I was reminded from the comments on Tuesday’s naming post that I haven’t shared a general update on motherhood and Mabel in quite some time.
Mabel will turn three in March. I know. Where does the time go? It frightens the living daylights out of me that I’m missing everything. That I’m not paying enough attention. That the flashes of childhood delight are quickly forgotten amongst the unavoidable commitments of the daily grind.
Last year we moved house. Twice. Firstly into rented accommodation and then into our “forever” family abode, a beautiful extended cottage in Warwickshire. Overall it took us over 18 months and a generous dose of disappointment and uncertainly to arrive at our significantly more settled destination. It was disruptive for us all, but it undoubtedly effected Mabel the most. Waking up several times during the night. A constant stream of colds and high temperatures. An indisputable pattern of toddler diva-esque behaviour which very nearly made me lose my sh*t on several occasions.
Then there was the question mark over the childcare situation. Mabel is very settled in the nursery she has been to since she was 7 months old and we are very confident it is an amazing environment for her. But as we have moved, unless James is going to be based in his office (coincidentally he literally drives past the front door of her first nursery even though our new abode is a 30 minute drive away) it would be a two hour trip for me to drop her off and pick her up again. No nurseries we visited in our new area compared.
I think our expectations were unrealistically high. And actually as we’ve discovered since, it really is about “feel” and how much you connect with the staff as much as anything else. Her first nursery has it all – a newly refurbished building, a huge outdoor space complete with teepees and a mud kitchen, a frankly unbeatable nutritional menu, a purpose built sensory room and everything else in-between.
On our seventh local nursery expedition (and at this point, no confidence it would be right either) we struck gold. It is chaotic, noisy and they bake refined sugar filled cakes to eat for high tea rather than learning about the origin of vegetables and tucking into a carrot and chickpea muffin. The Ofsted rating isn’t as high, but the team are lovely and you can immediately sense the kindness and encouragement they offer the children in their care.
At the moment Mabel will be splitting her time between both nurseries, I think the variety will be good for her development. Not to mention the benefits of a home-made Victoria sponge. This means James and I have to schedule and organise our diaries with military precision but I’m choosing to see this as a positive. I can’t simply jet off last minute to a client meeting in London on any day I fancy but for the most part our evenings and family time will be designated well in advance. We can fill it with memorable adventures or nothing very much at all apart from Netflix and jigsaw puzzles. Either have equal appeal.
Has my perception of motherhood changed over the last year or so? Not really. It is still the most challenging and rewarding experience of my life. I still love my daughter to the point of no return. And I still feel guilty every single day.
Mabel and I can now have entire conversations and she makes us laugh until the tears roll from our sleep-deprived eyes. She tells jokes and does impressions. She leaves sunshine and joy in her wake. She is the best thing that ever happened to my husband and I.
I wanted to finish this feature with something poignant to conclude how I feel about the start of a new year but to be honest I couldn’t think of anything that was as well expressed as a talented photographer and mother that I follow on instagram – Jodie Chapman.
“2017 is hopefully going to be about slowing down, taking time, giving back, and continuing to ask the questions. Less chaos please. That, or stronger coffee.”
Quote Credit: @jodiechapman
Love this post. We moved when Frankie was still in nursery and luckily we were able to keep her there (just more of a juggle at each end of the day). Now she’s in school and the new routine has become the new norm. It’s taken from September to now for her to stop saying “I miss my old friends” and me slope of to the kitchen so she doesn’t feel the waves of guilt.
I think the mum guilt has got worse now she’s 4. She’s able to verbalise more and more that she wants me to pick her up from school and not the child minder and that she misses me. It’s bloody hard going. But it’s all worth it when she saw the latest ad I’d worked on on the tube and said that she was very proud of me, and then asked if she could do that when she’s older.
The ups and downs of motherhood are the highest and lowest I’ve ever known and I wouldn’t change a thing.
2017 for me is also about slowing down, not looking at the clock so much and just taking time to appreciate those tiny moments.
x
I find the communication brilliant Holly – it does make things so much easier knowing what Mabel wants/needs. Also the comment about her wanting to create adverts like her Mum when she’s older is just adorable x
How is Mabel even three soon!? Hope you’re all settling into the new place, it sounds like you’ve got it sussed so far and it’ll really become home for a less chaotic 2017.
I’d like much of the same please. 2016 was all a bit much for our little family, so many ups and downs. Little E is two in March and I’ve missed so much already; It’s making me treasure every minute. I feel so lucky to have such a long time off work while she’s this age, but it’s really making me reassess my priorities… can I really do a full time office job when it’s time to go back from mat leave?
Our January job is looking for a nursery. I’ve heard that there’s one two minutes from home that keeps hens… might be worth a visit! Xx
Karen just FYI there’s currently a DEFRA alert for all poultry that they must be kept under cover away from wild birds due to avian flu risk. If nursery are on top of this I would take that as a really good sign they are switched on! Nothing to worry about but might be helpful- we spent ages putting fruit nets over our girls run!
Ooh good to know! Thanks Lucy ?xxx
Karen I hope your nursery search goes well, it really is so much about feel – with me it’s pretty much immediate (that’s probably not the right attitude but I can’t help it). It’s a good thing to reassess priorities – I’m doing the same right now too x
My daughter is 3 in May and we changed from her gorgeous nursery that she loved to a new one after moving house last year. I still think her old nursery was better but had we stayed there most our quality time would be spent on a long commute! Time is priceless and as a full time working mum it’s all about making that time together absolutely precious. And yes even if all we manage sometimes is watching Bing on repeat having a cuddle!
Don’t feel guilty for working. You’re working to provide the best possible start for your child who seems surrounded by love. There are some bad parents out there very sadly who don’t give their children the love they need to flourish. Guilt in those circumstances would be too right! Time is priceless but love is essential. I’m mostly talking myself out of the guilt feeling here!
“Time is priceless but love is essential” Well said that woman x
Cannot BELIEVE Mabel is nearly three! So grown up! Her new nursery sounds just lovely, as did her old one – great to have I mix. She sounds like such a bright, funny, happy little girl – you’re doing a great job Mama xx
Bless you, thanks Katie. And I know, three?!!! She is bright as a button and cheeky with it (!) – never a dull moment x
Interesting nursery chat – do you think you were looking for something different this time around which is why your expectations were high? We’ll be looking for a pre-school / nursery from when my daughter is just turned three and I wonder if I should be looking for different things than I did first time around. Sensory baby rooms less important but a more structured routine and activities before school? So hard.
Would be good to hear how Potty training went for you too. The other side of the coin. Any particular tips for dealing with winter clothing / tights etc. all welcome.
Hi Rebecca, I think we were looking for somewhere with the same level of facilities to a certain degree, where as actually so many of them are less relevant now she is nearly 3. For me it came down to, do I feel confident she will be happy, safe and healthy – which I believe she will be. Also that they don’t want to send her home because of a sniffle. Her new nursery are quite honest about the rough/tumble aspect, when they go outside they will get muddy and probably fall over etc. Both nurseries report at the end of the day so you know what they have eaten/activities etc.
Definitely put potty training on the list!
Yes I’d also love to see a post regarding potty training experiences as my son is 2 next week and has started asking for ‘potty’ when he needs the toilet, but wont actually sit on it, so I know its coming…also tips for things like brushing teeth! Hard work!
We moved house last September, but didn’t move my sons nursery as he is so happy and settled there. There is a fantastic nursery just on the next road to the new house…our ‘old’ nursery is 15 mins drive away (but kind of on my way to work) so still convenient. My worry is that none of his ‘nursery’ friends will end up in the same school as him (different catchment areas) and so going to school will be a harder transition? I’m hopefully going to be approved a reduction in hours in the next month or so at work, so should we move him now/when we start having days at home together or should we keep him were he is as he has absolutely thrived there and he loves going? Tough decisions!
Hi Claire. We did a post on potty training quite a while back so I think it would be good for us to redo this with some more hints and tips (http://rockmyfamily.wpengine.com/potty-training-your-toddler/). There is also this one on teeth cleaning which has loads of lovely comments and tips on it (http://rockmyfamily.wpengine.com/toddler-toothbrushing-battles-how-to-win-them/). Hope that helps x
It’d be useful to have potty training from a male and female perspective as guessing the practicalities are different?
Very valid point. Leave it with me.
Love hearing your updates! Also, really interesting to hear about nursery choices as my 8 month old little girl will be starting nursery soon and I’ve no idea if we’ve made the right choice. We’ve got the outdoor space, chickens, mud kitchen, sensory area etc, but everyone has such different ideas about what’s best, and our chosen nursery is a bit rough around the edges. It feels so confusing! Maybe another blog post idea ;-).
A post on choosing nurseries is a great idea! I haven’t even had the baby yet and I’m worrying about whether I should be registering him/her somewhere, as well as how soon is too soon. I would love to read about how people have made decisions – it can’t just be who has the best website!
Ha ha that’s a good expression Mel – Mabel’s new nursery is a bit “rough around the edges” where as her other one is organised to the point of being clinical. Both are good for different reasons. Your choice sounds great x
It’s exciting going to a new nursery and from
Personal experience my favourite ones are always a bit rough around the edges. I think Mabel now goes to nursery with my sisters daughter.
I refused to move my nursery when I really should have due to the horrric travel time and trying to fit in with school, and after school times and my work. But I honestly couldn’t find another nursery I trusted or liked as much so the hour long extra time was worth it, if not highly stressful for over a year. My daughter went to the same nursery, so having the same staff and having known them for years was hard to leave. They didn’t have the best nutrition, but spent tons of time playing outdoors and actually playing! I think this is so important, they have to be sat learning when they go to
School at this age they need to explore, learn about surroundings and learn through play. Plus the staff cared, not just a generic caring they really cared. Leaving after six years was heartbreaking for us all.
I’m sure she will love the fact that she gets both environments and a different set of friends and the odd bit of cake! ? After all younlove a Hob Nob
Your nursery dilemma is so familiar! We moved in September and there was no way Phoebe could stay at the old place as we were moving counties. I still have pangs about the amazing facilities at the last place and am sorry she will never experience the reading corner tree house or the indoor soft play jungle room etc etc. But she’s settled well at the new place, is making new friends and our quality of life is so much better because mummy and daddy are so much nearer work so we all spend less time in the car and more time together as a family, and frankly life should be about time together as a family and not soft play facilities at nursery right?!