Over the last year the team have shared numerous breastfeeding stories from finding it easy, to wanting to but being unable and to choosing not to breastfeed from the off. Whatever your decision it is definitely just that. Your decision.
When I was expecting Alice I presumed I would do things very similarly to Molly. I had no expectations or pressure and was happy to go with the flow (so to speak!). I hadn’t really had any issues feeding Molly other than a few bouts of very nasty Mastitis so I was hoping that it would come easily to me again. Luckily it did. I know that isn’t always the case but I am grateful that it wasn’t difficult or stressful for me. I did however notice some differences in how Alice fed compared to Molly and also how I was with my approach to breastfeeding and I thought it might be useful to share. It just goes to show that not only can your baby be different second time around but also your approach and feelings.
Speed
Immediately after she was born Alice latched on and fed really well. In that post birth haze I do remember thinking one thing. How very different she fed to Molly. She was so quick. I mean really speedy. And it stayed that way.
Molly would feed for hours on end, always. Alice on the other hand was a quick 10 to 20 minutes maximum and she was done. She thrived and her 6lb 12oz birth weight rocketed so she was most definitely getting enough.
I have to say the speed with which she fed was a lifesaver. I had a 19 month old toddler who also needed my attention so sitting feeding a baby for hours on end was going to be tricky. All would have been good with the world if Alice hadn’t been such a nightmare sleeper (you can read about that debacle here).
Feeding in Public
With Molly I was always quite wary of feeding in public. It was nothing to be ashamed of but personally I just didn’t really feel comfortable. I’m not a very confident person and so preferred to sit somewhere quiet or on my own. That was not the easiest or most sociable when she took so blimmin long to feed. I’m not saying I whipped them straight out with Alice but I had less time to think about it and so on our first day home found myself sitting in our local park at the bottom of the slide feeding Alice. I still kept covered over but I was less conscious of people being around.
Bottle Feeding
I always planned to mix breastfeeding and bottle feeding. I needed that little bit of freedom it would give me and mainly to enable me to still do things with Molly whilst someone else could feed Alice. In her first week of being home she took a bottle with no problem at all. I felt cocky and thought I had the combination feeding cracked. How wrong I was. The following week she flatly refused to take the bottle and nothing we did would change that. We tried every trick going but until around 12 weeks it was breastfeeding all the way. She wouldn’t even take my milk from a bottle let alone formula. We then slowly managed to introduce a bottle but I will admit to many times giving up and just feeding her myself. I couldn’t take the crying and the immense guilt I got at trying to force her to have a bottle she didn’t want.
Expressing
With Molly I expressed quite a lot once she started having a bottle so that she could have a combination of breast milk and formula. Alice was having non of it and so, in truth, I couldn’t really be bothered. I had no issues with expressing and always produced plenty of milk but I never really liked expressing and felt distinctly like a cow being milked! It was also rather disconcerting to have Molly constantly wandering up and pulling at the pump to see what on earth I was up to.
How Long I Wanted To Feed For
Again, this is a very personal choice. I fed Molly for six months and so I felt I should do the same for Alice. If I’m honest I could happily have stopped a lot earlier but there was some gnawing guilt that told me I should do the same for both of them. I will put my hands up and say I didn’t really like breastfeeding. I didn’t dislike it per se but I suppose I found it all a bit odd.
It’s really interesting to hear the differences that can occur between breastfeeding first and second children. As someone currently considering the until-now abstract notion of possibly having a second child at some point, the idea that any second child might feed in a different (quicker!) way is reassuring. One of the reasons I hesitate to grow our family is that while I was fortunate that breastfeeding came relatively easy to us, Fern cluster-fed for what seemed like MONTHS, had nasty reflux and like you I was somewhat relieved to finally end our breastfeeding journey. The thought of going through all that again but with a toddler to contend with too is rather daunting!!
Don’t let it put you off Philippa. Molly was a ridiculous feeder. The only time I had a complete melt down was when she fed almost continuously from 5pm until 2am. It was not fun. Alice never did that. I sometimes wonder if perhaps you are more relaxed or they pick up on the need for speed! Whatever it is I know a lot of people say the same. xx
I think from the sounds of it everything can be different with each child! Second pregnancy has been totally different so far! I hope the birth is different too… quicker!
But I hadn’t even considered feeding. S was a very keen feeder, it was my poor boobs that struggled with the enthusiastic cluster feeds. There’s not much like blocked ducts and mastitis is there!! I hope this little one is equally fond of the white stuff- it must be so so tough having a baby who isn’t interested and struggles putting on weight. S jumped from 9th to 30th percentile in ten days she was such a piglet!
Ha ha, here’s hoping for quicker to you too! Alice too went from the the 25th to the 91st within a matter of weeks. They love their milk don’t they? x
Where to start?! So with Freddie it didn’t happen despite all my efforts. We had a traumatic birth which ended up in an emergency c-section so we missed those first 6 hours where it’s so important to establish feeding, as we were both so knackered. After a trip to paediatric a&e we switched to formula and that was that.
My daughter Lottie on the other hand, latched on pretty swiftly after a super speedy natural birth. All seemed to be going well until the second week where feeding continually became more painful to the point of my tears and swear words at every feed. It turned out she was severely tongue tied, something I’d never heard of despite already having one child. Once that was dealt with it hugely improved things but it still took weeks for my nipples to heal and feeding was still incredibly painful. We’re 10 weeks in and it’s ok now. I am struggling to express so have only offered a bottle twice and I also don’t want to feel like a milking machine and stay chained to the sofa all day!
You expect it to be the most natural thing to do and for some it is, but for myself and a lot of other mothers I know it’s been a huge challenge.
Hi Agnes. So pleased to hear it is all settled down for you now. Lolly’s son Hector had tongue tie and I know she struggled massively with the feeding. In terms of the expressing don’t worry too much if you can’t or try different times of the day. I sometimes found getting up early was best although I still couldn’t be bothered with all the time it took to sit and do it. You are doing an amazing job x
My experiences have been pretty similar to you Lottie, I’ve found breastfeeding quite easy (bit painful to begin with until I ‘toughened up’ but then I was away) and my second child is also a very quick feeder! Usually 10 minutes max and he’s done! Very handy when I also have a toddler to look after! My first baby always refused a bottle so we tried my second baby earlier and he took it fine for a few weeks but then started refusing, I haven’t really persevered with it to be honest as I find because he is a quick feeder it doesn’t feel that demanding and I’ve found I can pop out on my own for 1-2 hours if I need to in between feeds and he’s fine, whereas I felt I couldn’t leave my first at all as she fed so much. Different babies can be so different! Also worth mentioning that the pain only lasted 2 weeks with my second before it became very easy, as opposed to 4 weeks with my first. Don’t know whether it’s because my body had done it before or if it’s because I sought help with the latch more second time – it’s definitely worth asking for help if needed! I’m also more confident feeding out and about second time round, I don’t really have time to worry what anyone thinks and just get on with it! X
This is almost identical Sarah! I definitely think there is something to be said for feeling more confident and aware of the feeding in terms of helping second time round. And even more true about having no time to worry! x
I had my 3rd baby 9 weeks ago and it’s been a huge learning curve. I breastfed my 2 previous children with relatively few problems to 12 and 15 months respectively so thought I knew how to feed but it’s been a totally different story this time round and the emotional rollercoaster that goes with that has been huge and exhausting.
My new baby just couldn’t get it she struggled to latch properly, my nipples were so sore, I got mastitis and her jaundice still will not go so she’s had multiple blood tests. She is what doctors like to call ‘failure to thrive’ which is horrid as she’s actually a very smiley content little girl and I’m convinced she’s fine but the health visitors are continuing to come to my house weekly and the gp has referred us to the paediatricians. All nicely stressful and makes me feel like I’m doing a crap job. As if it’s not hard enough already!!
Just goes to show every baby and therefore feeding journey is different. I’ve persevered despite wanting to give up on so many occassions because of the guilt – I fed the others so feel I need to with her too – and she is finally getting the hang of it having had a couple of cranio appointments. I’m hoping a few more weeks will see it get better and better and her weight start to improve. Fingers crossed!
So much for third babies fitting in ?? x
Karena, it doesn’t like you’re doing a crap job at ALL, it sounds like you’re doing amazingly! I’m so sorry your GP and HV didn’t tell you that. Your little girl is lucky to have you. I hope it gets easier from here on out.
I think a big part of the puzzle that is rarely mentioned is that breastfeeding it like riding a bike and you and bub BOTH need to get the hang of it. It’s not all on mummy!
Oh Karena, you are not doing a crap job. Anything but. Sometimes these terminologies do nothing to help us. You are doing everything you can and in my view so long as you are doing the best you can then that is good enough for me. Don’t stress yourself out as that will make you feel worse and it sounds like things are on the up and getting better all the time. Hats off to you for keeping going when others would have given up. I swear by the the cranial osteopath. It helped Alice’s sleeping immensely and I’ve heard excellent things about helping other issues too. Just keep going and you will get there. Big hugs to you xx
My first is 10 weeks old and was an absolute chunk at birth (almost 11lb!). I had prepared myself for breastfeeding to be difficult to learn for both of us so it didn’t come as a surprise, and I was told that the key was to ask for help a LOT. So I did. Because of my emergency c section and her size I found it too tough to feed her cross cradle so I was so grateful to be taught different positions until we both cracked it and became able to do it wherever and whenever (around 3-4 weeks). Like the lady above my nipples hurt for about the first 3-4 weeks too. It’s hogwash to say it doesn’t!
We introduced a bottle in the evening as she just wasn’t satisfied with just breast because my milk supply was so low in the evening. I found it extremely tough when we did-I didn’t quite realise the emotional attachment I would have to breastfeeding. We still feed throughout the day but she needs a top up in the early evening and the bottle at night. I have spent a lot of time feeling a failure as I can’t produce enough for her and wanting to resist a bottle even though I absolutely know it’s for the best to ensure she is thriving. I have so many friends who giggle as they recount stories of them writing their names in the shower as their milk is just squirting out. Mine has never done that. But my husband has tried to frame it matter of factly to help me deal with it: I was lucky enough to have had an easy pregnancy, so this is just one of those things that my body isn’t the best at. But it can still do it!
I try to express (why oh why won’t they supply one of those bras I see in memes/the US with double pumps??!!) in the evenings but only produce about a third of what she drinks in formula in a day.
I love breastfeeding, I never thought I’d love it so much! I wonder how different it’ll be with my second child?
Hi Hannah, completely support whatever you feel is right for your baby but just for info, the amount with breast milk isn’t the same as formula so don’t worry too much about measurements when it comes to feeding expressed milk as they are completely different substances. For example if your baby normally took 5oz of formula it doesn’t matter if you can’t express 5oz of breast milk as they are not the same, if that makes sense! Apparently babies often need less breast milk (if you’re measuring it) than they would formula as it’s more densely packed with nutrients etc. I saw this info on a La Leche League Facebook group I’m part of x
Ah thanks Sarah! That makes me feel a bit better 🙂
And try expressing in the morning to ‘top up’ at night. Everyone’s milk is most rubbish in the evening because the hormones which make milk work overnight. I’ve found expressing first thing will give you a better amount – and knowing you’ve got a bottle in the fridge helps with the psychological hard work of the evening cluster feed.
Hi Hannah. You are doing an amazing job and do not feel like a failure. It takes a massive amount to be able to feed any baby and you just keep doing what you can. It’s amazing. I never had an issue with supply but I don’t think it hurts them (or you) to have that extra bottle. I wanted my girls too but they wouldn’t take it initially. You just keep doing what works for you and so long as your little one is thriving then all is good. And yes, the second will probably be completely different! xx
Oh gosh, breastfeeding… where to start?! It can be such a beautiful thing when it goes right but when it goes wrong, my god it really is bad. I didn’t feed either of mind as long as I had wanted (6 months first time and almost 5 months the second). My expectations were that I would feed until around 12 months, but these things happen. My babies just couldn’t get enough from me and my fast let down was followed by a slow feed which made them irritated. No matter what I tried I couldn’t seem to get them to last more than a couple of minutes. So over to formula we went. And it was fine (of course)!
When my youngest was born I hit that Day 3 hormonal nightmare stage and I just couldn’t feed without being in agony. I was devastated and a crying mess. I felt I’d let my baby down. It took a breastfeeding counsellor telling me to stop, otherwise I would do permanent damage for me to get a grip and realise that what was best for me was actually best for my baby. A few days off the boob, a couple of nipple shields later and we were back in business. So my point is (I got there eventually!) is that what is best for Mum is best for baby. x
Hi Joanna. Thank you so much for sharing and I’m so pleased to hear you had an amazing breastfeeding counsellor. I think it makes a world of difference having someone who can help you when you need that reassurance. And your sentiment is exactly right. Perfectly said xx
My second was just the same Lottie – she latched on and fed really well within minutes after birth and never had any issues. However, she was a really quick feeder, never taking more than five minutes for a feed (if that!). My first would take hours and want to be fed all the time – in some ways it was a welcome change but I did miss the excuse to sit and just snuggle with my baby while she fed! I had a few comments from health visitors that she should be feeding for at least 10 minutes and, had she been my first, I would have worried. Instead I could tell that she was happy and contented and decided I knew best (and was very satisfied when she didn’t lose any weight post-birth!).
I also wanted to say that I was really lucky and genuinely never had any pain/cracked nipples etc whatsoever with either of mine.
However, I still found breastfeeding tough as instead of feeling happy I used to get a really strong sense of depression/hopelessness/homesickness for the first couple of minutes of each feed. I’ve since discovered that I suffer from “dysmorphic milk ejaculation reflex”, which basically means that my hormones do the opposite of what they are supposed to. Yet another possibility that no one tells you about!
Didn’t mean to sound so forthright about the sore nips! I just remember being told repeatedly in NCT that it was never uncomfortable or painful as long as the latch was good and yet all my group did not find that! It’s a total minefield and every baby and nipple is different!
I’m the only person I know who didn’t have any pain (one friend told me that “anyone who says it doesn’t hurt is lying”!) so NCT should definitely stop saying that! I was very lucky but it’s just as well, because I felt so miserable I would have used any excuse to stop and it’s only because I know people persist despite pain that I felt I should continue!
Nah Pips. I have nipples of steel too. Or rather such fast let down that neither baby needed to actually suck so my nipples remained intact!
You are so true Pips. It definitely seemed there was a lack of those cuddles. Mind you, it would have been whilst watching CBeebies with a toddler pulling on my arm so perhaps it wouldn’t have been quite the same. I too didn’t get sore nipples at all and never used any creams. I have never heard of that reflex! Blimey, you poor thing. All these things you never know about until the time comes. All good fun! x
Glad to hear your second experience of breastfeeding was different from your first, Lottie – it gives me hope that things will be different second time round!
My son was born via EMCS and had quite bad jaundice which meant it took several days to get him even to want to feed. When he did, it turned out he had a terrible latch and was a really slow feeder, and by the time we’d managed to improve his latch my supply had started to go away as my body hadn’t been getting the cues to produce enough milk. Also, he would feed for about an hour so I was permanently tied to the sofa. We really struggled to settle him as he cried constantly. I also had three cases of mastitis in about 6 weeks! Breastfeeding made me and him totally miserable, so the best thing we did was introduce an evening bottle of formula when he was about 4 weeks old – turns out he was just really hungry as he was like a different baby from then on. I then combination fed until he was 5 months and decided he wasn’t interested in the breast anymore.
Son number 2 is due in a matter of weeks, and I’m hoping he’s quicker to catch on than his big brother. It’s encouraging that you had a quick feeder after a slow feeder, as with a demanding 25 month-old I won’t have time to sit down for an hour for each feed!
I love these open discussions. Stefano was taken straight to the neo natal unit when he was born. During his 2nd night, I was so lucky to meet a wonderful midwife. Stefano couldn’t latch so immediately she gave me a nipple shield. He fed with the shield perfectly. I never had any problems with mastitis or cracked nipples. I had a few articles sent to me from a breastfeeding counsellor about why you shouldn’t use a nipple shield. I read them and chose to ignore the information. He needed to use the shields for 5 months then one day he latched all by himself.
Now, I don’t know how to stop feeding or whether you’re even supposed to. Stefano is now 10 months old and I plan to breast feed till he’s one. How do I discourage the night feeds? He feeds 2-3 times throughout the night. He doesn’t actually fully wake up, so that’s a huge plus! If I start giving him cows milk at 1, will he still want some breast milk throughout the night? What have you guys experienced?
I also find breastfeeding odd! For your teen and adult life you’re told to cover up. Then as soon as you’re child is born, it’s OK to have them on show! I never covered up with a blanket but I bought a lot of tops specifically for breastfeeding. ASOS was great for this!
I also find that breastfeeding has far too many conflicting articles. Most of them are too general and don’t help you if you have a prem baby or a baby that started off in neo-natal.
I’ve survived 10 months of breastfeeding and am probably more confused at this end stage than I ever was in the beginning.
Gem x
Gem, you’ve hit the nail on the head – society has such a sexualised view of boobs that I think we all have to work quite hard to separate from that when breastfeeding because, actually, the sexualised view is the incorrect one. Yes breasts are sexy! But their primary aim is not to be sexy for men, it’s to feed babies – but as that’s not what society sees as their primary aim, feeding can feel odd.
I’m at 9 months with my first bub and in a similar situation to you – he still feeds lots and 2-3 times at nights. He loves it and doesn’t seem to want to stop anytime soon but I’m going back to work in a couple of months. Other friends have said their babies were perfectly happy to forgo boob during the day and got on a schedule of feeding in the evening, morning and/or night.
The one thing I’ve realised is that things change so quickly with babies – routines that seem totally set one day are out of the window the next day so I’m trying not to worry too much.
Lotty, so interesting how different your two experiences have been! I had kinda assumed it would be the same if we had another but clearly that’s not true.
At about 8 1/2 months I did the mean mummy and just stopped night feeds, he cried a bit the first night but after night 3 we never looked back. I know crying isn’t for everyone and a lot of people frown upon it but it worked for us. The night feeds had become habit rather than needing the milk. I waited to stop night feeds until I knew he was getting enough solids in the day. I stopped totally feeding about 13 months – he was just down to 1 bedtime feed then – when I found out I was pregnant with number 2. I hope number 2 is as easy as number 1 was!
I didn’t experience any pain or problems – I know I’m a lucky one amongst lots of horror stories but it’s important people aren’t put off and realise it can be easy, though of course often isn’t.
I’ve got a feeling it’s out of habit too! He never feeds longer than 10 minutes, so surely he’s not hungry?! He’s very clingy just now, so if it’s not thirst, it’s mummy he’s after. I’ll see if his habits change in the next 2 months. Thanks for the advice. X
Lots of interesting comments. First time around I fed to 18 months (although only one feed a day from around 10 months). Second time around we are 12 weeks and still going strong. Like I’ve said above, I didn’t have pain with either baby.
Differences wise (should add both babies were C-Sec) S takes longer to feed than D – D was speedy. 5 minutes from the off. I’ve always had fast let down. The issue we had was that it was too quick so there was a bit of choking on it to begin with until she could drink at speed and regulate the flow. As a result, much vomiting as she would take too much and then throw it back up. I’m convinced that she fed so well because she was weighty. 10lb 6oz at birth, fantastic head control from the off. I think bigger babies take to feeding better.
S is still quick – maybe 10 minutes from start to finish. Still pukey but not as much.
I didn’t bottle or mix feed with either baby – I was going to with S but the issue with let down is such that I’ve been told not to express. Expressing stimulates milk and I need to do anything not to stimulate it. It is a bit of a pain because I can’t go out and have such freedom on an evening but S settles at 8pm every night so I can still go out just not for long. The upside is that I don’t have to faff with sterilising.
Last time we night weaned around 9 months (it had started to feel like a habit). This time I would probably night wean earlier.
This is a really emotional subject for me at the moment. I struggled to breast feed with no1 and after 6 weeks I was a wreck, baby wasn’t thriving even though I fed all day (or felt like I did) and I just cried all day. I decided to stop and overnight the world got better. I enjoyed being with my son and the black cloud I’d been in for 6 weeks lifted. I’ve just had no2 and went into the feeding thing open minded. I started to breast fed and then offered a bottle just in case. She always took milk from the bottle. This worked for 2 weeks but at the end of week 1 the hormones kicked in and I was a wreck again. Weeping at every feed, not through pain but it more at the sensation of breast feeding made me feel dizzy and sort of sick and so again I made the decision to stop. Now in week 4 the hormones have died down a bit and I now feel even more guilty about not breast feeding. I do however have to remind myself that while breast feeding is great it is only their sole nutrition for 6 months and in a lifetime that isn’t long. I believe that what you feed them and how you parent throughout their lives will have a far greater impact. I could have tried harder at breast feeding but then I may have sunk deaper into the black hole of depression which could have a far greater impact and caused longer term damage to my relationship with my children, and possibly my husband. I think I’m saying this as a reminder to myself (and others) that we should give ourselves a break and not to judge ourselves on what others do.
A perfect example for doing what’s best for mum & baby! X
It is so interesting to know that your experience of breastfeeding was so different with your second baby. My little girl is four months old and I really struggled. I got the latch wrong initially so became very sore very quickly. About 3 days in I couldn’t bare the pain anymore and resorted to manually expressing into syringes in the early hours of the morning! The following day we decided to give Lily some formula and she took to the bottle instantly. I managed to express using an electric pump and combination fed Lily until my nipples had healed enough to try again. I found it so hard getting the latch right and each feed became very stressful, I found myself starting to dread them. I decided to bottle feed Lily and to continue expressing what I could. Unfortunately I then got a very bad case of mastitis which later turned out to be a breast abscess. I ended up on 6 weeks of antibiotics with weekly visits to hospital. It was painful and I felt very run down, all the while continuing to express at least 4 times daily to help by breast to heal. When I could finally let me milk dry up it was a huge relief. If I am lucky enough to have a second baby I will be in two minds whether to give breastfeeding another go but hearing how experiences can differ my give me the confidence to try again!
Really interesting article and all the comments too.
I’m 5 months pregnant with twins and my 1st born will be almost 3 when the twins arrive. With my daughter, I breastfed till she was 9 months, struggled at first with mastitis, sore nips etc but from about 3 months onwards (also the point I started combination feeding), it was plain sailing and I have to say I enjoyed feeding her (once she was in a routine of feeds and not just cluster feeding for hours and hours on end!)
Given that I’m having twins this time though, I’ve made the decision not to breastfeed. I’ll aim to do a week or so to get the colostrum (sp?) in to them but essentially, they’ll be formula babies. My husband and mum are absolutely in agreement with me (which helps) and I am refusing to let myself feel bad about it. I know there will be times when they’re a bit older when I’ll think God it would have been so much easier to breastfeed them (as there are definite advantages of being able to leave home quickly/more easily with breastfed babies than sorting out what I’ll need milk/bottle wise for x2 babies!) but I think on the whole, having other people around me who can share the feeding of them whilst I’m getting my toddler ready for the day/for pre school/for bed etc will far outweigh the conveniences of being able to pop my boob out for an instant feed when out and about. Maybe i’ll feel differently when they arrive but for now, I’ve reconciled myself that their feeding journey will just be different to their older sisters as there are two of them (incidentally also both girls!)
x