You often hear people talk about the overwhelming love they have for their children and sure, it all sounds really lovely and you’re sure they love their kids. Then you have one of your own. Boom. Heart full to the brim and fit to burst approximately 25 times a day because you cannot cope with all the love you have for this tiny human that you made. Yes, you. You made that tiny person. Now you understand where these people were coming from. They fill your heart. They are what I like to call ‘The Most’. The one who makes you smile the most, cry the most, lose your patience the most, laugh the most… Be the most happy you have ever been. You immerse yourself in them. They are the first thing you think of when you wake, the last thing you think of before you sleep… The thing you think of 4 times a night when they wake you up! But they are your everything, you give them your all.
We were certain on extending our family and the thought of having to ‘find more love’ for another baby always weighed on my mind a little. I mean, look at what I just said. You give your first born your ALL, because you CAN. Because it’s only them. I’d not really been thinking about it so much and had just been focusing on general life and getting through each day whilst carrying around an extra stone in weight (seriously, where does it all come from, I’m pretty sure the baby is a tiny part of that!) and then just over two weeks ago whilst I was sitting packing for a hen do in Barcelona something happened that didn’t feel right. There was a small… gush. Off to the loo I trotted to be confronted with a whole heap of very wet blood. It turns out that the membranes of my waters had ruptured. Long story short, the new baby will now be with us sooner than we expected… in 3 and half weeks to be more exact… If he doesn’t decide to make an appearance before then.
Whilst I was very concerned about the well being of my new baby (so far so good by the way, he’s doing great) I also became very aware that my time left with Leo was now much shorter.
How do I do it? How do I make room for two when my heart is already full to the brim? I find myself just watching him, even more so than I already did before. I don’t grumble if he wants a second bed time story. When he hugs me I hold on a little bit longer. His, hell, both of our worlds are imminently about to be turned upside down and I feel so sad to think that we will lose our one on one time together. Pregnancy hormones are making me an emotional wreck and I could cry thinking about it every time we have a little chat.
Someone told me that I shouldn’t be afraid of having to share my love because that’s not how it works. Your love doubles in size, your heart grows; whether you believe it can or not it does. Your children will be different people and so you will love them the same but for different reasons. It seemed to make a lot of sense to me.
Did you find this was the case when you had a second (or third or fourth) baby? We’re you anxious before their arrival about whether you could find room for all the love? I’d also love any tips on ways of including Leo in his baby brothers life without him feeling put out. I read that having photos of them on your bed side lets them know you’re always thinking of them. He’s chosen a teddy (whilst in the local super market he randomly came out with ‘Mommy, the baby would like a Teddy’. I died.) and he can’t wait to present it to him. I figure he will become my number one nappy changing assistant but I’m trying to think of things to try and help prepare him before the arrival… Although I guess nothing can really prepare them for the arrival of a new baby.
And so , with all this going on this may be my last post for a little while whilst we finish getting things ready for his arrival. Thanks for all your well wishes during the pregnancy, from getting involved in name suggestions to all of your encouraging words about giving breastfeeding a bash this time round.
See you on the other side!
Image by Little Beanies Photography
Ah this is so beautiful. I keep thinking the same thing how do I have anymore left inside me?!? But apparently you just do 😉 I don’t really have any tips as I would love to know too. The best of luck with everything and have an amazing time. Leo is going to love being a big brother!! Oh I did think about getting a stack of mini presents so if someone came round with a gift for the baby i would always have something for Louis too?!? Lisa xxxx
Leo is the cutest with his teddy bear! You most definitely will have love, I promise. I will fully admit that for the first couple of days after having Alice I was a little overwhelmed and couldn’t really comprehend having two children. It all changed very quickly though and now I can’t imagine anything else and love them both immeasurably. Trying to get Molly to accept Alice was one of the things I worried about as Molly was still so little and I couldn’t really explain it to her that well. She knew there was a baby in my tummy but not sure she quite realised that baby was coming out. When Edd bought her to visit us in hospital the next day we had bought her a little dolly for herself so she had a ‘baby’ too. We said that Alice had bought it for her. Don’t quite think she got it. I didn’t do anything else and maybe I should have as I’m not sure she took to her initially!!! It all works out though. Good luck with the last few weeks. Big hugs xxx
Apart from the obvious ‘i just want a healthy baby’ worries, this was the main thing i worried about. Its completely normal. I have Imogen who turned two this week and Fox who is 4 months, the minute he was born I looked in his eyes and felt overwhelming love that has just grown and grown (wow that sounds cheesy but its true) then Adam brought Imi in to meet him ‘this is your baby brother Imi’ and she said ‘OH NO!’ very very loudly. Apart from that, she adores him and I find talking about him and including her in what I’m doing, helps. She is still young so didn’t really get jealous, the hardest thing was not being able to pick her up (c-section)
Visitors generally brought her a little pressie too but I like Lisa’s suggestion of keeping a few bits in for the elder sibling so they feel special too.
I also book help in for bath/bedtime a couple of times a week so they can watch Fox while I do a fun bath and storytime with Imogen, just me and her, which i love.
I feel guilty about not doing as much with Fox as I did with Imi when she was a baby, I feel guilty about not doing as much 1:1 toddler stuff with Imi, but it’ll all be worth it when they can play together (and I can finally sit down)
You’ll be amazing, and its so worth it. Remember to ask for help!
Good luck!
PS, the name Fox goes well with Leo, no? Just a suggestion 🙂
Haha! ‘OH NO!” has cracked me up. I think it’s really important to try and get those bed time stories in still. I find that real quality time when everything is quiet and we can get all silly voiced and really enjoy ourselves.
I think we’ll always carry (unnecessary) guilt for things won’t we? But you sound like you are getting the balance spot on. And I’m very excited for the day that Leo will have a little buddy to play with because I’m a bit of a crap ‘player’.
And yeah, it really does… Although hubs has now ruled out animals and surnames as first names. He’s SO unadventurous. x
I read elsewhere (I think on Cup of Jo? There were lots of tips) that it might be a good idea to have new baby in the hospital cot so your arms are ready and open for number one when they come to visit? He is so cute with his bear, he can rush in hug you and wave the bear at the baby! Could you ask people who bring gifts for baby to pick Leo up a little something too, or have a stash of gifts prewrapped for him? There is also a Katie Morag book called Tiresome Ted which is all about how it’s ok to feel strange and cross about a new baby but it will pass.
I’m waiting for an early scan after my ectopic pregnancy in the spring, so I’m finding it hard to imagine this new baby as real yet. But all those feelings are there, I look at Silvia and feel all sad that she will only have all my attention for a limited time.
Also, I think the labour and sorting out your older child is quite tough, I’m worried about it with parents living far away and having to bring S to hospital with us. Or go in on my tod and leave her with Daddy. I just don’t want it to be any more traumatic for her, let alone being left with people she isn’t comfortable with like well meaning friends and neighbours. It’s Nannie or nothing!
Thank you for this post, looking forward to lots of ideas and thoughts and GOOD LUCK- is this your last post pre maternity leave? X
The baby in the hospital cot is a great shout! Thanks so much for sharing. I’m absolutely going to make sure that happens. And I will definitely look into the book should we need it 🙂
Sorry to hear about your ectopic pregnancy and wishing you all the luck in the world with your new one. Everything crossed for you that it is smooth sailing.
I worry about the labour side of things too but hoping with the issues we’re having that we will get an induction date and so that can hopefully allow us to be a little more organised? With parents 2 hours away it’s not so easy to just call on them in the middle of the night. That said, we have a babysitter in Leo’s key carer at nursery. She just happens to live on the same estate as us and Leo loves her and she has very kindly volunteered to be at our beck and call should we need her at any point which has really settled my nerves.
This is likely to be my last post… We’re sort of playing it by ear so I might be able to sneak one or two more in before the little one arrives but if not thanks for the well wishes xxx
Does anyone have that link to the Cup of Jo article?
What are you doing to me? I’m sitting outside our tent in Padstow sobbing into my coco pops while passers by give me the strange ‘are you okay love?’ Look! You’re not the only emotional wreck by the look of it ❤
Your love for Leo is such a beautiful thing & you really are one of the most genuinely caring people I know. Such a huge heart is only going to get bigger!
He’s already proving that he’s the best man for the job of Big Brother too, bless him. When my niece was on the way, my nephew (3 at the time) decided she was his and proudly told everyone that for his birthday he was getting a baby and a batman cake – both held in equal esteem obvs. When she arrived, my sis really encouraged this new role, making him feel very grown up and he loved stepping up as Big Brother. It helped that having just turned 3 he was suddenly allowed to play with all the ‘good toys’ too! Not sure how that is a helpful suggestion but it was so much fun to see him fuss around her now he was ‘all grown up’.
Of course now, almost two years on, none of that stops him pushing her over when he thinks nobody is looking!
I’m so excited for your new arrival my love. I can’t imagine how worried you must have been these last couple of weeks but it won’t be long now until Leo’s little bro is safely in your arms.
xxxxx
Karen you are too sweet! I have been watching your IG and looks like you’re having a fab time!
Baby and Batman cake sounds like the best combo ever! No wonder he was so excited. I think the fact that he is now three will make a big difference to his ability to cope with it all? He seems so… grown up and understanding of everything!
And get that baby in my arms! I won’t rest until he’s here and I can see that he is all ok. You have all this to come soon doll. A Mother’s worry never goes away! Biggest love xxxx
We’re having the best time! Making the most of the babymoon… things are about to change massively. (Might have to try and beat that mat-leave order deadline for baby name bunting!) ?
Leo will cope so well, he’ll adore his new role of the big boy in the family ?❤
Huge love to you all xxx
Ah I’m so glad!! The books are always open for you darl! ?
This was a good & very apt read. I have a two year old boy & am about to start trying for our second baby. I feel more than ready for a second but I didn’t expect to feel guilty! I keep looking at my little boy & feeling bad for him that he’ll have to share us with another baby. I feel bad for him thinking that he wasn’t enough for us…I do know this is ridiculous and irrational & the sensible part of my brain knows how much he’ll love & benefit from having a new sibling but stil…the guilt gets me!
Hopefully I will feel different if & when hopefully I am pregnant..we’ll see!
Ahh so glad you wrote this post, I’m feeling exactly the same. I’m 32 weeks and just starting to think what should I be doing to prepare my little girl?? I was thinking of getting a couple of books about being a big sister to read to her. I tell her there’s a baby in my tummy and she will pat it and say baby but I don’t think she really gets it… I hardly get it myself! ? I worry about having enough love too and feel guilty like I will be ‘taking away’ love from my daughter, but I know logically that I won’t be. When I’m feeling worried about it I try to remind myself that before I had her I didn’t remotely understand how much I was going to love her and how happy she would make me, so it’s the same this time, I don’t yet understand how much I’m going to love this new baby but I will!
Really hope your baby boy hangs on as long as possible and all is ok, that must have been so scary for you! Best of luck! X
Sarah that’s such a great way of looking at it. And I am so with you on the hardly getting it thing. I can’t believe it all feels so surreal even this time round after having already done it before!? Wishing you loads of luck xxx
I know, I totally expected to feel much more prepared this time and relaxed about it all but I still have all the worries I had first time – what will it be like, who is this little person coming into our lives, will everything be turned upside down?! I know that once they are here it will all slot into place and we won’t be able to imagine life without them but at the moment it still feels a bit scary! ? xxx
Feeling exactly the same! My son will be 2 when my baby arrives and although I’m not worried about the love aspect I worry about my son not getting all of me like he’s used to and the baby not getting all of me. I’m just hoping it works out because it has to lol
Love this post Saps – you are a natural at this writing malarky! Obviously never been in this situation (unless cats count?!) but I love the comment someone told you that love doubles in size and your heart grows – i deffo believe that will be the case! Especially for a girl who has so much love to give/share! You’ll be an equally awesome mama to this boy, I don’t doubt that for a second. You’ll find new things to love, new ways and little quirks that you may not have had with Leo as well as many of the ones you did. The only issue you’re going to have is that your heart now may actually BURST 😉
So excited for the next few weeks, cannot wait to meet him and give you a massive hug xx
Get a present from baby to big brother and stick it in your hospital bag. We bought a set of superhero mashers which went down really well.
A good tip from my mum was to have baby in cot when the older sibling first arrives so you can give them a big cuddle straight away.
My 3 year old has been amazing with his baby brother and has a great bond with him. We’ve been quite open about the process of pregnancy and breastfeeding and he’s found it all quite fascinating. My husband took him out for a couple of hours each day in the early weeks and this helped give everyone a break.
I just try and have intensive playtime with no1 when no2 is asleep so he does accept the times when I’m busy with the baby. Breastfeeding is a good time to encourage going to find a book then the 3 of you can snuggle up together.
All in all its been much easier than I expected!
My partner still goes on about how when his brother was born (he was 4), he (the baby) brought him a present, and he was sold! xx
Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy and the new arrival! We are nearly 4 months now into having our two boys, my eldest, Arthur, was just shy of two when the new boy arrived. I tried to do lots of prep talking about the baby, what babies do, he gave him a name (that stuck – baby is Alexander but we all call him Wolfie, even had to include Wolfgang as a middle name so it makes sense!) and generally talked a lot about the upcoming change. We also got a great book called Pirate Pete’s a big brother (or something) which was helpful. Did the gift from the new baby but he didn’t care, was just too excited to come to the mysterious ‘hospital’ we’d been talking about! It hasn’t been totally smooth sailing, there has definitely been some small jealousy but Arthur hasn’t understood why he’s feeling like this, so I’m trying very hard to be patient and loving when occassionally he pinches the baby or whatever – honestly though I mostly have to stop him from trying to smother him with kisses and cuddles and he’s very proud of being a big brother, likes to tell everyone he meets. I say things like ‘our baby’ and ‘the brothers’, e.g. shall the brothers come down for breakfast, or ‘our baby needs his mummy milk now’ to try and make it all very inclusive. I found the first weeks very strange and I felt almost devastated that it wasn’t just me and my boy anymore, thar i wasnt being a good mum etc. – all compounded by the lovely postpartum hormones… I don’t think I’d really considered the change we were about to go through at all. About three weeks in I began to feel better about it all, we got into a routine that brought order back into my eldest’s life, and now it’s just the joy of my life to see them start to interact and consider our future with two boisterous boys. You can do it! X
Becky I spent most of my second pregnancy worrying about exactly then same thing. But when my little girl arrived I fell even more in love with her at how well she just fitted straight into our little family and my heart just swelled with pride at how my little boy handled it all. Once piece of advice I had was not to refer to your eldest as being ‘big brother’ being a ‘big boy’ the midwife who said this to me said he still wants to be your baby too! I still call him my special first baby and even though he tells me ‘no I’m a boy’ I know he loves it ? x
What a lovely post to read. I can’t offer advice with the second baby scenario, my first little one is just 3 months. I do remember getting a present from my sister when she was born though which I loved! Best wishes for all of you with baby no 2, looking forward to hearing about him when he arrives. X