Three months after having Elle, I started back at work. It was a decision that was kind of made for me (we needed the money) and although it was tough, with hindsight it was the right one, as getting stuck into work really helped me to recover from my baby-blues. Working around Elle has been a rollercoaster ride and one which is very far removed from some of the things I’ve seen and read on the internet (namely Instagram). This article from The Glitter Guide made me simultaneously weep and laugh out loud. For me it just hasn’t been possible to be at home, look after my baby and work at the same time. Something had to give.
Elle started at her childminders at seven months old, so the first four months back at work were completed at her will. My work was done when she napped, during the evenings and whenever she would sit happily in her bouncer. There were days when this worked like a dream. But of course there were other days where this just didn’t happen.
And if I’m honest, this was the majority of days.
There was just too much to do – housework, cooking, looking after Elle and doing my job as RMW Editor was just an impossible juggling act. I was exhausted – working late into the evenings meant I found it really hard to get to sleep. Then I’d get up at 6am to fit in an hour of work before Elle woke up. The house was an absolute tip and the meals I was serving the family were pretty dire, and that’s putting it mildly.
And this is just the practical stuff – wait until you factor in the guilt. Feeling like you should be doing something more stimulating for your baby. That you should be enjoying those precious, fleeting moments of babyhood. And it’s pretty miserable for your partner sitting on the sofa waiting for you to finish work on a Friday evening…
I found it a welcome relief when Elle started to attend childcare. There was now some clear separation and structure to my week. As she has become a toddler and I’ve increased my hours back at work, I feel like I’ve finally struck a balance I’m OK with. I work four days a week, and Elle has three full days in childcare. That’s one day a week to make up during her naps or during evenings. And I get to spend four proper days with her.
I’ve learnt to be more strict with accepting invitations because although my working set up offers wonderful flexibility, people often don’t take working from home seriously. Family and friends assume I’ll be able to move things around for them. I still have deadlines, urgent actions to respond to and calls to make. My amount of work each week doesn’t change, so if it’s not finished one day, it has to be done the next.
Another thing I’ve struggled with is loneliness. Being a new mum can feel very isolating, sometimes working away from the house, surrounded by people is a welcome change. I absolutely love my job, but definitely miss the camaraderie that working alongside others offers. Sometimes I’ll go to a cafe to work or even the library just so I actually see some real life human beings during the day.
I’m well aware that my job is incredible in many, many ways – not only is it great to be able to throw things in the washing machine during a tea break, tidy up the house before Elle gets home and have absolutely zero commute, I also LOVE what I do. If anyone is thinking about changing their career path, I’d say go for it. It’s challenging and there will be times (sometimes months on end) where you are working evenings and weekends. The reward is worth it. But you cannot do it without some form of childcare – in my experience it’s just not possible.
(Alternatively you could hire a cleaner, a personal chef and a PA 😉 and for the record, my desk absolutely never looks like the image above!)
It’s so true Fern! I left my big corporate job about a year ago now and feel so so lucky to be full filling my dream career being self employed and looking after my boy with one on the way but I have to say it’s been a huge juggling act especially as my work can be so sporadic so lovely to know there are people out there feeling the same as me. Xxxx
Definitely helps knowing that there are lots of other Mum’s doing the same thing – it’s a tough balancing act, but I’m sure we’ll be waving them off to school and wondering what to do with our freedom in no time 🙁 x
This is such a true account of working from home. I run my own business and the kids who are 2 and 4 now, have spent pretty much every day with me since they were born.
We couldn’t afford childcare so we just had to make do with making calls during nap time, evenings by the computer and relying on any family help I could get. My house is a tip but you know what it doesn’t matter. Some days I do crack and have to remind myself how good we have it. Being your own boss is the dream of so many and of course has its perks as well as its pitfalls. If I want to spend the afternoon in the park with the kids I can.
I hope my kids don’t see the stress of it all. I hope it gives them a good work ethic later in life. My work has suffered. Home life has suffered. I haven’t dealt with the isolation particularly well. But I know in the long term it won’t be forever. I’ve just got my eldest to school and only having one child at home with me has made a massive difference. So I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. I’m sure I will miss the busyness when they are both at school.
So for now I am going to enjoy the little time I have with my youngest. She is going to preschool 2 mornings a week I can only imagine how much work I will get done…Or maybe I will have time for a much needed nap!
They will definitely be proud of how hard you work Cherish. It’s hard for something not to suffer, but I’d definitely rather it be the housework than time spent with Elle or doing my job properly. You will miss it, but hopefully with both at school you’ll be able to get a better balance back. And yes, a sneaky nap is a good plan – we’ve all been there! x
I couldn’t agree more Fern. I have stayed at home for the full 12 months but as I helped out with work here and there it quickly became clear Anna would need a childminder even though my super awesome manager agreed to me working 4 days a week from home and only make the trip to the office once a week. To be honest my work have been hugely flexible even on that one office day but I like going in and seeing real human beings too so try and make it happen whenever I can. I have definitely noticed that working from home isn’t seen as being the same level of commitment as an office based job but like you said you still have to put the hours in and get the job done and sometimes this can be more stressful as I always try to keep on top of household stuff as well as work while my husband can totally concentrate on work while in the office – that’s not blaming him – I tend to put myself under all this pressure all by myself. On the flip side working from home is absolutely amazing and has made all the difference in me deciding to return to work full time. If I had to do the commute every single day I just wouldn’t be able to so here’s to more companies making working from home possible! I think it could make a huge difference to mums’ careers after their maternity leave.
Definitely Kat, we are really lucky to both work for companies that support new parents. And I wish more people had that opportunity!
I can totally understand where you’re coming from on other half being able to solely concentrate on their job. I do feel as if I should be on top of the house given that I’m working from home, whereas if I was in an office I wouldn’t be able to do those things! x
Oh and just to add – I don’t think I can actually see my desk for all the rubbish I accumulated through the week. I think I’ll just push it all to the side….
Fern I hear you specifically on the people not taking working from home seriously enough! Whilst my friends, Ste and Mum are really understanding and supportive of the fact that I work from home and see it as a ‘proper’ job, there are others that can’t comprehend that it’s just the same as if I was working in an office i.e. deadlines to meet and that I can’t just drop everything if they happen to be passing by for a coffee. I do find it lonely at times when I haven’t seen anyone apart from the postman and Hector’s nursery teachers the entire day and my most scintillating conversation has been with Hector about tractors…that said I wouldn’t change it for the world. Oh and my desk? Currently strewn with books and parcels and piles of notebooks…not at all instagram worthy!
It’s infuriating isn’t it?! Our neighbours with little ones are terrible for dropping in, which is lovely when you’re able to be sociable, but a nightmare if you’re trying to get things done! I’ve been known to invent phone calls so that they get the message! x
Myself and my husband run a business together and live on-site at our premises.
We started this as just the two of us and it worked brilliantly, then 18 months ago we became a three and the struggle is now real!
We had to renovate our living space to adapt when we became a family, so my husband dealt with that whilst I ran the business. When people asked about maternity leave, I laughed! I worked till the day before I was induced. And after a traumatic labour and a stay in hospital, I was discharged and back in the throw of things within hours. Not ideal, but such is life. I envied friends on maternity leave with nothing more to do than dote on their babies, but obviously we chose to do things this way so we just got on with it.
Friends think the fact we don’t need to pay for childcare, spend plenty of time with our little one and get to organise our own days is enviable. In some ways I agree and in others I don’t. My workload is still the same, I just get less time to do it. Meaning I can still be doing work duties way after Rex’s bed time, or dashing around at nap time. It’s stressful and a total juggling act, but we get through (just, sometimes!).
There are days Rex bounces off the walls but we have too much on to drop things and head off out to the park etc. They’re the days I hate, my patience wears way too thin too quickly, then I’m racked with guilt and stressed to the max! There are also days my sole employee lets me down, and when I have to do her work also it’s a living nightmare. And she does it a lot! But there are also days I whizz through my jobs and we go do something lovely and that’s when it pays off being my own boss.
Now Rex goes to nursery one day a week I’ve started to see the flip side to our situation. He cries when I leave, refuses to nap/eat for them, I’m not really sure if he’s enjoying it and I hate myself some days for leaving him, it’s then that I realise my friends who have to put their kids into full-time childcare after just a few months don’t have it easy – it’s just a different juggling act and a different type of guilt.
I think when you work as a mother to a little, whether it be from home or another location, it’s always going to be hard. We might think the grass is greener, but I’m not sure it is.
That being said, I’m three weeks off another baby. So obviously I’ve not been that put off! I guess the logic is that it’s already hard so we might as well speed through the baby/toddler stage in one go! Now due date approaches, I’m not so sure ? – wish us luck! Xx
Sarah you’re a total superwoman! It took Elle a long time to adjust to childcare and we increased her hours slowly, and she loves it now, so I’m sure your little boy will grow to like it. I’ve seen lots of positive changes in Elle since she’s started and I think having one day where you can focus properly on one job is very important.
It sounds like you need a more reliable employee 🙁
And yes, whatever the situation the Mum Guilt is inevitable.
Best of luck with your next one – let us know how things go! xxx
So timely! We’re at the point where we’re deciding when I’ll go back to work. I work from home so making that move to physically close the office door on G and Paddy is going to be difficult as we’ve decided that he’ll look after the boy rather than putting him into childcare just yet. I think one of the more difficult things will be FOMO, knowing that they’re off on an adventure while I’m working probably won’t be the most fun.
I think something else which will be on my mind is what my colleagues may think. Don’t get me wrong, we have an amazing working relationship and working from home relies on a huge amount of trust across the team, but there’s always a little part of me that will worry. Perhaps I’ll have to spend more time on video conferencing just to prove that I’m not off playing Humpty Dumpty.
That said, I’m so grateful for all of the good things that come with working from home, like you said, no commute and being able to throw the wash on is invaluable!
Who knows what the future will hold, with work or outside of that world. I guess we just have to enjoy the adventure and roll with it. x
It will be lovely for G and Paddy to have such a close bond Debs, they will be thick as thieves, but I promise G will still want his Mum!
Haha, I know what you mean, luckily most of our team are in the same boat, so we’re all humpty dumptying some of the time (!)
It’s amazing that you get to go back to work from home. Perhaps as G gets older you’ll want to start doing a few days back in the office. Things change so quickly x
Yeah, we’ll juggle it and I’m considering doing condensed hours to get a family day during the week. We have options which I’m thankful for, just need to make some decisions!
Yes yes yes yes yes !!! You have hit every nail on the head.
I have been working from home from January and juggling that with my 3 kids, 10, 5 and 2 . I often work late into the evening and find that atleast 3 days a week as soon as Hubby is through the door he is saddled with the bath/bed routine.
The only con you didn’t mention is how often I’m in my fridge and cupboards now snacking , enough that I’ve put on a stone ! Or maybe that’s just me ..
Your other half is good Hayley – mine only does bath and bed if he absolutely has to (ie if I’m not there!!!!)
I can’t even begin to imagine throwing more kids into the mix xxx
This is so true! I quit my job of 12 years to go freelance and although very difficult at times it has been the most rewarding thing I ever did. My little girl is nearly 3 now and after 8 months off work I went back 4 days a week, it all started well by leaving the office on time but soon pitches and deadlines crept up, as did the pressure and I found myself in the office til 10pm or later and I really began to resent it. Freelancing was something I had wanted to do for a long time and although scary to take the leap, I haven’t looked back. It can be manic, I probably work similar hours, but I can move those hours around to fit around my life not the other way around. You are so lucky you have a company that allows you that flexibility, unfortunately there aren’t that many out there yet!
P.s My house is always a tip!! ?
X
I know Louise, I really wish the way we work was an option for more people! We can have clean houses when our kids leave home and we retire 😉
x