and carpeted) I’ll start moving some things over so that I can create homely spaces so that when he does come to visit it feels more real. There’s no pressure to move everything in a single day which makes our lives considerably easier. I’ll message you offline to chat more – thanks so much for all the advice and a BIG Merry Christmas to you too xxxx
Absolutely sweetheart! Message anytime, anything to help little H and this emotional transition! Xx
Brilliant advice from Karen. One thing I would add is to say if YOU’RE confident and happy, he will be. Start to train your mindset towards the move as an entirely positive, optimistic step with no reservations and exude confidence about his ability to adapt. His behaviour and feelings will reflect your own. If Mummy and Daddy think I’ve nothing to fear, then why should I?
The kinder egg thing is familiar, we recently went to an M&S food that we’d not visited for a couple of months. 23-month Fern was insistent she would have a watermelon pack with a “black fork” – I remembered that’s what I’d given her last time we were there. It’s astounding how astute they are at such a young age.
Similarly, we recently moved from the house I brought her home from hospital as a baby to. Our new house is two streets down. Whenever we pass the end of our old street she says “We go to new-new home now”. It’s astounded me how unphased she has been adapting to an entirely new environment. As Karen says, all he needs is (a confident) you and Ste and his favourite things and that’s home to him. Good luck with the move!
Just to add, I made sure Ferns room was completely unpacked and set up before she slept in it. I also made a Herculean effort to unpack all our boxes asap to create as familiar and settled environment as possible. It’s tempting to do it gradually but I decided one big hit over a couple of days while exhausting would be worth it.
I’m sure doing these things helped with Fern’s rapid acceptance of this house as her new home.
Also, throwing money at a good removal company who do EVERYTHING for you and being in the new house without a toddler when they arrive to direct where they put things is the way to go!
I knew you’d have wise words Pip! Fern settled so quickly and it’s all testament to how you managed the move. Great tip on the removal company… get the logistics done and dusted asap so the focus is on settling ❤xx
Hi Philippa you’re completely right! Hector is sensitive to emotions generally so I know that Ste and I are really going to have to be super positive going forward – thanks for reminding me of this as I know it’s all too easy to forget. Positive mindset in gear as we speak!
We moved from our small flat into our house 3 months ago, my son is now 23 months. I was worried, but he was absolutely fine! We had taken a few toys to the new house and let him have a play in the living room, he had been a few times whilst we we decorating. He found having stairs an absolute thrill. In fact the only problem we’ve had is the fact he fell down them on week 2 (I was stood right next to him helping him down and whoosh, he just went!)
We made sure his whole room was moved and set up for him. We also sorted the kitchen and living room the day we moved so that he could just play free reign and we wouldn’t have any bother when making him meals. We still had a couple of random boxes about and upstairs took longer (have only just this week sorted out the bathroom cupboard!)
He also remembers stuff like when we go to the allotment with him he always shouts for strawberries as in the summer he was picking them, and when we drive to his grandparents house we get two streets away and he starts calling their names. These kids are more astute than we think!
It’s mad isn’t it Claire the extent at which they’re taking everything in even at this young age. I love the fact your little boy found the stairs an absolute thrill (despite his tumble!) I’ll definitely be sorting out all the living spaces in the house so that when we do make the big move it will hopefully be as seamless as possible.
P.S. your comment about your son calling out his grandparents names made me smile xx
Hi Lolly, I moved house in August with my almost 2 year old and new baby. I can honestly say he settled as soon as his room was familiar to him. By that I mean once we have painted in blue from yellow and pink! (a saturated sapphire blue). His nursery was a duck egg blue in the old house. We also got his room set up with all his old nursery bits in and arranged them in a similar fashion. That was the turning point for us and I only wish I done it before we had moved him in. What I would say is that children are resilient and yes you will probably have some minor settling in wobbles but I don’t think anything too bad- coming from experience. Good luck for march and enjoy Christmas at your Mums!
Lizzie – this was one of the things I really wanted to bear in mind for when we moved i.e to keep his room as similar as possible as to how it is at the moment. It isn’t too hard really as I wanted the same colour on the walls and the same curtains and poles. The only new piece of kit will be a new wardrobe now that he’s a bit bigger. It’s encouraging to hear that the room being familiar helped settled your little boy as it proves I’m on the right track!
Have a wonderful Christmas too xx
Ummmm we just moved when I was 32 weeks pregnant and did none of this (I’d not even seen the house). E and Hector are days apart age wise. She’s also really into knowing her HOUSE and knew her address etc. All toddlers like routine but E is especially into having the right plate, the right dish, everyone sitting in the same seat etc.
The only upset we had was when she saw her kitchen being loaded into the moving van ‘my kitchen….where is it going…..my KITTTTTTTTCHEN’ (and repeat) so move some favourite toys across first.
Practically we put her cot at the front of the van so we could get it out and up early doors.
Everything else seems like unnecessary faff to be honest. If you’re chilled, she will be too.
Side note: anyone recommend anywhere to get a decent rug for her room from? Have tried High Street and GLTC but nothing I can get past the husband. Ideally duck egg colours rather than lurid pink butterflies.
Rebecca you are such a supermum! I take my hat off to you. And I completely empathise with little E – no woman likes her kitchen messed with 😉 I’ll have a think about rugs for you too xx
Morning Lolly. Commiserations on the move in date. Our date to be in the barn has just slipped again, from June to August. It’s such a kicker as, like you say, it impacts so many other things- in our case moving S into her big bed.
There’s some brilliant advice above, but I just wanted to add- as you say, Hector is a bright little boy. I think it will absolutely help to explain to him what’s happening and keep him in the loop. I mean, if it was a different type of change like a new sibling you would talk to him about the bump and baby and explain it all right? Can he help you choose things for the house, not just his room? Can he make friends with the tradespeople? When it’s a bit less dangerous can he help with tasks like painting? It’s not exactly stylish kids wear but we just got S a mini hi vis vest for site visits and she loves it!
I think the relationships aspect will be the hardest thing. S is always upset when her Nannie goes home or we leave their house. I guess lots of “we will still see Nannie” reassurance.
Lots of luck xxx
Ps have you read the blog Swiss Lark? She’s a Montessori teacher who moved internationally with her toddler. Could be something helpful over there.
Oh no Lucy! It’s so disappointing when you’ve mentally psyched yourself up for being somewhere and then it all comes to nothing. As it happens I’m ok with Hector staying in his cot for a while yet so we’ve not seen any difficulties on that score.
In terms of the tradesmen he’s met quite a few of them already since they’re Ste’s contacts through work. Some he takes to, others he doesn’t (so fussy already!) I’m hoping as the house starts to resemble a house as opposed to a building site he’ll be less resistant to the place.
Thanks for the recommendation about Swiss Lark – off to check this out now xx
Hello! We moved 3 weeks ago with our 3 year old. We moved straight in boxes and everything. And we moved 4 hours away. She seems to have settled in – a few restless nights but nothing major. She’s adopted so we worried a lot about how to broach the move, especially as my husband had to live on a friends sofa for over a month while he worked here and we packed the old house. Some things we did:
Bought her a special moving toy that she could see everyday in the old house that she opened as soon as we stepped in the door of the new one.
Let her pack her special things in a box we decorated with stickers and markers. She enjoyed this more than I imagined she would.
Showed her pictures of the new house and talked about how we will make her room look (colours and things)
Stuck to her routine completely despite the move. We still dog walk every morning and every afternoon we still do an activity that’s more suited to her. She still naps (we are lucky) so nothing changed. Although I was desperate to strip wallpaper and paint and unpack it was more important she knew what we were doing every day.
We also talk about the we are always a family and we are never going to leave her (she has been focused on us leaving her alone for weeks and weeks). We know she has stress and anxiety from this move but we needed to do it, all you can do is minimise the drama of it all!
Good luck!
Yet again the Rock My Family community smashes it with their advice.
Since Leo was born we’ve moved 3 times!! The first time was just before his first birthday so he was pretty oblivious to everything (Unlike his mama who was mortified to leave her first family abode). The next time we moved he was 2 and a half so similar to Heccy. I talked about the move to him a lot in the few weeks leading up to it. I had to explain that he’d be leaving the nursery that he loved with staff that adored him and gave him such great care. We packed boxes together and talked about his new bedroom. As per other comments, we made sure his room was all ready for the big move before he came to the house and he loved it. Fast forward 6 months and we were on the move again. Even now, 9 months on he still talks to me about the previous house. He doesn’t seem to remember life before it. He tells me he misses the Lichfield house. But that doesn’t mean he isn’t happy here. He still has his constants. I’m always here as is the dog. I think although without question Heccy will miss his wider family he will have those constants still; you, Ste and mouse (I’m assuming). And those visits back to his nana’s will be all the more special going forward. So happy you’re nearly in! It’s going to be wonderful xx
Thanks doll! I don’t know how you’ve managed it three times but Leo is such a clever, happy little boy that it’s clear you’ve got the moving thing down. #mumhero
I can’t really add to the great advice above and can understand your concerns as the ‘old house’ will still be a big part of your son’s life but the best thing I can say is keep talk about the new house positive and when you do move set his room up first and keep the sheets off his bed the same (don’t wash them) so he has a familiar smell with him on his first night in the new house. We moved 3 months ago and my daughter is 3 and a half and her awareness of the world is astounding! She seems really happy in the new house (and I’m sure she will be even more pleased when we get to make the most of the garden come Summer!) but every now and again she will say things like “I want to go home” or “I miss the old house with the black door”. It’s heart breaking to hear but without a doubt the move was the right thing to do (much better area etc) and as she gets older she will realise that. The old house was all she had ever known and she has lots of memories there. I’m sure with time she will love the new house just as much and the old house will be a good but distant memory. Good luck!
I think that’s my fear Lucy, that my mum’s house is all he’s ever known and he’s got tonnes of memories here and that I’m prising him away from all of that. Small things make him so happy…running up and down the hall, exploring the garden, sliding down the stairs etc. My mum’s house is considerably larger than ours as well so I’m curious to see how he’s going to adapt to a smaller home. But as you say it’s all about staying positive!
Hello! We moved this year with our 3 year old boy and 8 month old girl. One top tip I was given was to let my toddler have one of the packing boxes as his own special one. He spent time decorating it and writing his name on it etc. He put all of his very special toys in it and on moving day we put it into the car together. When we arrived at our new house he couldn’t wait to check his box and unpack all of his precious things in his new room. That whole process really helped him with it all I think. Best of luck with the move! Katie x
That’s a fab idea Katie and one I’ll be pinching complete with stickers for him to add to the outside too. I’m sure he’ll love packing and unpacking his box as part of the moving process xxx
How has hectors speech came on? Does he communicate in his actions at the new house?
It will be an adjustment for him but try and make
His room amazing, he likes cars so maybe a few
New toys and it may be a gradual thing.
Let’s have lunch at the new house and home to grans.
Let’s have lunch and afternoon play then home to grans.
Extend the time and make it really positive. When it’s a night to not stay at grans that will be hard but he will come round and soon realise this new house is amazing and going to grans is just as special.
Hi Jill – Hector’s speech is improving definitely. We’re now joining words together so ‘big car’ ‘green truck’ etc etc. He understands everything we say perfectly and communicates his dislike of the new house by dragging me, saying ‘outside’ and ‘Hector car’ whilst stamping his feet a bit too. Toddler life eh??
I think your idea of perhaps having some lunch at the new house before fully moving in is an excellent one though and I’ll be pinching that to use as part of the moving in process. Thanks for the recommendation xx
Aww it is such a stressful time isn’t it?! We moved in September with our 2 year old after a very long drawn out sale-purchase that was massively stressful and involved a lot of commuting. The move not only meant a new house but also a new nursery for Phoebe so the stakes were high. However what kept me going and the anxiety at bay was the confidence that the move was the best thing for our whole family, mummy and daddy commuting less meant more family time and less tiredness. So focus on the longer term aims of what you’re doing.
As it was Phoebe got chicken pox two days before the move so couldn’t go to childcare on moving day which was a complete nightmare, but thankfully she wasn’t too poorly, Elsa & Anna, Thomas and Peppa did a whole lot of babysitting and we made it through the day. Since moving Phoebe’s behaviour has improved, she sleeps later in the mornings, she doesn’t cry whenever we get in the car, and she loves her new bedroom and referring to the ‘new house’.
It really amazed me how unattached she seemed and how quickly she adapted so I hope it’s the same for you guys, good luck ?
Morning Natalie – oh that’s so great to hear that Phoebe has settled so well! Bad timing on the chicken pox though! We’re lucky in that Hector’s nursery will remain the same although the commute for us to drop him at nursery will be slightly longer – not much…say about ten minutes in the morning. But I agree, the longer term aims are key and Hector and Ste and I will all benefit massively from having more of our own space xx
We moved a year and half ago and on the whole it went really smoothly with our little one. Now however at age 3 (nearly) it is a different story!! We recently bought her a new big girl bed and the response was ‘I don’t like it! It’s yucky!!’ The new wallpaper downstairs and my lovely side also got the same response. Jeez, that girl does not like change!! I give up ?
Good luck with the move. I am sure with a few home comforts and mummy and daddy there he will love it in no time.
X
Girls are notoriously picky aren’t they Louise; perhaps she’s just got a very strong sense of style 😉
Thanks for your good luck wishes; we’ll need as many as we can get xx
This isn’t a comment regarding hints and tips on moving house, however I have to say I really relate to your story.
We’ve been living with my Husbands parents and brother for 18 months now, whilst we save for our own home. What I thought might be difficult to start with has actually turned into a lovely living situation. There is always someone to talk to and I’ve developed a friendship with my mother-in-law that I probably wouldn’t have had the chance to had we not been living in each others pockets for so long. But like you, I also worry that when the times comes to move into our own home, even though I am beyond excited at the prospect… will my son react well, at only three years old, to moving somewhere where it is just the three of us?
So I think i’ll keep coming back to this post to take on board the hints and tips from everyone else when it comes to moving into our own home in 2017. X
Lovely written lolly if you need any advice on anything just drop me a message anytime . ?
I really admire the valuable information you have been able to share us through this post. Thanks for sharing this so interesting post! I really want to be thankful for the way you have put it here.