That is the latest question I have been asking myself whilst trying to navigate my way through this thing called motherhood.
Actually, it’s not so much of a question at this point, it’s something I think I have to try. Let me give you some background.
Tayo was a pretty good sleeper for the first eight weeks of his life… as good as a new born can be anyway; sleeping a few hours at a time before needing feeding. But then things got bad. And they’re still bad. Tayo’s usual bedtime pattern goes something like this:
Bedtime: between 6 and 7pm.
First wake up call: 12-1
Cue further wake up calls every hour, on the hour until about 5 am.
Feed.
Sleep for another hour.
He sometimes takes a feed around 2/3 am as well but not always.
So yeah, I’m pretty much awake every night from around 1am. It’s a real struggle to get back to sleep and when I do I get on average between half an hour and an hour at a time, unless I go to bed at 7pm when I could probably get a decent five hours but who wants to go to bed then?! I have stuff to do like sit and watch a box set with my neglected husband.
I took him to see an Osteopath (you can read about Lottie’s experience with an Osteopath here) in the hopes of seeing if he had any lingering ailments from birth, wether his cranium needed adjusting and to make sure his body was properly balanced to try and help him find some space to settle. After a few sessions we came to the conclusion that actually within his body he’s very balanced and nothing was present that would appear to be disrupting his sleep… Apart from, you may have guessed it, his teeth. She confirmed at all sessions that there was a very prominent pain running through his jaw and actually he was presenting with head pain probably as a result of this. My poor poor baby.
I’ll be honest. I was hoping she could ‘fix’ him. And I was a bit distraught that she couldn’t but moreover I was so sad for him. I hate to think of him being so uncomfortable that he just can’t settle. We did all the ‘right’ things… Putting him to bed when he was awake etc to encourage self soothing and he was great at it so I knew that wasn’t the issue. The issue has to be that he is feeling uncomfortable and so when during his sleep cycle he stirs and wakes he just can’t get back off again.
I am like a zombie. Thank god for concealer and Bobbi Brown colour correct because without it I would also look like a zombie. We’re five months into this horrendous sleeping pattern now and it’s really starting to take its toll. I am miserable, I am snappy and short tempered and quite frankly, I’m not sure how I can cope with all the broken sleep for much longer without falling apart at the seams. Sleep deprivation is very hard to manage in my experience. I had similar issues with Leo only in his case he would sleep until about 3am and then that was it, he was awake. I got to a point a week ago where I had to question myself. What was I doing wrong? Why will neither of my babies sleep when I feel like I’ve followed all the rules, done everything I should to encourage them to sleep? It must be something I’m blind to that I’m doing wrong. I am a bad mother; the one thing that all humans should be able to do and my two little ones just couldn’t and can’t?! I had a cry (one of many truth be told), had a word with myself and realised that this self pity is no good for anyone but you know, sometimes out is better than in. And I know I’m not alone because some of you have been with me on my Instastories at 3am some mornings and you are a massive source of comfort to me and a reminder that I am not on my own in this battle with sleep.
So I had a great chat with the Osteopath and she really made me feel better that at some point it would pass… It might not be in the immediate future but it will and I just have to remember that. In the meantime I have to do something to try and help myself get some more sleep. We ruled out a few methods of sleep training such as controlled crying because actually, he is uncomfortable so he needs some comfort in order to feel better, it’s highly unlikely he’s just crying for the sake of it at this point.
So this is where the co-sleeping comes in. I’m going to try it. I’m going to see if me being there by his side provides some comfort for him and ultimately allows me to get some much needed rest, even if it’s only an extra two hours or so a night.
After my last appointment with the Osteopath (which was Wednesday) I decided to give it a shot. Tayo can still just about fit in his Sleepyhead and so I felt ok about having him next to me in bed. But very very soon he is going to be too big for it and it may start causing him more discomfort so the questions I have are not around the whole ‘Am I making a rod for my own back, will I ever be able to get him out of my bed once he’s in’ etc, it’s more about ways in which I can sleep with him and it can be safe? I know of the increased risk of SIDs and such and so I just feel quite fearful about the whole thing? There’s no way he can sleep between Anthony and I, no way. Anthony is just too big and he’s a ‘mover’ so I just feel that whole set up is too unsafe, then I don’t feel safe having him to the outside of me… What if he rolls off the bed or I push him out?!
The only conclusion I can come to is to ship Anthony off to the spare room and give Tayo an entire side? In a sleeping bag?
Any suggestions are so so welcome. Have you co slept? Were you concerned about the safety of it? Did you find it bought comfort to your baby during teething? Did you try anything else to help settle your baby through this horrid teething period?
Just as a side note, I bought an excellent mascara a couple of weeks ago that I think is helping in making my eyes actually look open when they’re half closed! It also dyes you lashes in the process so on those days when you can’t quite muster up the arm action required to put a slick of mascara on you have slightly more noticeable lashes as by product of using it the day before. YAS!
First of all… it dyes them?? Hi Boots, take my money.
As for co-sleeping, do it. If it’s the best thing for Tayo & if it means you get more sleep, it has to be worth a shot. There’s always a chance you and Anthony will end up stuck sleeping in separate rooms for longer than you expected, but at least you’ll get some kip! xx
Yup, they definitely seem a shade darker than non existent so I’m impressed!
Thanks love, bring on the shut eye! ? X
Morning Becky, no sleep is the worst. My youngest is just a week or so younger than Tayo and he’s not the best sleeper either. Typically he’ll nap 7:30-8 then be up until 10 and then he’s just started sleeping from then until 2 or 3 if we are lucky then I feed him and get a couple more hours then he’s awake. Better than you from the point that at least his long sleep is when we go to bed but it means no real peace in the evening and 4 hours really isn’t brilliant when you have a toddler to run about after as well! At the moment Ruairi is in a beside me cot but I want to put him in the same room as his brother soon which just won’t work at the moment. My friend co sleeping until her we girl was 10 months and then she slept fine in her own cot. She just made sure she put her in her cot at nap time and then when she started to sleep better at night she moved her. It worked great for her, if I had somewhere to ship my husband off to except the couch I’d be tempted to try it. Hope it works for you, I just keep thinking before we know it we’ll need to drag these sleepy teenage boys out their beds!
Sarah your comment has made me laugh! Thanks for sharing your experiences and that of your friends. Bloody hard going isn’t it! Wishing you lots of sleep tonight x
I am all for co-sleeping! We tend to do it once Little Monster has woken up after 1am. Co sleeping is safe as long as you follow the rules. Only co sleep in a bed, not a chair or sofa. Don’t co sleep if you’ve been drinking or taking drugs. Sleep in a c shape around baby, so you don’t roll. Keep all covers below your waist (if it’s cold, it’s wear a onesie for extra warmth).
I researched it a lot and so did my NCT group (we don’t have the best sleepers ?) and co sleeping can lower the risk of sids if done so correctly and the only deaths are from where people haven’t followed the rules, and have been under the influence or not in a bed. I’ve actually got some sleep and survived the 4 month sleep regression by doing this. Plus, it won’t be forever, until then it’s kinda sweet waking up being smacked in the face by a little hand ?
Thank you so much Gracie!x
Becky I totally feel for you. My 11 month old is a nightmare
Sleeper he got worse at
7 months and now goes absolutely mental when we put him in his cot every night, despite the fact he slept there from 2 months happily albeit waking every 2 hours after midnight. He now won’t sleep until after 9 unless he is settled
On our giant super king bed and despite being out of it will wake as soon as we move him to his cot. He seems to find comfort in us being there and sleeps a million times better next to us. Is everything didn’t want and hate that i have a baby in our bed even though he’s older now. Definitely feels like an epic parenting fail as I also have no idea where I went wrong. We have another on the way and have no idea how to make this next one sleep given number one is still shacked up with us. Give it a whirl and see if it works. Sleep deprivation is awful and will drive you nuts. Am desperate to move him out but am more desperate for sleep, especially given am
At work again and pregnant! Good luck and don’t worry about people who judge. We tried controlled crying als and given he cries as soon as he is put down he cried so much he kept being sick. So not really a win. Oh and did I mention I have a needy pug who sleeps in the corner of the room?! Ridiculous…. good luck and sending hugs to your sleepy self
Xx
Rachel, I know what you mean about this not being what you wanted to do but pls don’t feel like it’s a parenting fail. It’s nothing that you’ve done – it sounds like your bub just wants to be near you and you’re responding to that need which is lovely and not a fail at all – quite the opposite. There are a LOT of babies that won’t sleep on their own, it’s just we don’t recognise that in our society so feel like it’s our fault. It’s hard when you’ve got another one coming – I know Sarah Ockwell smith had some thoughts on how to make this work, maybe check her out. Good luck Hun!xx
Thanks so much sweets
I will definitely look into this ? X
I really want to echo what Kaye said, there is no way your failing at parenting at all, i ferlnits quite the opposite, we are just trying to do what we think us best for both us and our babies. I’m pretty sure way back when everyone would’ve all slept in the same bed anyway! Lots of love and thanks both for your great comments xx
Two words. SLEEPYHEAD GRAND. We got fern’s when she was about 7 months and outgrew her cocoonababy and she’s still in it now, a year and a half later. It’s been a godsend. You know he likes his sleepyhead so just bite the bullet and get one I reckon.
Also, I’m guessing you’ve read everything Sarah Ockwell Smith has to say on the matter? Her guidance was SO useful whenever we had sleep/transition issues with Fern.
I think you just need to do what you need to do. It astounds me how you’re managing to keep it together on such little sleep. One option is to buy/procure from friends a really cheap cot and cut the side off so it’s like a second-stage snuzzpod that you butt right up to the side of the bed. Then you can both stay in the same room with Tayo, he gets the co-sleeping comfort and you don’t have to keep getting out of bed. Any reservations about using a second hand/cheap cot are covered off by the fact he’ll be in a lovely new plush sleepyhead grand. I’ve a friend who did a cot hack like this, I’ll give her a yell and see if she’ll come over and explain the process.
You know I’m a big fan of your instastories and honest to goodness you do not look like someone surviving on near zero sleep. I need me some of that mascara!!
In fact, if you can’t manage the cot hack for whatever reason, you could always temporarily get rid of your bedframe/divan and just sleep on a matress on the floor with the sleepyhead right beside you? It wouldn’t be forever and I have friends who have done this and found it to be a good compromise…
Philippa! ALWAYS full of the insightful information!!! We’re talking about the big old sleepyhead, if I boot anthony out I reckon it would fit nicely next to me ? I think he likes the Sleepyhead but I’m not sure it makes any difference to his sleep as he seems the same with or without. Thanks for your valid comment as always x
Yeah the big second stage sleepyhead. I like that we can take it wherever we go and keep her sleeping environment constant.
Whatver you do, don’t look at http://instagram.com/lovebirdbabynests ?? ? Second mortgage here I come….
Oh my – I should NOT have looked 😮
Do you know in January I heard about this miracle sleepyhead and parted with the £160 in hope of more zzzz. He loved it for a few weeks and now hates the damn thing. Think next time would get the small on end dmove up to it…. he turns over and squeals when he is stuck on his tummy. Sigh xx
We co-slept and it saved my sanity! Our daughter was always getting colds/viruses etc and it completely transformed us. She’s now 2 and sleeps through in her own little toddler bed every night. Sleep is the holy grail in my opinion. I truly struggled without it and started to lose the plot a bit.
We bought the Sleepyhead and put her in that in that on the spare room alongside my husband and never looked back.
Also…off to Boots later now!
Can I point out that co-sleeping saved us and not the colds/viruses?! Oh dear… ?
Haha!!! I am with you on the losing the plot thing!! I’m quite excited to sleep with my little buddy tonight ?
You’re not alone! My second daughter started off as a ‘good’ sleeper too and I got a bit smug (after the nightmare sleep on my first daughter – up every 45 mins – I think I was allowed!). But then one cold hit, then another and another and then 4 ear infections. I couldn’t function on so little sleep, I’d snap at my husband and older daughter and generally not accomplish much during the day. So I started co sleeping and I’ve not looked back. She sleeps in her cot until about midnight/1pm then next to us in the bed (she’s just grown out her sleepyhead which went next to me in the bed before). She’s 6 months now and I don’t plan on this being long term but it works for all of us just now and that’s what matters! I sleep, she sleeps and I’ve the energy to be a good mummy to both my girls the next day. As with the comment above, no covers past the waist, sleep curved round them, don’t co sleep if you’ve been drinking. Good luck!
Thanks Sara! X
I’m a big advocate of co sleeping , Becky, and it REALLY ANNOYS ME that Mum’s aren’t given more advice on how to do it safely. We must remember that for many parts of the globe, co sleeping is v much the norm and they don’t have out of control levels of baby deaths so it can be done safely and IS done safely all around the world (look at Japan where co sleeping is the norm and SIDS levels are much much lower than ours – it’s not the co sleeping imo it’s the making sure baby is safe that is key). It’s also so important to recognise that the research around co sleeping does not distinguish between safe co sleeping ( deliberate co sleeping) and unsafe co sleeping where exhausted mama has fallen asleep on the couch with baby. I find this so bizarre. Cots can also be dangerous so there is guidance around that – there is no suggestion that we shouldn’t use cots. I mostly get annoyed because there are some babies for whom co sleeping IS the answer and, because the convo around it is so driven by hysteria and fear, a lot of people don’t do what feels instinctual and natural because they’re worried.
I’ve co slept with my little guy from early on. I read Sarah Ockwell smith and felt empowered to make the choice that worked best for us. Bug sleeps 9-8pm with stirrings to feed. I usually am able to either feed or cuddle him while he’s still half asleep so he never full wakes up and while I’m still waking up, my time awake is v small.
Oh also pls ignore when people say he’ll never leave your bed. This is nonsense, he will. But this is about making sure that you BOTH get the sleep you need NOW. I’m so glad we do it this way as I’m back at work and I feel much better for it! My husband and I traded in for a super king so the three of us could sleep together (husband then me then Bug) but we slept like that quite happily in a king size bed too (although my husband is only six foot so not as tall as your hubs Becky!!)
Also just to note – co sleeping isn’t the answer for everyone and that’s ok. You have to try different things and see what works for you and your baby as we are all very different creatures. But don’t feel guilty about co sleeping, there is nothing WRONG with doing it!
Kate thanks so much for your comment. Looking at our situation NOW is what I feel is key. X
I have no children yet so no advice on co-sleeping (other than remember the RMF mantra of happy mum happy baby so you getting some sleep is surely going to weight out some of the possible negatives of co-sleeping). BUT I wanted to say you really don’t look like someone who is getting so little sleep on your (hilar) insta stories, you’re looking fab x
Sophie bless you!! It’s that Bobbi Brown concealer I’m telling you ?
Morning!!
Massive sympathy on the sleep deprivation- we had nappy leakage at 4am from Mr P and his howling woke up S… ugh.
Silvia was always a rotten sleeper so I gave in and co slept with her from about 6 months. Kicked her out at 20 months into her big girl bed and it’s been a really smooth transition. With Paddy I’ve not even bothered fighting it- bought a double cellular blanket and kicked out Daddy- his snoring drives me nuts anyway! We still cuddle and snuggle in one room or the other- we just all sleep better.
I found this leaflet really reassuring with regard to SIDS: http://www.daclc.dk/cm-webpic/co-sleeping-and-sids-a-guide-for-health-professionals-1.pdf
And this is one of the articles cited which is open access and really helpful http://journals.plos.org/plosone/article?id=10.1371/journal.pone.0107799
Sweet dreams!! ??
Thanks Lucy, quite looking forward to baby snuggles ?
I was just thinking of writing to suggest a co sleeping post as I brought my 10 month old son into bed with me again last night! He used to only wake once or twice a night once he was out of the newborn phase until he was about 5 months old and then, quite frankly, it all turned to sh*t and hasn’t really changed since.
We didn’t start co sleeping straight away as it didn’t occur to me to try it until out of desperation one night at about 1am my husband suggested it and he went off to the spare room. My son settled so much better but to be honest that first time i didn’t sleep that well as i think i was worried I’d squash him!
Now I bring him into bed pretty much most nights. As usually my husband is asleep when i do, i pull the cot right up to my side of the bed (he hasn’t moved out of our room yet) as a barrier and put my son between me and the cot, away from all pillows and duvets. I sleep curled round him. It has saved my sanity as i am getting enough sleep now to function. I also think that sometimes you just can’t worry about what will happen tomorrow, next week, in 6 months time and just do what works for you and your baby right now. So i may be “making a rod for my own back” but at least I’m sleeping whilst I’m doing it :-). Sleep deprivation is literally torture.
My second is currently 3.5months old and with my first being the worst sleeper ever it didn’t even cross my mind not to co-sleep. My first would wake constantly throughout the night and co- sleeping meant that I could manage to not wake too much, he has since happily moved into his own room with no issues whatsoever. With my second we have a baby bay and a sleepyhead but I still find I just bring him into the bed with me once he’s woken a couple of times as he’s not rolling yet.
We used a toddler bed guard along the open side of the bed where my first slept to stop him rolling out etc as does my sister now so could be a solution to your worries? As long as it is right up against your mattress it works exactly the same as a cot ‘wall’.
And please don’t beat yourself up, I’m very much of the view that your baby will either be a good sleeper or not regardless of everything you try (we tried soooo many tricks suggested to us with the first and just made me feel worse as a parent as they didn’t work) I know multiple people that have had two or more kids and done exactly the same with them and had completely different sleeping experiences.
Just enjoy the extra cuddles you get with co-sleeping as they are only little for such a short time and then you’ll find you will miss him when he moves into his own bed 🙂
Hi Becky, there’s nothing wrong AT ALL with co-sleeping if that’s what you want to do so don’t feel like you have to justify it! I did it with my first baby until she was about 18 months (she would start the evening in her cot then come in with me upon her first wake up once I was in bed) and it got me soooo much more sleep than if I’d persevered with keeping her in her cot all night! I don’t care what anyone thinks, it worked for us and we all got a good nights sleep. Winner. I didn’t ‘make a rod for my own back’ (hate that phrase) because she’s now 2 and never wants to come in our bed, she’s quite happy in her own. In time she just started sleeping through the night in her own cot so stopped coming in with us. My husband stayed in the bed and I put her on my side with a bed guard on so she couldn’t fall out. This worked for us. I can’t say I was always 100% comfortable but at least I was in my bed and getting some sleep! She still woke up a few times but was much quicker to settle and the not getting out of bed for me made a huge difference to how tired I felt! My second baby is the same age as Tayo and he starts the night in his cot (in a sleepyhead) too but then comes in with me when I go to bed. I don’t bring the sleepyhead in too or my husband wouldn’t fit! I just lay him next to me and he’s happy as larry. Part of my reason is that I’m breastfeeding and when he wakes for a feed I can just feed him laying down and don’t have to get up, but whatever your reason it’s a perfectly natural thing to do. As long as you follow safety guidelines (common sense really) and you’re both happy just do whatever you need to get more sleep! Don’t worry about the future and getting him out again, it will work itself out. Just think about NOW. To me that is the same logic as not giving him a bottle as you’ll have to get him off it one day, or a dummy, or a nappy?! Lots of things have to change as they get older so why does sleep have to be so strict from day one?! X
Haha – I could have just signed this with I agree 100% instead of typing out my essay below 😀
When we bring our son into our bed (if he’s woken up during the night and won’t settle by himself) I put him between us on top of the duvet – he’s warm enough in his sleeping bag and if he does go into a sound sleep I can try moving him back to his cot. If there’s only one of us in the bed then we pop a pillow on the other side of him. Hope you get a good night’s sleep soon!
I think our little boy is pretty much the same age as Tayo – he’ll be 8 months in a week. He started out as a great sleeper, 2 wake ups a night from newborn on consistently. Then the 4 months sleep regression and a rotten cold hit us – and it went downhill to pretty much the same pattern you have. My husband suggested to bring him in with us after a couple of atrocious and I eventually gave in. Baby boy has been in the bed with us for a good part of the night sine then. He wakes up around midnight for a feed and then usually another one around 4am and is normally up for the day around 7am. We all sleep so much better for it and especially now that I’m back at work, I love the extra cuddles it gives me! It’s also much easier with breastfeeding, as I barely need to wake up, just shuffle my top 😉 He curls up next to me and when he stirs, he usually just checks if I’m still there and settles right away. It helps that we are all very still sleepers but I bought a bedguard for my side of the bed so he can’t roll out and I also use my pregnancy pillow (a very slim long one) between my legs (so he can’t slide down – perfect c-shape as someone pointed out above) and him and my husband, just to make sure. We have a sleepyhead, too and whilst it has been a saviour in his own bed from his bedtime to the first wake-up, it doesn’t make any difference in our bed at all, so we don’t use it there.
I spent hours researching co-sleeping and SIDS and all the sensible research I found pretty much stated that after 6 months, as long as it was practiced safely, there was no data that co-sleeping increased SIDS. And even before the connections were minimal if you didn’t add the risk factors like not in the bed, alcohol, blankets etc. He’s not on a pillow, we make sure he doesn’t get too hot and I bought a Snuza Go movement monitor, which just clips on his nappy (maybe that’s more for my own reassurance but I feel safer with it).
I do feel like I need to justify our choice a lot and I don’t volunteer that we co-sleep as it has such a stigma – but for us, it’s been the best choice we’ve made! I hope you get a better night’s sleep soon xx
Co-sleeping happens here too! Like many, she starts the night in her cot, then comes into bed with us at whichever point we can’t get her settled again. I’m breastfeeding so it’s handy to be able to feed her lying down and she sleeps much better, as do I.
It’s not always the most comfortable as it’s not the biggest bed, but we follow the guidelines and we’re happy with it safety wise.
I definitely have wobbles about whether it’s the right thing, are we setting up any bad habits etc. As she’s a happy, healthy baby though, and we’ve followed her lead with bf and baby led weaning, it seems to make sense to go with her with this too! Plus it has it’s adorable moments too!!
Hi Becky
After almost going completely out of my mind due to serious sleep deprivation, we got the Sleepyhead Grande for my daughter who used to wake crying every 20 – 45 minutes at 5 months old (she was too long for the sleepyhead deluxe) even though the manufacturer recommends to use from 8 months. It was a lifesaver…My friend also did the same when her daughter had awful teething problems and hardly slept. It can go on the bed beside you or in a cot bed. My Husband had to move into the spare room but it saved us xx
Hi Becky, I totally feel your sleep deprivation pain! My daughter was 2 in January and slept like a dream til she was 6 months. Cue teething, awful sleep and a knackered mummy. When she was 8 months I went back to work which involves getting up at 6am. Not fun. Cosleeping saved us (she still wakes at 1ish most nights and I still put her beside me for the rest of the night if it happens. Needs must. Though no 2 is due in Sept so not sure what I’ll do if neither of them are good sleepers!)
Cosleeping is not dangerous if you do it right, and the risk is less after baby is 6 months old anyway. I’d suggest getting one of those bumper things for the side of your bed. Put Tayo in a sleeping bag on top of the duvet on your side of the bed, held in by the bumper. Keep your pillow well away from his head and you should be totally fine. I’m pretty sure I read that research has shown that mums are aware of their baby in bed with them and are much less likely to roll on them than dads. Good luck! x
I never thought i would be one for co sleeping, but hell it helps!! I co slept with my first born, and we have no issues what so ever with her sleeping in her own bed now. i have an almost 7 week old, and by god does he sleep better in our bed! in his first week of life i didnt even try co sleeping with him (not sure why) but as soon as I started he slept sooo much better, as did I! it is worth a try!!
My 5 month old boy has always liked being near me and we started co-sleeping very early on. Now that he’s a bit more robust, OH doesn’t mind it but he was petrified in the beginning.
At bedtime we put him into his sleeping bag, feed to sleep then transfer him into his cot BESIDE the bed. By about 1am this isn’t good enough! Sometimes I can put him back down and get another hour or 2 (3 last night!!) then we co-sleep for the rest of the night. He settles so much better beside me and he’s in a sleeping bag so no worries about blankets or anything. I pile cushions between the bed and cot and hold the edge of his sleeping bag so I can feel when he moves and I can actually sleep, wake ups aren’t as disruptive so easy to get back to sleep for both. No one I know still slept with their parents as teenagers so I’m not worried at all. Children start to crave independence naturally and in the mean time I’m enjoying the lovely closeness of my baby boy ❤️
Having gone back to work at 7 months our baby who coped with the transition of starting nursery fantastically did become a disturbed sleeper.
Both of us work full time and have unintentionally become co-sleepers. At first I was incredibly anxious about this however I would not be able to function as a mum or teach a classroom of teenagers without a decent nights sleep.
She goes to be in her own cot but usually ends up in with us by around 2 am. It won’t be forever, eventually she will sleep through on her own, but for now I’m enjoying the cuddles.
Why not try a chicco next to me or snuzpod? May alleviate some fears.
I co-sleep with my son and don’t regret it one bit. We all get much more sleep because if it. I purposely bought a super king sized bed so that it was big enough to accommodate any children that we have/may have in the future. At the time I was thinking more for early morning cuddles and not co-sleeping. Our son sometimes sleeps between the two of us at the top of the bed. He has his own cover and apart from a wayward hand and/or foot now and again, it’s not a problem for us.
When he got bigger, I took one side off his cot to use it in its bed mode. It’s pushed right up to my side of the bed. There’s no space for it to move anywhere so it’s completely safe. He’s never crawled over us.
If I try to put him in his cot, after 1am, he wakes up very hour. If he sleeps with me, he might wake once or twice throughout the whole night. I would never try the cry it out method. It’s not my style.
I’m surviving because I keep telling myself that it’s for such a short time of my son’s life. However, I do realise that it would be a completely different story if I was working.
My advice to any family is “do whatever you need to do to survive!” If you can go with the flow, you should be less stressed and more happy all round.
I found ‘The Gentle Sleep Guide’ a great source of support. I didn’t buy the book but I follow the author on FB and read all of her articles.
Whatever you do, best of luck and enjoy your time with Tayo. X
Personally Neither of our two have slept a night in our bed over the past 4 years or so
Whilst the risks are relatively low, there is still a risk there and all because mum and dad are a bit tired? Nah.
We got round it by doing the night shift in literally shifts
11-1 Daddy
1-5 mummy
5-7 daddy
Yes you’re not getting long blocks, or lots of sleep but you are getting good blocks of 3-4 hours and any sleep you get on your shift is a bonus
We have identical sleep issues, I have a reflux baby who is teething who goes down ok but then wakes hourly from 1am. I love your Instagram because you make comic what doesn’t feel funny anymore. I’m so utterly knackered! God bless the inventors of mac concealer!
Currently we’re surviving by having a co-sleeping crib although he totally knows the difference between that and right next to mummy’s boobs. The la leche league have great advice on safe co-sleeping and there’s a book they recommend, which whilst a bit preachy on bf is the least judgmental on sleep out of all the ones that I’ve read yet. I found we were co-sleeping anyway, because I was so tired, so at least this way we minimise risk. I find it works best when I boot my husband into the spare room because I don’t worry about waking him and I sleep deeper.
We brought the HV team in out of desperation. They told me babies sleep cycles mature into two longer deeper cycles and then lots of short “peaks” between types of sleep. These hourly wakes require a baby to be able to soothe themselves back to sleep, which is a much harder ask of a baby with an uncomfortable tum. So bedtime sleep associations matter, because whatever they associate with soothing to sleep needs to happen every hour for the latter half of the night: being fed, being cuddled or rocked, dummy, you name it… apparently if you take away these associations they learn to self soothe. Apparently. I’ll let you know if we ever actually manage it! I’m currently typing this with my little one practicing rolypolys in his cot… not very soothing!
Ooh ps. What I’ve found more helpful is how to survive sleep deprivation: sunshine (spring!! So grateful!), doing anything essential earlier in the day, getting outside for a walk or to a group, writing in “me time” into the calendar so I can have some time off every now and again – and something to look forward to. Also nap time is for napping or for nice things like showers and Netflix and gardening – never for chores!
It’s definitely nothing you are doing wrong…my two couldn’t be more different in the sleep department. My daughter slept through the night from 8 weeks (imagine!!) but my son, not so keen. For the first six weeks he had his “awake period” from 2am to 7am…when the toddler woke up full of beans for the rest of the day! ? They’ve both had the same bedtime routines, everything. I absolutely believe you get a sleeper or you don’t.
My main parenting advice on any topic is always “do what you have to do”. Interestingly we got advice on co-sleeping from the midwife as part of our discharge from hospital. Very much in a “we don’t recommend it, but know sometimes it will happen, so here’s how to do it safely. I think if there was more of an attitude like that then the stigma of it would go away.
It’s a really tough one and I can see why people resort to CS-especially when you haven’t slept Properly in ages
There are significant risks though-especially pre 6 months and my own opinion is that as parents we just have to suck it up and push through those days.
I have a rubbish sleeper and there is nothing worse than sleep deprivation so huge sympathy, hope you get a good snooze soon!
We ended up co-sleeping from 9 months. Not ideal after so many months (cold winter months, brrr!) on her bedroom floor trying to settle her back down, but an operation meant I couldn’t lift her for a few weeks, Dad was working and looking after us both, so needs must!
She’s now 2 and still loves a cuddle and her favourite nap is on me. She wakes around 12ish and I hear a little pitter patter into our room and ‘Mummmmy’ then she will happily go back to sleep until 6ish. So we definitely get a lot more sleep than before. But I’d be intrigued to hear from those with now slightly older ones, I’ve seen a few comments about the transition- please please tell me how! I feel like she’ll never sleep in her own bed and goodness knows what we’d do if we had number two (other than just admit defeat and buy a new bigger bed). It was what we needed to do at the time, but as she gets older that ‘rod for your own back’ feels like there might be an element of truth. Or do I just not worry about it for another year or so? I’ve given up on expecting that one day she will just sleep through so the midnight visit would stop by themselves.
The extra cuddles are so lovely though, and there is nothing sweeter than the happy, peaceful face of a sleeping baby
OK, I’m late to the party here, but I figured you might read my comment when your awake, in the middle of the night!
My son was the worst sleeper, and has been until well, the last few months (he’s 3 in June), my Mum told me I caused it myself through co-sleeping and, as you’ve said, made a rod for my own back. I couldn’t care less if I’m honest!
To give you some background, before I had my son I was in hospital for 3 weeks, one of the things I learnt was, you don’t sleep on a ward, there are women in labour all over the place, so when we finally made it home, I was already exhausted. Que then an awful 8 weeks of trying to get to grips with BF, and 4 hourly pumping sessions to keep up with my hungry boy, it was awful. It came to a head when my mother-in-law came for a visit and sent me to bed. Just a couple of hours helped get my head straight.
Once I finally got BF, my boy then had a growth spurt, he was feeding EVERY TWO HOURS! I just ended up falling asleep with him in my arms, propped up on pillows in the middle of our bed, and the hubby sleeping in the spare room.
If it helps, I slept with Fred with pillows removed, one used to the side to stop him rolling off, on top of the quilt with a sleeping bag, which he hated, so we just used one of his blankets. We slept and it was lovely! It also helped my enjoy him, I don’t know if its because I’m a first time mum, but I was so concerned with what I had to do and getting it right that I never really took the time to bond with him, this really helped, waking up next to a happy smiley boy is just the best!
What ever you choose do whats right for you and bubs, screw the rest!