…or rather look who isn’t.
Hector is currently 17 months and is yet to really say a proper word and I’m getting my knickers in a right old twisty knot about it.
So far we have ‘Dad’, ‘uh-oh’ (expressed obviously when anything goes wrong or to soften the blow when he does something that he really shouldn’t) and a half mangled ‘bye’ but that’s about it. I’m not overly concerned that there’s something physically wrong…at least I don’t think I am… but I can’t help but wondering why his vocabulary is limited to just three words at this stage of his life.
They say comparison is the thief of joy (and it’s true) but I definitely think it’s a mum thing to compare and contrast her baby/toddler/fully grown child to other littles. A combination of new NCT friends and some of my besties having kids within a month of Hector means that whilst I have the most amazing support network I also have a plethora of kids of a similar age by which I’m unintentionally benchmarking Hector’s progress. Please don’t misunderstand me I’m not trying to be competitive, anything but (!), instead it’s more of a ‘is he doing all the things he’s supposed to be doing at this stage’ kind of reassurance. Except it’s not so reassuring when the other kids are steaming ahead on the chatting agenda.
I know that generally females are more advanced than boys when it comes to speaking and extending vocabulary and it’s true; I’ve seen it for myself. I’ve got friends with little girls equivalent to Hector’s age that can name all the animals and parrot the noises that each creature makes too. There’s even one (younger) little girl at Hector’s nursery who can name all the colours and count to five! Mind boggling.
Yes, I’ve also been told on numerous occasions that Einstein didn’t speak before he was five or was it six? And look how he turned out…a total genius. Hector’s nursery didn’t seem particularly worried either when I voiced my concerns; they’re comfortable with how he’s developing given that all kids progress in individual areas at different rates. It doesn’t stop me fretting though.
I don’t think it particularly helped that Hector seemed to do lots of things early during his first twelve months. Rolling, crawling, climbing all seemed to come naturally to him fairly early on and if anything I was surprised that he mastered so many skills ahead of the conventional BabyCentre schedule. He stacked like the best of them, walked at the average 13 months and could even find the right back door key from a pot filled with them and put it in the lock of the back door. I guess I just got used to the fact that he did things with ease and picked up new skills as easily as I pop things in the trolley on the supermarket shop.
It’s clear that he fully understands everything we say or at least seemingly does so. He knows, for example, what he needs to do when we ask him to put his wellies on (albeit with a bit of help), who to go to when we refer to different family members and/or toys and gives us the most endearing open-mouthed smooches when we demand a ‘kiss’. And he’s chatty too, in fact very chatty, to the point where he’s having a full on conversation about what I imagine to be really interesting stuff…except none of it makes sense…to us anyway. All we can do is nod and agree and ask questions and express amazement at what he’s trying to tell us.
We’ve tried playing games, repeating colours and numbers and words, emphasising what something is called when we hand it to him and generally chatting to him all the while. We read regularly to him, several times a day in fact so it’s not as if he’s not getting lots of exposure to the English language.
So I guess this is I where I ask you for your own experiences. When did your little ones start talking? Did you have any concerns? What games or techniques did you use to help your toddler build their language skills? I’d love to hear all about it.
I think it’s totally natural to worry about how your little one is doing in terms of development, but sometimes reading all these ‘schedules’ just adds to a world of worry. Edie starting walking at 10 months, so was ahead of her game on that one, but now at 18 months, we only have a couple of words that she can say and we recognise and I have to say it does have me a bit worried. Like you we read to her every day, and she chatters away like the best of them, just making absolutely no sense to anyone but herself. Again, nursery don’t seem concerned, and my Mum constantly tells me that my brother (who honesty doesn’t shut up now he is 33) didn’t utter a word until he was 2! I suppose what I’m trying to say is not to worry, all children will get there when they get there, Edie understands exactly what we say to her and responds accordingly. Nursery have told me that where talking is concerned it often all comes at once! Don’t worry Lolly, Hector seems like he knows exactly what he’s doing!! Xxx
It’s really reassuring to hear that I’m not the only one Danielle and I’ve heard more and more recently that the talking bit can come all at once. I absolutely love the name Edie by the way xx
Yeah don’t worry, Pat did everything early, walking at 11 months, but with talking We have the same as you, dad or daddy, hiya (but only when he pretending to be on the phone) and yeah if you ask him a question in the right way! We sometimes get ‘ta’ as well but that seems to have fallen out of favour for a finger point! He understands everything but that’s as far as it goes, he doesn’t even say mama much to my annoyance! But he chats away to himself and us all day long, his favourite this week is to walk up and down just shouting aaaaaaaa! We are just trying to keep encouraging him by reading and commenting on everything that we are doing and asking him questions and I’m sure one day we will get answers other than ‘yeah!’
We have the dinosaur roars as well Claire – often out of nowhere and mostly at inappropriate times like when I’m on the phone. It always makes me laugh though. I don’t have mama or mum or anything along those lines either which is a bit gutting especially when he does know how to say Dad. He loves his toy phone too but again he chats complete gobbledegook to whoever he supposes is on the other end. These boys eh?!
He had a full on conversation with Nanny the other day – walked off with my mobile and when he brought it back my Mum said they’d had a great ‘chat’!
I am repeating Mama/Mam/Mum/Mummy to him at all available opportunities!
It’s natural to compare to your friends children. My daughter is 20 months and can only say mama and no whilst her friends are singing nursery rhymes. My son who is now nearly 4 didn’t say anything until he was well past 3. I worried as all of his friends were having full conversations. It delayed potty training as he couldn’t tell us when he needed to go. Then one day it just clicked and both came together. And now he never shuts up! I will never worry about my daughters development because I stressed so much about my son’s and it turned out fine!
I don’t know if this is true but someone told me that children either develop physical skills or verbal skills more easily when little. My first son was the other way round, lots of language and could name things really well but took longer to roll/walk etc.
Now he is 3 and a half he seems identical to the other children in his nursery class. Now I am worrying about his lack of potty training. Kids always give us something to worry about!
I can’t offer any advice since my little boy is only ten weeks old, but I am sure Hector will do just fine! My Mum keeps telling me that I was quite a chatterbox, making lots of mistakes of course, but learning from it. My brother however took much longer to actually speak, but then did so quite correctly. He apparently wanted to do it right so he took his time to listen to everything and then start when he felt comfortable about getting things right!
Anja this sounds exactly like Hector. He often out of nowhere can just do something one day. About a month ago he hopped onto his trike and started scooting along as if he’d been doing it all his life. Both Ste and I were amazed as neither of us had particularly showed him how to use it. I often catch him practising skills in secret without anyone watching him and he’s definitely an observer – clocking what the other kids are doing and then putting it into action when they’ve moved onto something else. It wouldn’t surprise me if he was a bit of a perfectionist and bided his time before speaking perfectly.
My little sister had her baby girl the same day as I had my baby boy -12 hours apart – so I’m constantly making comparisons! It seems that girls are a lot more forward and pro active. The lazy boys lag behind! Will is only six months, but while his cousin is rolling round the floor he just sits and watches. He can roll but just won’t! He babbles with the best of them though…wish I knew what he was saying as it all seems so important!
I guess he’ll just do his own thing in his own time anyway.
Kerri that’s amazing – cousins born on the same day! Your parents must have been beside themselves waiting for news from both of you giving birth! Perhaps Will is just conserving his energy with the not rolling thing…he’s got lots of growing to do of course 😉
Lolly,
I feel your pain. Everly is an 15 months and she is the little girl who can do all the animal noises, tell you she has ten fingers, point at all the colours, sks for milk and a bath but she barely moves. She was a late crawler (11 months) and isn’t walking. She cruises a bit and goes through phases where she stands up without holding on but then almost seems to think I can’t be bothered anymore. A few weeks ago she stood up and walked 5 steps out of nowhere but then nothing since. I can’t help but worry a bit even though everyone tells me it’s fine but when it’s your first you can’t help but look around and think my child is the odd one out. For now I am trying to enjoy the benefits having a non mobile toddler brings ! Becky x
If it reassures you at all Becky Hector first walked across a room and then didn’t take any more steps for three more weeks. He then decided to walk everywhere from that point on so you might find that suddenly she gets up one day and then that’s it. Suddenly you’ll have a super mobile toddler on your hands!
Martha is a couple of weeks your younger than Hector and the only thing she’s done early was arriving!!
She didn’t roll for ages, didn’t crawl until after she was one and then walked a few months after that and now we don’t have any words unless you count ‘tah-dah’ which she’s been doing for ages and mama/dada sometimes to the right parent, sometimes to the wrong one!
She is however brilliant at communicating with a bit of signing, pointing and acting things out, so we do quite often know what she wants….(perhaps that’s our problem, she doesn’t need to speak!)
I would be lying if I said I hadn’t Googled ‘what should your 17 month old be saying,’ but in all honesty I’m not worried and know she will get there at her own pace, just like everything else.
Jane sometimes I’m reminded of that child in Janet and Allan Ahlberg’s joke book – The Ha Ha Bonk book – who didn’t say anything until he was five and suddenly asked his parents out of nowhere to pass the salt. Apparently he didn’t need to speak because his parents did everything up to that point perfectly for him. Perhaps we just do too much for them 😉
I have a similar theory about my little Orla – she’s 19 months, and only very recently has got very chatty (but most of the time it still makes no sense!) but her communication is amazing, and I do think that she just doesn’t need to talk!!! I’m tempted to pretend that I don’t know what she wants, and fully expect to get an exasperated “for goodness sake Mama, I want…” in response!!!
Hector will get there Lolly, they all do it when they’re ready – we did speak to the Health Visitor about it, but she said that if the understanding is there then that’s really reassuring that the talking will come in time xx
He is only 17 months I really wouldn’t worry!
My daughter has a syndrome causing a development delay and can’t talk yet (she is nearly 4) and we have started something called the Hanen program ‘It takes 2 to talk’ course. They have a website and Facebook. Some of the parents have ‘normal’ children just with slight language delays (but are mostly age 3) and these are the tips we have learned so far….
Use very short sentences, simple language
Name objects rather than saying ‘what’s that’ etc
Get on their level – get them making good eye contact as you interact
Let them lead…..give them ample time to talk as parents we often talk for them
Do turn taking games
However at 17 months sounds like he is just getting there in his own time, he is still very young for much speech 🙂
Brilliant tips Nikki and I’ll definitely be taking these on board! Especially with regards to the getting on their level and giving them a chance to talk.
My son is 21 months old and likewise was very fast at learning to roll, crawl etc but is very slow with his talking. We are starting to get the odd word now (door, mama, nana, bye bye) but it’s very hard to not compare him to his friends who can speak sentences! But I think a lot of boys don’t speak much until age 2 + so I’ve stopped worrying now as he seems to be progressing at his own rate. He’s just much more interested in pushing his cars and trains around than learning new words!
Tell me about it Laura – I think Hector could push cars and trains around for hours! He is incidentally excellent at making ‘brmmming’ noises!
My little brother was very late saying his “first word”, I put that in inverted commas because his first word was actually a while sentence! One day he came out with “I don’t want to do that” and hasn’t shut up since. We think he had the ability to talk for a while but just couldn’t be bothered. I’m sure once Hector starts chatting away you’ll wonder what you’d been worried about 🙂 xx
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I bet your parents were completely and utterly blown away weren’t they Charlie when they heard that come out of his mouth?! But you’re probably right. My gut feeling is that once he cracks a couple of proper words the floodgates will open and he’ll be chatting like there’s no tomorrow.
In my line of work I regularly do developmental histories with families from pregnancy to present day.
We do look at language development and from what I can gather with the wide array of answers given is that the children always get there. Ask your health visitor if your really concerned and hopefully they can out your mind at ease.
Thanks for the advice Jill – that’s really reassuring to hear xx
Hector sounds like my boy! Exactly the same and exactly the same worries, physically progressed quickly and and understanding of a pro but expression is a different matter. My boy is just two and still probably doesn’t have the language i would have expected for his age, his pronunciation is shocking even if his vocab is growing, we now have useful words such as screwdriver, digger and naughty! I think its truly a boy thing and as you say, comparison is the devil. Keep practicing with hector, don’t stress about it to him or put pressure on him, I am sure it will come…. And when it does, I’m guessing we will miss those quieter days!
Its just a thing I’ve noticed in my own little boy and my NCT, baby groups etc but it feels that little ones either concentrate on physical development or communication. My little boy babbled/talked from very early but didn’t crawl till he was 10 months, or walk till he was about 15 months. Yet I know others that were literally cruising at 6 months but still aren’t speaking very much now. I guess there’s only room in their tiny wonderful minds for so much at a time. x
I definitely think it’s a thing Stacy. And if you think about it there’s only so much to take in at any one time and there’s so much to learn that I suppose that it makes sense for them to focus on one thing at a time xx
I don’t have a little Lolly but I can tell you that I didn’t start talking until I was 2! Neither of my parents can remember my first word and I just apparently started rambling on in perfect sentences – 26 years later and I haven’t shut up since! 🙂
That made me laugh Vanessa – I wonder if I’ll have a chatterbox on my hands. As I say he is very communicative it’s just that none of it makes sense to me!
Hi Lolly,
Mila is turning two at the start of May and I thought she was doing incredibly well. To me I thought she was saying an array of words and short sentences. Plus she has NO trouble in communicating using other methods and NO one is unsure when she wants something!!! Or what she wants!!!
However having a facebook look the other evening I discovered that one of her friends that was born only a matter of days before her can count to 20!!! What?!? I was impressed with Mila’s twooo threee (apparently one doesn’t need to be said!) When asking my Mum she informed me that the little boy she looks after that’s younger than Mila TALKS!!!
I just keep telling myself that there isn’t actually a rush and she will talk fully when she wants to. In fact she has done most things when SHE wants to. Saying that it is SO hard not to compare!!!
Oh well little lady number two will arrive early June for the fun to start all over again!!!
Wow! Counting to twenty by the age of two?? That’s impressive but surely unusual? I definitely emphasise with the communicating via other methods and the doing things when they want to. Hector is being quite the little tantrum thrower at the moment whenever things don’t go his way! Mila’s counting sounds very cute and I’m sure she’ll be the perfect big sister when your new baby comes along xx
I have no advice Lolly, but I’m sure Hector will be just fine. I know milestones are a necessary evil, but I think sometimes they cause us undue stress. I have to remind myself that they are only an indicator, especially as Zoe isn’t walking yet at 14 months (though she is cruising like a mad thing). Also, I have to tell you that the middle photo in the bottom row of your pics is BEAUTIFUL! Well, they all are, but especially that one. x
Tracy you are too kind! It’s my favourite ever photo of Hector and I’m proud that I took it. It’s his thinking face and I’m currently waiting for a print of it that I’ve ordered to arrive.
Re Zoe – I reckon if she’s cruising like a mad thing then it won’t be long until she’s walking. Keep us updated anyway xx
My older brother who is now 31, didn’t speak at all until he could form full sentences. My Mum took him to the speech therapist as she was so worried and he was able to say every colour, animal, noise, number etc. The speech therapist basically said he was a highly intelligent toddler and simply didn’t wish to indulge in ‘baby talk’ lol! Interestingly he still doesn’t really indulge in much ‘small talk’! I on the other hand, being the third child under 3, was walking at 7 months (didn’t bother crawling (and as a result am incredibly clumsy now lol)) and was counting up to 20 and saying my ABCs before I was 2. My Mummy always reckoned it’s part of people’s personalities as well as their development if you know at I mean.
I wouldn’t worry at all x
Haha! A toddler who turns up his nose at baby talk! Actually there were times when I hated being a kid and couldn’t wait to be older so I do understand his thinking. I think there’s a lot to be said for having siblings close in age – there’s only 11 months between my husband and his older brother and he was walking and talking much earlier because of it. It sounds like the same was true for you xx
Oh this exactly Lauren! Bronwen is within a few days of Hector I think and although she does say about ten words or so and loves a good animal noise, I have been constantly panicking. It doesn’t help that our friend’s little one who is a month ahead can speak in full sentences and count etc (bloody hate benchmarking, but there you go!) Bronwen was a very early mover though, rolled at 2 months, crawled at 5 and walked at 9, so am hoping the comments above about choosing which skill dominates is true!
I am ever paranoid because she was born with a cleft and we’ve been told to watch out for plosive sounds and we need to keep a watchful eye in case she needs speech and language therapy. Am sure our little ones are biding their time though, then they will never shut up!
My little boy, Dominic, was the last out of our group of NCT babies to walk at a ‘late’ 17 months. He didn’t crawl until 10.5 months and after rolling over once at 3 months, he didn’t do it again until well after he was one however he is advancing quite well with his speech (or at least I think he is). One thing I have been told is that ‘most’ babies can’t do it all at once – they either advance physically or mentally which makes perfect sense to me. So I guess what I’m trying to say is, try not to worry Lolly, they get there eventually.
Try not to worry Lolly – I have an NCT friend who has a child about 2 weeks older than Milo (they’re both now 3.5) Her child was the walker and Milo was the talker.
It was so odd – they developed so specifically but completely differently – Milo’s friend was walking by 1 and Milo was chatting away but Milo didn’t take his first steps until 17 months and his friend didn’t really speak much until he was 2! Now thought they are still best friends and both pretty much identical in what they can do (basically both run about like loons 90% of the time and never stop talking)
Now I have Ralphy too who’s just turned 1 and he’s the total opposite to Milo – he’s climbing the stairs, rolled over and crawled fairly early, is now practically walking but literally just babbles Dada (how annoying is it that they always say Dada first!!) and occasionally roars like a dinosaur to copy his brother.
They all develop at different rates and as long as they’re happy and healthy they’ll get there in the end!
xx
Hi Lolly, ahhh try not to worry, I know exactly what you mean though because I do the same. My little girl doesn’t say as much as others seem to be doing at her age and when we are around her little friends I worry that she’s ‘behind’ but then try remind myself they all do things in their own time! We’ve just started getting more words in the last month or so but at Hector’s age I’m sure all she was saying was ‘daddy’, ‘mama’ and ‘row’ (as in row row row your boat!). She doesn’t speak in sentences or anything now at 21 months but a few more words and attempts at words are creeping in and I know she understands everything we say and she babbles all day, so I’m not really worried. It’s very hard not to compare them though, in every aspect of their development! I tend to worry less now as all the things I used to worry about (late crawling, late walking, not being as interested in food as her friends etc) resolved themselves in their own time and no amount of googling or flapping on my part made it happen any faster!! x
Hi Lauren, I had to comment just to say please don’t worry as I was slightly concerned my little boy wasn’t saying much around the 18 month mark. I had a new baby at the time so was seeing the HV regularly and even asked her about it! Her advice was not to worry and if it is something I was still worried about at his two year review then they would check back again in six months and make a referral if at all necessary… Needless to say the don’t worry advice was completely right, he began speaking in his own time and now (he’s two and a half) there’s no stopping him!
Hector sounds a lot like my little boy Marcus in that ‘doing stuff’ is much more interesting! x
It’s funny because my daughter is a few days older than Hector and I remember seeing you post something on IG about him walking and I had outright refusal. It’s easy to compare but you just can’t. My daughter did the physical stuff like rolling and crawling early but then once she’d tried walking at 12 months, just couldn’t be fussed and I think she found it too slow. I’d say she didn’t properly start walking until a good 10 weeks after taking her first steps. I was DESPERATE to buy her first shoes by then!
She is a talker though. It’s maybe only come on in the last few months though but LORD has it come on. She can count to ten, name colours and about a quarter of the letters of the alphabet (B is for Ball, M is for Mummy, R is for Babbit) and will finish off the last words of nursery rhymes BUT it’s all parrot learning. Someone said there are two types of learning….parrot and investigative. I would much prefer her to be into investigative (which she’s getting into more, particularly with colours….’black Mummy’) but it’s mainly all repetitive learning. I also think she is just very good at shapes so she recognises the shape more than the concept. She’ll point out the number on the postcode on the sign at the end of the road for example but doesn’t understand that the number eight is eight ‘somethings’.
If you want a good guide, better than the Babycentre thing anyway, then check the EYFS guidance online. You can download the same free printable as your nursery will use to see where Hector is for his book development report thing they fill in. It’s free.
Einstein was two by the way. My husband (he of the number, shape, alphabet lessons) read his biography ‘for a bit of light reading’. As you do. I guess she doesn’t get it from me anyway.
Also, talking can backfire spectacularly. She’s a proper blabber mouth. So my husband loves to say ‘what have you done today’ and she’ll say ‘BISCUITS’ #ohcrap
My little boy didn’t walk until he was over 18months, and I was so worried about it – he was late with physical milestones in general but it felt like a huge gap between him and all his playmates. Needless to say, a week or two after I took him to the doctor he started his first few wobbly steps. But, I totally understand how it feels to think your child is falling behind.
Talking wise, he turned two in November and I have definitely noticed a huge developmental leap since then in terms of words/sentences etc… he was saying the odd word but its like something has clicked and he has massively moved forward.
My little man is just a few weeks younger than Hector, Lolly (sorry I know that through Instagram stalking haha!) and I thought he was doing really well with ‘talking’, he doesn’t actually say many words other than ‘ot’ for anything that he thinks is hot (even when he’s eating a banana!) and ‘what’s at’ other than that he chatters away loads and is very expressive but nothing makes sense. He was pretty late crawling, only going for it a week before his birthday, and he’s only just started walking at nearly 17 months. Anyway, I’ve not really felt worried about his speech as he’s always gibbering away, but even though all these lovely people on here are reassuring it’s fine, I am now worried that he should be saying more than ‘ot’ ! These babies do cause us so much worry don’t they ? xx
Bit late to comment, but just wanted to add to the it’ll all be fine stories. My little sister was so behind she was barely talking at 3 and had to go to a lot of sessions with a speech therapist. She started school still really behind speech wise. However, she was ridiculously advanced in terms of physical things and could throw and catch long before she could really talk. Ultimately she got AAB at A level and continues to be amazing at sporty things to this day. Our family is full of “late developers”, but we all get there in the end. I really believe everyone does things in their own time. (I have vowed not to compare my own little ones development, but since they’ve got another couple of weeks to bake I’m not sure how that’ll go…)
My little boy was similer, caught on really quick with motor skills but his language has taken a while, at 2 he only had a handful of words- mostly family names, no, yes etc. I was starting to get worried as he reached 2.5yrs and then suddenly he started talking, amazing array of vocab and short sentences!! Nout to worry about with your little man he is clearly on the ball!! X
I haven’t read all the comments above but just wanted to share with you my sons speech and lack of. I started to get concerned at 16 months when the 2 words he had said before had stopped completely. We were lucky to have speech therapy involved at 13 months due to his inability to chew properly, so raised concerns with her. She gave me some great ways to helping bring out words in my son. Things like repeating a word three times. ‘Would Sonny like the Apple?’ ‘Mammy will chop the Apple’, ‘here’s the apple Sonny’. Another thing was anticipation. Saying ‘ready, steady, go’ and let go of a toy car. Then repeat the game but say ‘ready…. Steady…’ Then just wait… Wait… Wait… And then say ‘go’. Eventually Hector will say ‘go’! Because he’s worked out the missing word. She said that waiting is key. Also a child can communicate with their eyes. If I gave sonny a choice, in my left hand an apple and pear in my right, I would hold them up and say ‘would sonny
Like the apple or the pear?’ Putting the apple forward when I say apple and pear forward when I say pear. Which ever one he looked at was the answer. I would then say ‘would sonny like the apple?’ Then wait for a reaction and reply with ‘yes sonny would like the apple’. I learnt a lot from her and finally after such w long wait, he’s coming out with loads of words. He’s 30 months old now, but could only say 5 words at 24 months. He now says around 150!! Good luck with Hectors progress x
Also they told me my son was concentrating that hard on learning to walk that the words wouldn’t come as they can’t process 2 things at once. He didn’t walk until he was 2 due to low muscle tone in his body which made the speech come late as he was concentrating so hard on balancing and walking. Within 6 months of confidently walking the words came thick and fast! You might find the same with Hector x