Todays post is twofold. Firstly, do you give your baby a dummy and secondly, when on earth do you take it off them? The dummy can be both your best friend and worst enemy and, believe me, I’ve been through all the emotions.
Before having Molly I wasn’t adverse to her having a dummy. I kept very open minded and figured I would do whatever was needed to settle her. Let’s be honest here, whatever it took for me to get some sleep too!
Typically, she didn’t sleep and she wouldn’t take a dummy. I tried.
Like all new mums I was beyond exhausted. Not only needing sleep but also just some time in the day to actually get something done. There was mountains of ironing, hoovering and, most importantly, hot cups of tea to be drunk!
I kept figuring that she would change eventually and I didn’t want to force a routine but I was desperate for her to sleep for longer than 20 minutes.
By the time she was four months old I was a bit of a zombie. Add to that the fact that I’d got mastitis and lets just say I wasn’t exactly feeling tip top. Step in super nanny, aka my mum. She’d come over to watch Molly whilst I went to the doctors for some antibiotics. As she arrived I’d just popped Molly in her cot for a nap and still remember clearly rolling my eyes and saying ‘She’s asleep but I expect she’ll be up in about 15 minutes’. Imagine my surprise when I returned over an hour later to find my mum pottering around, cleaning the kitchen and cooking me dinner. Molly was nowhere to be seen. I looked puzzled and mum told me that Molly was still asleep. I was slightly shocked. This had never happened. I crept in to her room to find her happily snoozing away and sucking a dummy. The same dummy I’d tried to give her on many an occasion with no luck. My mum is my hero. I later discovered that she had dipped it in honey before giving it to Molly! I am well aware that honey is a big no no for babies but we are all fine so I’m more than happy with that tactic.
From that day on everything changed. Molly was like a different baby. I’m not even exaggerating. We could put her in her cot wide awake, give her the dummy and within seconds she would be fast asleep. She went from sleeping for 20 minutes to having three huge naps a day. Sometimes 3 or 4 hours at lunchtime with a good hour or two morning and afternoon. That girl loved to sleep. I sometimes didn’t know what to do with myself. She soon started sleeping long stretches at night too and very quickly went to sleeping through. That dummy honestly changed my life.
We never looked back. She would send herself to sleep and was the most content little girl. She did love her dummies though and would be found with collections of them grasped in her hands. We have the funniest video of her climbing off up the stairs and crawling under her cot only to reappear with one in her mouth and four in her hand! If your baby has a dummy you will soon get used to the middle of the night cry as they have lost it so as she got a bit bigger we simply placed every dummy we could find in her cot and she would simply reach and find one when she lost it.
We tried to be quite strict that the dummy was only for bedtime or nap time and we pretty much succeeded in that until Alice was born. Then it all went downhill. The arrival of a second baby when Molly was 18 months meant I lost all restraint. Molly pretty much had a dummy in her mouth the whole time and as much as I hated it I didn’t have the energy to fight it. Once I started feeling a bit more normal I decided enough was enough. There was no going back to just bedtime dummies it seemed and as Molly was due to start pre-school that September I decided it was time for the dummies to go.
I felt awful. Bad mommy taking away the thing she loved and that gave her so much comfort. If it had just been bedtime I wouldn’t have minded but she wanted them the whole time. I felt even worse that by this point Alice was sucking her thumb and I knew there was no way I would be able to take Alice’s thumb off her (!) so it felt mean to be doing this to Molly. However, we decided to go cold turkey. It was the only way.
So when Molly was just over two and a half the dummy fairy visited. Molly carefully put all her dummies in a box, wrote a little note and reluctantly went to bed. In the morning the dummies had gone and she had been left a new doll. She wasn’t remotely bothered by the doll, nor did she have tantrums that the dummies had gone. I think that is what made it worse. She was just so, well….sad. She often asked where the fairy had taken them and I almost cracked many a time. I just couldn’t bear to see her so obviously heartbroken. That might sound OTT but she was.
I won’t say it was as easy as just taking them off her and moving on. Bedtime became a bit of a nightmare. She could no longer self soothe and I would have to sit by her bed for over an hour, sometimes two, before she would drift off. It was tough but we got through it. It probably didn’t help that we also took the sides off her cot at a similar time so she discovered she could easily get out! Epic fail there.
Despite this I remained strong and the dummies never returned. Now she is five and she honestly doesn’t remember ever having them. Have you decided to give your little one a dummy and how did you find it? And if it’s time for the dummy to go how are you planning on handling it? We would love to hear all your thoughts and stories.
I hadn’t bought any dummies for my first baby Nairn but he spent his first week of life in the special baby care unit and the nurses their gave him a dummy to help him settle. He loved it and for me it mainly helped keep him happy in the car as he hated that. He would have at naps, bedtime and in the car. When he was 6 months he got a bad cold and was struggling to suck his dummy with his blIckes nose so I sat up for a couple of
nights and rocked him to sleep without it. Since I’d done that I thought there was no point in giving it back to him and he was happy without from them on and the bonus was he was still too small to tell me he wanted it.
With my second son Ruairi he is nearly 5 months and has a dummy too again just got naps and bedtime, he tissbtbmind the car. He’s a better sleeper than Naurn was though and my intention is to try and take the dummy away at 6 months again but if it messes up how sleep I think he’ll be keeping it for a while yet.
Morning Sarah. I’ve had quite a few friends who had similar things when their little ones were ill. It seems you just need something to break the cycle and then they just forget. They are amazing though if you can get your little one to have one when they are young for helping them to sleep. Good luck taking it away from Ruairi xx
People really beat themselves up about “resorting to a dummy”. Here, our health visitors recommend they are used as research has shown it helps reduce the cot death risk.
We used a dummy from about 8 weeks (I didn’t want to before as people say they get nipple confusion) then to about 7 months, only for sleeping, my little one wasn’t all that bothered by it but I did continue with it. One night he took it out of his mouth and flung it across the cot, I took it away and he didn’t ever have it again. I think that was all totally down to luck and hope second time around the same happens!
I think really people only frown upon dummies when older children are walking round with them in their mouths when they don’t need soothing and are trying to talk. Personally I don’t like seeing them used during the day at say a party or playground when the child doesn’t appear to need it but of course everyone parents differently and there are worse things.
Morning. I definitely get the whole frowned upon thing. It was fine when Molly only had it for bedtime but I was so conscious when she decided that she wanted it the whole time. I just couldn’t get it odd her and I did start to worry about her speech. I wish she had been like your little boy and just thrown them away! x
I really didn’t want to use a dummy as I did not want the later battle to get rid of it. I know it made my life with a poor sleeping newborn with reflux harder and it would have made car journeys significantly less stressful. However 15 months later, E is now very good at self settling when she wants to and we are all starting to get more sleep! I was a thumb sucker so thought she might be too, but I think she just used me as a human dummy! Bit worried she will want to keep breastfeeding until she’s 5! I feel we made the right decision for us, E is pretty headstrong already and it would have been a nightmare trying to take a dummy away! There is no way I could have survived without trying one if I’d already had another child though! The dummy fairy idea is great, makes it much less of a conflict! x
Molly definitely used me as a human dummy in those early months so I can sympathise! It is all about finding what works for you xxx
I was discouraged by grandparents to use a dummy. I have no idea why. I did try after 4 months of sleep deprivation but I think by that point he was too old and not interested. I’m due this summer and I’m going to have some ready. As a second time mum I’m much less bothered what people say and I’m much more open to anyway to get my baby to sleep especially wth a toddler!!
Ha ha, funny how sleep becomes much more important when you have two!As you say always worth having a few on standby just in case. xx
Juliet is two and loves her dummy.. she’s been a pretty good sleeper since newborn because of it and now I’m wondering when/how to give it up. We’re being very strict to restrict it to sleeping but in my head I know we’ve got to get rid of it soon and the fairy dummy might be just the tactic. But I know she’ll be so sad! And she’ll cry so much in the night.. when do you schedule in a week of no sleep to tackle such an issue?!
Jennifer, there is no good week I’m afraid!! It was definitely not the easiest but I was shocked that Molly didn’t cry about it, just looked so forlorn which was worse for me. She would ask if she could have her dummy in a quiet little voice and we had to say no. I think maybe there was too much going on in her head what with bed changes, a little baby sister and loosing her dummy it probably wasn’t the best. Good luck xx
Hey Jennifer, we restricted the dummy to sleep times too and dreading having to give it up expecting the absolute worst. I waited until F was 3 (and no longer needing the dummy for day time naps because he wasn’t having them any more) and his little niece was due to be born. We wrapped them up and gave them to the new baby as a present – I told my SIL to throw them away : ) The experience of passing them on to someone else rather than me taking them away from him seemed to be pretty understandable to him at that age. He never asked for them again and never cried for them at all, we haven’t looked back. Good luck! x
Ah, thanks – that’s a really good idea! I just can’t bear to make her sad. Lottie, your tale breaks my heart a little! Xx
Aaah Lottie your timing as always is perfect. E turns 2 next week and sleeps with a dummy, then it usually takes about an hour after she wakes to get it off her.
I think we’re going to have to take it slowly with her. Perhaps leaving it in her bed when she gets up and explaining that it’ll be there when she goes back. I do think your dummy fairy idea is a good one though, so eventually we will probably do the same… but when?
How long do we leave it?
I’ll be interested to read the comments on this one. ??xx
I’d leave her a little bit longer Karen as I think they need to be old enough to understand what is happening. It isn’t easy at any point and my mum, the oracle that she is, said we would have been better if we had left it till she was older still. I think I would if it had only been at night time but as she wanted it all day I knew it had to stop. You also feel a lot of pressure for when it is the right time for them to give it up. It’s a tough one. I reckon anytime around 2 and a half to 3 is good although interestingly quite a few in Mollys school class have apparently only just given them up for bed and they are 5! Good luck xx
Absolutely! That sounds like sensible timing, I know I’d have zero chance right now but a few people have started mentioning it which has thrown it into focus for us.
I’ll definitely wait until she’s ready and understands xx
We used a dummy from 4 weeks, I wasn’t going to but we were in hospital waiting for some prescription milk and so I put it in so he would get some sleep for a while we waited and 6 hours later the milk arrived and he was still asleep! I think I wasn’t going to initially as I didn’t want the battle of getting it off him. He is just over 2 now and we have managed to get him to leave it in his cot every morning. He doesn’t have it all day then. That has taken a while to achieve. But I’m dreading taking it away all together and I think I’ll leave it for a few months longer. I bought some stickers to reward him for not having it but he is too little to fully understand it yet. I will try when my cousin has her baby in a few months and ask him to give the dummies to him. Or tell him the fairy needs them for little babies.
My son will also only have the 0-6 month size ones – if there is a bigger one he just gives it back to me and asks for ‘small One’ so might replace them with big ones and see of that helps him get rid altogether!! I’ve had 12 hour a night sleeping from him since 8 months old and I just can’t face breaking that yet!
I think leave it a little bit longer like you say. Sleep is precious!! I like the idea of giving them to the new baby though, that could work well. If he only likes the smaller ones I’d definitely try swapping for the bigger or I know lots of people cut the dummy so they can’t suck them in the same way. Apparently that works well as you aren’t taking them off them but they then don’t like the sensation. xx
As a naive FTM I intended on staying away from dummies however my little one suffers terrible colic and I was advised it might help soothe him. Now he refuses to take one!! I have spent many a night bent over his cot gently holding it in his mouth as it does provide comfort he just can’t be bothered to hold it in himself! If a dummy works for baby and helps keep them happy then go for it, I wish Edward would take one. My only comfort is at least I won’t have to take it away!
Typical isn’t it? When you want them to have it they won’t . They do know their own minds don’t they? xx
Initially I was quite anti with my first daughter (for the look and the fact that I was breastfeeding), but I totally got over that when we were three months in and I was so tired I was hallucinating! Unfortunately by that point Juliet was not having any of it and she wouldn’t take it.
Second time around, same pattern – and again, not having any of it (although Tess does at least sleep, unlike her big sister). At the time it was hellish but I am glad that we don’t have the trauma of dummy removal to contend with.
Oh those tiredness hallucinations. Not fun at all! x
It’s so sad that most people commenting feel they have to justify themselves for having used a dummy. Truth is, we do what we do to get by! My girl is just over 2, and has a lot of change coming up with a house move and nursery move. We’re waiting till she’s settled to even think about getting rid of it. What we are doing is reducing her time with it, she has it at nap times, bedtime, and for settling down after her jamas go on in the evening. It means that in the day, sometimes we’re working hard to distract her and ensure she’s occupied enough not to worry about it, and steadily she’s getting the idea.
You are so right Anna, no need to justify it. It works so who are we to argue xx
I have twin girls, and one was a dummy sucker and one was a finger sucker. The dummy stopped around aged 2 as she had hand foot and mouth and she pushed her dummy away when I tried to give it to her, it was that simple. She was a nightmare though, at one point I counted about 10 dummies in her cot, but she’d still cry until we came and put one in (little sod).
My second girl used to suck her finger, and aged 3.2 we went to see the movie trolls, and I (bad mummy) told her the wonky teeth were from sucking fingers. She stopped there and then – with incredible restraint from a child that age, the first week was awful as she couldn’t self settle and she kept telling me she wanted to suck her finger (i felt horrible), but after around 5 days, it all went back to normal …
we have noticed, in the six months since she stopped, how behind her speech is – we didn’t notice it before, as we just accepted she wasn’t talking as much because she had her finger in her mouth, but she’s quite behind her peers (we aren’t worried as we know she will catch up), and other silly things like riding her balance bike – when she was still sucking, she would get nervous and put her finger in her mouth, and then obviously couldn’t ride, and would then get more upset and it was a disaster while her sister sped off. No finger and she rides her bike like a champ.
So, we are really pleased that neither of them use a dummy/finger any more, i’d much rather go with a dummy that can eventually be taken off (plus, they help reduce cot death).
My friend had exactly the same experience when her son had hand, foot and mouth. Perhaps that’s the new extreme tactic?! Got to love Trolls for stopping the finger sucking. I’m loving your ingenuity xxx
I was totally against using a dummy with my first (I have no idea why!!), but she was a terrible napper despite being a champion sleeper at night time so we gave her one and my, it changed everything! She would nap!! After being ill she had it at night too, but never in the day.
Now she’s two and a half she does ask for it more if she gets upset, and it’s definitely time to be getting rid of it. But we’ve tackled a bedroom change, sides of cof coming down, potty training AND a new baby arriving in the last few months – I really don’t have the heart (or strength!) to take it away for at least another few months.
I spoke to the health visitor and while their official line is they should be gone by 1, she wasn’t too concerned as her speech is good and it doesn’t interrupt our day. So that took the pressure off me a bit!
My son I would LOVE to have a dummy as at 11 weeks he’s the most unhappy of babies and I know the dummy would change his life!! He flat out refused any attempts though. It’s exhausting!!
I think you are taking the right approach as I would definitely wait until she is used to her new bed. Speaking from experience here! I really hope your little boy starts to sleep soon and that you get a bit of rest. Random one but have you tried seeing a Cranial Osteopath? It worked wonders for Alice. (http://rockmyfamily.wpengine.com/can-a-cranial-osteopath-help-my-baby-sleep/) xx
My children wouldn’t take dummies but I have no issue with them. I think a lot of the anti-dummy feelings come from outdated opinions of previous generations – my gran is sooo anti dummy. But research now shows they can keep airways open and reduce cot death. My mum was a midwife and after handling hundreds of babies says that some are ‘sucky babies’ and need that comfort where others don’t.
My friend has a 2 week old and actually had the home visiting midwife say ‘oh god you aren’t going to use a dummy are you’. I was so annoyed for her!!!! She should have kept her opinions to herself!! I personally think they should be removed before they interfere with speech but I know it ain’t easy 🙂
I’d be pretty annoyed for her too! xx
Hector still has his dummy at nearly two and a half and if I’m honest I really don’t mind that he still has it. He knows that dummies have to stay in his cot and that they are for bedtime only. He doesn’t even attempt to try to get them at any other part of the day so I know that they aren’t having an impact on his speech or language development. Knowing the kind of kid he is, I wouldn’t be surprised if one day he just turned around and handed them all to me and that was the end of it. For now I think we’ll just keep them for bedtime and see what the next few months bring.
Ha I must have been posting as you wrote this Lauren, pretty much the same as us!
I wouldn’t have even known Hector has a dummy Lolly so you have obviously got the only for bedtime bit nailed. I’d definitely have let Molly keep them if that was the case. I’d love it if he just gives them all to you!! xx
My only regret is not introducing one sooner. Like other posters and yourself Lottie, I didn’t feel strongly either way but was hoping to get by without one. I was also conscious of nipple confusion. Fern was 8 weeks when I finally gave it a go amid reflux and non-napping 4th trimester hell and it made a world of difference.
She’s now 2 and 2 months and the dummy has always been strictly for naptime and bedtime. If she finds one outside of that time it can be hard to get it off her so I do have to keep them out of sight. I can see how major disruption such as a new baby could easily tip the balance in spite of ones best efforts but so far we’re lucky not to have had to tackle this yet.
Unless it did become something she insisted on outside of sleep times (in which case I’d intervene) I’m not fussed about weaning her off it. She’ll not suck a dummy forever (although a junior at my hairdressers confessed she had hers till she was FOURTEEN ?). Like everything else with Fern’s development, we’ve just tried not to sweat it and follow her cues. If that means dummy till school/beyond then so be it. She has scheduled check ups at the dentist who is happy with her alignment and her speech is above average so as long as she continues to sleep and nap as well as she does she’s welcome to them!
Although…. she has developed this annoying habit of demanding to “choose a dum” every night before bed whereby I have to line all her dummies up on her dresser and she proceeds to deliberate over them with painstaking consideration akin to the judging of a technical challenge on bake off. After deciding she doesn’t want any of them, and will have “just the mouth” i.e. no dummy, I put her down in her cot only for her to exclaim “CHOOSE A DUM” and we go through it all again. Usually this concludes with me choosing one and saying this one or NOTHING and after a bit of sulking she acquiesces. Just writing this has made me realise how ridiculous this whole debacle is and I resolve to knock it on the head forthwith!
Haha Philippa, love the “choose a dum” process, it sounds so cute (if a little wearing for you!) x
haha Kate yes it was quite endearing – the first night!
Haha, the choose a dum also made me laugh! My son (20 months) goes through this process with his bedtime story where he peruses the shelf saying “ummm… that one”. I then pull out the book he has indicated and he says “no!” and starts umming and ahhing again. What a palaver!
Thankfully he seems content with whatever dummy he is given after bedtime story, but the book choosing may be a precursor to “choose a dum!”
Oh my gosh. Molly used to take AGES choosing which one she wanted for bed. It wasn’t just to do with colour. She’d actually suck a couple to help the decision process. Then she’d choose one but still insist on taking all the others to bed with her too. So funny looking back. We were the same with not worrying about her development/teeth etc. It was only when she started having them all the time I got a bit panicked as didn’t want her asking for her dummy all the time when she was at pre-school xxx
ha ha this really made me laugh out loud! My little girl (19 months) has only just started to sleep through the night (we think moving up to the next room at nursery has helped!), but insists a minimum of two “doadies” (her word, not mine) at bed time. One night we were woken up by her shouting “more doadies, more doadies!” thinking she’d lost them in her cot, but with one in her mouth, one in one hand, I had to shove a THIRD in the other hand before she conked out fast asleep 🙂
I had no strong feelings either way with my little boy. We were breastfeeding but he started taking a dummy around 2 weeks old, albeit slightly reluctantly. I found his sleep was better with it, and I was also by then aware of the sids research. It would also help out in public if he got cross! Around 6-7 months and with a bout of teething, he just chucked it out his cot a few nights in a row so I stopped offering it. I realise this was a pretty fortunate end (he also dictated breastfeeding end at 13 months by just stopping so maybe that’s his nature).
It definitely sounds like he knows his own mind! I’m very impressed/jealous that you just managed to get rid of it. Hoorah xxx
I love dummies!! My baby girl is 13 weeks old and has one (I mean more like 10…what the hell does a baby that can’t move yet do with them?? They actually disappear I swear!!!!) we use it to get to sleep and also if she is unsettled during the day. It definitely helps with a bit of chill out time as she isn’t very good at day time sleeping unless we’re in the car. But she does sleep for a good 9 hours at night!! ???? It might be totally unrelated to the dummy as she spits it out as she drops off, but I’m not prepared to find out for a while yet!
My thinking is that you don’t see older children or adults walking round with dummies so it’ll go off to the “dummy fairy” at some point but for now, it works for us!
The only think that I struggle with is if they have any kind of picture or writing on, and she has it in upside down…. OCD much!!!!
I also had a dummy when I was a baby and then my mum tied them to the Christmas tree when I was 2 ” for the elves to collect for another baby and there was a toy under the tree the next day….. I think I will try this when she is older xxx
They TOTALLY disappear. Considering ours are barely out of the house I have NO CLUE howcome we have about 1/3 of the dummies I’ve bought. I was convinced when we moved house 5 months ago we’d unearth a trove of lost dummies but not one materialised! Very odd.
Ha ha, those dummies get everywhere. I have no idea how either! Also, loving your OCD tendencies! xxx
I’ll be honest; I don’t like the look of them but that’s probably because I notice them in older children a lot more than I notice babies with them. Having said that I have had moments where I can see the point of them – normally when O is inconsolable in the evening due to her sheer nackeredness as she doesn’t nap well. Having seen friends struggle with removing the dummy I thought we’d go for not introducing it to avoid a later fallout. So far we seem to be ok; there’s a lot of hand and thumb sucking to make up for it!
My husbands grandma actually cut up a dummy in front of his dad’s face when he was a toddler – harsh!
I must admit that when Molly got bigger I didn’t really like the way she looked walking around with it all the time. You can tell how it changed from being just for naps to all the time from the fact that the pics above are all of a toddler Molly. Those night time melt downs are not fun though I must admit xxx
You can totally see by all the language used how people are still ashamed of dummy use. eg I only use it at night, its okay for babies and not older children. Personally i say whatever works for you and I also think its better than sucking a thumb.
My little girl (who is now nearly 4) had a dummy (not just at night) but in the day when she was tired or frustrated until she was just shy of 3. She always had it in the car too however she wasn’t allowed it when she started pre-school at 2.5 and i was fine with that. It certainly hasn’t affected her speech (she’s a little chatter box) and her teeth are fine.
We did the dummy fairy and she gave it up with no problems at all. She hasn’t asked for it since even though they are dummies lying around for her baby sister. We told her the dummy fairy would give it to all the little babies as she wasn’t a baby anymore! When she gave it up so easily the hubs said ‘Phew – why were we worrying all that time – thank god we had a dummy as it saved us alot of grief on many occasions – long haul flights, screaming in the car) It stopped screaming generally to be honest which frankly can only be a good thing in my opinion!
I’m now using it with daughter number 2 and to be honest I haven’t given it a second thought (especially as i don’t have an NCT group to compare myself too this time around!)
Each to their own and all that but frankly i don’t understand why the dummy is so demonised!!
You are so true in everything you say Rachie. Hoorah for doing whatever works for you and not being ashamed! xx
I’m all for whatever helps parents and baby sleep at night! I did try dummies with my Keanu and he LOVED them at first because he’s such a sucky baby. But st one point he worked out the difference between dummy and boob and the dummy was refused ever since. Slightly annoying!
I really don’t think people should worry. As long as you’re keeping an eye on speech development and any dentist concerns (which you’ll do anyway) then it’s just a thing. Bub will give it up eventually. I like your idea of the fairy, Lottie!
He sounds a bit too clever there Kate, little monkey! xx
Our first and third child had dummies between 2/9months. Both because of reflux as apparently it can help the sucking/digestion after a feed (seemed logical to us!) unfortunately the dummies never helped them sleep for long periods and neither of them ever found them in their cots or slept for over 5 hours. So for us they helped settle and sooth but not sleep.
The first reason we got rid of them is because it wasn’t helping them sleep through and seemed to be doing the opposite as they would wake up and need it to go back to sleep, so we would have to wake and pop it back in 6/7 times in 12 hrs!
Second reason is because I got dummy panic when they lost it or we lost them whilst out and about. I hated feeling tied to something to settle them and actually felt really painicky if we lost it!
Finally, from the experience of our friends, I saw them all struggling emotionally and physically with taking dummies off stubborn 2/3 year olds. I didn’t want to be in that position so after a little research I found the advice that sounded reasonable to me, remove the dummies before they can protest or when the child can be reasoned with. Hence we got rid of them both before 1!
I do wish I had got rid of them slightly earlier as it was so tough emotionally taking them away from a nearly 3 year old. I do not miss the middle of the night hunts under the cot for yet another lost dummy! xx
I am so glad this discussion has come up, thanks for the great post Lottie.
My son has had a dummy since he was 3 weeks old and still has it now at age 2.9 months. I was up against a few judgey pants comments like ‘what they don’t know, they won’t miss, introducing one is a bad idea etc’ and I still cringe when in the presence of particular friends when the dummy comes out as my son is the only one who still uses one amongst his little friends.
Basically I had 3 choices when he was 3 weeks old…
Have him permanently attached to my breast for comfort, put up with the crying or let him have a dummy. It changed my life, for all the reasons you have said Lottie.
Nearly 3 years down the line however, I am beginning to wonder how I will ween him off it. He has never had a favourite teddy or blanket as a soother, he just wants his dummy. When he had his 2 year check with the health visitor, she said for me to not worry about it while he is still teething.
Now all his teeth are through and I know that I need to start easing him off. Its not just at night either that he has a dummy – its in the car, the pram and at home and if anything, he uses it WAY more than he ever used to. We used to restrict it to bed time or nap times only and somehow we ‘fell off the wagon’ and gave in to him having it whenever he asks for it, or gets upset. I love the dummy fairy idea and I am ready to give this a go.
Katie, I started talking about a week before about how when you are a big girl the dummy fairy will come and give all the dummies to the little babies because only babies have dummies and you are a big girl now. Then we told her that in place of the dummies the dummy fairy would leave a present for her… (in her case a big Paw patrol set that she really wanted!) When the day came we gathered up all the dummies we could find and put them in a fairy house and she said goodbye to them and in the morning left her present (a note that I had written from the dummy fairy and some glitter!)
She honestly fell for it hook line and sinker. She was so excited and we sometimes pointed out babies with dummies in the street to say maybe the dummy fairy gave your dummy to that baby! She asked for it about twice and i just reminded her matter of factly that the dummy fairy had taken them so we didnt have any and she was totally fine. I was actually amazed!! Good luck!
Thanks Rachie, that is such a great thing to do and really glad that it was a success for you. I love the idea of writing a letter and leaving a gift too! I will definitely be doing this very soon! x
Don’t beat yourself up or stress yourself out about getting rid of it. You will know the right time. I think I could have left it a little bit later than I did but definitely give the dummy fairy a try. Just make sure you find them all first! Molly found a random one not long afterwards and I had to quickly hide it!! Also, if it helps ease your mind I spoke to Mollys dentist about the dummy when she was younger and she told me her own daughter has one and not to worry about their teeth. Apparently it is the big teeth that you need to worry about, not the baby teeth. xxx
My main thought with dummies is that they have been shown to potentially reduce SIDS. We have brought the most ‘dental friendly’ ones we can and plan on using them as soon as breast feeding (ideally if we get on with it) is established.
The article I read was from the lullaby trust:
https://www.lullabytrust.org.uk/file/Fact-Sheet-Dummies.pdf
Such a good article. Thanks for sharing x
I thought I’d offer a different perspective as most of the posts seem to be from those who did use a dummy. I had never given it much thought whilst pregnant, to be honest it just simply never occurred to me either way. However, I was amazed by how many people asked if I was going to use one and what my opinion of them was!
I didn’t feel strongly about it, but just never felt the need to use one. We used other methods such as rocking her to sleep, white noise and music…all considered “bad habits” in themselves!! I think the key for us was stopping these at the right time…just taking cues from the baby. My daughter is now two and sleeps and speaks exceptionally well, although may well have done either way so there’s no way of telling! Her baby sister has just arrived, so we’ll attempt the same things again and hope they work! I know it’s a cliche, but every baby and parent is different, so if it works for you, don’t be ashamed of it. We all find our own way and should be proud of how we raise our children xx
I definitely think you go with what works for you. I’ve tried pretty much every trick going on the sleeping front with my two and have many ‘bad habits’ I’m sure. We have found different things work each time so you are definitely right that no two are the same xx
I think it’s totally personal preference. We used a dummy from about 2 weeks; it helped massively with reflux as other people have said.
At 3 months my daughter put her thumb in her mouth and I instantly whipped the dummy away. I think thumb sucking has an even worse stigma than dummies, but I prefer it; her thumb has never got lost in her cot, has never needed sterilising and she only does it when she’s falling asleep. I was also a bedtime thumb sucker until I was about 11 (awful I know, I can sense the cringes!!!) but I’ve never had any issues with teeth/speech so I guess it doesn’t bother me that she does it or when she stops and I’m a bit dubious there is a link.
I think there’s more pressure to stop with a dummy perhaps?
I’ve had one dummy and one thumb sucker! Neither have had issues with teeth or speech either as far as I’m aware. I had no idea how I would get Alice to stop sucking her thumb. We tried but it’s not like you can take her thumb away but miraculously just before Christmas she suddenly stopped. I have no idea why but now it’s just when she first gets in to bed at night rather than the whole time. Hoorah x
I honestly don’t understand the negativity. We bought a variety of dummies to try for baby once we got home from the hospital – we both felt they’re great soothers and the benefits outweigh the disadvantages. I also think they look quite cute! However, baby ended up taking after both of us and completely refused a dummy. He occasionally sucks his thumb and definitely uses my boob as a soother, too…
I think whatever helps you and baby to get sleep is a good idea.
I’m all for sleep however that happens! I also thought Molly looked super cute when she was little with her dummy. I might have had a slight ahhhh moment looking back at these photos xxx
We bought dummies before baby number one appeared and at 5 weeks I gave in and tried it, best thing we did because she would settle to sleep so quickly, she was obsessed with it! By six months we’d weaned her off to just nap time and bed time, I hate the look of dummies so I was desperate for her not to have it as a toddler and the breaking point came at 10 months when I realised I was getting up more in the night than when she was a newborn to put the dummy back in that had fallen out and woken her crying. So one day when we were both off work we just went cold turkey and took it away at nap time. It was totally awful, she cried and cried herself to sleep (and I cried!) and that went on although diminishing, for two weeks. From then on 12 hours solid sleep at night and quality naps in the day. She’s now 2.5, we have number two on the way and I’d do it all again!
Natalie I am impressed with your perseverance. I fear I might have cracked. So worth the pain though for the help it gives them in those early months xxx
So weirdly my little boy (almost 2) didn’t want a dummy when he was a baby and still doesn’t have one at bedtime at night but likes to have it after getting used to it when he started at nursery. So he has it a lot in the day with his comforter “rabbit” and for daytime naps but happily gives me his dummy before his last bottle of milk before bed and doesn’t ask for back and sleeps well at night so totally understand we are very lucky with that part!
But how on earth do I get him to stop associating it with daytime and when he has rabbit .. it’s like the two go hand in hand ?
Such a tough one Faye. I had a similar association with Alice, her thumb and her bunny. The two went together constantly and there was this obsession with bunny. Randomly she stopped sucking her thumb before Christmas (3 and a half) and now bunny is no longer such an obsession. We were lucky that she just stopped on her own so maybe when your little boy feels ready he will xx
Hugo’s two and a half and loves his dummies. Which is fine in itself, except that he has a speech delay and is unable to form a lot of sounds, so they have to go. The plan is to chuck the dummies out over the Easter holidays – god help us! It’s going to be a sleepless few weeks!
Good luck Kate xx
A very similar story with my little boy, now nearly 4. We did it last September when he was three so long overdue! He was sad for a while too. We still have to sit by his bed every night while he goes to sleep and he gets up and comes into our bed every night too. Very sweet but not conducive to good sleep all round really. Any tips on changing that gratefully received!