After overcoming lots of issues with establishing breastfeeding, I fed Elle for 12 and a half months, so today I’m going to attempt to share my experience from start to finish with you all. I’m aware it could well be an essay (!) so I promise I’ll try to keep things short and sweet…but if you take anything away from this post, please let it be that to begin with I absolutely HATED breastfeeding, but by the end I was very sad to stop. It’s a tough and very demanding journey, but definitely one I’d encourage you to try if you want to, as it’s by far the most rewarding thing I’ve ever done.
Pregnancy Naivety
Although I was aware that breastfeeding could be difficult, I just didn’t think what these things would be like in real life. I mean who actually wants to imagine what it’s like having cracked bleeding nipples?! (FYI it’s hideous). I knew I wanted to breastfeed – I even had vidid dreams about breastfeeding during pregnancy, so it was a huge shock to me when things didn’t come naturally. Another example of my naivety – I was pretty certain that I’d switch to formula at 6 months, because I thought feeding past 6 months was just plain weird. I know – what a complete and utter idiot I was. It makes me cringe now to think that I was that easily manipulated by advertising before I’d even given birth! Moron. Anyway, life has a funny way of turning out and my opinion of breastfeeding was changed almost 180 degrees from the moment Elle was born…
The Beginning
A combination of several things made our start to breastfeeding just plain awful. Elle was jaundiced, so we were readmitted to hospital for light therapy treatment, she also had a tongue tie, and I have almost flat nipples (yes, apparently that is a thing – I didn’t really think it was until I googled breastfeeding technique videos and noticed that the ladies nipples were about 10cm longer than mine…) This essentially created a vicious circle – my nipples were getting more and more sore and cracked, Elle would fall asleep at every feed, and even when we stripped her down so that she would be awake to feed, her latch was so poor that she wasn’t taking in enough milk. Whenever she fed I would be in excruciating pain, I was sob throughout and I used to dread her getting hungry. I couldn’t have anything touching my nipples, so spent most of the night drenched in milk as I couldn’t bear to have a bra on and even showering was painful.
Luckily, Elle’s tongue tie was noticed and cut while we were back in hospital, which definitely helped a little. The wonderful consultant who did this also happened to be a breastfeeding specialist, who gave me lots of great tips for feeding (which you can read in this post). She also recommended that I use nipple shields – partly to allow me to heal, but also to actually give Elle something to latch on to. We were also advised by Elle’s paediatrician to give her formula top ups as she really needed to kick the jaundice, get her salt and sugar levels to where they should be, and start putting weight back on. This was not advised by the breastfeeding specialist, my midwife or HV – just to clarify, as establishing your supply in the early weeks is so crucial – but the moment the doctor asked us to start doing this I felt a huge sense of relief. It gave me a little bit of breathing space to pump some milk so that I could use my own milk to top her up.
It felt like an endless cycle of feeding, topping up and expressing, but somewhere around four weeks, Elle was back up to her birth weight, her blood salt and sugars were normal, the jaundice was gone, and I was managing to feed her (using the shields) without needing top ups. It felt like an absolute triumph.
Going to a breastfeeding support group helped massively too – there was a moment where a stranger (at the time) gave me a big hug and I’ll never forget her kindness (thank you Becky!)
If you are in this hazy newborn stage, I just want to reassure you that it’s ok to not enjoy it. I definitely did not enjoy the first few months. There were points during this time where all I wanted to do was to walk out of the door and not come back. But I promise it does get better. It really, really does…
The Middle
Six months came around very, very quickly (although if you’d spoken to me at the time I would have told you the days and nights were some of the longest of my life) and it had taken so much blood, sweat and tears to get feeding established that there was no chance in hell I was stopping!!! I feel incredibly luckily that I didn’t receive any pressure from family or friends to stop as both my Mum and Mother in Law fed for a long time and most of my NCT friends were still feeding too. I never felt embarrassed to feed in public either – perhaps because I felt proud of myself for getting to a point where I actually could. People still asked me if I was feeding using nipple shields, as if it wasn’t proper breastfeeding (!) but I found it didn’t affect my supply and was honestly the only way that Elle would latch on comfortably. (BTW my HV did suggest pumping a little prior to each feed to draw my nipple out, rather than using the shields, but there was no way I was faffing around sterilising and assembling a pump with a hungry baby screaming the place down for milk – plus I’d got using the shields down to a fine art, haha).
In the early days you are desperate to know when the feeds will become more consistent and I think it was around 5/6 months that I noticed that Elle fed 6 times a day (with no night feeds). When we started weaning at 6 months, Elle took to food well and by 7 months she had dropped to 5 feeds a day, with 3 very small meals, by 9 months it was 4 feeds a day, with 2 larger meals and a small evening meal. At 11 months she was just having a pre-breakfast feed and a bedtime feed, with 3 proper meals and then by 12 months the bedtime feed was becoming almost non existent, I guess because she was having meals and snacks by this point.
How do you know when they are ready to drop feeds? Honestly – it’s really obvious. I didn’t think I’d know, but when your baby would rather be giggling, pointing at things, pulling your hair and sticking their fingers up your nose than feeding – they are definitely ready. I probably force fed Elle a 3pm feed for a while, because when I stopped it, she started eating a lot more dinner!
One of the reasons I could feed Elle for so long is that I’m incredibly fortunate with my job – Elle came to meetings in the early days so I could sneak out to feed her. She was also only in childcare for half days, meaning that I only had to send her with one small bottle of expressed milk to keep her happy. I’d feed her when she got home and do my work in the evenings. I can honestly say that there is no way I could have continued for so long if I’d had to express bottles for a full day for Elle – so massive, massive respect to any Mums who go back to work and continue to breastfeed.
The End
It came as a huge surprise to me when Elle weaned. I had come to the decision that I would just continue to feed her until she self weaned (I know!!! There’s the 180 degree attitude change I mentioned…) but honestly didn’t think that it would happen that soon. One evening after her bath, we settled down in the bedroom for our usual quiet cuddle and feed in the dark, and she just went ballistic when I offered her the boob. Initially I thought perhaps it was teething or illness putting her off, but this continued with the morning feed too. I offered her a milk feed every morning and evening for 7 days – the same thing happened. I was also offering her milk in a beaker, but she just wasn’t interested at all. I was worried at first, but as she was eating solid food well, drinking lots of water, her sleep was normal and she’s putting on weight and growing as per her charts…so we’ve just gone with it. Plus I didn’t really have any issues with reducing my supply – no mastitis, engorgement or blocked ducts, so I think both Elle and my body were ready. Although having said that, it did make me sad that I didn’t know her last feed would be just that – I know everyone says it, but take it from me, cherish those moments because in a blink of an eye they are gone.
And if you’ve read this whole post – THANK YOU! Did any of you have a similar difficult start that you managed to overcome? Anyone else think there should be much better support for new Mums who really want to breastfeed?
Whatever stage of breastfeeding you’re at, I really hope it helps in some way and as always, please do share your experiences too.
Fern x
Image by Anna Clarke Photography
Thank you for this, a really interesting read. We are 4 months intonour breastfeeding journey and enjoying it now!
I have read a statistic that says that only 1% of mums are still breastfeeding at 6 months. I’m not sure I believe that but if it’s true, or even close, that is a shockingly low figure. I think a.lot of it comes down to support and education about what to expect and what is normal. So your posts in this really help! X
I’ve read that too Victoria, it’s a shocking statistic if you think that we’re a developed country with a National Health Service for goodness sake! I actually think that the initial support is often too pushy over breastfeeding and a more relaxed approach would be better – it would certainly help people feel less guilty and maybe more encouraged to try rather than forced into it.
More honesty would help too – it’s not as simple as ‘your baby should feed for 20mins every 2 hours’ I don’t know anyone whose baby fed like that!!! Thanks for commenting x
We too had a difficult start to breastfeeding, my little boy was a bit jaundice and just kept falling asleep while feeding! I was put on a ‘feeding plan’ which meant I had to feed him, then top up with formula then express, the whole process took about 2 hours then had to start again, crazy! I hated it at the start, when he did start feeding he would scream the house down, I’d have milk squirting out everywhere and there was no way I was doing that in public, I cried a lot too! I was lucky though and didn’t have too much nipple pain, I really feel for anyone that does it must be awful. I also got really good support in the hospital and afterwards with my midwives and health visitors, and think that together with my complete stubbornness we kept going and I’m still feeding (just before bed) now at 16 months. I really don’t want to give up I love our time together, especially now I’m working most days, and he doesn’t seem to want to stop just yet too so I’m going with it – I do feel like people judge me a bit though now when I tell them I’m still feeding but we shouldnt really care should we xx
Stubbornness got us through it too Kate – it’s my biggest strength and weakness at the same time!
I wish I was still feeding Elle, so enjoy it while it lasts and try not to let other people’s lack of knowledge or understanding upset you. At the end of the day we’re all just doing what we think is best for our babies. For a while I thought that I’d let Elle down by stopping feeding, which is utterly ridiculous as she instigated it! You’ve done an amazing job to feed for so long, you do whatever feels right for you x
I have had a love/hate relationship with breastfeeding. My first wouldn’t latch and I felt so horribly guilty and like a failure. I do feel like the breast is best message is sometimes pushed too forcefully at new mums. Breastfeeding is anything but easy for a lot of mums and sometimes it just doesn’t work out.
With my second I was desperate to feed and elated when he latched after birth. However his latch was rubbish for the first month and the pain was horrible. They looked for tongue tie but said he didn’t have it. At 6 weeks I really wanted to stop but then he got chicken pox and refused to take any form of bottle for a week. I felt trapped and like I had no choice but to breast feed and really started to resent it.
We are now at 14 weeks and for the first time I can say I enjoy breast feeding. His latch has got better with time and I love sleepy cuddles in the middle of the night after a feed. He still won’t take a bottle so I’m not sure how going back to work in July is going to go but I’m sure we will figure it out.
Sorry for the essay but I think a lot of people struggle with breastfeeding and it is very emotive. I would add that the community midwives were massively supportive and that the most important thing is that your baby is fed at the end of the day, whatever method you chose!
Definitely agree that the approach is wrong, I mentioned that above in my reply to Victoria – I think it would actually help all new Mums if the message was a bit more relaxed. Good on you for sticking with it, I’m so pleased you’ve got to the point where you can enjoy it! x
Great post. I was really lucky and never experienced any discomfort with breastfeeding and managed to keep going for 18 months.
Once established it’s an amazing feeling. That’s not to say there aren’t times when you wish the baby would stop and let you get on with stuff (like going for a wee) but on the whole it made me feel really good, probably thanks to the happy hormones! Expecting no 2 in May and hoping for more if the same.
Definitely Kathryn, it’s impossible not to feel trapped sometimes and I wish more people would admit to that to be honest! There were times when I felt horribly smothered by it and like all I wanted was a few hours to not have another human being attached to me, but in the grand scheme of things it’s so short lived! I hope your pregnancy has been ok, good luck for your labour and fingers crossed you get another great breastfeeding experience! x
I loved breastfeeding which came as a real surprise to me, despite getting mastitis 3 times in the 10 months I was feeding her (my mum had recurring mastitis with all 3 of us so I wonder if it’s hereditary?)
My daughter was just breastfed till 12 weeks, then we went on holiday to France for a few weeks with a load of friends and I admit, I wanted a bit of a break to be able to have a drink or two (is that terribly selfish to admit?!).
She was already in an established feeding pattern of 4 big feeds a day by then so I just swapped out one feed for a bottle then stayed like this for a few months, then dropped another feed for a bottle and so on, until I stopped altogether at 10 months as I was going back to work full time.
She’s coming up 2 and milk is still her absolute favourite thing, she has a huge bottle when she wakes up and before bed and I can’t see that changing any time soon!
Hi Anna,
Not at all – I’m a firm believer in keeping yourself sane (with hindsight I’ll admit, I wasn’t very good at it when Elle was born) and hopefully this comment will help anyone who is looking to reduce breastfeeding for whatever reason!
How interesting that your Mum had mastitis too, I wonder if it is something that is more likely to occur in certain people?!
It just shows you how different they all are – Elle is 13 and a half months now and isn’t remotely bothered by milk at all, she only has it on cereal and in yoghurts and food but she won’t drink it. You really just have to listen to THEM and not what they should or shouldn’t be doing! x
It’s so refreshing to read a non judgemental post about breastfeeding! I have had a rollacoaster journey with breastfeeding. My first had open heart surgery at 6days old so due to being nil by mouth, flat nipples, no idea what I was doing and no support I ended up expressing for 3 months and bottle feeding and in the end turning to formula. Second time round the first 2 months where a breeze apart from the odd cracked nipple but then reflux reared it’s ugly head and by 5 months my son so hated feeding he would just scream anytime I tried and so I turned to formula and bottle feeding as if he screamed at that it didn’t feel so personal! Third time round I was determined to learn from my mistakes and experiences. I was gutted I hadn’t managed my breastfeeding dream and so when Ivy came along and got diagnosed with dairy intolerance, high palette and reflux by 2 days old I was devastated. We have soldiered on to 6months but I have just completed transitioning her onto a dairy free formula which has made the world of difference. Breastfeeding is hard and there is definitely not enough support out there. It used to be that families would support each other- mothers/mother in laws as we would live near by in communities but society has changed so much and now the norm is to live far from your family and bottle feed from day one. I watch with excitement and hope as the breastfeeding debate continues on social media… The more we talk about it the more awareness and support there will be! Well done for sharing your story!
Wow Sarah it sounds like you’ve had a particularly tough time of it with all of yours, well done you for just doing what was best at the time. Thanks for sharing your story too. I completely agree that the support is awful and being away from my family definitely made things worse. More and more new mums are in quite isolated circumstances, especially when their other halves go back to work and it makes me so sad and angry x
We also had major problems breastfeeding and I think the support, especially in hospital really impacts what we’re able, as new mum’s, to do. We also had jaundice, tongue tie, shingles, chicken pox and a little one that would latch and wouldn’t suck! At 8 weeks I’m not exclusively expressing so she still gets my milk but it’s been an incredible difficult journey and there’s not much advice out there for what I’ve decided to do – it’s quite isolating!
Aw bless you Steph. sending hugs, I know what a horrible time it can be. Expressing is exhausting as you’re essentially doing everything twice! My friend Alice did this for 6 months and her body adapted very quickly to the patterns, so she’d express twice a day, everyday, using formula if her little one had a randomly hungry day and it was tough, but she’s definitely pleased she did it.
How is expressing going for you? There are lots of things you can do to make it easier, have a read of this post if you need any help http://rockmyfamily.wpengine.com/breastfeeding-essentials-lansinoh/ x
So far we’re getting on great. At the moment still expressing 6 or 7 times a day to maintain my supply so getting out other than for a quick trip into town is hard but it’s worth it knowing she’s getting my milk-and if I can keep doing it then I will for as long as I can. Currently have a bit of an oversupply so looking into donating the extra I have.
I’d keep it Steph, it’ll last in the freezer for months and gives you the chance to leave a bottle and escape for an evening, my supply was so low that if I expressed Elle would have to have the bottle that day and I’d have loved to be able to have an evening of freedom so always wished I’d made an effort to have a stash in the freezer x
I always thought I’d breastfeed and was always under the impression that it comes naturally (?!!!) What planet was I living on?! I breastfed the first three weeks then my nipples got so sore and I would hate it when it came to feeding time. I started to pump as I wanted Olivia to continue to have my breastmilk, so I researched exclusive pumping to death – http://www.kellymom.com is great! It’s far more common in the States than it is over here. The comments I got from midwives, HV etc were that my supply would run out, you wouldn’t be able to empty your breast, you wouldn’t be able to pump enough etc. I hired a hospital grade pump from medela which emptied both breasts as best as a pump can in 15-20 mins, and managed to exclusively pump for 8 months. It’s so exhausting but thankfully I had a good supply so would get 12oz in a pumping session. The first three months I pumped every time she fed including at 3am, but after that I reduced it to four times a day, then it went down to twice a day until I couldn’t stand to be attached to the pump any longer. It’s by far the hardest way to go about feeding your child but Kellymom.com says that an exclusively pumping mum is a dedicated mum and I like to think that’s true 😉 Good luck in your pumping journey, hope it gets easier for you!
Wow that’s a great supply! I’m currently getting about 8oz a session so a bit behind you. Lovely to know that there are people out there that made it work, makes me feel like it’s much more achievable! Kellymom is a great website, I love all their info. Just wish some of the hv’s were a bit more knowledgable so it was easier to ask the questions we inevitably all have!
Just wanted to wish you lots of luck on your expressing journey! My thoughts/experience echoes Emma’s words above almost exactly…I too expressed after every feed, then gradually dropped this down over time – going from 3 to 2 a day was huge for me, as it enabled me to get out much more easily in the day, rather than missing that small window of opportunity between naptime/expressing! My daughter’s just turned one and I’ve recently swapped her over to whole milk. I was so disappointed that I wasn’t able to breastfeed (like many others, I thought it just came naturally?!) but expressing suppressed my guilt and I thought I’d just give it a go for as long as was possible – initially I never thought I’d get to six months let alone one year! I just wanted to add my experience to let you know that it IS hard but it IS possible! Kellymom was my saviour too and the only real source I could find, but it gave me hope when I needed it most! Everyone else thought my supply would run out etc – it did dip occasionally though, so I’d definitely hang onto that extra milk while you can. There were a few exhausting days when I was so close to running out but was determined not to! Keep going as long as you feel comfortable with it and don’t let anyone else make you think you can’t do it – remember a happy mum makes a happy baby, so look after yourself as well as your little one. Keep your energy levels up with cake! Much love and luck, you’re doing so well and your daughter is very lucky to have such a determined mummy x
Stephie, hats off to you for pumping for a year!! That’s amazing! When I gave Olivia formula she didn’t even flinch so it made the transition easier. It also meant that I could start eating egg (i.e. cake and desserts) again. She had an egg allergy from the egg protein in my breast milk so I had to go without while I was pumping. The baby weight literally melted off though! 😀
Thanks Emma! I loved reading your experience, it mirrored mine so closely – you should be so proud of yourself too, exclusively expressing for any length of time is no mean feat and the fact that you did it without cake for over 8 months is even more commendable! It’s great to be able to talk to other mums with shared experiences, I’ve yet to meet anyone else who even contemplated exclusively expressing x
*now exclusively expressing
Really pleased to see someone write about combination feeding in the early days. That was something we did, with support from the midwife team while still in hospital and at home with the community team. For us, it had no impact on establishing Breastfeeding as we fed first every time then topped up with a bit of formula. This lasted maybe 2 or 3 weeks until we had ourselves sorted out but I do feel it helped both of us and avoided weeks of unhappy constant hungry baby. Beforehand I had wondered if it was cheating but it helped us achieve 6 months of relatively trouble free Breastfeeding.
It definitely helped me Steph, even though it was just for a few days, it gave me the respite I needed! It’s not cheating at all – although I will say to anyone reading this, you have to be very strict about just using it for top-ups, otherwise it can affect your supply.
Good work on getting past those early weeks of hell! x
This was really great to read, thanks Fern! My little boy is almost 11 weeks and breastfeeding has been a real challenge for us. We struggled with his latch at first, I had mastitis twice, lots of pain and soreness, some weight gain issues and feeding constantly, then at about 5 weeks tongue tie was spotted and resolved. Since then it has got better but I’m still not completely convinced he gets as much as he wants from each feed – we give him a bottle of expressed milk before bed and that seems to sort him out for a nice long sleep of 4 or 5 hours. What I found frustrating is that there is so much pressure to breastfeed that difficulties are sometimes passed off as ‘completely normal at this age’ when they often are but sometimes are something more – I was so tired from the constant feeding and felt like it was much more than my other NCT friends, he never just stopped as satisfied, just always fell asleep feeding. When an osteopath spotted his tongue tie at 5 weeks it was a relief that there was some sort of explanation to be honest! I have to say I’ve had a lovely supportive health visitor who gives advice based on the idea that Mum needs to be happy and healthy in order to give baby the best chance of feeding well, and different approaches work for different people. At the moment I’m setting myself smaller targets and we’ll see how long we end up feeding for, but I’m happy I got this far! Xx
I’m so pleased they finally worked out it was tongue tie. And Elle was exactly the same, for the first few months (at least) she would always fall asleep rather than pulling away when she was finished, it made me worry too, but she was fine and she did eventually start to stop feeding when she’d had enough, around 5 or 6 months I think!
Well done you on getting as far as you have done, and for being so organised on giving a bottle of expressed milk each evening! x
I was extremely lucky with breastfeeding Juliet – I went into it with the view that if it worked it was great and if it didn’t then that was fine too. I did a LOT of research… And we had no problems at all (apart from a snippy conversation with a midwife who was suggesting that we top up with formula to get her back to her birthweight “even though we know that it often takes breastfed babies longer to regain weight”. So why are you worried?!)
I didn’t get on with pumping at all, and i think that if I’d had problems and had to express then we’d have packed it in much earlier. As it was, I fed her until 20 months at which point I’d had enough so gently weaned her. I think that if I’d had the problems that you and some others had I would have packed it in at that point!
I think one thing that’s worth noting is that newborn babies really do spend the majority of the time feeding, and it’s not because you’re not producing enough milk – it’s beside they’re growing and encouraging your supply to increase. I was genuinely surprised how much time I spent sitting on the sofa with my boobs out in the early days, and I can definitely see how that would make people think that they’re doing something wrong, whereas actually you’re doing everything right. I KEPT on saying “you can’t possibly be hungry AGAIN!” And of course she was.
I’m 34 weeks with no 2 and fully intend to try again. I don’t expect our experience to be the same – my mum fed me to 13 months and couldn’t feed my sister at all due to an undiagnosed tongue tie, so she was on formula from 4 weeks – but I’ll certainly give it a go. If nothing else it makes the middle of the night wake ups so much easier to manage!
I was never bf so was never really that bothered by it as a notion, formula certainly never did me any harm. So I never felt any of the pressures in the early days. I bf because it was easier than carting more stuff around and free i.e. more money for baby clothes we didn’t need.
My daughter was born by C-Sec and she lost more than 10% of her body weight in the first 3 days. We ended up back in hospital where they tried as hard as they could for me to formula feed because bf “wasn’t working”. It was.
On the advice of a friend, I spent THE BEST FIFTY QUID I’VE EVER SPENT on a private lactation consultant who not only spoke with the hospital and gave the consultant what for, spent three hours showing me various different positions (my daughter was too tall for me to hold in the cross cradle position so we did the rugby hold to get the perfect latch until she was about 4 months) and was on stand by morning until night. She built up my confidence from the ground. I cannot recommend private lactation consultants enough. PLEASE, if you are having problems, consider it before you spend hundreds on bottles and formula. And the sooner the better. Before you get cracked nipples. You can find a list of a consultant in your area on this amazing website: http://www.lcgb.org/
Because we got our consultant right at the beginning, we avoided all issues of sore and blistering nipples. She agreed we shouldn’t give formula or express and mess up what is essentially the levelling of what will be critical supply and demand of milk in the first weeks and months (expressing causes stimulation which I most definitely didn’t need) which was the direct opposite of what all the health visitors were telling me. Health Visitors in this country have a lot to answer for if you ask me (but that’s a whole other rant). The consultant had us feeding for 10 minutes each time by 3 weeks. No cluster feeding. No cracked nipples. Best fifty quid. Honestly.
We night weaned around 7 months and she was on just morning and evening feeds by about 9-10 months with water between. We then dropped the evening feed around 12 months. If you’d told me at the start I’d still be feeding once a day at 16 months I would have laughed at you. We are in the process of stopping now and are doing a kind of “don’t offer, don’t ask” type of approach. We’re probably down to feeding every few days. She isn’t a fan of cows milk so we’ve just gone straight to water and she gets her 3 sources of dairy a day from food.
Can I also just add that I know some Council’s have specialist lactation consultants that do home visits alongside Health Visitors but funding is being cut which is RIDICULOUS. This is a petition for the Merseyside and Sefton programme. Can I ask people to sign it if they have time?
https://www.change.org/p/sefton-council-save-breast-start
Thank you very much for this comment Rebecca, it’s really helpful and I’d second seeing a specialist if you can. It made the world of difference for me, although I’d already done a lot of damage 🙁
I’ve signed the petition too, support where I live is great and it should be the same everywhere in the country! x
Fern, your story sounds so similar to mine. My little girl is now 13 months and we are still feeding (she eats loads but loves her milk too and we haven’t managed to drop feeds as quickly as you). I really struggled at the beginning and cried before every feed at the thought of the pain I was about to endure! Shields were my saviour too, as well as the support of a very lovely friend who is an experienced breastfeeder and a facebook group which was great for advice. Like you, I really wanted to breastfeed, but I didn’t expect it to be easy. It did help that most things I read said the first six weeks are the hardest, though to be honest it probably took me closer to 10 before I started to get the hang of it. I’ve been back to work since Zoe was 8 months and did express at first, but now she’s over 1 she has cow’s milk during the day and I feed her when I’m at home. I had thought I’d stop when she was 1, but we’ve got a routine going and it has got so much easier as time has gone on, particularly since she has started solids. So at the minute, I think I’ll allow her to self wean as well. Even though there is the occasional time that I wish a feed would finish so I can get on and do stuff, overall it is one of the most amazing and rewarding things I’ve ever done and I know I’ll be sad when it stops. I do really feel for mums who struggle, especially those without a good support network – it can be so difficult and even lonely at the beginning. Support groups, even online ones, can be such a help and are really worth finding during pregnancy or in the early days of feeding.
This is such an interesting and emotive subject. My 5 month old latched on immediately after I came round from a c section and fed really well. To be honest feeding was the only thing I could do for those first few weeks! However, I had terrible post birth acne and needed meds to clear it up – I held out for about 10 weeks but that along with the 2 hourly feeds and trying to heal from surgery meant I was making myself ill. Switching to formula feeds was a hard and upsetting decision (for me – baba doesn’t care and is the picture of health!) but actually for my own well being and sanity it has proven to be a good decision. Plus I am now back on meds for arthritis so it was never destined to be a long journey. I do applaud those that work through and are so unselfish – an amazing thing to do!
It sounds like it was the right decision for you and your little one Kerri. It’s not selfish to make sure you’re fit and healthy for your baby – so don’t ever think that x
Such a refreshing account of a breastfeeding experience, thank you for sharing. I’ve recommended all the BF stories (and comments) on RMF to my pregnant sister in law as they are really honest as well as non judgemental. I wish I’d read them and had more awareness about the difficulties of BF before I had my first baby!
I had a tricky start with my first being premature and in hospital for a while but we got through and I BF him for a year, like you I had no intention of feeding that long but we just really got into a nice pattern and those milky snuggles are hard to give up! Second time around it was much easier which I think is because I knew what to expect. My midwife was also fantastic, she advised lots of skin to skin in my bed and using nipple cream and shields to get through the first couple of weeks whilst we got established. So refreshing (and more effective) than the more text book advise I got the first time around!
Hooray for sharing the love Ella – I hope your sister in law finds RMF helpful too! I wish all first time Mums could have a recent new Mum mentor to help them through those early months – midwives and HVs can be so hit and miss, sounds like you were lucky with yours! Second time round I’d definitely do more skin to skin, as I think Elle’s jaundice and my soreness combined meant we just didn’t do much of this, at least for the first week or so anyway x
Great read Fern. I think it’s really important for real stories to be out there as there is so much false information about breast feeding.
We have had a mixed time with breastfeeding. I also knew I wanted to bf from when I first fell pregnant. My little one arrived at 37+3 and 5 days before I was due to attend a class to help prepare me for feeding so I really went in ‘blind’. In hospital feeding was hard work but we muddled through and at his 3 day weigh in my little chunker had put on 10oz! Then he struggled to latch and I express fed for 4 days before I went to a bf clinic in tears and learnt more about feeding and that part of the fussiness and constant feeding is to stimulate your milk. We then had a really good few weeks but it then became very painful. I went back to the clinic and although it had previously been checked they picked up a tongue tie. We have been this morning and his tongue had been snipped and I am already feeling the benefit.
Breastfeeding is really hard and not always the perfect natural picture that is painted. I am so glad that I have persevered but know that I couldn’t have done it without the support of my husband and the clinic, they are a great resource.
It is really hard and you’re so right – it’s definitely painted as a perfect natural picture when for most people, it’s really not! So pleased they sorted his tongue tie for you 🙂
I honestly wouldn’t have breastfeeding fed for 12 months if I hadn’t had the support from my mum. She’s a midwife and stayed with me and my husband for 4 days after I had my little man to help me establish a good latch. She gave me paracetamol and arnica tablets every four hours for the pain of just having given birth. The pain of feeding in those first few days really is toe curling. Without this kind of support I would have gone to a bottle straight away. I also had one side I nicknamed ‘bad boob’ as I just couldn’t seem to get Billy in the right position. It wasn’t until my midwife visited that she recommended the rugby ball position that I felt I’d cracked it! The next hurdle was going out. Friends who bottle fed were happily meeting up in cafes and I felt trapped, terrified I reveal my boobs to all and sundry. I practised in front of the mirror to reassure myself no one could see and invested in some beautiful zara scarves-any excuse! Primark vests underneath everything to pull down easily were far easier and better fitting than expensive maternity vests. For at least 2 months I felt like I was in a fog, but as my mantra became, ‘this too will pass’ it did! I had to return to work at 8 1/2 months but was lucky that my boy would eat and take water in the day and would gorge himself in the morning and when I returned-he wouldn’t take a bottle! There were times I felt I missed out on nights away but he was down asleep by 7 and not waking till 11 from around 10 weeks and one large glass of wine the minute he’d finished feeding at 7 kept me going. I’m proud I did it but would never judge others for going to a bottle. I would’ve done if it hadn’t been for my mum. I feel there needs to be more support out there for new mums. It’s all very well saying breastfeeding is best but not giving them time to help establish this causes many to give up, leaving many feeling guilty when they should be enjoying their baby.
Lovely to read your experience Fern, and that of others too! Looking back, our journey wasn’t so straight forward but I absolutely ADORED breastfeeding and was incredibly lucky that in the early days it all went swimmingly. I wavered slightly at 7 weeks through sheer exhaustion of feeding my little girl every 1.5-2 hours through the night and just entire days of cluster feeding (!!) but my husband actually was my best support and managed to very carefully (!) persuade me to keep going. I didn’t express much in the early days either, save for a few stores bags here and there for nights out, as I simply just didn’t find the time!
Fast forward to 10 weeks and my baby girl started showing symptoms of a food intolerance from my breast milk. So then started a journey of cutting out first dairy, then soya, followed by wheat, gluten, caffeine and sugar alcohol (basically in calpol and my calcium supplements!!) but saw no improvement after over 2 months and with blood in her stools being the main symptom, I was advised it couldn’t be ignored. I reluctantly weaned her gradually onto a prescription protein based formula and by Christmas Eve I had given her her last breastfeed! Like you fern, I wish I had cherished that last feed but instead celebrated on Christmas Day by eating my body weight in cheese and chocolate (hello dairy!)
As soon as I had stopped BFing, I missed it. And then realised how much I had loved it! Not to mention the convenience of it all (bad parent alert – shortly after she was weaned onto formula, we set off for a day out and TWO hours into our journey realised we’d not brought any bottles!!!)
Thanks for sharing fern, and everyone else – a great read xxx
Yaay!! I really enjoy success stories! Almost as much as birth stories haha.
I was the same as you! Aimed for six months and six months only- so silly . Actually my first daughter self weaned (though I’ve now learnt was probably a strike) at 8 1/2 months. It broke my heart (ive also now learnt that’s the hormones that make you ‘grieve’ when you stop feeding)
I also expected it to be easy and natural (which luckily for me it was). With hindsight it really is a learnt thing.
Breastfeeding my first was a dream. We mix fed on and off as everyone wanted to give her a bottle and I had no idea it could affect my supply in any way. Luckily my whole family breastfed so I knew to expect cluster feeding and always had complete faith.
Thank goodness that was my first experience! Feeding my second has been quite different and had it been my first I would have surely given up. Right from the get go she has fed almost constantly and would only sleep next to a nipple!! Had I not know this was normal behaviour I would have thought she was hungry and must have a bottle. Also the pain, her suck is so much stronger/more painful. By 5 months she would play in between feeds and was (until she started food) sleeping really well.
I’ll take Margaux’s lead on finishing up breastfeeding. I just hope she enjoys it for longer than Molly did.
I really think it’s aftercare we need in hospitals. The pregnancy ‘Breast is best’ is unhelpful with no support or real guidance. Everyone seems to think newborns should sleep or sit for 3 hours between feeds but that’s just not the case. If the after care was any good there would be a lot less women feeling upset and unsupported when bfeeding hurdles come up that can often be easily remedied. Unfortunatly I don’t see how that can be changed with funding cuts and hcps not seeming to care. I’m hoping to become a peer support worker when I have a bit more time. In the mean time I make bfeeding boxes for anyone who I know that’s planning on bfeeding and hope it’s helpful and not too over enthusiastic haha!!
I think posts like this are really helpful 🙂
xxxx
What a great post! I finished breastfeeding just 3 weeks ago after 13.5 months. I too initially said 6 months, but loved it so much that there was no way I was giving up then!
I returned to work at 9 months. My daughter was still having 5 feeds a day. I expressed at least once a day for 3 months in order for her to have my milk at midday. It got tougher towards the end as one of my boobs decided to give up, so I was reliant on the other and my supply seemed to be dwindling. Thankfully I had built up enough freezer stock to make up the deficit, and by the time I stopped, I had one bag of frozen milk left.
The decision to stop was partly conscious and partly natural. When my daughter turned one I started cutting out feeds, starting with the return from work feed at 5. We then dropped the pre-bed feed – I started by timing the feed, then gradually reduced by 30 seconds then one evening just didn’t offer and she went down without a fuss. I think it helped that she eats relatively late as I like to cook for us to have a main meal together as a family when I get home from work. She was still having about a 10 minute morning feed, but one Saturday morning she slept in a little later, so I didn’t offer the feed when she woke, she didn’t ask for it, and she didn’t miss it, and that was that.
When I had previously thought about giving up feeding I dreaded it, and expected to feel hugely emotional about it, but actually I’ve felt really comfortable with my decision. We plan to start trying for another baby around the middle of the year, so I wanted my body back for me (and my husband!) for a few months.
I remember the early days of feeding so well though. The toe-curling pain of latching on, the drowsy newborn who needed stripping to her nappy to be awake enough to actually feed. The little arms that constantly got in the way of achieving a comfortable hold and latch, plus a desperately rooting baby who continued to thrash even though the nipple was actually in her mouth (why do they do that?!). My misunderstanding that 3 hourly feeds were 3 hours from the start (not finish) of the previous feed, resulting in significant weight loss, and a day and night of having to do 2 hourly feeds. The sleep deprivation was hideous. And cluster feeding….conveniently they seem to neglect mentioning this when selling the wonders of breastfeeding to you. I called it the work of the devil.
However, i remember more clearly those beautiful precious sleepy milk-drunk cuddles, especially in the night when it was just me and her in the quiet. The intensity of little newborn cheeks focused solely on my boobs and snuggling with me. The little pudgy hand which stroked my chest and face. The extra cuddles which feeding allowed me, especially once she got on the move.
Fingers crossed I get to do it all again. I’m hopeful that the thought of the lovely parts of it will help me through the tough early days.
Absolutely loved reading this post and everyone’s comments! After the toughest start I am still feeding my 6 month and plan to continue as long as he wants.
Harry too had problems with his latch and I was in agony at every feed, five midwives watched me cry in pain whilst feeding him and all said his latch was fine and maybe I was in so much pain because I had sensitive skin (at this point I had huge cavities in both my nipples that were bleeding at every feed, and he was feeding for nearly 24 hrs a day) At 3 weeks old the most amazing infant feeding specialist visited me to discover he had a tongue tie.
Within a week of having his tongue tie cut the change was incredible, despite developing thrush and blocked ducts my nipples started to heal and he was finally content and going a couple of hours between feeds! It turns out the tongue tie was stopping him make the movements needed to get the fat content out of my milk, hence why he was permanently hungry and feeding constantly!
I now enjoy feeding 100% and I am so happy and proud that I stuck it out, it really is the most amazing experience. I feel proud feeding in public and sometimes I almost want someone to say something so I can say ‘if you knew what I went through to feed him!!’ (Much to my dissapointment everyone has been nothing but lovely!)
I urge anyone who wants to breastfeed to try and battle through them first few weeks because it is so worth it in the long run! I am already dreading the day our sleepy snuggly feeds are over.