As I type this, my house is pretty much empty.
We’ve got bare essentials and two suitcases worth of clothes, but all of the rest of our belongings have been boxed up and shipped out. There are less than three weeks until our impending move from Perth, Australia to… undetermined lodges, UK.
Aside from the manic packing, finishing work and all the logistics that moving country involves… There’s been something on my mind.
Ethan has always been a very adaptable child. From he was a tiny baby, we’ve been on weekends away and multiple international trips. He’s no stranger to a new bed or an aeroplane and get’s undeniably excited about both.
Gavin and I used to talk when I was pregnant about how having a family wouldn’t stop us from doing our absolute favourite thing… Travelling. ‘Kids are portable’ is a saying often heard crossing my lips. And while it can be a rough, tough struggle at times (hello teething baby screaming in my arms for 3 hours of an 11 hour flight with rude passengers cursing at me because of said screaming) and each stage in his life has required us to revise our entire flight coping strategy, I still maintain that it has been the best thing for Ethan and his natural wide eyed wonder.
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A couple of weeks ago, we went on a trip to Bali. At three years old and able to explore, Ethan was in his element. He traipsed around the streets in front of us, ducked through doorways and talked to locals. The humidity was a bit much for him (and me) at times, but a quick stop for a cool drink soon fixed that. We hunted for frogs and geckos around the hotel and fed monkeys in the forrest. He seemed to be loving every minute.
But on day three, in the back of a taxi, the following conversation arose:
Ethan: “Mummy, I want to go back to my home, with my bed and my toys”
Me (shocked at the first time he’s ever pined for home): “Aw love, we’ll be back there in a few days”.
Ethan: “But I want to go back now!”.
Me (in future damage-control panic): “Don’t you worry pet, your home is wherever Mummy and Daddy are.”
Gavin and I glanced at each other with concern. Earlier that morning we’d been plotting when we could sell his bed, some other furniture and our cars.
Of course we’ve thought about how this international move will affect Ethan. We’re taking him out of his beloved daycare, his routine and everything he knows to be familiar. And this time it’s permanent. But we’ve been talking with him about the change for a while and although he know’s that we’re moving home, I don’t think he really understands that it’s more than just another adventure. He frequently tells me we’re moving to Scotland to dig for treasure.
To add to this, in a week’s time we have a farewell weekend away with friends in Australia, then a couple of days in a cottage when we land in Ireland, two weeks at home in Belfast with my folks, a week in Scotland with Gavin’s family and a week in Majorca after that to boot. The poor kid will be getting pulled from pillar to post. Within eight weeks, he’ll be on six flights and be sleeping in seven different places.
Whilst I am a believer that travelling around is good for kiddos, I also know the importance of structure and routine.
We always maintain Ethan’s bedtime routine no matter where we are, he takes his favourite toys and his energy levels dictate the pace of the day, with us all stopping to rest anytime he needs it.
But the fact that there’s going to be no ‘getting back to normal’ when we move back. Our plan is to put down roots eventually, but for at least a year we’ll be travelling between Ireland, Scotland, England and God knows where else. So I’m left wondering how am I going to do this without causing serious unrest to a three year old?
Do you think it’s ok to travel extensively with children?
Do you think they need order and predictability?
I’d love to hear your honest thoughts and advice in the comments. Mulling this over is keeping me up at night!
Travel is good for everyone. I was just reading a blog yesterday saying that you shouldn’t buy children toys. Instead you should spend the money on holidays and experiences. Children will remember family time and events during holidays and will forget what their favourite toy was. I totally agree with the author. My dad took us camping from an early age and they are the best memories for me. Everybody who knows me will tell you as I talk about those times so fondly.
I have a one year old who is about to go on his 5 holiday abroad. He goes swimming everyday, eats the most amazing fresh foods and gets to meet so many people. We made friends for life with a family that we met on our summer trip. Everybody adored him and I got the much needed rest. It’s so relaxing knowing that you don’t have to worry about dinner or washing/cleaning. Everybody thought I was crazy to travel with a 3 month old but I argued that you were crazy not to. I didn’t have to do anything but be with my family.
You shouldn’t worry about the constant moving around. Children are more resilient than we give them credit for. When you settle down then you can put in a routine. Ethan will be absolutely fine. My husband and I are talking about when would be a good time to take our son abroad for a year. We want to live in Italy and immerse ourselves in its language and culture. We hope to put our son into an Italian school, not an international school, so he comes away fluent in the language.
I personally changed school 12 times (Divorced parents)! Yes I had gaps in my schooling and it wasn’t ideal, but, I’ve managed to gain 3 university degrees and made friends for life. I have a very successful career and can adapt/ fit into new situations so easily. I love to travel and am never scared of change.
Embrace life! You only get to do it once. Stop worrying and make amazing memories instead. I think Einstein said “you only regret the things you don’t do”
N.B: when you comment using your phone, it’s so hard to proof read it afterward. Sorry for any typos during my rant ?
I know this is slightly off topic but really interested in what you said about schooling. I moved schools a few times as a child and so have vowed not to do that with my children as I really really disliked it. So interesting how similar experiences effect people! Glad you found it a positive x
Just to say I also moved schools a couple of times as a child, including between countries, and although I found it hard at the time and still have horrible memories of first days, it was definitely for the better in the long run. Plus it meant when I then moved again for sixth form I was so much better equipped, and again when I went to university. I would love to keep any kids of ours (just one on the way at the mo!) in the same schools the whole way through but I know life sometimes gets in the way! xx
I can totally understand why you feel this way – think the worry and guilt is part and parcel of parenting unfortunately!
The thing is, you’re smart enough to know that things do have an impact on our kids and that’s why it’s on your mind. He might act out a bit or get a bit clingy and unsettled with so much change BUT the long term effects are so positive that it will all be worth it. Sounds like you’re aware and ready for any difficulties so no doubt you’ll handle it like a pro.
And as you said, home is where you and G are which is what will always make him feel safe. Lots of luck with the impending move x
(P.s. On the traveling front, I was lucky enough to have traveled lots as a child and have so many wonderful memories. Ethan will thank you when he’s bigger for sure xxx)
Travel is good for the soul. We took our little one on her first flight when she was 3 months old and haven’t looked back.
Re Ethan missing the routine / structure part, you know him best and I reckon that after your jam packed 8 weeks you’ll know if he’s coping.
At school age, I would have hated moving around and switching schools / friends constantly but I suspect my daughter would be just fine. I guess it depends on each individual child and their personality.
Just to say, as a 20 weeks pregnant person, this post gives me hope that I will still be able to go on holiday and travel eventually! I know there are dilemmas involved and not all kiddos travel well, but it’s a glimmer of hope when all I seem to hear from most people at the moment is ‘get ready for your life to be over’ – I know our lives will change and be almost unrecognisable in lots of ways but I am really hoping showing our little one some of the world will be possible. So thank you! xx
It’s not all doom and gloom India! Like Naomi said children are portable indeed and while things like flights can become more of a challenge the overall experience is still well worth it. The one thing I worry about more when traveling with Anna is easy access to good health care which I never considered so much before. Now she’s nearly three she’s actually constantly asking to go on holiday and to pack her things. Good luck with your pregnancy!
Hi India, it’s definitely possible! It’s harder and you need more faff but, as long as you’re prepared for that, you’ll be totally fine. I would advise taking bub’s age into account when travelling – I’m sure Naomi has some thoughts on this as her child is older. We travelled to the Pacific when my son was seven months old – he was JUST starting to crawl but was still pretty stationary and he was still having naps roughly every 2-3 hours. We then went to Fuerteventura when he was 11 months and that was much harder – he wanted to crawl/walk EVERYWHERE on the plane and got massively annoyed that we wouldn’t let him. I think there’s probably an older age where it gets a bit easier / you can bribe them with an iPad! Worth bearing in mind as, if we have another, I think I’ll book a holiday around the 6-8 months mark as I found that worked well.
Ooooh this is very good info! I had vaguely heard from friends that going away when you’re over the initial shock stage but not yet into the crazy moving stage is good, but having some months to narrow it down to (obviously depending on development etc but 6-8 is a decent window!) is very handy, thank you! Xx
How amazing you’ll get to travel around for the first year as a family – I’m sure all the fun and time you spend together will more than make up for the lack of routine and structure. It’s good you think about the effect it might have on Ethan but as long as he’s with you he’ll be just fine and travelling will probably just become the new normal. I hope the move goes as smoothly as it can – must be quite challenging on its own and that you find the treasure in Scotland or at least don’t give up looking for it where ever it might be waiting for you.
Travel and new experiences are brilliant for kids and we plan on taking our son to lots of places.
My husband moved countries when he was about 5 and has an incredible memory of his early years, he thinks, because there were distinct differences.
Slightly off topic but you sound like a perfect person to write it, can I request a post on holiday packing tips for babies and toddlers? ?
I think it’s more than OK to travel extensively with children. It teaches them so many lovely things, shows them the real world or at least bits of it, and helps develop their personality, passions and curiosities. You sound like you’re being sensible with bed times etc, so you are creating a routine, albeit in a different setting. I think we all have some sort of mama guilt whatever we do. It’s so easy to question and check everything when we’re looking after our most precious cargo. <3
I have a 16 month old who has travelled more than some adults. He went on his first flight at two-months old and he's travelled both short and long-haul. Personally I think babies and toddlers are happiest when their parents are happy, so if travelling is your thing then keep at it. It sounds like an exciting adventure!
I’m not sure the views of a 3/4 year old really hold that much water though do they. They live in the moment.
Travel broadens the mind and helps give them experiences and memories that will help them when they are older.
We often go to Turkey/Greece with our 2 and despite the long flights, the “terror” threat its great for them to see other cultures and learn about different stuff
I think its fantastic and am just jealous!!
Someone above said it depends on the childs personaility and that’s probably true. But with any luck it will make him more adaptable, great at making new friends quickly and have a broader world view. One of my friends has just returned to small town Scotland after living in Asia and having her kids attended international school. She has found it a bit limiting for her kids being back in an all white school, everyone looks the same, eats the same foods, is pretty much the same religion(ish). She loved that abroad her children were immersed in multiple cultures. They have slotted back into school here without a hitch though.
It might become harder when they are older and form deeper friendships but I say – go for it!!!
Naomi, I’m a FIRM believer in living life the way you’re living it – to the full. I think it’s important to cultivate a sense of freedom for littles and give them the idea that the world is a small place and full of adventure. It’s much easier for them to get used to the hustle and bustle of airports and living in suitcases when they’re little than when they’re older.
My son is 11 months and has so far been on 12 flights, the vast majority of those were long haul. He’s been to Kiribati in the Pacific and back again. He won’t remember it but I will! I’ll remember that it is possible, that we SHOULD do it and that it’s important to do it. Ethan will learn exactly what you told him: home is where you and your husband are. Everything else is just a big adventure. He’s also getting to the age where he’ll remember these trips and can proudly tell his friends about them. You shouldn’t feel guilty, Ethan is a very lucky boy. <3
All the very best for your trip back!
You went to Kiribati – wow, I am seriously jealous!!!
It’s where my mum is from, Annie! It’s amazing but not that easy to get to. 😉
It does seem a lot to put a little one through but you know your child best. I couldn’t do it but then again we haven’t been abroad on holiday yet with Zach. I like that he has a home and knows when we have been travelling about its a place where his things are and where he feels happy. Home is where the heart is though so isn’t just about bricks and morter as many of you have said
I totally agree with lots of the commenters above – I think travel is great for little ones, and I’m sure he will absolutely adapt. Of course there will be challenges, there always are, and I’m sure there will be a few heartbreaking comments when he wants to stay in one place, or go back somewhere else, or pines for some sort of missing comfort, but I’m sure those moments will be few and far between, and will be far outweighed by all the adventure and new experiences. Personally, I think it is a good age to be travelling around, children really are so adaptable, and I think they learn so much from the experience. I am more reluctant to consider moving (as in permanently move, not go on holiday!) once my little one is in school where possible, as I think that can be a little tricky, but that is just a personal preference, and I would certainly do it if I thought it was the right thing for all of us, such as moving to the countryside for a better quality of life and more greenness, that sort of thing, I just wouldn’t choose to do it regularly. Best of luck with your move and all your travels, I’m sure you will have a blast!! x
Aw I’m gutted that I can’t respond to you all your gorgeous comments individually!! I’m currently in a beach house and have very dicey reception thus far. (It’s taking me an age to get an Instagram post & some stories up!).
Your comments and well travelled advice is all so reassuring and appreciated. Thank you! I feel like we’re doing the right thing, but man that mama guilt is tough.
@India – Do not listen to the fools who tell you that your life is over. It’s mean and untrue. Life will change, but you can absolutely work around it to make sure you’re still living the life you want and doing the things you value.
I have to say I am seriously jealous! Can I come too? Now back to being serious. Before we had our little one (now 14-months-old), my husband said, he doesn’t want us to fly anywhere in the first year. Then a friend invited us to a wedding and another one to the christening of her daughter. So in the end, we travelled to Finland and then to England all within 4 weeks time. I have to agree that it was easier as he was about 7 months old. A 7h car trip we did when he was 11-months-old was much harder! So yes go for it, take your child around the world! And when you notice, he’s having a difficult time, only then do you need to make adjustments! Btw I am currently addicted to thebucketlistfamily on Instagram, go and check them out!
Wow Naomi what an adventure for you all! I can totally understand you feeling anxious about Ethan. We travel a fair bit with our two (1 and 3) and now my little boy is 3 we’ve definitely noticed he’s more in tune to his surroundings and does ask after a while when we are going home. But I think this has more to do with being with other people (like our families) and not having his down time because we usually have a lot of plans. So basically my only advise would be to make sure Ethan has some quiet time and I’m sure being with both you are your husband more than if you were at home is going to be so much fun for him. It will be an amazing experience. x
As a family with two young children (4 and 1) who are currently travelling around New Zealand for 6 months i wholeheartedly agree travel is important for children and they are more adaptable than we often think! Both of my children have come on leaps and bounds whilst we have been away, they’ve seen and done so much and we are firmly in the less stuff, more experiences camp!
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