Hector made his appearance eight days earlier than expected on a rainy Sunday near the beginning of October announcing his arrival with a fierce cry. Mercifully the labour was super quick, yep I was the woman that almost gave birth in the car park, but I know that I’m getting ahead of myself just a little here. So let’s take it right back to the beginning of October 2014 where it all began.
I was never scared of labour. In fact I think it’s safe to say that I looked forward to giving birth because it meant the end of pregnancy – a journey that I really really didn’t enjoy. My mindset was that labour was necessary so I might as well get on with it plus there’d be a super cute baby waiting for me at the end. If that isn’t motivation then I don’t know what is.
That said I was under no illusions about the pain side of things; I knew it was going to hurt and I was ready for that. My pain threshold is high but my birth plan incorporated both gas and air and a TENS machine and I was prepared to be open to other methods of pain relief too if necessary.
What did surprise me however was my waters breaking when I was on my own one Saturday evening in early October whilst watching TV. In fact I wasn’t sure if I had wet myself or not. There was none of that dramatic gushing that we’ve seen depicted in films or on the television; instead there was a slow trickle of fluid that released itself in stages over the course of an hour. Once I’d established that I hadn’t in fact lost control of my bladder I realised that actually I hadn’t had and still wasn’t having any contractions. I was aware having attended NCT classes that this situation, whilst uncommon, does affect one in ten women and is officially called ‘prelabour rupture of membranes at term’. Fancy!
Bizarrely I felt utterly calm until I rang the delivery suite at about 9.30pm to let them know what had happened. It was then that they told me that they were very busy and were considering closing the suite. This was not in the birth plan! Since I still hadn’t experienced any contractions they asked me to hang on as long as possible but make my way in before 12am so they could check me over.
The hospital bag was packed, the car seat set up and ready to go in the car so there was nothing really to do other than wait for Ste to come back and take my last shower before giving birth. And that’s how Ste found me, lathering my hair, covered in soap suds. After asking me what I was doing in the shower on a Saturday night, when I should be relaxing on the sofa scoffing chocolate, he then proceeded to run round in a blind panic asking me if there was anything I could do.
We turned up at the hospital at 11.30pm, still not having experienced any contractions, and were seen very quickly by a midwife who after checking me and baby over pronounced that all was fine and it would very likely be another 24 hours before I’d need to come back. Call it Mother’s Intuition or perhaps it’s just a woman’s knowledge of her own body but I knew that things were about to move very quickly and that we’d be back in hospital within the next few hours.
As soon as we got home I went straight to bed knowing that trying to get as much rest as possible would stand me in good stead for the hours ahead. Ste joined me and promptly fell asleep and I just lay there in the dark my mind whirling and swirling about what was to come.
At approximately 2am the contractions started. If you asked me to describe them then I’d say they were like riding waves; the contraction building up as if you were trying to sail up a huge wave and then just when you think you can’t take any more you crest the wave and start sliding back down the other side again. I look back and feel overwhelming grateful that I was able to experience this early part of labour on my own (albeit with Ste asleep next to me), in the dark whilst lying in my own bed. By 3.15am I couldn’t handle the intensity of the contractions any more; I’d had no pain relief (wanting to save this for when I felt I really needed it) and I woke Ste up begging him to take me to hospital.
His first reaction was that I couldn’t possibly be ready to go back yet; after all the midwife had said that it would be at least another twenty four hours hadn’t she. I gave him a withering stare and asked him to time the contractions and how far they were apart. When he realised that they were over two and a half minutes long with only twenty seconds respite between them he looked at me in awe and asked how I’d managed to hold on for so long.
Getting out the house was an ordeal – I was in too much pain to put on my maternity jeans so ended up pulling on a pair of Ste’s joggers (I didn’t much care about my sartorial choices at this point!). Trying to get down the stairs, makes me cry with laughter looking back, I basically sprinted down several steps at a time between contractions before sitting down clenching my fists into balls ready to get up and sprint again.
We made it to the car and were at the hospital parked up 10 minutes later notwithstanding a huge final contraction where I practically screamed the whole way and a quick detour back home to pick up my forgotten contact lenses (we live very close to the hospital!). I was not going to give birth with blurry vision! Ste almost had a heart attack when we got caught up in a bit of late Saturday night traffic too.
The urge to push came as I stepped out of the car and tried to head towards the hospital. I dropped on all fours to Ste’s cries that I couldn’t give birth in the car park. Wanting to stay with me and laden with all the bags but also knowing that he needed to get help he said that when he saw the hospital porter it was like a guardian angel appeared. Three midwives rushed out to me thirty seconds later having been fetched by the porter and I basically half crawled, half walked my way into the delivery suite supported by these amazing women. All very dramatic and slightly embarrassing when I look back.
Stripping off down to simply a bra and t-shirt, I was pronounced fully dilated and I’m ashamed to say at this point I screamed for pain relief complete with a few expletives. Apparently I was too late to the table for any drugs. That wasn’t in the birth plan. You can guarantee that I bring this up at pretty much every appropriate opportunity.
I think any first time mum is a bit unsure as to what she’s supposed to do in labour. I remember feeling exhausted to the point of almost falling asleep for the barest of seconds at moments during my 90 minute labour. I was also incredibly thirsty and drank the equivalent of 1.5l of water in the time I was admitted to hospital to when Hector was born. I also shivered my way through giving birth and experienced crazy cramps in my legs that Ste tried to massage out consistently throughout.
Once I’d realised that I wasn’t actually doing a poo and that it was a head I could feel, I stopped tentatively pushing and went for it with enthusiasm biting down on the back of the hospital bed whilst squatting when the pain got too much. I found that being on my knees gave me a greater sense of control than lying on my back and it felt more comfortable too. It took an hour and a half for Hector to be born but I’m sure that it would have been half that if I’d realised earlier on what I needed to do. Something to bear in mind for next time….I was also lucky enough to get away without needing any stitches either (not sure what that says about me down there?!).
I was lucky enough to have the kindest and most patient midwife – Anne-Marie – who guided me through every step of the journey but never seemed to get in the way (a bit like a brilliant wedding photographer I suppose). But my hero absolutely has to be Ste; he was enduringly motivating without being pushy, completely present and unfailingly there for me when I felt like I was too exhausted to continue and said all the right things at the right times when I most needed to hear them. In short I was amazed at how he seemed to take everything in his stride – I half-joked afterwards that he should consider a new career as a Doula!
Hector was born at 5.04am, all 6lb 5oz of him, completely healthy and screaming at the top of his lungs and weeing all over his mummy; I instantly and overwhelmingly fell in love. Surprisingly I didn’t cry – I thought I would – but I know I was too absorbed in taking in all of his amazing features and his head of thick dark brown hair. Ste more than made up for the pair of us however…
Image by Little Beanies
Such a lovely read on he tube. You’re a superwoman Lauren! I thought I was the only one with crazy leg cramps but it turns out to be quite common, mine were the reason I had an epidural in the end. It sounds that Ste did an amazing job. It must be really hard trying to support someone in pain knowing that there isn’t a lot you can actually do. While my husband didn’t always say the right thing at he right time he certainly tried.
Ahhhh Kat you are too kind! I certainly wish I was a superwoman – then I’d be able to simultaneously apply my makeup whilst making breakfast, play with Hector and put a wash on! I think it must be really tough for the blokes; Ste said he was really glad that we attended NCT classes in the end as it gave him loads of information and ideas about what to do when I was in labour and what was happening at different stages so that he could understand it more. He’s become a bit of an advocate for it with all his friends. I think the main thing is that the boys try – that’s all we need really.
Our Lolly… Never doing things by half! Love re-hearing your story again. So proud of you and incredibly jel of the 90 minute labour! Haha X
Thanks doll! Nothing like a bit of drama eh? xxxx
Amazing birth story, it amazes me what women are capable of! Very different to mine except for the amazing husband…mine completely stepped up and surprised me. By that he isn’t always amazing, I was just expecting him to be panicked or unsure what to do. But he kept me moving when I was dilating slowly (thanks NCT), he kept giving me sips of lucozade and nibbles of food (which at the time I didn’t want but I def needed the energy), he was supportive and worked in harmony with my wonderful midwife In keeping me calm when I was really struggling to push. It must be so scary for partners to see the person they love in that much pain, and they’re about to become a parent too. So credit to all the dads!
Thank you so much Anna! I am amazed by all women too – and then we go and choose to put ourselves through it again further down the line! I know exactly what you mean about the dads though; technically I shouldn’t have been surprised by Ste’s attitude – I mean I married the man didn’t I – but yes it was his complete confidence and completely unruffled demeanour that amazed me. I think after his initial panic when I’d told him that my waters had gone I expected him to be like this in labour too but it was like a switch had been flipped and he went into ‘labour mode’. It’s so nice to hear about other amazing dads so thanks for sharing xx
I love hearing Labour stories!!! sounds like you did an awesome job lasting on your own for so long.
I had a pretty rubbish 13 hour first labour which ended happily albeit with the help of forceps (and just gas and air ouch!).
Second time around I felt my first contraction at about 3am, took a shower to try to ease the pain and soon realised that I needed to get to hospital as my waters broke (again no big dramatic Eastenders moment here either!) and our second little boy arrived very quickly at 6am.
With number 3 on the way I’m hopeful for a quick delivery but enough time to get into the hospital!
It was something that our lovely NCT leader Rachel said to me Amy that made me want to stay in the dark and in my own environment and which I think made me last so long. She mentioned that naturally all mammals go into hiding when they give birth, they go somewhere they know, somewhere private and somewhere dark and yet us humans go the opposite way into a brightly lit hospital, full of unfamiliar smells and sounds and this is why we often find that contractions can stop and labour can be prolonged. We were encouraged in our group to stay as long as possible at home and especially because it was night and I was exhausted and my waters went before my contractions I think all the conditions were in my favour. I’d be interested to see what happens next time…
Anyway I digress – what a huge difference between your first and second births! Amazing! So how far along are you now and do you know what you’re having??
That’s such a good way to think of it, I know so many friends now who have had and are opting for home births…if our house wasn’t basically a building site right now I might be tempted!!!
At the scan they told us it looked like a little girl! 27 weeks now so not too long to find out how this one will go!
Ahhhh that’s so lovely to hear Amy! Keep us updated on your progress xxx
It must be something about giving birth to Hectors! I had a very similar experience with my Hector in November. I was sent home from hospital because I was 2cm only to return an hour later at 9cm and giving birth 8 minutes later with no pain relief despite having aggressively demanding it from the midwife!
It was my second time but having been induced and having had morphine the first time around I just didn’t think it was logical to have a “natural birth.” I mean why would you do it without drugs?
Haha Sarah – it must be those pesky Hectors!! Giving birth in 8 minutes is mind-blowing! I’m in awe! Well done you! I have to say though I’ve set myself up for birth number two (whenever that might be!) – there’s an expectancy now to give birth drug free. Eeek!
I always enjoy reading birth stories on here – yours is a great one, I love how brilliant your hubby was! I know what you mean about feeling unsure of what you’re supposed to do in labour as a first time Mum. I remember some advice I’d heard somewhere (I think from a friend who’d needed quite a few stiches) was not to push until the midwife tells you to – it obviously stuck with me as at pretty much every contraction I said to the midwives ‘should I push now?’ which was always met with the answer ‘yes, push, PUSH!’ Ah well, we got there in the end! I remember our NCT tutor saying the same thing about mammals giving birth in a dark, quiet place and that environment possibly helping labour to progress – unfortunately I ended up being induced so didn’t get to use that bit of knowledge! x
How did you find your induced birth Amanda – I’ve heard so many different induction experiences from different women (good and bad) that it’s always interesting to hear how mums find the process. The pushing thing is a funny one – I remember being told to hang on by my midwife at the last bit and remember thinking ‘finally we’re nearly there’ and then all of a sudden he was out without me even really pushing. I know that I’m incredibly lucky to not have any stitches!
I really wanted to avoid induction as I’d heard some negative stories, but I didn’t have much choice as there were some concerns about my little boy’s heartbeat while I was being monitored when overdue (he was fine but just liked to play with the cord it turns out!). It wasn’t what I’d written in my birth preferences at all (of course!) but I went with it and had a positive experience. My yoga teacher gave us some good advice which was to think of induction like a package deal, as there are certain things you no longer have much choice over (such as having the syntocinon injection for the placenta delivery). That really helped me to go with the flow! x
A package deal! Hilarious! But I do know what you mean; sometimes not having to focus on all the options for all of the different parts of birth can be incredibly freeing. I’m glad that your induction was positive on the whole xx
“I was also lucky enough to get away without needing any stitches either (not sure what that says about me down there?!).”
This made me giggle and think about something my midwife said to me… “For some reason we seem to believe that men are the only sex whose genitals can increase in size when needed and return to a perfectly normal shape and size after, we forget that women are much better at this than men, because we only have to do it a few times in our life.”
She has a point! Haha.
Haha! I hadn’t actually thought of it like that Naomi!! I like the sound of this midwife! Hope you and the family are ok lovely xx
Love this Lolly. Sounds very similar to how Joseph entered the world, but I’ll save that story for another time xxx
Ooooh Lorna I’m intrigued now!
I do love a good birth story, and well done you Lolly.
When you say “I’m sure that it would have been half that if I’d realised earlier on what I needed to do” can I ask – as a mummy to be – what that something was?! Any tips gratefully received!!!
Thanks so much Laura.
I guess I was referring to the pushing bit more than anything. It’s true what they say on One Born Every Minute… you really do have to push as if you are doing a poo (apologies for being so blunt here). I was so focused on trying not to poo myself that I didn’t realise that in actual fact it was Hector’s head I could feel. When I realised I stopped trying to hold back and really go with the feeling of pushing it out. The other thing to note is that although you can push babies out, they can also start sliding back up again once you’ve completed the push so to speak. I realised after hearing the midwife and Ste chat between them, that Hector would come down and then go back up again after a contraction finished so I really focused on clenching my stomach muscles to hold him in place once I’d finished pushing (rather than relaxing after a contraction) so that when the next contraction arrived I could start from where I left off rather than beginning the whole process from scratch again. Does that make sense?
That said my midwife said that Hector’s movement up and down did help to gradually ‘stretch’ me out hence the reason I may not have needed stitches at the end.
I hope that helps…
Love this birth story, can’t believe how fast it was for a first labour! I had a really slow early labour (contractions stopping and starting for 4 days! So frustrating) but then went from 2cm – 9cm in about 2 hours! That 2 hours was the hardest bit of it all, so well done you for getting through a fast dilation on your own in bed! I think you’re right though, we should be more like animals and stay quietly in our own safe environment. I stayed at home for most of the 4 day early labour but I think a big mistake I made was telling people it had started so I was constantly getting texts and calls from the in laws / friends / family asking how it was going. I felt really under pressure to ‘hurry up’ by day 2 as ‘everyone was waiting’ and I don’t think that helped at all! I’m pregnant again and hope for a speedier labour this time but definitely won’t be telling people this time when it starts! X ps I used a tens machine and it was great, if you get chance next time!
Hi Sarah I really feel for you as I couldn’t bear the thought when I was pregnant about people waiting on tenterhooks for a baby to arrive. In the end I struck lucky as it happened late at night and earlier than Hector’s due date so only my mum and sisters knew (one did drive back from Edinburgh in a mad rush to get home in time to meet him). I think on the whole people were knocked sidewards when Ste announced Hector had been born! It was just how I wanted it though – me and Ste and no interruptions.
A friend of mine had a four day labour so I know how frustrated you must have been (and tired too!). Fingers crossed that you have a speedier birth this time round. Let us know how you get on xxx
I love reading labour stories so thank you for sharing yours. I’m 32 weeks pregnant with my first and, as generally I’m pretty squeamish, I thought I’d be terrified of labour and birth but I just love to hear all about it. I think I find it reassuring in a way at how different it can be for every woman so I’m trying to work on being rested and relaxed to try to be in the best position to cope with whatever my labour is (quick or long, natural or not) as I have no idea how I’ll deal with the pain, and I’m sure my need for pain relief will vary wildly if I have 90 minutes labour vs a 48 hour labour! So although we’ve opted for a hospital birth, my only birth wish at the moment is to stay at home as long as I can and to have my husband with me! Sounds like both those things worked very well for you x
Only eight weeks to go then Sophie – I hope it whizzes by for you and that you get lots of opportunities to rest up and relax. I found that I loved hearing about other women’s labour stories too – the more information I had the better I felt about birth in general so I completely get what you mean. If you can stay at home as long as possible then I heartily recommend it – you’ve got all your comforts around you and it’s reassuring. Good luck with everything xxx
Lolly I could have written the first part of this story word for word. I’m starting to think we may in fact be the same person!
Wait a minute….how crazy is that? So where did it differ for you then??
I also love reading labour stories 🙂
I was induced, it was terrible. Long, slow and so tiring. The hospital started the induction at 2pm on a Friday afternoon. On Sunday evening, at 7pm Twin 1 was born. at 7.55pm Twin 2 was born. I had asked for an epidural at 5cm, and the anaesthetist was ‘too busy’ but he eventually came when I was 8cm (because he HAD to, it was hospital policy to site an epidural in case of complications and the need for an emergency C-Section .. with twins, often when the first one is born, the second relishes in all their new founds space so they do cartwheels and spin around), I am not proud to say that I swore blindly at him.
I pushed for 1.5 hours too, and nothing happened. It was only in theatre (when they were prepping me for a forceps delivery) that my Doula told me they were talking about giving me a C-section as I was too tired, that I gave whatever I had left and pushed, and managed to help them with the forceps. No way was I going through a 48 hour + ordeal and ending up with a C-section.
I was so tired, I don’t remember my second daughter being born – still to this day one of my biggest sadnesses.
My husband was incredible. Not so incredible in the first week home when he kept complaining about how tired he was, but that’s another story …
(I wouldn’t recommend induction, based on my experiences, but sadly it had to be done as I had pre-eclampsia)