This is a subject that most people shut from their mind. The one they dread. What seems so far off can suddenly sneak up on you though. Not that I am trying to scare any of you of course!
Although I now work mostly from home this wasn’t the case when I had Molly and Alice. At the time I was working at a busy global ad agency and the thought of juggling that and a baby scared me. Quite a lot. Yes, I wanted to see my friends and have some adult conversation, use my brain even, but I also knew what the job entailed and the thought of how I would manage this scared me a little bit. Long gone were my days of heading off on week long photoshoots or even a days TV edit. Even just making client meetings was going to be a mammoth mission.
The Days
One of the first things you need to decide on is how many days you would like to work. Obviously this is very much dictated by your company and what they will allow and also what you need to do financially. You can read more about your maternity entitlements here. I took nearly 14 months off with Molly in the end due to holidays and so on, with Alice it was just nine months as I’d moved companies and they needed me to start. As an Account Director the minimum they would let me do was four days. I also negotiated leaving a smidge earlier to make it back for Molly by having a shorter lunch (we never took lunch breaks anyway!!). Financially this suited me and four days seemed manageable. After Alice I was very lucky to find a job that let me work two days a week which was brilliant and it was only 5 minutes from my mums house. Double brilliant!
Childcare
One of the biggest decisions is childcare. More coming up on that later this week but you really do need to think about what arrangements you will have not just for during the day but for pick ups and drop offs and how that fits with your work. I was incredibly lucky that my lovely mum agreed to have Molly two days and she went to nursery the other two. After I had Alice Mum had the two of them both days and I can never thank her enough as I know how tough that was.
A Juggling Act
I’m not going to lie and say it’s easy to get to work and look after a small child/children. If it is, hats off to you. Trying to get out the house was a mission. Trying to get home was even harder. I’d get up early and get myself ready before pretty much getting Molly out of bed and straight in to the car. On nursery days I could just about manage to get Molly dressed and give her her milk in the car. Luckily she had breakfast there. I then had a manic dash up to work, normally getting stuck in traffic, before a full on day and battling to get out the door to get back for nursery pick up. I was shattered. Edd works away a lot of the week and stupidly long hours so the responsibility for childcare fell on me. After Alice it was even tougher and both girls were dropped at mums basically straight from bed. Poor kids!
Work Commitments
My job meant lots of client meetings normally some distance away so would pretty much take up my whole day. I also had to manage various shoots and edits for the projects I was working on so often would be expected to do long days. I felt bad that I couldn’t stay late and had to dash off for nursery pick up. It was also difficult to arrange meetings as I couldn’t really be in London for 9am as I had in the past. As a result some weeks my mum offered to have Molly overnight on a Monday night which was a lifesaver. I’d meet mum on Monday morning, swap Molly over in the cars and head off to work. She had a lovely time staying with Nanny and then I would pick her up or meet my mum on a Tuesday evening. This might not be for everyone but it gave me the opportunity to stay late or leave early for meetings. If I could I would pop round to mums on a Monday night or have Molly back at home but in truth she would normally be ready for bed or already asleep so more often than not I would head home and do the washing and ironing. All the glamour.
The Caveat
I wil caveat all of this with a certain factor that needs to be taken in to consideration. When I returned to work after Molly I was already 3 months pregnant. You can read about that fun conversation here. It did mean that I knew all of my decisions and struggles were short lived. It also threw up a whole heap of new issues. Affording a second baby and going back on Maternity leave being the biggest.
My Advice
Whatever you decide try to keep relaxed and do what is best for you and your little one. You can only do what you can. I was very lucky that my mum gave me an option for putting in a bit extra at work but in truth even on the other days I just worked full throttle to get through everything. And most of all, don’t let it get you down. I know most of us have to go back to work for financial reasons but, believe me, you will actually enjoy it. It was great being back in the thick of it, doing the job I loved (most of the time!). Having had time out I found the things that used to niggle me about my role didn’t affect me so much any more. Having a baby puts things in perspective. You get to enjoy what you do but know that when you get home you get those gorgeous snuggles with your littles. And that makes it all worthwhile.
Are any of you preparing to return to work? Or if you already have how did you find it? Please do share any advice or pearls of wisdom.
Hi Lottie, such an interesting topic to discuss.
I have been back at work for 2 years now but it wasn’t very straightforward.
Before getting pregnant I worked for a large company as an artworker and had been there for 4 years. I got to the point where I was ready to move on to something different with a little more creativity but I also wanted to try for a baby. Big dilemna.
Then a few months later, I saw my dream job advertised. A designer position at a small, family run business, 10 minutes from home as apposed to a 40 minute drive.
I went for the job and got it! The decision at the back of my mind was – do I play it safe and stay at my current job where I have my maternity benefits in place etc should I fall pregnant, or take the leap. I accepted the job and absolutely loved it. 5 months into the job I fell pregnant and although my employers were thrilled with my news, I knew it was a blow for them.
A month before I was due to go on maternity leave, they hired a permanent designer, not ‘maternity leave cover’ saying it would ‘put people off’. I took 10 months off and put in a request for flexible working (3 days) which was rejected. I had no choice but to accept back my full time role which was a huge shock to the company as they were not expecting me to return and they now had to pay me, and the new designer that was ‘covering me’. It was a very rough first few months. After my first week back I was pulled into a disciplinary meeting to discuss the mistakes I had made during that week. I felt I was being pushed out the business and on top of that, was trying to cope with being a full time working Mum and all the struggles and mum guilt that brings.
Luckily, both our Mums live close by so with their help, nursery and my husband taking a day off, we managed child care. After a few months I was offered a part time role which I accepted and due to buying a house (more stress!) we agreed on 4 days. 2 months later I was made redundant.
My old job accepted me back and I now appreciate more than ever what I had there. A job that I can put down at 5:30 and leave to pick up my son, a lovely team of people who also have children. If my son is ill, I can leave and it is is not an issue and a manager who is really understanding with flexible working and I now work 3.5 days a week. We are trying for baby number 2 and this time i am staying put!
We are extremely lucky to have our parents close by. Both our Mums have him for a day, he goes to nursery for 1.5 days and then i’m off with him too. He has a very varied week and loves it!
Good luck to all those heading back to work after maternity leave – its not all bad 🙂 xx
Oh my gosh Katie, that sounds terrible. What an awful thing to have to go through. I try to see both sides as I know it must be tough for companies if people work part time but the sometimes underhand tactics that are employed are truly awful. It is true that you sometimes don’t appreciate it until it’s gone and it sounds like you have a great work balance. I’m so pleased your old work gave you the flexibility you wanted and good luck with baby number 2. xxxx
Wait an awful experience for you Katie!
I work for a company that has amazing mat leave (6 months full pay!) and I took 9 months off. It’s just such a shame that I have a 1-1.5 hour commute depending on traffic and that I actually hate the job. I had to have January off with stress related illness (issues with a pre existing medical condition) and I’m still ‘not right’. The job I’m doing is about 3 peoples workload with massive pressure points at certain times of the year. Combined with the fact that my husbands work means he rarely does any nursery runs and if he does it’s only for pick ups it’s such a struggle. We have flexible hours at work so that makes things a little easier but my request to drop some hours has been rejected and it all just seems to much right now due to my illness!
That all said I don’t think I could be a full time stay at home mum, hats off to those of you who do.
I think things would be easier if I had a job I really enjoyed, as much as I’d love to have some extra time and days at home with my beautiful boy, nursery has done so much for him, and when things are ok at work it has also been good for me.
Morning Claire. Sounds like you have a fabulous job in some ways but the stress and pressure of cramming a full time role in to part time really can take it’s toll. Especially when the childcare falls to you. I’m like you though and do like to work as I enjoy it. Most importantly though you need to look after yourself and make sure you are getting enough time to feel better. xx
Such an interesting post. I am always amazed by the struggles so many people go through just to go back to work. Companies are so inflexible when it comes to flexible working!! I work for a hugely well known company who are letting women go almost weekly it seems because they insist they can’t do anything but 5 days a week. It’s terrible. I had to change jobs within the company to do something completely different just to work 4 days (which is actually a full time job squeezed into 5 days!)
I’d be really interested for any advice on how you found your 2 day a week job? No companies seem to advertise part time positions, and I’m not sure how to go about finding one? I’m set to return from my second may leave later this year, and can’t face 4 days a week with 2 in childcare – £20,000 anyone!! ?
Karen it is so tough. My work was quite similar in that 4 days was really the minimum and that was only because they knew I’d be on emails/phone if needed and that I’d work my arse off to get stuff done. The 2 day a week job was amazing and I was so lucky to find it, although as they say I think you make your own luck. I happened to be talking to someone I knew who owned an amazing company and they needed someone to do their marketing and were about to employ a junior exec. I basically offered my services (Alice was a month old at this point) but told them I only wanted to do 2 days. They decided I could do in 2 days what an exec would do in a week so it was win win. I took a big pay cut but as my lovely mum offered, well got conned, in to having the girls two days a week I was about the same as had no childcare to pay. They were brilliant with me finishing my maternity leave and I went in for various meetings etc over the months. Then when I started I was in the office 2 days and then did bits from home on the days I wasn’t and could be flexible on days if needed for meetings. It would have worked so well apart from the guilt of leaving mum with two little ones. She found it really hard and I knew I couldn’t afford two in childcare and then I managed to negotiate myself a job here!! I love it so much. It might sounds like I’m jammy but I try to take every opportunity I can. Use every contact and hopefully something might come up. Good luck xxx
Thanks so much Lottie, such great advice! I have the rest of the year before I’m due back so I’ll be working every contact in that time! Thanks for your tips, and cross everything for me!!
Hi Karen, I’m fortunate enough to work in a big company that is quite good on flex working, and in a part of the company that is particularly good at it. The one thing I’d say is that it’s always worth asking. Don’t ask the recruiters, ask the company (and if possible the hiring manager not HR). Companies are often more amenable to part time than you think, it’s always worth a try!
Thanks Jools, that’s such good advice. I’m definitely going to give that a go. Thanks for taking the time to comment!! ? Xx
I took the decision a long time ago to become self employed to give me the best chance of finding equilibrium. I was a long way off starting a family but I knew that one day it would become the Most Pressing Thing and I was concerned about what I was seeing happen to working friends and family who had startied families of their own. It seemed everyone was walking an impossible tightrope between the uncompromising demands of work and even more demanding pressures and pulls at home. And it takes its toll.
As I’m sure many readers can attest from personal experience, being SE beings it own raft of uncertainty and challenge, but for me it was being ultimately in control of those uncertainties and challenges which made it preferable to being at the mercy of some biased, inflexible corporate HR policy or like Katie above some small companies own struggles.
Being self employed has meant I’ve been able to set my own schedule and my own terms. Which turned out to be not returning to work at all for two years. This was possible partly due to my having been able over the years to command a far higher freelance rate than an employee so I was able to put enough cash away before becoming pregnant. I acknowledge I was fortunate that my industry was one where self-employment is possible, but I think many don’t realise that it’s an option for them too. I know from close friends that some are frightened by the prospect of being s-e due to the perceived lack of maternity benefits that their employee status appears to afford.
It’s only now I’m returning to my business that, while I definitely appreciated them before, now more than ever I have huge admiration and respect (and not least a bit of sympathy, whether it’s wanted or not) for parents who work out of the home and juggle parenting with commutes and demanding jobs for most of the week. It strikes me as an impossible situation that one just has to endure for a while.
This reminds me. Who’s been watching The Replacement? I don’t think I’ve taken one breath since the last episode….
Firstly, hell yes to the Replacement. It’s so good. Can’t wait for the next episode. If anyone hasn’t watched it yet get on i player pronto.
So pleased you have made your work so successful and to give you the flexibility you needed. As you say being self employed has its benefits and difficulties but most of all it is about finding what works for you xx
I’m in the middle of my maternity leave and whilst I’m looking forward to being ‘Sarah’ instead of ‘Mummy’, there is an overwhelming anxiety about my return to work.
My work are so inflexible and despite my requests, I will be returning full time. It’s an environment where despite the hours officially being 9-5, there is an expectation/pressure to do much longer hours.
I also have to stay at the company for at least 12 months otherwise I have to repay all my maternity pay including all benefits so I feel trapped and powerless.
I would add, that please be grateful for you maternity leave rules in UK. Ours are 2 weeks statutory and then it’s up to the employer. Mine is considered very generous allowing 6 months (and definitely not all paid ?).
Oh Sarah, it’s such a tough one isn’t. And even tougher for you as sounds like you have quite strict guidelines on your maternity leave. We are definitely very lucky here. I really hope you find a solution to your hours that works for you. xxx
It’s so frustrating reading people’s negatives experiences, and so good to hear your positive outcome in the end. I quit my job two months after maternity leave. I took a year off and knew quite quickly I didn’t want to, nor could I afford to work full time. My job was very demanding and long hour culture, as is my husband’s. As he’s in a client facing role I knew t would be largely down to me to manage drop off and pick up. My mum offered to have my son two days so i went in after a few months mat leave and requested three days. They seemed confused as to why I’d want to return part time, said they weren’t sure but they’d think about it. Three months later I got an email saying I could work three days but in a different role and they’d keep my mat cover on in my job. No discussion, job description, nothing. I took it as I was grateful to return part time. On my first day back I was told through gossip, not my boss, my mat cover had quit and I’d do my old job. When I went to see her to discuss and say I was concerned how I could fit that in three days I was told it was a full time job and could I increase my hours. I tried to make it work part time, and t didn’t. On top of this I was passed over for training, projects, even meetings. I was constantly bombarded on my non working days and when I told them I was struggling, it was suggested I get a nanny instead of nursery so I could work later. So I told them where to go. I desperately tried to find something else, then two months later found out I was pregnant again. So I’ve decided to just enjoy my time wth my babies and hope and pray I can get back into work in the future. I really wanted to be a working mum, I was proud of the career I’d carved out for myself and its such a shame so many women have these experiences.
Oh Anna, so sorry to hear about your experience. It baffles me/frustrates the hell out of me how parents are treated differently and how workplaces expect you to do a full weeks work in part time but with none of the rewards. I felt the same about giving up the career I’d worked so hard for but ultimately my girls were my priority. It sounds like you have done the right thing and enjoy your time with your family for now. xxx
I’m going on mat leave in July but the break and eventual return to work is scaring me. My employer has been fairly good to other women returning from mat leave allowing flexible working (mixture of working from home vs office and/or reduced hours). We are being TUPEd into a new company in June and so I hope this attitude doesn’t get lost in the transfer. I do have to go back for 3 months after mat leave in order to claim enhanced mat pay, which also happens to be my notice period, and so if its awful I will hand in my notice and locum instead.
Kirstine I am keeping everything crossed that the new company will carry on the flexible working. I truly believe it benefits everyone in the end. Good luck xxx
I work in PR and I’m expecting my first this summer. I don’t know what I will do when it comes to going back to work. I don’t hate my job by any means…but I definitely don’t love it either. Over the years I’ve fantasised about trying something that has more heart to it and that genuinely brings me satisfaction; the problem is I don’t know what that actually is!
I get the basic matt leave package (six weeks 90%, followed by 33 weeks statutory and then nothing) which I was quite surprised by considering it’s a female dominated industry and that you put a lot of blood, sweat, tears and hours into your role over the years…but there you go. This has resulted in me not feeling that much loyalty in terms of going back to the role. When it comes to staying late to work on a last minute pitch I just feel really angry at the moment…it all feels quite thankless.
In addition to this, I think that at my level they will want me back 5 days or not at all. Living in London I’ve worked out if I did that and put the baby into the nursery nearest me I would only be earning circa £200 after tax and travel! I honestly am not sure if I see the point in returning to something I don’t love for that much money.
I’m really hoping that while on matt leave I work out what it is I really want to do with my future. I definitely want to go back to work but I also want to be able to be fulfilled and for the role to be flexible because I know my role as mummy is always going to come first.
I would love to hear from any ladies who were in similar positions and realised what it was they wanted to do on their matt leave! Was it easy to make a total career change or very difficult?
X
I work for a very large retail brand. The whole company is dominated by female employees yet they only offer the basic maternity package. I’m yet to see how my job will work when I go back but it’s always been inflexible when it comes to hours so I’m not sure. It doesn’t seem many come back for long after mat leave so that might be my answer.
Hi Ellie. Your situation sounds quite similar to the one I was in in terms of maternity leave, required days back, money after childcare etc. I also had the whole long days, pitches situation which definitely lost its appeal. I will say that after going back after Molly I had a renewed love of it all. I’d actually missed the buzz and creativity and I loved being on pitches! Not sure how long it would have lasted but it’s just to let you know that you probably will enjoy it again. But maybe not for £200 a month! I really do hope you find something you love. I say take the leap! xx
I find it depressing that employers are showing such an inflexible attitude to part-time working. I’m extremely fortunate to work for a company which uses its open approach to flexible working to differentiate itself from other companies. The nature of the work (generally client facing and fast paced) means it isn’t possible to work 2 or 3 days per week without arranging a formal job-share. However, I work 4 days which works well for both me and my employer. I appreciate having a midweek ‘day off’ and my employer appreciates having a happy employee and if I’m honest we both know that I do almost 5 days worth of work just sqeezed into 4 (mums have an amazing ability to work effectively).
I’m also very fortunate in that my husband and I see raising our children (second is due any day) as a joint effort. He also works a 4 day week so we only have to pay for 3 days nursery. We split drop-off / pick-up responsibilities and if we need to take a day off because our daughter is ill we either split the day or take a day off each.
One thing I would say to anyone feeling nervous about returning to work is to discuss with your employer using ‘keeping in touch’ (KIT) days. You can have 10 while on maternity leave and you get paid for them! My last maternity leave I took 9 months off but worked two KIT days each month from when my baby was 5 months. It really helped me to keep up with developments at work and reminded my employer that I was still committed to my job despite being a new mum.
Really interest post I am pregnant with my first and am a EA to a busy CEO. The CEO was thrilled with my pregnancy announcement however I am concerned about returning to work already and whether she would cope with a part time EA and if she has considered at all the fact that I will only want to come back part time, we still need to have that conversation.
Nursery costs mean that I would not be able to come back to work full time, I’m hopeful that when the baby arrives my parents and in laws will want to look after the baby one day a week each as they both work part time but I do feel guilty making those assumptions.
My maternity leave officially ends at the beginning of May but with holidays, I’ll return to work in June.
Whilst on leave my boss left and the company restructured. My old boss was brilliant when it came to understanding work/life balance and the benefits of flexible working but I have no idea about the attitude of my new boss! I’ve requested 3 days a week, the days I chose were actually dictated by the availability of a place at nursery. I don’t have any family that can help with child care so I found the whole finding a nursery/requesting flexible working a real catch 22 situation.
I also commute, whereas my husband works locally so he’ll be responsible for most of the pick ups and drop offs so it’s going to be a huge change for all of us.
I go from being really excited to getting back to dreading it completely. I did consider not going back, luckily it is just about feasible for us. But the reality is I’m 40 now so if I take a career break now, I worried about trying to return to the work force in say, 2 years as a mother in her 40s. Discrimination against mother’s in the workplace is all too common!
So all I think we can do is see how it goes.
Also, a post on a good value return to work capsule wardrobe would be great! All must be machine washable 🙂
Haha, I second this Sophie!
Haha, yes definitely!
I’ve been back at work after my second baby for about 7 months and its honestly only been in about the last 6 weeks that I’m starting to find my feet. I returned to work in a promoted role – yay! – but as there is a lot to learn my confidence took a real knock as I really floundered for the first few months and being knackered didn’t help. I’ve gone back 4 days and fought tooth and nail for flexi time in my day so if I get delayed etc there is not the being ‘late’ panic quite to much. That’s helped enormously.
I really take my hat off to Mums who have to get out the door looking presentable for work. I work from home and some days don’t manage to have a shower before the nursery run let alone ensure I don’t have jam on my trousers or Weetabix in my hair! I put on a nice coat and scarf so hopefully the nursery staff don’t think I’m a total tramp!
It’s so hard reading about everyone’s problems with part time working requests. I’ve been very fortunate with my company who allow me to work from home 4 days a week and one in the office. I don’t think I could have juggled commuting every single day and would have most likely gone back part time otherwise. There’s still long way to go to get women what they need to maintain a career and have a family. It’s a self perpetuating cycle of lower pay and not the greatest maternity benefits which often means women end up giving up work because it doesn’t make a financial sense to continue. Even with shared parental leave it’s usually the fathers who earn more and as such it would be silly if not impossible to loose their full pay while they take time off. I’ve only just recently found out my husband won’t be entitled to any paternity leave (paid or not) if he changes jobs during my pregnancy which seems a bit harsh too. It’s all worth it in the end but would be nicer if there was more choice. Good luck everyone with your returns to work x
Always a topical subject and I love reading all the comments.
I’m shortly going on maternity leave with babies 2 & 3, I took 12 months off with my daughter who is now 2, and will do the same with the twins. I’ve worked at the company for almost 10 years now (EA to the founder of a Hedge Fund, a very male dominated sector/company). I asked last time if I could come back either 4 days a week or do 5 days but 1 day from home (I commute an hour and 20 mins each way in to London). Was told no, no flexibility at all. So i’m not holding out much hope that he’ll change his mind this time around.
I simply don’t know how I’ll manage to come back to work 5 days a week, commute over 2.5hrs a day AND have 3 kids under 3!! We, like many in the South East, don’t have any family nearby, my husband is self employed so at the moment we juggle days/weeks where my daughter is at home with Daddy and days when she’s at a (thankfully very flexible) childminder. If my husbands work takes him away from us for more than a week or so, then I draft in either mum or mother in law but I know I can’t do that when there’s 3 of them, both are in their 70’s and struggle now just dealing with one little one let alone 3. Due to the very sporadic nature of my husband’s work (actor) he can go from working lots to not at all so I really can’t not work as I’m the ‘breadwinner’ (hate that term!) but EA jobs at my ‘level’ just don’t come up for 3.5 or 4 days a week. I’d love to become a ‘Virtual Assistant’ and work for myself but I know it takes time to build up the business and I don’t have the luxury of a husband who can support us all whilst that happens.
Friends of ours have an au pair which seems extravagant but costs £350 A MONTH and the kids absolutely love her. We have a small house but we do have a spare room so I think it’s something we’ll need to give serious consideration to (the thought of having 3 adults and 3 kids in my little house actually makes me laugh!)
Every working mum I know struggles so none of us are alone, we’re all just doing our best to get through week to week and keep our children happy.
xxx
Gosh it sounds like you are doing an amazing juggling act Anna. Throwing another two babies in to the mix in one go is never going to be easy but hopefully you will be able to find a way through it. It’s such a shame that there isn’t the flexibility in your role and I really hoping that your boss changes his mind for you. I’m also loving the sound of this virtual assistant role. That sounds great. Also, I am with you on the Au Pair costs. I know a few people who have done it and it works out so much cheaper than nursery. Good luck with the arrival of the twins. xx
What a timely post as I’m back at work today after 7 months of mat leave. I’ve kept well in touch with my job (being the director on site) and don’t mind my job at all, but I would still much rather spend more time with my baby. I’ve enjoyed every minute of mat leave and the only reason I’m going back this early is being the main earner. We’re lucky in that my husband will stay at home with the baby until he’s one (unpaid though), when he will go to nursery. I’m also going to work from home at least one day a week, plus any additional days I can if it’s quiet. At least that way I save in the 1.5hrs commute each way and can pop down during lunch for cuddles.
I definitely think there isn’t enough support and flexibility for parents – and particularly mums. Overall, I think the workplace is still very much set up for a cliche 9-6 office job, both by employers and also by for instance transport (part-time travel cards anyone!?). And don’t even get me started on the cost of childcare!
Sorry for the rant – having a very emotional day today. But it’s good reading everyone else’s experience!
And there’s me saying it’s mostly the dads on higher pay! I can say just cutting out the commute makes a huge difference to the amount and quality of time you get to spend with your little one. Good point on part time travel cards too. Hope your first day goes as well as it can.
Hi Maike. How did the first day back go? Hope you managed it ok and it sounds like you have managed to find a good solution for your family. I’m all for days at home working that mean you avoid nasty commutes. I hadn’t even thought about the part time travel cards so rant away! Hope the rest of your week goes well xxx
Thank you Kat and Lottie! Work went quite well and got home to the best cuddles ?
I find this post really interesting & comments too. We were living in Manchester for years and last year moved to north east Scotland where I am now full time self employed running my shop but we have the lifestyle we both really needed. We don’t have kids *yet* but I think we both felt we needed a better work life balance and lifestyle before introducing them. My old company were inflexible and lucky if you could adjust the daily working hours never mind rescue days especially in a managerial role.
On the other hand / we’re not really any closer to family! A good two hours away for the in laws and four hours plus for my mum who is sadly now on her own too.
I’ve no idea how I’ll manage my business when if we had children – but having a business and job I ADORE makes the world of difference in my attitude to working. We’re exploring shared paternity options for my husband for the first maybe four months but of course this is just paid at statutory rates. It always makes me sad to read of friends and others strongly disliking their roles – life is too short to be spending the majority of your time doing something you don’t enjoy.
Sarah it sounds like you have an amazing attitude towards everything and I’m so pleased you have made a move to a location and new job. It sounds like it has been great for you and hopefully for your little family one day. I definitely think we should all remember your sentiment of life being too short to do something you don’t enjoy xx
Glad to see i’m not on my own with flexible means ‘yeah we accept flexible working requests but we just find a way of rejecting them’.
I was working for a software company for 3 years when I fell pregnant (mat pay was the statuary). When my daughter was 3 months put my request in to return to work on a p/t basis, went in spoke to my manger several times & even had an interview for the same role but for a different team. I thought all was going well when BAM… 8 weeks before i’m to return receive a very formal letter telling me that they no longer see a place for me in the business & I have 5 days to contest or P45 to follow. I was absolutely floored, luckily a NCT friend is a schmazing HR wizard and after a very stressful few weeks I ended up taking a settlement. All avenues were pushing to take them to tribunal but the stress was awful so just backed down I probably would have got more but just felt I didn’t have it in me to fight.
Anyway, after being all ‘i’m never going to find anything’ i have found a job on my doorstep 3 days a week in a VERY flexible environment…the grass is greener!!
That is AWFUL. I totally understand your decision and doing what was right for you but to anyone else in a similar position *please* seek advice so you at least know what your options/rights are.
Glad you’ve found something better. More fool them x
Hey PB, sorry to hear you had a bad experience with work but pleased to read that you now have a job that suits you better. I too was very tempted to take things further as I was treated appaulingly. I seeked advice from the Citizens Advice burea because the company I worked for was so small, I had no HR representation. I definitely had a case but I just felt intimidated and did not have the strength with having to find a new job, being a Mum and also moving house at the time.
This is absolutely terrible. So sorry to hear about what you went through but yay for amazing friends and even more amazing new jobs xx
I’m going back to work next Wednesday after a year on mat leave and I’m bricking it, Lottie! ? I’m reasonably lucky in that my company has tried to be flexible and has agreed to let me work four days per week but refused my one day from home, which is a bit of a blow. I commute into London from Surrey so daily travel time is about 1.15mins there and the same back. Doing that three days per week would have been much more manageable than four.
I’m most worried about my little guy as he’s so used to me being around 24/7 and suddenly I’m going to be gone for 12 hours four days per week. I’m still breastfeeding him so will try and express at work although I’m not sure how easy that is as it’s usually pretty busy! I’m hugely lucky in that my parents will be looking after him three days per week and my husband’s parents are doing the fourth day.
But I’m still absolutely bricking it. No matter what the situation, the unknowns are scary!
Kate you will be absolutely fine as will you little one. It isn’t easy when you have long days but it does just become part of the routine and your time with him will be even more precious and fun. I had about an hours drive to my old work (worse in traffic) and it definitely added to the stress but I managed to agree to leave half an hour early so I could get ahead of traffic on some nights which worked wonders. Is this something that would be an option? I used to log back on once Molly was in bed to catch up on things. Having your parents there will make it so much easier and I’m sure your little boy will love it. Good luck and let us know how you get on xxx
Thanks Lotty, I’m going to ask about leaving early as my set hours are 9:30-5:30 so could suggest 9-5. Although that in itself is laughable as I never left the office before 6:30 but I could easily log back in. It’s just so frustrating when employers make a song and dance out of you being “present” in the office – he’s there are times when that’s necessary and important but they’d get so much more out of employees by trusting them to know how to get their job done.
An hours drive must have been stressful although I love the idea of not having to deal with other grumpy commuters!
I have been back at work for 5 months now after a year off. I have been very lucky in that my firm gave exactly what i asked for, 3 days, and they are also great at flexible working, taking time off when my girl is sick etc. However, the catch is, that I’m very underpaid for my industry and my level of experience and despite making them a lot of money, i feel unable to ask for a payrise as i feel like i should be grateful they’ve been so understanding about my request for part time working. It’s not easy, no matter what you do.
It’s so tough getting that balance. Being grateful for flexible hours but feeling like you are missing out or being undervalued. I say go ask for that payrise, you deserve it! x
Wow, this has been an interesting read and has shown me how lucky I am, so I’m going to try really hard not to moan when I return to work next month after my second child! I genuinely love my job (in a publishing dept) and the organisation I work for, which is a large charity. And they’re really flexible too. The only downside is that I know I could command a much higher salary doing the same role in another sector but, for now, it suits. We have a large mortgage and can’t afford to pay it on my husband’s salary alone so I have to return to work.
Last time, I went back FT with one day at home. This time, I’m going back FT but with two days at home plus I’m using holiday to take off one day a week until my eldest starts school in Sept. My boss is amazing and understands that I will be a happier (and more grateful) employee if I can be at home 2 days, as it means I get more sleep, avoid the commute and can do drop offs and collections. Essentially I will get an extra 3 hours with my kids on those days.
I am nervous about going back but mainly as I’m chronically tired and seem to lose my train of thought a lot, which isn’t particularly impressive when running a meeting! I’m also nervous on behalf of my sweet and shy 10-month old who is still breastfeeding. But am hoping she enjoys her nursery, and that the whole family benefits from me working.
Abi, it is so lovely to see that there are some brilliant companies out there who support working mums. It definitely goes to show that giving the flexibility gives a more committed (and happy) employee as you say. Wishing you lots of luck when you go back xx
What a timely article after the day I’ve had! I’ve been back to work now for 2 months after 9 months maternity leave to acompany restructure and a job role that has changed slightly and I’m not really enjoying it as much as I used to. I think it’s down to the fact that my priorities have changed and when I wouldn’t have thought twice about staying an extra hour to get my to do list done, I just want to get home to see my baby and spend an hour with her before she goes to bed. Coupled with the anxiety that I feel that I’m not good at my job anymore and the frustration I have if I can’t leave on time at 5pm because I am working 5 days in 4 day, it’s really starting to get me down. It’s even more frustrating because my company are brilliant, the people are fab and they are really flexible. I take pride in my work so perhaps I’m feeling the pressure of not being able to keep up the high standard I had for myself mixed with the why should I bother as I’m getting paid peanuts for what I do! Sorry for the ramble! I am seriously thinking of going freelance but the thought of missed mortgage payments terrifies me!
I am currently on mat leave with my first child, I am planning to return to work when my baby is 9months (there is a cash incentive to return at 9months & as I’m the higher earner in our relationship this money will really help us especially as we are moving house & our mortgage payments are about to get much bigger). The thought of going back to work fills me with dread & im trying hard not to think about it (possibly not the best strategy) as I really want to work 4 days so I get an extra day during the week with my baby but I just don’t think my employer will approve this & if they do I worry about how I’ll manage 5 days of work in 4 days! Also the inevitable 20% salary cut is frustrating as I know I won’t do 20% less work.
It’s such a difficult balance as my job can be very satisfying & I know I couldn’t be a stay at home mum (I just don’t have that in me even if we could afford it) plus I’ve seen how good childcare is at developing the children of family & friends but the whole situation still makes me feel so anxious which is a shame as I don’t want my mat leave to be overshadowed with these feelings.
Wormot – flexible working
I’m interested to know if anyone’s partner has taken reduced hours or days in order to support your return? It’s a tough one because usually (and in my case) as the mother has taken the time off, during that time their partner has progressed in their job and even received a promotion or pay increase. (This happened in my circumstance). I asked my partner if they would consider going down to 4 days a week instead of me. He considered it, but as it would mean less joint income than myself doing it we agreed that I would take the pay cut, with a view to reassess in a year. As a compromise, he does more nursery pick ups than me as I need to stay later the days I am working. He also agreed to take on the majority of the parental duties in my first month of returning. With no immediate family and us already paying £1,200 a month for nursery this was the only option to get me back up to speed. His month of shorter days at work in the grand scheme of things didn’t impact his job negatively, and I also found that after taking on full responsibility he was far more accepting of the 50/50 option, and more importantly does 100% of the work when he is on child duty (I don’t pack the nursery bag, or get tea ready for example on his days and vice versa) so it is purely equal.
We still have a weekly struggle with juggling everything between us, but we took the time at the start of returning to agree the rules that we would try to stick to: who is ‘on call’ each day if our child is sick for example, and whoever picks up also sorts out dinner.
I’ve been back for 6 months now and we are both in a busy period in our jobs. We have had to get a regular sitter to do pick ups once a week, and although we feel like we hardly get time together in the week (it feels a lot like shift work on opposite shifts) we understand the pressures we each have by sharing everything equally.
This might not be the best option for everyone, and it may even change for us, but it works at the moment. Has anyone else asked their partner? Is there still a consensus that the non-returner (usually men but not exclusively) wouldn’t get this signed off? If we don’t challenge this will it ever change?
This is actually part of our current plan – although I’m not even on maternity leave yet let alone going back (July 2018 is a long way off!), I wanted to think about how we’d cope after maternity leave now. I’m currently thinking that I’ll go back for 4 days a week, but also that my partner will aim to do a compressed week of 5 days over 4. He could do this by getting in an hour earlier and having shorter lunches, and maybe a late finish once a week. He’s not formally requested this yet but going by other requests etc. with his employer I think it would be fine (especially if there was some degree of flexibility from him). This would then mean that we’d only need 3 days of childcare, hopefully one set of grandparents one day, an auntie with a child 2 years older another day, and nursery/childminder one day. Which would really help…
Bit late to this party – but… Yes, my husband has taken reduced hours to help out with childcare whilst I work. At the moment I am doing 3 days a week and he is doing 4, with daughter in nursery 2 days a week. He actually ended up being made redundant from his previous role not long after she was born, and it so happens that the company he moved to only needed someone 4 days a week (and this is something he was hoping for in whatever role he took.) Now we work it so that I do the nursery drop off in the morning, and he picks up on his way in so that I can carry on a bit longer, and he really looks forward to their special Fridays together, and I hope that it’s something they get to continue as she grows.
Such an interesting post and so good to read all the comments and different experiences of returning to work.
I fell pregnant with my first three months after starting a new job and waited until I passed my six month probation before telling them. My boss at the time was fab as she too had a similar situation when she started.
Whilst I was on maternity leave, my boss left and someone new took over. They were not on board with me working a 4 day week and didn’t even consider compressed hours, working from home etc… I knew I didn’t want to do a 5 day week and luckily found a job where they would allow me to do 4 days. However after only a few short months, I realised that I wasn’t happy and again luckily found the perfect job with a family friendly company working 4 days a week with flexible working and working from home.
I worked there for 18 months until I was made redundant in February and I was 8 weeks pregnant with no2. They have been amazing in supporting me and trying to work out how best to keep me on and I now work 2 days a month for them from home. I do this alongside building my own branding and web design business which I have been working on in my ‘spare’ time for the last 12 months.
I should really have gone back to work when Lola was only a few months old and my maternity pay was reduced as it meant we weren’t able to afford the rent on our two-bedroom flat, but instead we gave our landlord notice and moved in to a tiny one bedroom flat as that’s all we could afford on my partners wage. It was massively stressful but it meant I didn’t actually have to get back to work until Lola was 13 months old so I didn’t miss any milestones and had loads of free time to visit family and meet up with other mum friends for playdates. When Lola turned one, we thought she should really be in her own room so I found a monday-friday job that meant we were able to afford to move in to a two bedroom place again and split the rent, I work 8am-5:30pm, with an hour commute each side, and my partner works 3am-11am with a shorter commute so my grandparents collect her on Mondays, Tuesdays and Wednesdays at 7am when I have to leave and bring her back just after 11am when my partner is home. Thursday and Friday are the days he takes as his two days off and Saturday and Sunday are my two days off so thanks to family and my partner working tough early shifts, we have childcare covered until she is eligible for free nursery hours this September. It’s really hard as the way we have it worked out means the only days in the year I get a day with my partner are the 20 days annual leave I have plus Christmas Day and the 3am starts means he is in bed an hour after I get home from work so we spend barely any time together, but it’s the sacrifice we have to make to live in a two-bedroom property. I can’t deny feeling envious for those who have partners earning enough to mean they don’t have to work or only work a couple of days! Xx
I run a wellbeing/people engagement agency and this post is really interesting. As a mother myself what I’m most interested in is how we prepare ourselves for coming back (or don’t) and the responsibility that the business you work for takes on to help you. We feel there is so much to be done in this space to make it easier for mums to come back to a professional job. Would love to speak to you further about this!