When we talked about Maternity Leave a few weeks back there was a lot of discussion over Paternity Leave. We thought it was time the Dads got a look in!
Paternity leave varies by company and individual situations so rather than discuss the ins and outs of how it works we thought it would be nice to share with you what our other halves did, how long they took off and what they enjoyed most about that time.
Edd
With both Molly and Alice births, Edd chose to have the two weeks paid paternity leave from his work. Each employer is different but Edd was luckily allowed two weeks full pay leave and he also had paid time off for hospital appointments. We did debate him taking one week off following the birth and then going back to work and taking the second week a few weeks later as his work allowed him to do this. He also had the option of six months full pay paternity leave whereas I was just on statutory pay. Financially we probably should have gone for this option but in truth I don’t think either of us was really too sure this would work for us.
When Molly was born early she ended up in Neo natal for a few days so in truth there was little Edd could do as we mostly couldn’t even hold her. Despite this he obviously wanted to be around and if he had been at work he would only have been distracted and thinking about being back at home. He did say that in truth Molly only slept and fed so he couldn’t do too much really. It is especially hard for the Dad if you are breastfeeding as they are more limited with what they can help with in regards to baby. They could of course do the washing, hoovering, make you cups of tea etc etc!
When Alice was born those two weeks were a godsend as it meant he could occupy and play with Molly. It also helped that we were in the middle of a heatwave (not so much during labour!) as we had lots of lovely trips out. Sort of like a mini holiday.
Anthony
When Leo was born Anthony took the two week stat paternity leave. It FLEW by. But we were really lucky at the time and his job was based from home. Which meant that, until he got a different job maybe four months or so later, he was at home every day with us. Granted he was working but it was so comforting to know that he was just there if I needed anything, that he could watch Leo if I needed something from the shop or if there was a super poop that needed four hands instead of two. He really got some great quality time with him, heard his first giggle, saw his first smiles and real gurgles. He thoroughly enjoyed every second of it and I think it was probably one of his favourite times.
Matt
Those who run their own business will know that paternity leave is pretty much a notional concept. That said, being my own boss did allow me to tailor my work schedule around the birth of Elle.
A clear ambition of mine has always been to spend as much time with my family as possible from the getgo. My Dad missed most of my early years due to work commitments. He now openly regrets this.
After Elle’s birth, even though I was present daily, I just remember feeling completely useless. Fern was struggling with breastfeeding and Elle was too small to interact. I just stood there thinking, there must be more I can do to help. I didn’t realise it at the time, but my primary job in the early months was just to be there (and take any abuse that might have come my way).
Whether you’re lucky enough to work from home, have two weeks or no paternity leave, just be there as much as possible and do your best. The satisfaction reward of getting through the first year intact as one family is immense. Be clear on what is truly valuable and cherish it.
Good luck.
Ste
Much like Fern’s partner Matt, Ste runs his own business so taking paternity leave should have been easy in theory but much harder in practice. Fortunately Hector arrived in October which tends to be a bit of a quieter spell so his brother and cousin were able to pick up the slack for Ste. That said there were times when he had to nip off to take a phone call or finish off some bits of paperwork but this tended to take place when Hector was asleep and Ste was sure that I’d be able to cope on my own for a wee while.
In the end he took 15 days off (weekends included) and I can remember feeling incredibly bereft when he finally went back to work. I know it pained him to return as well and certainly for the first few weeks there were multiple phone calls throughout the day, the odd visit at lunchtime and plenty of early home times. The fact that the days were getting shorter certainly worked to our advantage in that the nature of the majority of Ste’s work being outdoors meant that not much could be done once it got dark. I cherish the memories of those first few days together and whilst they were stressful and exhausting at times, they were so incredibly special. My only regret was that Ste wasn’t able to take more time off but he assures me that he will next time round.
Rob
Elliott and I enjoyed four weeks of Rob’s company when Elliott was born. Rob took the first two weeks off as Paternity Leave and then a further two weeks holiday. Needless to say the company he was working for at the time put a stop to this by the time Joseph came along and due to the boys being born so close together (14months) and me not having a chance to return to work, Rob only took the first week of paternity leave off with Joseph. As much as he wanted to have longer off, we simply couldn’t afford to loose so much of his wages by taking the 2nd week statutory paternity pay. It was a real shame as I could have really done with the help! But we coped.
When Anabelle joined us, Rob took two weeks off. I distinctly remember us sitting around watching TV most of the time. She was so good and just ate, slept and pooped, I of course was waited on hand and foot as I was breastfeeding and I know that without Rob being around to help I probably wouldn’t have been successful at getting Anabelle established.
Four weeks paternity leave was probably a little excessive and one week definitely wasn’t long enough, but we adapted our time frames for each child based on our financial situation and family need and they all worked out perfectly. Rob often suggested that I should return to work full time and he’d be the stay at home parent. I love that this is an option for fathers now.
What plans have you made for Paternity Leave or what did your other half do? Has anyone opted for the father to take longer off whilst you return to work? We would love to hear all your stories.
Image by Little Beanies.
Our baby is 6 days old and my wonderful hubby is taking a full two weeks plus a weeks leave. It was a bit of a traumatic birth (lot of stitches required) so having him here to sort things out while I just breastfeed is amazing!!! I thought recovery would be easier and quicker as I was happily walking miles a week ago. I can now barely make it round the block. I think it’s really hard to plan when you don’t know how the birth will be.
I’m going back to work in 6 months and hubby will take 3 months spl then. It’s only statutory, so we’ll take a hit as he earns more. He’s so excited though.
Hi Mel,
Congratulations! Just wanted to say don’t be too hard on yourself – it takes a long time to recover physically and emotionally. I promise you will be back to walking miles again when your body is ready. Sounds like your husband is being amazing! You really do have to do a lot of sitting and just breastfeeding in those early months, but they fly past (even though at the time it can feel like they drag). Enjoy your time off as much as you can , it’ll be so lovely for your other half to have that time with your little one too x
Hello, congratulations on your new baby! Just wanted to say be kind to yourself- I’m a very active person and like you was walking miles very pregnant, but also like you had a lot of stitches plus some other issues and was totally broken- couldn’t even walk down the High Street. A year on I’m back up and running but it took a long time to heal- just wanted to send you a hug and say it will heal with time and give yourself a break- your body is an amazing thing!
My wife will be taking two weeks paternity leave (I really hate that it’s called paternity leave, she’s a mum too!) and then a further week of annual leave. We’re just negotiating with her boss as to whether it’ll be statutory or full pay, though I’m sure we’ll make it work no matter what. Eeek, just 12 weeks and 3 days to go!
With our first my husband took the full two weeks paternity leave and then took one day a week of as annual leave for the next month. This worked brilliantly for us and we’ll definitely be doing the same in June when number 2 arrives. I seriously can’t recommend taking the one day a week off enough. He took Wednesdays so I only had 2 days on my own at a time (and in reality my parents often came for one or more of those days). It gave him a much needed break as well as taking some pressure off me and we also made sure that those days were blanked out as family days for just us three. The weekends could get so hectic with friends and family visiting it was nice to have time to focus on our new family. Oh jeez, I can’t believe I’m going to be doing all this again in 8 weeks (and with a toddler in tow to boot)…
My partner took his two weeks (full pay) straight from A’s birth and has just registered for a further 4 weeks as part of the shared parental leave scheme which we’re splitting into two 2 week chunks, his employer pays full pay for this too so we are taking full advantage as I am only on statutory pay. On top of this he still has his five weeks annual leave which we’re staggering through the year. Having him around 24 hours a day those first two weeks after A was born we’re invaluable, ok so he couldn’t express the milk but he could do everything else, sterilise bottles and even take over a few feeds while I pumped more. A was tiny and wouldn’t latch so I was exclusively expressing (still am at 14 weeks) he was on hand for everything else. He kept us all fed (the cat included), clean and warm with a continuous supply of tea for me and our revolving stream of visitors. He was also there with big all encompassing hugs when the tears came (sometimes for no apparent reason) I would have coped if I’d had to without him but he made those first few weeks so much easier for me to just concentrate on our daughter and for that I feel eternally grateful.
We were lucky as my son has a December birthday so my husband’s two weeks paternity leave took him right up to the days he had already booked off as annual leave for the Christmas and New Year break. He ended up with about 4 weeks off which was much needed as I ended up with an emergency caesarean and so was much less mobile than I had expected to be. Definitely something to think about for those planning a caesarean birth as you can’t do as much carrying and walking up the stairs and it took about 4 weeks before I felt able to walk the mile into town, which given you’re usually not insured to drive for about 6 weeks afterwards would have meant I’d been housebound for the first month without someone to drive me everywhere!
My husband took two weeks paternity which was full pay, then he was back for a week before he had another 2 weeks annual leave (school holidays). I wouldn’t have coped without him, the birth ended up being more traumatic than expected and I really relied on him for all food, drinks, remembering my medicines, driving us to the Drs, shopping and hosting the constant stream of visitors. I think it really helped him bond with baby too as we were ‘in it together’.
My husband took the maximum he was allowed to by his company at the time – two weeks. He only got three days of full pay, and the rest was statutory so we’d budgeted for that. He also had some annual leave to use – we debated tacking so onto the end of paternity leave, but decided to use it a bit later on instead – which was a really good decision for us – I think our little girl was around 8 weeks old, so we had a lovely week where we got out and about a bit more, and by then we had a little routine of baby groups etc and he came with us that week which was lovely – and having the date in the diary gave us something to look forward to when he had to go back to work – which really helped us both!!
My hubby has just gone back to work today after two weeks off following the birth of our baby, Keanu! It has been amazing especially as I was in hospital for three days and NOT enjoying it – hospitals are not a place where you can get any rest especially with a newborn! I came home from there and had to really build myself back up again both physically and mentally and having hubby around was so invaluable for dealing with all my wobbles and teary moments. Having a baby is by far the most amazing AND the hardest thing I’ve ever done – all at the same time.
My parents (who live abroad) are staying with us for another two weeks which is such a god send, I’m usually up with K most of the night and then they come and get him and entertain him downstairs so I can get a couple of hours kip while Rob goes off to work. So I’ve been so lucky to have my husband and parents with me for a month before I’m going to have to brave things on my own! And I’m STILL dreading that part haha, I’m such a wuss.
Ahhhhhh Kate – CONGRATULATIONS!!!! Such a sweet name 🙂
I thought things had gone suspiciously quiet from you…really hope you’re doing ok – lots of hugs from us all and we’re here if you need us!
It is definitely a rollercoaster with the highest highs and lowest lows, so just take things as steady as you can and be kind to yourself. Definitely make the most of having the support – get them to fill your freezer and cupboards before they go – but you’ll be fine, we promise. It is hugely daunting not having your other half or family around, but as each day goes past you’ll get to know Keanu a little bit more and you’ll find you way and what works best for the two of you.
And like I said, team RMF are here if you have any random questions or just need to offload!!!
xxx
Oh Fern, thank you so much – that’s so kind of you and exactly what I needed to hear today! It is amazing and wonderful but also so daunting and stressful – I thought I was super prepared but nothing can really prepare you for being responsible for such a tiny human! Thankfully Keanu is doing pretty well – he was a rather ouch worthy 9lbs9 at birth and is now 10lbs9 on his two week birthday! I’m going to miss the midwife visits confirming everything is ok, they’re so comforting haha.
Will def pipe up with any questions I have – I’ve been reading through past posts on here which have been such a huge help. Massive hugs to you all – we’re all amazing for bringing up little people!xxxxx
Yay lovely name massive congratulations!
Thank you so much Lucy!
I missed the midwife & HV visits too! I just wanted them to stay all day, they have such a comforting presence I think (well mine did anyway)!!
Agree, bringing up little people is insanely tough, hugs all round.
And it sounds like your not-so-little one is doing amazingly well x
I openly cried (big gulping, sobbing years) in front of parents and parents in law the day before M went back to work I was so much dreading being on my own especially if I’d been up all night feeding/expressing. M&S ma&pa offered to be on hand and came over in the morning of the first couple of days but then I decided to go solo on the third (with people only a quick call away) and truthfully it really wasn’t bad in fact I’d go as far as to say I enjoyed being just me and Miss A for the first time but was lovely to see M walk through the door at the end of the day. Good luck but I’m sure you’ll rock it.
Thanks so much Jo, this is great to know – I can imagine that the reality isn’t as bad! I think having people on call is useful, will arrange that.
Glad it wasn’t too bad for you, this new motherhood thing is scary! ? XXXX
We were lucky enough to have the option of sharing maternity/paternity leave as our son arrived back at the end July last year. My husband had the first 2 weeks off so we could get to know our new little arrival.
I went back to work full time in February and my husband has taken the remainder of our maternity leave so has 3 glorious months of one on one time with our son Troy.
Sorry to put a downer on this but is Matt the only dad who can write his own story? ( Well done Matt!) I’d really like to hear about paternity leave from the dad’s themselves! I also really hope that you can do a shared parental leave story as we found it so so hard to navigate!
My hubby has had 4 months off with our little guy with shared parental leave spread over 8 months and it’s been both amazing and a pain in the behind having him home so much. What I’ve found most interesting is how his work has reacted to him – I really feel like he “gets it” now when I moan that work is being crappy about childcare etc etc etc!!
Haha, Matt would have his own weekly feature on RMF if I let him Jo…x
Would also be interested in reading about shared parental leave – we’re currently thinking that I will go back to work after 4 months, then that my husband will take over… It’s not something any of my friends have done so would love to hear about the experiences of others….!
Hello Ellie! I am seriously late to this discussion so I’m not sure if you will ever see this, but I thought I could help a little! I have literally just gone back to work (day 2!) and my husband is looking after our daughter for the next 3 months. I went back to work when she was 7 months (should have been 6 months but she arrived early!). For us it makes financial sense in that I was on SMP and his employer will honour 3 months’ full pay for him (very generous!), so we have essentially returned to 2 salaries, which motivated our decision. He was also, of course, very keen to bond with our little one properly. For us it is great and works well, I felt 7 months was fine to go back but I know everyone is different – some people love being at home and some people are keen to get back to work so I think only you can decide when might be right for you. Weirdly I found the return to work absolutely fine, the only downside is pumping in my lunchbreak in the ladies, not glamorous. If you are planning on breastfeeding have a good think about how this will work for you. I am only continuing with the work pumping situation for another month, and then switching to mixed feeds (and she requires far fewer feeds on a daily basis than a 4 month old as she is now on solids as well). It is perfectly possible, I don’t want to put you off, but to be honest I hadn’t spent much time considering it until last week and then realised I couldn’t go cold turkey but needed to manage the situation! Formula is obviously a different ball game, but whatever feeding you are doing it is perfectly possible, I just wanted to raise it as a thought! My husband is loving his leave though so far (I know, early days!) and I know many dads with babies around the same age now feeling a bit jealous. I would say go for it if you think it will work for you! We certainly have no regrets. Good luck!!