This is something that caused untold debate in our house. I wanted to get our children christened. Edd did not. I don’t mean he wasn’t keen on the idea, I mean he flat out refused to entertain the idea.
This is by no means a religious debate here today but I find it so interesting understanding the decisions people take and why they do so.
For me it was more of a tradition thing, something I felt I wanted to do for our Children. I had been Christened, as had all my siblings and I look back fondly at pictures of us in our family gown. I am not deeply religious but growing up in a small village the church was very much part of our life. We went to Sunday school, sang in the church choir (more to get the 50p payment I might add!) and helped out with things like tidying the churchyard (again, maybe as we got liquorice laces at the end!). It was something we all did as kids and I really enjoyed it. We had school plays in church and went to services on key occasions such as Easter, Christingle and Christmas.
Edd on the other hand is not religious at all. In fact he is the complete opposite. I’m impressed I managed to get him to get married in my old church but it was important to me and we did. We are actually both glad we did.
When we had Molly I began talking about her Christening as to me it was just something you do when you have a baby. This might sound hypocritical when I don’t attend church regularly but just because I don’t go doesn’t mean it isn’t something I want for the girls. Edd shot me down and there was basically no way Molly was being Christened. He felt we should let her make her own choices when she is older rather than ‘forcing’ her in to a religion. As much as I disagreed with him I guess I felt I couldn’t make him do something he felt so strongly against.
And so we didn’t get her Christened. However, when I was expecting Alice I started up the conversation again. And somehow, after much persuasion, I won. I must have caught him on a good day!
To me I felt that I wanted to have them Christened when they were babies. This obviously would no longer be the case with Molly but I was adamant the Christening would be when Alice was a baby. As it turned out she was a very teeny baby.
I think Edd actually wanted to involve some of his friends and this was part of the reason he agreed. Yes, we could have had a naming ceremony but in the same way Edd didn’t want a Christening, I didn’t really want a naming ceremony. We chose to have our friends as godparents as we felt our siblings were already involved in the girls lives and it would be nice to invite our closest friends.
When I said Alice was a teeny baby she was actually 5 weeks old! The reason for this was we wanted to ask my Brother-in-Law to be godfather to Molly but he was about to go away for six months and I knew that if I wanted to do it when Alice was a baby it had to be before he went. I remember saying to the vicar that Alice would either be very little or not even born if I went overdue!! As it was she was four weeks old on her Christening day.
We planned a very small do, mainly as I didn’t think I would be up to much with a newborn, but also as Edd didn’t want to make it in to too big a deal. We has a small service in our local church followed by cake and nibbles back at our house.
It was a lovely day and I’m so glad we did it. I don’t feel we have pushed the girls in to a religion. In fact that has very much been shaped by their school. They attend a C of E school and in the same way my own childhood school was centred around the church so is theirs. They have RE lessons where they learn about all religions, but are actively involved with the church in terms of school concerts and helping out at family services. Being christened is still one of the key entry requirements for the school and I am glad we had made the decision ourselves rather than for school reasons.
Have you chosen to have your children Christened or have you had a naming ceremony? I’d love to hear your stories.
How interesting! I feel similarly about christenings as you do. It’s just something I always assumed we would do for our children but my husband has given me reason to stop and pause.
In my family it’s quite the event. Everyone is invited and we all come together to celebrate the new little person.
But for my husband, he would rather that celebration be saved for their first birthday as he’s not religious and christenings are far smaller affairs for his family.
I would like to make a fuss at their first birthday but it seems a shame to miss out on getting our nearest and dearest together in the mean time!
It’s so hard when you don’t agree isn’t it? I think the first birthday party is always a lovely get together but I really like the whole baby get together. It’s lovely to have everyone with you. If he doesn’t want a big Christening maybe you could do a very small thing but then do the big first birthday. That way you get two celebrations!! x
The way you describe your feelings about being christened and your childhood church experiences sound very much like mine. I wouldn’t say I’m religious but I have fond memories of church and I still go to a Christmas carol concert each year. We did talk about the possibility of getting our girls christened but in the end there was one thing which put me off and that was the promises the parents and godparents make during the ceremony. If there is an omnipotent God, I didn’t feel that I could stand in ‘His’ house and essentially lie (in particular lie on the head of my baby) as I know that we wouldn’t be teaching our girls about the Bible in any particular detail and I’m only likely to take them to church at Christmas. I know this is a strange reason to not get my children christened but I just feel that if there is a God he would know I wasn’t telling the truth when I made the christening promises and that wasn’t something I felt comfortable with.
I think this is the same for a lot of people Kat and I actually think it’s really good that you are considering this. Edd is actually Godparent to our friends children and his nephew and both times he didn’t actually speak the words in the church. I’m not sure anyone else noticed but I did as I know he doesn’t believe them. I know he will always looks out for them though so I guess that counts for something. I really respect your decision x
I had very mixed feelings, I was brought up CofE: Sunday school, CofE primary school, Christmas nativitues etc so it was always part of my childhood, but my husband wasn’t the same. In my teens and twenties church had no relevance to my life and I didn’t consider myself a Christian. We didn’t get married in church which suited us both but when my daughter arrived my thoughts changed and I remembered my childhood and those traditions and I wanted her to have options in future like I did. And also, to be totally honest, I wanted a party to celebrate her arrival! So when she was 10 months old we had a lovely service at the local church with over 50 family and friends and then back to our house for a party. My husband is not a sociable type but he himself said afterwards he’s really glad we did it.
It sounds like you had a lovely day and it’s interesting your husband said the same as so did Edd! I guess they do actually enjoy getting everyone together in the end x
Yes! And mine’s called Ed too 😊
🙂 x
A lot of our neighbours of an older generation asked this as almost the first question when they met Silvia, “when is the christening?” To which we replied… probably never.
Like Kat it was the promises that made me uncomfortable. We married in church as I wanted to be married in the same place as other couples had been for 800 years- that was pretty magical. But the promises we made were to each other. And I have kept them. Being made a godmother made me realise I couldn’t keep the promises of a christening- I don’t pray for my godchild, and I haven’t raised him to love God. Also our new vicar is very evangelical-style, unlike the last who was rather jam and Jerusalem. We went to a christening he lead and his pointed comments at the largely secular congregation were just… a bit much.
We could have done naming ceremonies but then… money… and really, it’s just not us.
It’s funny how it is still expected isn’t it? I also agree that the vicar makes a huge difference. I was really upset that when I was getting married I found out the vicar was retiring the month before our wedding. This was the vicar who had christened all my family, did every school service etc etc and I just wasn’t as keen on the one we had on the day.
It is very true what you say about the words and as I mentioned above Edd won’t say them when he has been Godfather.
x
You just reminded me, we were married by my lovely old philosophy teacher from school. He made it really special and also did the marriage prep classes- lessons from which still stick with me. So special when it’s someone who knows you and your family well.
Ahhh, that is so lovely xx
Great post Lottie. I have really mixed feelings on this like some other commenters.
Whilst I’m not religious as such, I believe there is *something* and that *something’ does take the form of God for me in a C of E sense because I was christened, went to C of E school etc despite the fact I’m unsure who I believe in or how much. We take our children to church for Easter and Christmas as I think it’s important they understand what is being celebrated. We live in a multi cultural area and so are lucky to also get to celebrate a whole range of religious festivals with our friends and neighbors.
For me christenings have an inexplicable tie to funerals (sounds odd but bear with me…), these life services are carried out in a C of E ceremony in my family so having our children christened felt, to me, linked to saying goodbye to grandparents etc that I loved. Kind of like the celebrating new life was going hand in hand with celebrating a life lived. Sorry if that sounds crazy, I’m not explaining it well!
I think I do understand what you are saying Fionnula and I think it is a lovely sentiment. I think we have a similar view of religion and it’s nice to share that with our children. Since the girl’s started school it has become more important as they are quite a strong CofE school so there is a real emphasis on religion, of all types, but they do a lot with the church which I actually like xx
We were both brought up in the church but neither of us are religious and the thought never crossed our minds to have our son christened. Much to the annoyance of my husbands family. However they don’t go to church either and it’s more about the big occasion and getting into a school for them, which I just don’t understand. That’s not the right reasons.
On a side note, is lolly on holiday? There haven’t been any posts from her in ages.
I think you just have to do what is right for you Claire and not what family want. I agree about the whole school thing too although completely get why people do it.
The reason you haven’t seen any posts for a while is that the lovely Lolly has actually left to start a new adventure.
x
Oh that’s so sad! Shame we didn’t get to say a goodbye to her.
I totally understand why people do it for schools particularly if you live in an area where the choice of schools is limited! I have a friend who admitted to me that she wasn’t really sure why she was having/had her children christened, it’s each to their own.
My unreligous sister was obsessed with having her 4 week old blessed if not christened before they went on their first holiday just in case ‘something happened’. I guess it’s what gives people comfort. Having a son going through chemotherapy I can safely say I find no comfort in church or religion!x
Oh no that’s sad. Does this mean no house updates on RMS either?
Really sad to hear this, we will miss you Lolly!
Thankfully andrew and I were in the same camp of “absolutely not” when it came to the christening question. Neither of us are christened and we don’t belong to a religion. When we were in the NICU with Alexandra the nurses kept asking us if we wanted her christened but we resolutely stuck to our choice. After losing her it became even more difficult to entertain the idea of a benevolent being. So for Ophelia we had a naming party. We only had a welcome speech, no readings etc, food and a ceiliedh. We had family photos and we had a good time despite the broken heating in the WMC ! We’ve been invited to a baptism this year so we’ve decided that O and I will go to the service and Andrew will join after. He finds it too difficult
I was very keen to have both my children christened. For me, nominating godparents had a lot to do with it. My husband isn’t religious at all, but he could see it was about bringing family and friends together more than anything else.
My godparents played a huge part in my life growing up, not really in a religious/spiritual sense, but they all ‘expanded my horizons’ in some way, if that makes sense. We’re still very close now.
I really wanted my kids to have other adults who could support them, encourage them and offer different perspectives to their parents. We had our eldest christened in a church when she was 9 weeks old. My dad was terminally ill, so they were happy to perform the ceremony a little earlier than usual. I had a strong connection to the parish having grown-up there and they weren’t fussy about us being unmarried or sporadic church-goers. We’d moved to Devon by the time my son was born and our local church refused to christen him because we weren’t married which I thought was utterly ridiculous! We opted for a civil naming ceremony instead and it was actually a really lovely occasion as we had so much control over what was said and done.
Both my kids have 6 godparents each which I know seems excessive to some {but it’s nothing compared to the Royals!} Some take the role more seriously than others! A couple of them are religious, but most of them aren’t.
As an aside, I am desperate to be a godparent myself. It’s looking unlikely as so few of my friends are having babies or opting to christen them when they do. I may have to offer my services to a couple of strangers 😉
xxx
We’ve decided against a Christening and are going for a Naming Ceremony for our little boy in 3 weeks time. For us being a same sex couple it felt wrong promising to raise our child in a faith that wouldn’t marry the two of us. However, we wanted to celebrate and I do love the tradition of a christening service. I think it’s one of my favourite church services to be honest. So we’ve made our naming as close to a christening, with but with some personal touches for us. We’re really looking forward to it and it’ll fall on our little boys first birthday weekend too 😊
Interesting timing for me as I had both my boys christened yesterday!
Our oldest is 2 and our younger son is 8 months. We knew we’d be going for a small age gap (all being well), so held off doing it sooner for a joint ceremony.
We’re not overtly religious, we didn’t get married in church nor do we attend church on a regular basis. But, as many people have said here also, the church and religion played a role in our upbringing and how we understand the world and has provided us with many happy memories. Although we won’t be forcing religion on our kids I would like them to have knowledge about it. Such as why shops close or have reduced opening hours on a Sunday, why chocolate eggs are gifted at Easter, why we celebrate Christmas. As an ex-teacher it is incredible how many kids actually don’t know the Christian stories of Christmas & Easter and think of it just as a commercialised holiday. Shocking further how little religion is taught in some schools. Regardless of whether we believe, religious stories, customs and traditions do help us understand our culture and the world around us and for that reason I’m happy we went ahead with our christening.
Our priest was great with the boys and held a really warm and friendly ceremony, talking mainly about the boys being raised surrounded by love, happiness and positivity. It was far nicer than I was hoping for so we were really pleased!
I totally understand why some people wouldn’t want to go down this route, and I do believe a naming ceremony would be a lovely way of getting friends and family together without religion playing a role. ☺️
I always find this a really interesting discussion. I am a Christian, I even work for my church and my church performs infant baptisms. However I think I am a secret Baptist and would like any children to have a believers baptism when they want to make the decision. (We haven’t had any children yet so it’s not quite a pressing issue to have decided yet) However I would still like to have a dedication service at my church to gather people and celebrate. But I am not quite sure how my church will feel about it. So I have no idea what we would do! For different reasons but still not a clear easy decision.
This is a very timely post as myself and my husband have been talking about this very topic. My husband who is not religious but was Christened as a baby, asked if we could have one of his close friends as a godparent. I was surprised that he even mentioned it but perhaps it’s the tradition he wants to continue with our family. I was bought up in a Christian family, my brother is a vicar, (Methodist) and my mum a reader (CofE). Talking to my mum about the same topic I said I would prefer a naming ceremony, not taking place at church but a different venue where we could choose the content of the ‘service’. I know the people we would choose as godparents aren’t religious so felt it wrong to ask them to say something they don’t believe, but still want to make the arrival of our son.
My mum was also a baptism visitor along time ago and said that the church we went to would change the wording slightly that was said by the godparents,as there was once a godparent who was Hindu and couldn’t be expected to agree to make a promise to a god she didn’t believe in.