Every child is different. I know this, however I keep comparing my experiences with Jenson to my experiences with Lyra. So I assumed that I would feed Jenson for around a similar amount of time (ten months). How wrong could I be?!
1. The afterpains
“YEEEE-OWWW. Why am I having contractions again?” was one of the first things I said to the midwife whilst feeding Jenson in the hours after he was born. “Oh, that’s just your afterpains. They’re normal for second time mums”.
Apparently, nursing can bring on afterpains because the baby’s sucking motion causes oxytocin to be released, which in turn brings on contractions. These cramp-like pains thankfully didn’t last longer than a day for me. According to Babycenter they’re a good thing because they are a sign that your uterus is returning back to its pre-pregnancy size, reducing your risk of postpartum anemia from blood loss. And apparently it’s harder work each pregnancy to get those muscles back into shape. I just wish someone had warned me about this as I thought at the time that my uterus was self-destructing.
2. Nipple shields were a lifesaver
“Breastfeeding is the most natural thing in the world”. Erm not for me it wasn’t. Not with Lyra nor with Jenson. With Lyra, latching on was toe-curlingly painful. For the first few months I dreaded every feed. And whilst we’re talking tootsies, I used to get hot feet every time I fed her. To the point where I had to feed bare-footed. How bizarre is that?
So with Jenson I was willing to try anything to avoid that pain. Step in nipple shields. One of my good friends suggested them in passing in our whatsapp group. (Another of our friends, who doesn’t have kids, had the following reaction. “NIPPLE SHIELDS?! [Face screaming in fear emoji x 5]”). Thank God she did. Nipple shields were a faff at first, and the latching-on pain was still present, but so much less. I had been worried that the community midwife would scold me for doing so as I had read that they could reduce milk supply, but clearly she could see that a) Jenson was putting on weight and b) breastfeeding with nipple shields was better than an unhappy mama, as she didn’t raise one eyebrow.
3. Positioning was much easier
With Lyra I really struggled to find a nursing position that I was comfortable with. I got there in the end – mainly using a kind of variation on the cross cradle. So with Jenson there was a lot less manhandling and fumbling and positioning-of-pillows: I knew what position had worked before and I used the exact same position again.
And ohmigosh the side-lying position. Another lifesaver which I wish I’d tried with Lyra.
4. Breastfeeding isn’t such a big deal {and if you can’t do it, it’s not the end of the world}
It really annoys me that there is still such a stigma around breastfeeding. I’m certain it’s part of the reason why I never felt 100% comfortable about doing it in public. With Lyra, I was acutely self-conscious. When I was out and about, I seemed to spend a lot of time sitting in public toilets breastfeeding her, either due to a lack of facilities or because I just didn’t want to get my boob out in public. I was a lot more relaxed whilst breastfeeding Jenson. I fed him on the train, on a bench in the centre of Birmingham, I even answered the door breastfeeding. This is something I would never have done with Lyra. (No boob was on show, but the poor postman. He didn’t know where to look).
5. Sadness at ending breastfeeding
I’ve recently stopped breastfeeding (Jenson is five months old) and my reaction has taken me by surprise. I’m not sure why I’m feeling a bit upset about it all. Is it because he is potentially our last baby? Is it the hormones? Answers on a postcard please.
I hadn’t planned to stop at this point, however with hindsight I might have been able to guess that it would happen. I had a girls’ weekend in York back in August and although I spent what seemed like half the time expressing (including in a bridal boutique, as you do), Jenson since started refusing the boob. Breastfeeding became a once-during-the-night thing and now I’ve stopped altogether. I do feel sad about this, but at least I’m no longer having to wear god-awful nursing bras. Every cloud.
What have your experiences been? Have you found it easier the second time around? Did anyone else get hot feet?!
Photography by Little Beanies
Im sat here breastfeeding my 10 day old little girl and my experience this time round has been so much different. With my son, I tried so hard to breastfeed but he never latched on and my milk never really came in. I expressed for about 2 weeks before moving solely onto formula.
This time, I had all my bottles ready to go. My steriliser set up and my perfect prep machine plugged in. However, Margot latched straight on in hospital and despite a few days at the beginning where I was in toe curling pain for every feed, it seems to be going smoothly so far. I’m also surprised at how unfazed I am at breastfeeding in public and I too sat in on a bench in the middle of a busy city center yesterday to feed her.
I found the latching on so difficult in the early days, with both Lyra and Jenson.
Glad it’s all going well with Margot. Ten days old?!…stop making me broody! X
Oh my goodness so much better with Fatty Paddy! He always had a huge mouth so no latching issues and is a total greedy pig so a very efficient feeder. As you say, I knew all the positions I liked and felt very confident out and about. No mastitis or blocked ducts this time either- happy days!
Awesome that you rocked the bridal shop expressing, you hero xx
Oh bless your fatty Paddy and his big mouth! Hee hee.
I don’t know about rocking the bridal shop expressing but the owner said it wasn’t the first time! X
I struggling with oversupply and fast let down with my first daughter and had a miserable first 10 weeks before my supply settled and my daughter could handle the let down. I was mentally prepared for it with my second and knew the tricks and techniques to try so it all settled by 6 weeks.
I also have discovered the side lying position, it is a godsend for night feeds as I can doze while feeding safely. I just couldn’t get it to work with my first, but nailed it in the hospital with my second when she was a few hours old!
Overall it’s just confidence in myself that I can do this as I managed 14 months last time, so if we have a bad feed, or a day of fussiness, I just let it go rather than panic, and google, and fret.
Oh my gosh how did I forget to mention this? I found oversupply so stressful with Lyra but seemed to have less milk with Jenson. Which is funny as I’ve read that mums usually have more milk with the second baby.
‘If we have a bad feed, or a day of fussiness, I just let it go rather than panic, and google, and fret.’ – great advice. Xx
Very different for me too!
With my eldest, various reasons including a complicated birth/stay in hospital meant my milk never really came in and I never established a good enough latch. I felt enormous disappointment amongst a wealth of other emotions at not feeling able to feed her, which lead to me exclusively expressing milk for her for a full year! (My emotions were a rollercoaster when I stopped too – think hormones must play a part, although it coincided with my return to work which prob didn’t help either!)
Number two arrived this year and my main concern was feeding. I was given a lot of support (both times actually – I think I was just more confident to ask more questions this time around) and lo and behold, a very straight-forward birth helped ensure I was fit and well to establish feeding. Still a few hurdles along the way in the early weeks (including hours and hours of evening cluster feeding which I was unprepared for – trying to stay awake was tricky!) but this time I had a better idea of what was “normal” (if there is such a thing!)
I think I’m just a lot more confident in my intuition and family this time around, so likewise no concerns about feeding in public. Thete are other factors to negotiate though…namely the toddler’s jealousy when my hands are full feeding. Fully understand her frustration and lots of talking, explanations and special time with her when baby is asleep have helped! My rule is no housework when the baby sleeps (unless it’s fun and we’re doing it together – she adores dusting and folding laundry!!) and it’s special time playing together (usually a craft/concentrating activity which is otherwise tricky to do)
7 months in and I’m really enjoying feeding and am so glad I got to experience it. I too will be sad when this period is over! No particularly hot feet for me but I did get hot overall in the first few months! x
Wow Stephie, amazing effort expressing for a year. And brill that you’ve had such a good experience in the main with your youngest. Lyra too loves dusting…she has been known to spray half a can of Mr Sheen in one dusting session 🙊
My feet get really hot too, especially during evening feeds! Very strange.
Yup, I had to take my shoes and socks off, especially so with Lyra on the evening feeds. What is with that?!
I definitely think it comes a lot down to confidence. I was lucky and didn’t have any problems feeding Molly (other than a couple of later bouts of mastitis) but in truth I never knew if her latch was right or not. Oh and I got those intense pains with my first and barely any with Alice.
With Alice I was a lot less worried about feeding in public. I didn’t have much choice when from day 1 we were in the park, at the swimming pool etc etc. I tried to cover over as much as I could still but previously I’d tried to keep quite private. In terms of the stopping feeding I fed Molly till six months and felt I needed to do the same with Alice or I would feel guilty. Stupid really as I wanted to stop earlier this time round but I carried on even if it was only the last feed of the day.
One other thing I did differently was that I never expressed with Alice. With Molly I’d done lots and this sound awful but I just couldn’t be bothered with Alice. I didn’t have time to sit for another half an hour when I had a toddler to look after too. Plus Molly kept giving me very strange looks!!!! xxx
It is all about confidence Lottie! And how strange that you got less afterpains with Alice.
Yup I think part of the sadness may be because I felt a bit guilty that I haven’t fed him as long as I fed Lyra. I’m being realistic about it though and not letting it get to me! x
I was less stressed the second time when my baby took 2-3 days to take a proper feed. I knew he wouldn’t starve and that drips of colostrum were enough. I persevered as I knew the same had happened with my daughter.
But I also got him on a bottle as well straight away. My daughter didn’t ever take one as I followed all the advice and waited…then had a nightmare getting her off the breast. With my son he got 1 bottle a day right from week 1! X
Everyone I know who gave their baby a bottle early on has successfully mix-fed, whereas I am a stickler for the rules and can’t get mine to take a bottle at all!
I’m sure the advice is designed to encourage breastfeeding, but I’ve yet to meet anyone who actually believes in “nipple confusion” and the odd bottle to give mum’s a break might actually increase the rates as it’s not so overwhelming! I wish I had introduced a bottle earlier and am sure I’m not the only one. Well done for following your instinct second time round! x
I am all for attempting to give them a bottle too, just in case. My mum always said if you can make sure they have one right from the start (she’s a mum of 4 and ex NCT breastfeeding counsellor so I figure I trust her!) but Molly just wouldn’t take one full stop. Apart from my Brother in law for some random reason. It was only when she was 12 weeks that I managed it myself. With Alice I thought I had cracked it and she guzzled a bottle the first day home from hospital. I was obviously too smug as after two weeks it became a nightmare trying to get her to have the bottle and I couldn’t face the crying. Eventually by 12 weeks again we were ok. It’s never easy!! x
Thank goodness for feeling less stressed second time round and well done you.
Yup we got L & J on one bottle a day from pretty early on. xx
Really glad to read some positive comments about mixed feeding. We ended up doing it from about 6 weeks with my first but it was a nightmare getting him to take it. Number 2 is on his way and I’ll be introducing a bottle straight away! It would be great to have an article dedicated to mixed feeding if possible. Lx
Great idea Laura…We’ll add it to the list x
The after pains! Why does nobody warn you?!? I was feeding my 2nd shortly after giving birth and I was convinced I was either a) about to have another baby (that they’d somehow missed!?) or b) die of some terrible haemorrhage (that again they’d failed to spot!). I felt like such an idiot after my husband ran off to find someone and let them know that I was dying and was told that it was simply “after pains”. They felt as bad as contractions and came and went for a good 48hr after.
Luckily breast feeding was fairly simple for me both times round. However 2nd time round I was a little stupid and didn’t put nipple cream on, thinking my nipples were tough enough now… they weren’t and I ended up with cracked painful nipples… use the cream girls (Lansolin) even if you think you don’t need it! x
Sorry Sara but this really made me chuckle! I hear you! I totally thought I was having contractions again.
And YES, use the cream girls!
I’m due no 2 any day now and hoping to breastfeed again. I’m also hoping it’s easier this time, though I’m not counting any chickens!
I used shields first time around and won’t hesitate to do so again if needs be. I’m hoping to find positioning easier as I was super awkward the first time, so it’s encouraging that you mentioned that Lisa.
Have to give birth first though, so should probably focus on that initially lol! 😊
Positioning IS super awkward! I think we’ve got a post on RMF coming up about this in the near future.
Good luck with it all. You’ll be great. xx
I’m currently breastfeeding my first baby who is 5 weeks old ! It has been tricky establishing comfortable breastfeeding after tongue tie, slow weight gain and thrush but we are getting there. My experience though has been the endless pushing of formula. I completely get if women choose to breastfeed, combine with formula feed or exclusively formula feed but I feel strongly that I wanted to exclusivity breastfeed. However with the problems we have had to have had huge pressure to formula feed from family members which had been incredibly frustrating. I’ve had way more pressure to formula feed than I have to breastfeed. I have had to seek out support myself to sort the problems we’ve had and I do wish there was more support in the initial stages with breastfeeding. But we are getting there and cross fingers we will be sorted in the next few weeks. But breastfeeding is definitely the hardest thing I have ever done!
It is so hard Jenny and you just don’t need the pressure from anyone else. I guess everyone is well-meaning but sometimes it’s just not helpful, is it! I found that the local support groups when I was struggling to establish bf with Lyra were pretty non-existent so I didn’t even bother trying to seek them out this time. However it sounds like you have been a bit more successful. Go mama and well done you for getting through all those issues. And savour those five week old snuggles. xx
I’m constantly surprised by how opinionated people are about breastfeeding. If you’re child is under 6 months, it’s all “OMG YOU SHOULD BREASTFEED” and now that my son is 17 months it’s all “OMG YOU SHOULD STOP ALREADY” My son is a total boob fiend – he LOVES it and he gets a lot of comfort from it plus I find it easy and still enjoy it. I’m becoming more and more conscious of people disapproving – which is so weird to me as I really don’t understand how it affects them…! It’s now at the point where I really don’t want to breastfeed him in public even though I totally got over my self-consciousness around this – v annoying. Why does everything women or baby related have to be so fraught and full of judgement, le sigh.
Totally had the hot feet thing also, Lisa – which was an odd experience as my feet are ALWAYS cold!
I agree with Kate. I lived in North London where feeding babies out and about until past one was expected because otherwise what kind of a mother ARE YOU and then we moved to Cheshire where I felt like I was the only woman feeding a newborn nevermind over one. I fed my daughter until 18 months and my son is 12 months and still going. Just in the morning and evening.
I never tried a bottle with either – too much faff and bother. I barely remember both children at times so I would struggle to remember bottles for sure on top of nappies, wipes and spare clothes. My daughter went straight to drinking cows milk from a cup at 12 months – I’ve been more relaxed introducing cows milk with my son because I felt like I needed a bit more freedom – I went back to work early and he had it from 10 months during the day with a breastfeed morning and bedtime.
I had a C-section with both and there were some issues in the early days with the milk coming in but nature does its thing and I strongly advocate letting them bring the milk in to encourage supply rather than panic introducing a bottle so early on and if you’re in any pain, any discomfort, speak to a specialist breastfeeding consultant asap rather than wait. I say this repeatedly but I saved the £50 I spent on her a million times over not having to buy formula (and I spent it on shoooooes).
This is the last baby for us now and its sad thinking our journey will be coming to an end soon. That’s the same with everything this time around though. Its all so much more emotional!
This was one of the reasons why I was keen to breastfeed: because I am THAT mum that always forgets something!
My friend had a breastfeeding specialist with her first and apparently she was worth her weight in gold.
Your comment made me think of that ‘Last Time’ poem…never fails to make me cry:
The Last Time
From the moment you hold your baby in your arms,
You will never be the same.
You might long for the person you were before,
When you had freedom and time,
And nothing in particular to worry about.
You will know tiredness like you never knew it before,
And days will run into days that are exactly the same,
Full of feeding and burping,
Whining and fighting,
Naps, or lack of naps. It might seem like a never-ending cycle.
But don’t forget…
There is a last time for everything.
There will come a time when you will feed your baby
for the very last time.
They will fall asleep on you after a long day
And it will be the last time you ever hold your sleeping child.
One day you will carry them on your hip,
then set them down,
And never pick them up that way again.
You will scrub their hair in the bath one night
And from that day on they will want to bathe alone.
They will hold your hand to cross the road,
Then never reach for it again.
They will creep into your room at midnight for cuddles,
And it will be the last night you ever wake for this.
One afternoon you will sing ‘the wheels on the bus’
and do all the actions,
Then you’ll never sing that song again.
They will kiss you goodbye at the school gate,
the next day they will ask to walk to the gate alone.
You will read a final bedtime story and wipe your
last dirty face.
They will one day run to you with arms raised,
for the very last time.
The thing is, you won’t even know it’s the last time
until there are no more times, and even then,
it will take you a while to realise.
So while you are living in these times,
remember there are only so many of them and
when they are gone,
you will yearn for just one more day of them
For one last time.
Author unknown
Lisa!!!! What are you doing to me? I am simulataneously welling up and going baby crazy reading that poem. Fully identify with the 19 kids and counting mama right now….,
Sorry Lucy S! It gets me every time. X
This is completely beautiful. I’m going to read this at 3am when it feels a bit hard.
Ditto. I’ve been awake since 3am but reading that makes a long day bearable. X
If it makes your little boy happy then that’s really all that matters!
Yes I also usually have freezing feet (and hands)! Think that’s why my hot feet were so noticeable. I’m constantly telling Rich ‘Cold hands, warm heart’, ha ha x
Ahh Lisa, this is such an interesting article and one so close to my heart as I’m sat here on the sofa feeding baby no. 3.
Feeding baby no. 1 was such a struggle, she didn’t put on weight, I was stressed out and totally clueless of what to do but as I was a breastfed baby I wanted to do the same and things did get easier.
2nd time around I was so much more confident and baby no. 2 just got it straight away! She never had a bottle but it worked out OK for us. Don’t get me started on the after pains, I think mine lasted about 5 days in the end.
Now with baby no. 3 we’re 7 months in and doing well. Again we’ve not tried bottles but the thought of hunting them out and sterilising everything is not fun! Not sure how long we’ll continue, with the other 2 it was about the 11/12 month mark when I went back to work, I stupidly thought I’d be feeding them in the morning before I took them to nursery, how wrong was I! Bizarrely the after pains 3rd time around were pretty much non existent!
There’s nothing lovelier than watching my 2 elder daughters playing with their dollies and putting them ‘on the boob’ like mummy does.
April how did you deal with the lack of weight gain? It’s been so stressful but he has started to put on weight. Was there anything that helped??
Hi there Jenny,
I had an amazing health visitor / nursery nurse team in Birmingham and as I was so stressed out going to the health centre for weigh-ins they actually came out to my house a few times to weigh my daughter.
To help with weight gain I gave a bottle of formula each evening, sometimes she had it, sometimes she didn’t but she must have needed something extra.
Make sure you’re looking after yourself too, eating and drinking properly really does make a difference I think in the early days of breastfeeding.
Enjoy your new bundle, they don’t stay little for long! X x
Thank you lovely!
I was SO much more stressed out with Lyra. The poor thing! Would you say the feeding got easier each time?
Five days of after pains?! I clearly got off lightly! X
Great article and hopefully preparing me a bit for what’s to come, although dreading the afterpains now! I breastfed my wee boy to 9 months when I went back to work, along with a couple of bottles of formula over night so I could get some much needed rest. I never gave him a bottle in public as I was worried I’d be judged for not breast feeding, I was much more comfortable breast feeding in public than I would have been bottle feeding! I’m hoping feeding goes as relatively smoothly second time round but trying to remember that every baby is different so it may be harder!
Thank you! I can honestly say I haven’t had any judgy looks or comments for bottle feeding in public 🙂 good luck with it all and fingers crossed for no afterpains! X