Yep, I was that mad person who had two under two. To be precise, Molly was 19 months when Alice was born. I’m not going to lie and say it was easy and I’ll also put my hands up and say I probably did a lot of things wrong but we got through it. However, I look back now and it honestly doesn’t seem that bad.
When I found out I was expecting Alice I had a whole heap of emotions, mainly of the “help, how am I going to do this” variety. I hadn’t even gone back to work yet and then there was all the guilt about how Baby Molly would feel. She was so tiny herself.
The fact is, you can’t worry too much about it as what will be will be. And you will get through it.
Having them close in age means you are still very much in the ‘baby’ stage. Yes we were getting sleep but we were still essentially looking after a little one and in ways that made it easier.
If you read my post the other week you will know that Edd works away a lot, or stupidly long hours, in the week. This meant that not only was I trying to juggle two little ones but that I was doing it solo most of the week. I can’t tell you how relieved I was when the weekend came around or on the nights he did manage to walk through the door for bedtime.
The early months were tough. To say Alice was not a good sleeper is an understatement. If she had been things may have been different, who knows. As it was I couldn’t put her down for the first four months of her life and this meant poor Molly had to fit in around us.
Trying to establish routines was nigh on impossible. I always took the viewpoint that they would get there in their own time and they both did. Although I couldn’t get Alice in a routine, trying to maintain Mollys was of great help to both me and Molly. Especially at bedtime. It kept consistency and, to be honest, some focus to the day. Rather than bother with the baby bath Alice went straight in the big bath with her sister. It was easier to do this than faff with two bath times. I can highly recommend a little bath support if you are in a similar situation. I would then lift Alice out, dry her and dress her whilst Molly had a splash. Then it was a case of lying Alice on the bathroom mat whilst I did the same with Molly. Normally whilst Alice screamed the place down. We would then head downstairs where Molly would have her milk and I would feed Alice whilst we all snuggled on the sofa. Bedtime was often a bit of a fail. I would attempt to pop Alice in her moses basket or on Mollys floor whilst I read a story but we normally couldn’t hear over the wail of Alice. I felt awful that poor Molly never got a proper story time when it was just the three of us. Probably why Daddy quickly became her favourite storyteller!
During the day I did my best to keep to similar outings. Molly had stopped nursery, mainly for financial reasons, when I went on maternity leave again. However, we got out to her music group and still saw our friends as much as we could. It was nice to get out and about and gave me a bit of sanity. I also saw my mum lots. It was one of the best things and so much help to me. Even just having someone there to get Molly’s juice or find her toys. My advice, never ever turn down help.
I can hand on heart say Molly was amazing. No stropping or crying or whinging. However, there were other things that changed with her that still make me feel guilty to this day. She stopped saying the few words she had mastered and became very quiet. She also became a huge fan of Disney and her dummy. I shouldn’t have let her have it the whole time but it gave her some comfort and, lets be honest, I didn’t have the energy to fight it.
As Alice got older (and started sleeping!) things did get easier. We found new routines but the one benefit of having them close in age is that they still have similar needs and timings. We have always done all their dinners, bedtimes etc together. Yes, getting dressed after bathtime may have got a bit trickier once Alice started crawling but you learn your own little methods. Whether that was shutting the bathroom door to keep her in or popping her in her cot with some books.
Although having two under two scared me at the time I can hand on heart say I now wouldn’t have it any other way. They are, in the main, incredibly close and I adore watching the girls play together. I just hope they keep that closeness as they grow older. Have any of you had two under two?
Image by Sophie Hewitt Photography.
Lots of my friends who had babies at the same time as I had Fern have gone on to have a second soon after and I observe with admiration and terror. Hats off, it looks and sound like a superhuman feat while I’m struggling to tell up from down with just the one.
It’s really interesting and refreshing to hear you describe the practical mechanics of coping with things like bath time, as it’s these things I do find intriguing. Everyone always just says a dismissive “oh you just manage” but HOW? Like, SPECIFICALLY? I need DIAGRAMS goddamit…..
To my mind, parenting more than one child seems unfathomably difficult regardless of age gap and is something I’ve got a bit of a mental block on. I do feel a gentle envy though at those who feel their family is complete and have somehow managed to navigate the seemingly impossible 0-3 years with more than one child and now have fully-functioning siblings. So I really welcome any account like this which gives me hope that it might actually be manageable!
You would be ace at two Philippa. Honestly it’s a breeze, ha ha!! I’ll get Becky working on some graphics for you to illustrate the pushchair/car seat/bath time scenarios. Basically keep one contained whilst you deal with the other was my general motto! But seriously, it is manageable, it has to be. xx
I’m due my second when my first will be 19months. The only thing that is scaring me is money! Two in full time child care will be impossible and no family supports nearby….needing to come up with a sideline business fast!
Morning. You will be fine. It isn’t easy financially and I was the same with childcare. I had figured there was no point me working when they were small as the childcare was so silly. I was very lucky to have my mum nearby so managed 2 days a week. Just enjoy your time with your little ones and try not to worry. xx
Waves* we do 🙂 (plus a 6 year old!) It’s blimin mad! I couldn’t of done it without my 6 year olds help! It’s silly things like getting them all in and out the car safely! And what order, if you do it the wrong way you end up getting a double buggy out of a car with one hand whilst trying to stop your middlist from getting squashed under on coming traffic… the eldest just HAS to be trusted!
Don’t you just love double nap time wins? It’s my holy grail! And sanity saver! (Plus I get work done!)
I think a big difference in how it works is when they start being mobile… my middlist was 17.5 months before he could walk (bum shuffler!) so I was pregnant and carrying him a lot still (horrid!). My youngest then crawled a 5m and walked at 11m which was actually a big help because I didn’t need to always pick her up and she was happy chasing her brother about! I’m waiting for the moment they properly play together I’m
sure it won’t be long!
Waves back! Oh gosh, 3. You are super woman. Love how your 6 year old is your saviour. My mum said me and my older sister we’re amazing with our younger brother and sister (8 year age gap) as we just played with them and were super keen to do anything we could to help. Even the washing up! Double nap time is the BEST. Shame I never got to nap at the same time. I was quite lucky that Molly just got on with it and walked so no carrying whilst pregnant. Alice on the other hand still loves her buggy at nearly 4. Obviously because she’s never been relegated from it by a younger sibling! xxx
Oh and just to add… friend of mine is just about to have 3 under 3!!! She’s a super duper calm and collected assistant head teacher. If anyone has the patience she does!!
I have a two and a half year old and a 3 month old, so while I missed out on 2 under 2 I was pretty close!!
I’m struggling big time with a routine for number 2. With my first I loved a routine and it made life so much easier. I was no Gina Ford and pretty flexible, but a general routine was amazing. Second time round, no chance!! Every day is different, helping to keep number 1 going to her same classes, nursery a couple of days. The poor baby just has to get lugged along.
I’m hoping we’ll get a little way there at least, a joint nap time is the ultimate!!
I’m with you on the different parenting for each! Our eldest had strict nap times and fed at certain times, our middlist was basically attached to my boob for a year whenever and our youngest gets lugged around and woken up or put to sleep to fit around the eldest son routines! I’m sure they will all turn out differently because of each approach!
I was exactly the same Karen. Alice was a nightmare until 4 months and it made life so difficult. Not only was I a zombie but I felt immense guilt for poor Molly as could just do nothing. We were the same and just carried on with what we had done and what I will say is Alice is so adaptable. She’s so laid back, happy to amuse herself and despite a tantrum phase has always been a very easy little girl to look after. I loved joint nap time when it happened and was gutted when Molly stopped at about 2 and a half. My fault for taking her dummy of her. Silly me!! xxx
Missed out on 2 under 2 by 4 days as of last week! Day 5 of having 2 at all and so far everyone is still here and happy- mainly because new arrival, in contrast to his big sister, is basically a little tub of lard who only wants to eat and sleep! Such a difference from little miss hourly wake ups, although that might change. Mummy is still knackered though and dreading the day my husband escapes back to work… I’m with Philippa, I need diagrams and step by steps- who is in the pushchair when, who goes into the car first etc!
My mums mum had 4 under 5. And no washing machine or disposable nappies. Or CBeebies. Mind blown.
Congratulations on the newest little arrival! Amazing news. I feel I should do a follow up post on the actual practicalities of everything. Basically I never bought a double buggy. At first Alice went in the carrier whilst I pushed Molly and then once she got too big for that I made poor Molly go on a buggy board. She wasn’t a fan but she got there and more often than not chose to walk. Car wise I’d always get Molly in first then Alice. I’d then get Alice out first in to the house/pram etc and Molly would follow. It was a case of if I didn’t Molly would be off! You soon find your own way but you do have to get some logistics sorted to make it easier on yourself. xx
Hi Lucy, we’re in the same boat. Our second is 10 days old today and our first is 25 months. It’s currently going ok but I’m dreading my husband going back to work. I have no idea how I’m going to cope alone with two!
Huge congratulations Lucy! He looks a beaut from your instagram photos; we hope you’re resting up and being looked after. I have to say it does also blow my mind when I think about my grandmother’s era…she was one of ten and I think there was only 13 years between the oldest and youngest! How did they manage??
I started to read this with interest then stopped when I read ‘must be mad’ in the first line because I was worried it was going to be a negative post about how HARD it is with two under two and WOE WOE WOE and it’s only now I’ve got my cup of tea I can come back and read it properly. And I’m glad it’s not negative negative negative because like you, I’m SO GLAD I have two under two. Well, two in the same week as her brother was born.
So many of my friends are about to have their second and they’ve said how refreshing it is to hear positive things. So for people expecting, and bearing in mind my daughter dropped her nap when I was 32 weeks pregnant, it’s bloody awesome and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.
Like you, we pulled our daughter from nursery although she attends a pre-school for school hours 9-3pm once a week which she loves and which gives me time with baby. Look around for something other than a nursery – our pre school is £24 for the day which makes it more affordable. Having her out for a day and giving me time with baby has been lovely. We also go away most weekends so it’s a chance to catch up on jobs.
Routine wise we don’t have one for baby. It’s made zero difference to night sleep (he predominantly sleeps through) although the days feel long without a chance to recharge. I set up one activity for the pre-schooler before I go to bed the night before so it keeps her occupied whilst we get up and I get her brother fed and dressed. We have some quiet time watching TV or a film after lunch for 20 or so minutes. Try and get out in the morning. And get a sling, it’s the only way.
Transport wise I didn’t want to spend £800 on another pram so we have a Lascal Universal Maxi board (which fits on any pram and comes with a seat although we didn’t bother with that initially and she’s never needed one) and a sling. We rarely use the car and I prefer to work – maybe once a week.
I think the biggest thing for me has been mindset. It’s hard emotionally because there is less of you to go around. I don’t get the chance to sit and sing to baby like I did his sister but it’s OK because he has an older sister who does ‘twinkle twinkle’ on repeat. If you go into it expecting it to be the same as your first you’ll be disappointed because all children are so different. Sod routine and just go with the flow. You’ll have good days and bad days. More good days than bad. Promise.
Ah, so pleased you came back to read it. It honestly wasn’t too bad and like you I am glad they are close in age. You are lucky you could get in to a preschool. Molly wasn’t able to start until the term she turned 3 so Alice was 1 before Molly started but it was great. Just a couple of days to give me some time with just Alice.
We also had the Lascal board, it was brilliant!
Like you, it is the guilt that sometimes gets me but as you say that is outweighed by the amazing days. xxx
I’m expecting number 2 in the next couple of weeks and will have a 20 month age gap. I’m still in denial ? And haven’t bought a double buggy (or anything to help me really!) We’re lucky baby no 1 is such a good sleeper (hopefully that continues!) but the thing I’m most worried about is the new baby waking no 1. Unfortunately we don’t have two wings to our house to separate them!!
We’ve always been relatively noisy whilst no 1 sleeps – tv on, his door open, lights on etc , not whispering so I’m hoping so much that is in our favour but a baby squawking away isn’t one he’s used to!!! Any tips?!
You will be fine Victoria. First up get yourself a baby carrier as it is so useful in those early month when you need to be out and about but means you can still use the buggy for baby no 1. Then a buggy board is a great investment. Do not worry about the waking up. Molly never ever got woken by Alice. Maybe she is a deep sleeper but we didn’t have any issues so you should be fine. If you’ve already kept them in a noisier environment it should be fine. If you find they are getting disturbed you could try some background noise outside their room so a low radio or something so they are used to noise at night. Good luck xxx
Thanks! Baby carrier on my list!
Eeeek ?
I have two boys with 19 months between them. I was absolutely terrified in the final stages of my second pregnancy because so many people were negative telling us we wouldn’t cope, we wouldn’t know what had hit us, we should have waited etc. I honestly thought I’d made a huge mistake which detracted from all the nice parts of what should have been a wonderful time.
But nearly 6 months ago, baby Felix arrived and hand on heart it’s the best thing ever! Watching big bro Rex play/cuddle/kiss his sibling is heart warming to say the least. As I type this they’re both rolling around together under Felix’s baby gym giggling.
As you say, routines are hard. Rex has kept his routine and nothing has changed there as I wasn’t going to rock a toddlers boat. But poor Felix goes with the flow. He goes to bed with us which isn’t ideal, but it’s easiest at the minute and we figure that soon when he’s crawling he’ll go down at the same time as his brother so we’re hanging on for that. Also, there is guilt that I did every baby group going with Rex but hardly anything with Felix. I intend to make up for that in time, and although I feel guilty I can certainly say Felix is developing wonderfully so I try not to beat myself up about that too much.
My biggest advice to anyone expecting with a small age gap is to ignore negative advice. Every family is different as is every baby, nobody can tell you exactly how it’ll be, you just have to wait and see how it pans out. And just remember even if it is hard to begin with, nothing lasts forever and it does get easier.
Also, don’t splurge on a double pushchair! We did and I’m now selling it in favour of a buggy board for our original pushchair and a cheap double stroller for the rare occasion the toddler might need to sit down! Again everyone’s different there, but if I’d have waited to see if I did think we’d need one I’d have saved a lot of money, but if that’s my only regret I can live with it!
Oh and the nappy changing is pretty relentless! I cannot wait to get the toddler potty trained! ?
Xx
Loving all the positive comments on here that can hopefully provide others with some hope that it won’t be too tough! Don’t worry too much about the guilt. I had it too and kept saying I would start taking Alice to things! I still say it now. It hasn’t seemed to have affected her negatively so I don’t let it worry me now.
It’s good to hear from someone who got a double buggy as I always wondered if I should have done but sounds like the buggy board was the right option.
Ha ha, yep, potty training makes life so much easier! Good luck
x
So lovely to read all these experiences (and tips!).
My first is a few months old and I would really like to have a second arrive when he is around 2. I’ve mentioned this to my husband but I’m not sure if he realises that I was serious about it….
My biggest concern is how to cope financially!
It is so nice to hear all the positive comments isn’t it. Two under two isn’t that bad! You get by financially. You just learn to adjust and it soon doesn’t seem too bad. Now get persuading the husband! x
I’m currently 12 weeks with no 2 and my little girl tuned 2 in January. So I’ll have 2 under 3 and that is quite intimidating enough! Childcare bills are definitely a worry here too but my most immediate concern is jealousy. My daughter is super clingy to me and cracks up if I cuddle a friend’s baby. She is also still not a great sleeper. ? We’re talking to her about the baby and trying to prepare her but I’m still nervous about how she’ll feel when the new arrival makes an appearance.
You make it sound so easy Lottie – I doubt I’ll be so capable! x
You will be as capable Tracy. You will amaze yourself with how much you can do. I never thought I would find it easy, I can assure you. I’m sure your first may be a nit jealous, Molly was, but that is only natural. We bought Molly a little gift from the new baby which we thought might help. She was more interested in pinching Alices toes and poking her in the eye! They’ve learnt to love each other and the jealousy didn’t last too long. It will all be fine, I promise xx
I don’t quite have two under two, but I have 25 months between my two boys so pretty close! So far my eldest has still been at nursery four days a week but we’re dropping his hours as of next week as we can’t justify the cost on one salary, so it’ll be interesting to see how I cope with an eight week old and a two year old at home most of the week!
So far it’s not been too chaotic as my youngest is a really easy baby, but I am finding the combination of a cluster-feeding baby, toddler bathtime and bedtime and preparing dinner really tough in the evenings! My husband gets home from work too late to help with bedtime most nights. I hope once the feeding settles down it’ll get a bit easier!
I’m sure you will be fine with the two at home Tanne. They tend to learn to amuse themselves. Just keep a few favourite films on standby for any testy times and get some playdates organised where you can drink tea whilst the littles play. I don’t think I ate proper dinner for a long time and like you Edd was home too late to help, or staying away, but those months honestly do go fast and soon you will be sitting on the sofa at 8pm wondering what all the fuss was about. xx
We nearly had two under one! There is just under 13 months age difference between my son and daughter. My little boy is now 15 months old and little girl is 9 weeks. I won’t lie, it’s absolute chaos! Organised chaos very occasionally but definitely a rollercoaster ride.. some days it all clicks but others I spend crying onto my (cold) cup of tea.
Late pregnancy was tough physically as my eldest wasn’t walking until just after his first birthday so it was hard on my back and hips. Also – if I had a pound for the number of times people told me I was ‘going to have my hands full’ I’d be very very rich.. often multiple times a day while out and about from various strangers. So unhelpful and honestly made me worry more than necessary in advance.
As a previous poster has said, I’ve found the emotional strain hardest- my son is quite a sensitive soul and I worried (still do, a lot!) about how having to deal with a sibling so young would affect him.. I try to focus on the positives he will get out of it, especially when she gets a little less ‘boring’ (new babies are very boring to one year olds!) but it’s hard when he’s bringing me books to read and I struggle one-handed whilst feeding the baby and can’t give him my full attention.
Thank god my daughter is a good night sleeper so far but she barely naps during the day. I’m lucky in that I have family locally to help, but that doesn’t change those crazy morning/bedtimes. We are gradually getting into a slight semblance of a routine but I think it will be some time yet before we are in our stride!
Would love to hear from any of your other readers who have such a small age gap?!
Charlie – there’s only an 11 month age gap between my husband and his slightly older brother. I think they call it ‘Irish Twins’ but I might be wrong. I take my hat off to my mother in law for managing two babies because I honestly do not know how she did it! Anyway despite some initial sibling rivalry, they are very close and always have been and have gone into business with each other. So it’s definitely not all bad!
Thank you Lauren that is so good to hear! I do hope that one main plus will be that they end up being close, I hope they are. Also they will hopefully be playing with the same toys/interested in the same outings etc which will be handy (and then I can get rid of all the plastic toddler tat in one fell swoop hehe)
Lottie, superwoman is the last thing I feel, barely holding it together most days! But I am so grateful to have two beautiful healthy happy children xx
Oh my gosh Charlie, you are super woman! You sound like you are doing an amazing job xx
My daughter is just over two, and she gets all our attention, as she currently doesn’t have any siblings. She is OBSESSED with Disney and her dummy at the moment. The former because she has a more sustained attention span, and also because she loves the familiarity and songs, and the latter I think as she can exert control over situations. She’s almost using it as a threat at the moment i.e. ‘if you don’t play with me, I’ll ask for my dummy to MAKE you play with me’. I think you might have found Molly did this anyway!
Thank you so much for your comment Anna. It honestly makes me so much better to think that perhaps that would have just been Molly anyway xx
I have 19 months between my girls and absolutely love it. I’ve decided not to return to work as I love watching them grow up together. My youngest is nearly 1 and I’m already thinking about having another one!
Tips – be organised. Pack up bags, get clothes, load the car and prepare meals the night before. I batch cook and then freeze so dinners can be done easily as meal times can be chaotic.
Try to have some alone time with each child, if possible.
Slings are amazing. I also found the double buggy really useful but don’t use it much now. My eldest doesn’t like the buggy board.
Enjoy it!
Oh gosh, a third?! My husband is always on at me for a third but I’m just not sure I can. I feel perhaps now the gap is too big as Alice is nearly 4 so it would be almost a 5 year age gap. I think close is better. xx
It seems 19 months in a common age gap as that’s exactly what I have between my two. It was obviously challenging at the time but seeing friends now having their second with 3 year age gap that has challenges to so I think their isn’t such a thing as a perfect age gap.
I relied heavily on my Ergo carrier, baby number two loved being in there and it meant I had my hands free. As the newborn insert comes out I could also pop her down in it and she would stay asleep- sometimes… Bath and bedtime were a nightmare but we got there in the end! And the pay off is that they are honestly such good friends, like you Lottie I hope it stays that way! I have to say this stage (a very nearly 2 and 3 1/2 year old) is a lot of fun. Getting out and about is so much easier and they are actually really good company.
One thing I loved about having two tiny ones is that woman would often stop and ask how it was going, sharing their stories of how fresh it was in their minds having two under two! Have you thought about a grandparent guest blog post in the future? xx
Ps. Congratulations Lucy. You’ll be ace with two on your own, I found the second time I cared so much less what people thought or what I thought I should be doing it was quite empowering!x
19 months is obviously the best!! I loved it once they got old enough to play together and it only gets better.
We do indeed have a grandparent post planned. I think it provides such a lovely different viewpoint xx
Loved reading this – currently nearly 20 weeks pregnant with number two and our first is 16 months. So looking forward to it and loving the positivity from everyone.
Interested to check out the buggy board mentioned in the comments, we are definitely swaying away from the idea of a double buggy if possible but just really worried about the risk of the older one dashing off into the road or something.
There’s 1 year 5 days between my sister and I and we love it. We’re really close even though she now lives the other side of the world.
Oh my goodness this is so helpful. I’ve been sort of pretending it’s not happening but being 29 weeks preggo with a one year old, there’s not much more pretending I can do lol! This IS happening and I WILL cope. Especially with some helpful hints from other mums. I presume the main thing to have in my head is not to set such high standards this time round (there will potentially be times when bay number 1 is eating the food out the dog’s bowl and baby 2 has graced the room aroma with a poonami before guests arrive). x