I mean, how do you wean your toddler off a dummy? It’s almost always a difficult task unless they are old enough to understand you communicating various scenarios with them I believe. One of my best friends simply sent her three year old daughter’s dummy off on a balloon string, she waved goodbye and never really asked for it again.
I’ve heard of various success stories involving role play, dummies being given to the fairies and all sorts of magic-related scenarios. Unfortunately we were in a position a couple of months ago where we began considering the weaning faze as Mabel’s dummy seemed to be exacerbating the eczema around her mouth. She was around 19 months and VERY attached to it. Initially she had only been given it for afternoon naps and bedtime but this had increased to when she was unwell or was throwing a particularly theatrical diva strop that involved floods of tears and hurling herself on the floor (Oscar-worthy, I’m not even exaggerating.)
Sometimes it is simply easier to give in.
We began by using the power of distraction for the times she was under the weather or the aforementioned award-winning wobblers, usually singing a nursery rhyme accompanied by a silly dance, an episode (or two) of Peppa Pig, one of her favourite toys or um… (should I admit to a biscuit?) well yes, sometimes the most expeditious solution involved a custard cream.
Of course on occasions we just had to say no. Often multiple times. Possibly often a hundred times or more. There were extreme tantrums as a result.
When out in public it wasn’t pretty. At all.
We eventually worked through the pain barrier and are now at the stage where Mabel only has her dummy in the evening after her bottle until she goes to sleep (which can be anything from 2 minutes to an hour depending on how exhausted she is/how determined she is to stay awake). Either James or I will then endeavour to take her dummy away from her once she is firmly in the land of nod.
There is no denying Mabel’s skin condition has cleared up considerably, but we have hit a brick wall with the bedtime routine. The screaming and sobbing that ensues if we refuse to give her a dummy to soothe her to dreamland has thus far, been too much to bear. This also means that she sometimes wakes up in the night asking for it. I say ask, what I really mean is shout. At the top of her rather impressively loud voice.
Have any of you folks got to this stage? How did you eventually wean your little off their dummy completely? Was it a case of perseverance through the pain?
Image by Anna Clarke Photography
My Mabel is 15 months and I’m wondering if it’s best to get rid of the dummy now before she can ask for it, so tricky. I have heard the dummy fairy works well..good luck, we have started with tantrums..it’s not a nice sight at all! x
Katie, I did the dummy fairy with Molly but she was about 2 and a half so understood more. She was a bit dubious but did give them up willingly in return for a gift from the fairy. Mind you, every time she saw someone else with a dummy she asked why the fairy hadn’t been! Hard to know on age as it will probably cause disruption but it’s what works for you. It obviously becomes harder the older they get. Good luck x
We are in nooooooo hurry here. Having just had the most ridiculous week after wrongly (SO wrongly) attempting the move into a big bed I am not up for any more of these growing up changes at all. Seriously though, with Holly I did a similar thing of getting the usage just down to sleeping time and then it wasn’t until she was 4 that the Dummy Fairy came and took it from under her pillow. I went for an age I felt she would understand the significance…and be willing to trade it in for a present from a fairy basically. I was also reacting to my mum saying she should have let me have a dummy because instead I sucked my thumb (until I was abut 11 and lost the battle with stop and grow…yuk) and had to have loads of orthodontic work because of it. She always said she could have taken a dummy off me but could not chop my thumb off! But, like you, I rely of these small pieces of magic plastic to buy me a few extra minutes sleep, or an embarrassing meltdown in a carpark and am not ready to throw another battle in the mix with this particular strong willed 21 month old just yet!
I feel your pain Amanda! Hope the bed/sleep situation is settling down. Molly was 2 and a half when the dummy fairy came but probably should have left it till later really. That said Alice sucks her thumb and I really don’t know what to do about it. Sometimes it is red raw and I feel awful putting the stuff on her finger yet. I’m trying to reason with her that she shouldn’t suck it but not sure that’s going to work. Much worse than a dummy. I’m concerned about her teeth too but in fairness Edd says he thinks it might just be genetic! My sister had very gappy teeth, which we thought was from a dummy, but then so does my dad so guessing maybe it would happen anyway. There’s always something isn’t there?! x
Hi Amanda, we wouldn’t be so worried if Mabel didn’t have the issues with her skin. I think it would be much easier when she is old enough to fully understand what we are communicating to her – I’ve the dummy fairy etc.
I also sucked my thumb so super glad she’s not doing that! I’ve had two sets of fixed braces and goodness knows what else x
Its just so hard to know what to do! Who’s to say Holly wouldn’t have started sucking her thumb after losing the dummy… and both of us have needed braces due to overcrowding anyway so either way we wouldnt have escaped that! It sounds as though you’re doing the right thing Charlotte by letting her fall to sleep with it and then taking it away to help the skin. Niema gets rash around her mouth too but I think it’s linked to teething so I’m not sure if the dummy makes hers worse or not. Thanks Lottie! We managed a 3 hour stretch last night in our ridiculous week of antics. Investment into some serious eye cream time!
Firstly I wanted to say there’s such a debate on dummies with babies and it’s still frowned upon by many and I don’t think it should be. Health visitors actually encouraged me to use one with my baby as a settling to sleep aid, now 5 months, as it reduced the risk of SIDS. So I did. He’s not that fussed on it and I probably only use it 50% of the time and only when he’s in his cot (or twice in the car at night when he’s meant to be going to sleep!) I really want to avoid using it in the daytime but can so totally see why you would! So I am going to try and carry on as we are, lots of people have said get rid of it now, but I don’t know how to! I think more than anything it gives me comfort knowing I can I plug him in and he will settle, usually, often needed if he’s overtired. So I’d be really grateful for any tips as of whether to carry on or try & lose it now?!
Victoria carry on as you are if it works for you, we didn’t start Mabel with a dummy until she was 4 months (no particular reason) and it made such an overall positive difference we wish we had considered it sooner. I didn’t like the thought of her not trying to communicate in the day due to a dummy so her use of it was minimised, if you’re baby is not used to it in the day then perhaps don’t necessarily encourage it but still use it for sleep X
My youngest had a dummy and became very attached too… Practically all day and night before I decided we had to go cold turkey.
She was only 9 months old when I took it away but we were at the point of going into her room 20+ times a night to pop it back in everytime she dropped it…. And I was exhausted from the sleep deprivation.
It was a really long and tough 4 days and nights but after that she was sleeping better at night and interacting more in the day than she ever had done.
I think before the age of understanding what is going on you have to deal with the pain.
X
Molly had a dummy but not until about 4 months and it was a lifesaver. Until then she barely slept but once we got her to have it she was a dream. She’d go off to sleep happily for hours on end and all night. Yes sometimes she lost it but we would leave about 5 in her cot in the hope she’d find one. They were only meant to be for sleeping and that worked until she went to nursery at 13 months and subsequently she seemed to want it a lot more. Then Alice was born when she was 19 months and it all went very wrong. She had her dummy ALL the time and I couldn’t stop her. Eventually at 2 and a half the dummy fairy came and it was one of the hardest things. Not because she caused a fuss, she didn’t, and that was heartbreaking as she just looked so sad. I felt awful for taking her comfort off her and wonder whether I should have left it a bit longer. That said she was sad and quiet for a few weeks but after about a month she never asked for it again. Sleeping did become difficult though and we used to have to sit with her at night until she fell asleep, which could take a long time. No though I don’t think she even thinks about it. Alice on the other hand sucks her thumb which is another battle entirely x
I feel your pain!
My eldest loved her dummy, and we did the same as you, weaning it down to bed time only. If she was upset or mid tantrum and wanted her dummy she would have to go and sit on her bed to do so. That really helped to re-enforce bed time only.
And to be honest, I wasn’t really that fussed about her having it at bed time, except like Mabel, it really flared up the eczema on her face. She needed it throughout the night to put herself back to sleep, so I would sneak in and layer up the cream on her face – under the dummy, and whilst conscious cream application certainly made it better it didn’t go away.
But being heavily pregnant with baby number 2, I just couldn’t cope with trying to get her to sleep with no dummy! And then one night – just before she turned 3 – I told her I couldn’t find her dummy and if she just closed her eyes Id get one in a minute. The next day I told her she’d gone to sleep without a dummy (and didn’t wake up in the night asking for one!!), bought her a pressie and that was that! It’s just breaking the cycle. If you – and Mabel – can cope with the eczema and keep on top of it, I wouldn’t stress over it. And though I would never would of believed it, one day she’ll just go without it and you won’t look back.
Ha ha haha Emily – that is exactly what I have been doing! sneaking in and applying cream 🙂
I think we are going to have a go at persevering with cold turkey then if it’s really difficult try again in a month or two when perhaps she can understand a little more (she is 21months and her speech/vocab is coming on leaps and bounds)
Congratulations with number 2! xx
What a well timed post – we are in excatly the same position! Noah had a dummy from 3 weeks old (it was either that or being permanently attached to my boob!!!)
He is now 18 months and has a dummy at bed time and nap times but recently has started asking for it in the car – we have given in as he also throws spectacular tantrums and I can’t concentrate on the road (boys are SUCH drama queens). I think we will wait until he is about 2 (ish) and understands about the dummy fairy coming to take it away……..!
Katie I’m with you on the boys being such drama queens thing. This morning Hector had a strop because he dropped the vacuum cleaner pipe he loves carrying around with him on the floor. I mean seriously?!
Oh tough one – can’t comment so much on our own children as I’m only 11 weeks but I was a thumb sucker until I was about 4 and my teeth are perfect – no gaps and I was the only girl in my year at school who didn’t need braces! I think a lot is genetics and if you can work around the eczema at all, I would probably leave her for now.
It’s hard having to make all the adult decisions for them isn’t it?
I know, most days I feel as though I still need an adult! x
My little girl Florence sucks her two fingers (backwards!) not sure how I can stop that? I too sucked my thumb and had the the stop and grow painted on. Yuk! Although I didn’t need braces, so I think genetics plays a part too. She is suffering dryness and eczema round her mouth. What cream have you been using Charlotte? I’ve been trying Weleda, although Florence tries to lick it off!
Hello, We took our off our daughter just as she turned 2 as we didnt want it in the wedding photos, she only had it for nap time and Major strops. We used the dummy fairy and they brought her peppa pig instruments we also got her another Jelly Cat bear for bedtime. We also moved her in to a bed in the same week! Huge Epic mistake! The dummy would have been ok she was sad, very sad but not screaming just asking for it, but the bed well she just didnt want to get in the bed. She slept on the floor by the gate to her room for a week! lol She was totally unbothered after a week though, very hard and funny week. My husband kept a facebook “tonight in the child that sleeps on the floor” photo diary.
My son was much more attached to his dummy and well comfort in general but I always said they had to be gone by two, so again at two we just gave it away this time to his new born niece, he wrapped them up and handed them over. He asked for a Planes red soft blanket, he still has this on him at bedtime a year latter. He was again a pain for a week but then was fine, he just used to call out I need a snuggle about a million times.
We had to go in a lot through the night for him and this did actually disturb his sleep pattern in general. Sometimes I think with him we should have left him with it for longer until he was a really good sleeper, but Hindsight is a wonderful thing.
I think everybody knows their child, some need more comfort than others, Im all for the dummy. Mine spoke very early it never affected speech because they didn’t have it in the day and they were not allowed to talk with it their mouths, and it helped when anybody else had them over night.
Both mine had eczema round their mouths, but we used goats milk with both which helped clear that up and also putting vitamin e oil around mouths before bedtime. xxx
Oh gosh. Bed and dummy is never a good option. Molly had just got used to her big girl bed and then we removed her dummy. It meant she took ages to sleep. She also stopped lunchtime naps as soon as we took it off her. I was not happy! x
I am at this exact point with my 2.5 year old. However I’m mid way through moving him to his “big boy” room rather than co sleeping (I’m currently sleeping next to him on a mattress!) and we have a new baby due in March. I’m loathe to disrupt his routine and take away any comforts right now, I want him to be totally settled when his sister arrives! However I do worry about his teeth and try to limit his use of it. Argh there’s always something to worry about as a mum 🙂
Isn’t there?! I think you’ve made the right decision with regards not taking away the dummy whilst moving him to a new bed and the arrival of a little sister (congratulations!), there’s only so much we can take on all at once x
Oh the dummy battles! Hector is a dummy fiend and I’m not even joking. I swear he has secret stashes around the house and can sniff one out from a mile away. Since he starts nursery next month and isn’t allowed one at all unless it’s nap time I’ve been gradually weaning him off them unless its sleep time only. So far, so good. In fact Christmas was brilliant timing for us with all its distractions and the numerous visits from and to friends and family which meant he didn’t really notice that he didn’t have a dummy to hand and seemed to accept that he would only have one if he was going to bed. I’m not intending to eliminate them entirely until he’s much older and can understand that he’s giving them up though and like Lottie he’s always got about five or so in his cot in case he loses his in the middle of the night!
Lolly, we have the most hilarious video of Molly when she was about 18 months. She takes herself off up the stairs and crawls under her cot. She the appears with two dummies in her mouth and one in each hand. She could find them ANYWHERE! x
I swear they hide them. My sister had a secret stash when she was small as well and even after my mum weaned her off them every so often she’d appear with one that she’d found squirrelled away.
My little girl is 2 and a half and her dummy has affected her teeth and causes her to dribble and made her speech delayed I struggled with getting the dummy off her but am now on day 6 and still going well!!! I simply told her one morning that her dummy was tired and needed to go to sleep in the day and then she could have it in the night when she slept! I didn’t think this would work and every time she asked I thought I would get a big tantrum but to my surprise it’s gone the opposite way she has a little grizzle but then forgets about it the more I said it the more she stopped asking now on day 6 she barely asks for it which is such an achievement as she has had it every day all day for 2 years! Her speech is now clear after 6 days and her dribbling is slowing down the best thing I have ever done is telling her it was asleep! X
Wow. Well done Danielle and congrats on persevering. They do surprise you with how quickly they adapt don’t they? x
We started using a dummy at 4 weeks because we were in hospital waiting for a special milk to be prescribed, so whilst we were waiting I gave him the dummy because it took 6 hours for it to come through!! He did become quickly attached to it, but it has been a godsend especially at time such as when we flew to Spain when he was 16 weeks! And after his immunisations. Anyway, the last few months we have just given it in the car or for sleeping and he doesn’t bother about it at other times unless he is upset. I think some of this is from nursery as I don’t think they give them it all day. I can’t see a point where we will be able to get rid of it for sleeps yet but he is only 1. We bought these things called ‘air wraps’ for his cot – they go around the bars so that he can’t post dummies through – we put about 8 dummies in the cot with him and this is what has helped him sleep through the night from about 8 months old!! ? It does make me laugh!x
Charlotte, have you tried the Hemp Face Protector from the body shop for Mabel’s Eczema? Edie has dreadful Eczema which often flares up for no reason what so ever, we have steroid cream on prescription for her but try to use it sparingly. We tried to hemp face protector and body butter after it being recommended by a friend and it has been AMAZING!! Super mosturising, soaks in quite and keeps the Eczema at bay. We use it twice a day. It’s been brilliant! X
Wow thanks for the recommendation Danielle, I’ll have a look. We recently changed from the Diprobase cream to the ointment and it’s done wonders. I think it’s more of a barrier as well as a treatment so stays on the skin for a long time x
My older boys didn’t have dummies. We tried with Elliott but it was more of a hinderance popping it back in, so we gave up on it after a day or two and didn’t bother at all with Joseph. We also didn’t bother with our youngest Anabelle and in hindsight probably should have, as now she is a thumb sucker! She hasn’t constantly got it in her mouth and we generally only see her sucking it when she’s tired, so for the moment we’re in no rush to stop her.
My fourth month old daughter, Aveline, was using a dummy but about three weeks agon, we went cold turkey and took it away. I had spent ages deliberating about it; for such a small piece of plastic, it evokes so many feelings and opinions! I was worried that she was too dependent on it for sleeping and most evenings, we spent a good hour running up and down the stairs to put it back in her mouth when it had dropped out which was driving us crazy!
I had initially intended to reduce the usage of it but the screaming wasn’t as bad as I thought it was going to be so we kept going. We’ve had a week of difficult bedtimes and a week of difficult day-time naps but things seem to have settled now. I guess it’s more difficult to go cold turkey when they are older but could try replacing it with a comforter or toy that could be used to soothe Mabel to sleep instead? X
Thanks Nathalie, she does sometimes accept her bunny when we refuse her dummy if she asks for it when she’s fallen over/upset etc. I think cold turkey is the way to go, I’m just gearing myself up for the consequences 🙂 x
Really good post to read when I keep contemplating taking Isla’s comforter away. Its obviously not a dummy but she still replies on it for her nap and at night. She sucks the knotted corners, so is pretty much using it like a dummy. Isla is 18 months old and isn’t a great sleeper. I can’t moan too much, its not like I’m up for hours on end trying to get her to settle but I do find myself, most nights, having to go into her room one, twice and on a bad night, three times, as she’s shouting for me. As soon as I give her her Nunu (comforter) back she settles just fine. I just feel like its a hindrance when she wakes in the night as she’s using it as a sleeping aid. Who knows if it would stop the disturbances in the night if I did take it away but I know the road to naps and bedtimes without her nunu will be a long and painful one! Good to know others are in the same situation. You can drive yourself nuts when you work from home and are sleep deprived! x
Lincoln is the same age as Mabel, Charlotte. He’s had a dummy since day 1, both of mine had dreadful reflux and the dummy helped.
He has recently (in the last few weeks) started asking for soft toys to take to bed. It seems to help as I went in one night and he was awake, lying without a dummy and drifting off to sleep without it.
We keep ours in a drawer in the kitchen, so he can’t find them, although I don’t stress if he finds one in a secret place, he just takes that one to bed and then it stays there.
His end up down the side of the cot, so I imagine he spends quite a bit of time without it overnight.
I think if you can get it to just bedtimes then I wouldn’t worry about it. My brother sucked his thumb and I had a dummy until about five (at night) and neither of us needed braces. It’s mostly genetic I think.
It’s Lincoln’s comfort, and if it helps when he’s tired or sick, then that’s fine by me. I’m done stressing about when we should do these things, he’ll stop when he’s ready.
Although if they are waking multiple times at night just for the dummy, that’s totally different! Xx
If it helps I sucked my thumb until I was a teenager (I know – awful!) and my teeth are fine.
Good luck with Mabel, don’t beat yourself up, there are no 100% right decisions, just what’s right for your family at the time xx
O man! We’ve been struggling big time after Robyn (3 in feb) gave her dummy on a visit to see Santa over a month ago. We had talked about giving it up since the health visitor had encouraged us too, and when she gave it too him she seemed happy to do so. Night time came and she did so well for the first few nights- but ever since she has woken up constantly during the night. Out of my two girls- Robyn was the good sleeper- 7pm-7am usually without any disturbance….now she wakes every hour from going to bed, she hasn’t mentioned the dummy, but she clearly can’t settle or comfort herself back to sleep- and we are back to the new baby sleep training, which is coming to no progress! I wish I had never gave her dummy away in the first place, but now we have we are just going to have to keep going and hope we hope sleep one day returns and I think thats all you can do! Xx
To all the lovely mummies that have written comments about being worried about babies teeth… I’m a dentist and just wanted to give a little bit of advice! With regards to dummies, I would always prefer a little one who has a dummy over a thumb sucking habit! It’s much easier to break a dummy habit then it is to take a thumb away….after all how many teenagers do you see with a dummy?!
As long as the dummy is gone before adult teeth come through (around 6) then limited damage will be done to the positioning of the adult teeth. Xxx
My daughter is 25 months and has been using a dummy since about 5 months when her gums were sore. I’m eternally grateful for the soothing powers it has. I don’t limit it because to be honest…I don’t see the point right now. Her speech and language is great and her dentist has no issues with her teeth. What’s the problem then? I have however made it my sim for her to loose it before she turns three. By three she will be potty trained, settled in her big girl bed and hopefully over the ‘terrible two’ tantrums. I NEED to rely on her dummy through all of this! It’s my best friend sometimes. Let’s face it…you don’t see any grown ups with dummy’s!!! I’m not stressing about it at all. I can understand though Charlotte your own reasons for wanting to limit the dummy. That makes perfect sense!
Oh what a timely post! Ethan is going to be 2 next month and Gavin and I have been thinking about the end of the dummy days. We initially thought of taking it away around his birthday, then quickly realised that “Happy Birthday, now let’s take away your most prized possession and comfort” was a pretty cruel game plan.
Instead we’ve been (trying to) minimise the use to sleep time only. And hats off to you two, because we’ve had a few tantrums lately where I’ve given in. But to be honest, my main concern is that when he doesn’t have his dummy, he sucks three of his fingers. Which sometimes makes him gag. These kids.
Anyway, I think I’ve resigned myself to the fact that, like Sarah above, we’ve got a lot of big changes coming up this year, potty, bed etc. I’m going to keep that plastic sanity for a while longer.
We’ve started saying “I can’t undestand you with your dummy in” if he tries to speak and he’s now starting to take it out all by himself when he’s talking. Progress.
I’ve also heard that cutting all the teats off the dummies and leaving them lying around claiming they’re broken and you don’t know how, is a good tactic and they give up pretty quickly as they have evidence it no longer does what they want it to.
Well, it’s good to know I’m not the only one mulling these things over. Especially after a lady in the street the other day tried to take Ethan’s dummy off him (!) and told me I should be giving him one at this age. Just rude.
Sorry ladies no advice as such but something that makes me giggle – when I was training to be a nanny many many moons ago, the best friend of the lady I had my placement with put salt & vinegar on her sons dummy & told him that spiders must have wee’d & pooped on it!! Good luck with your quest, I’ve decided to leave that one a little while yet, trying to get bedtime down from 2 hours first!! xxx
My son is 16 weeks and used a dummy from his first night at home, I remember saying to my husband, ‘how do people who don’t use dummies cope?!’ However, at about 10 weeks he found his fingers, which he seems to find more convenient as they don’t ‘get lost’! He has also started sucking his thumb and is completely disinterested in his dummy now. I’m concerned about his teeth and think a dummy would be preferable, so I don’t know whether to persevere with a dummy or wait until he’s old enough to pop it back in and reintroduce then? (The thought of constantly finding it for him through the night does not appeal!)
Strange question under this heading but any tips on getting baby to take soother at 5 / 6 months? I am currently being used as a soother and would like to get little one to accept a substitiute!
Had no issues with getting our 2 and half year old to give his up luckily – just offered him a toy of his choice!
Hi Tara. Molly didn’t have hers until 4 months. We had tried previously with no success. It was my mum who got her to have it one day when I was at the doctors. She just held it gently in Molly’s mouth which I had done before. I have since discovered that she dipped it in a bit of honey!!! Complete no no in today’s world but it did Molly no harm and having raised 4 kids successfully I trust her. Good luck xx
Thanks Lottie. I might avoid the honey but try something else sweet!! Worth a try as I’m hoping it will help her to settle and sleep without me.