Last Christmas was Mabel’s first and I really wanted both James’s and my family all around the table for a traditional festive feast. I cooked dinner for nine adults and two littles and it was fun, a little stressful when my peas didn’t boil (I have never tried to boil that amount of peas before so miscalculated completely!) and Mabel decided to take a nap until dessert. But the food was served piping hot, the bubbles flowed and we pulled crackers and listened to my Dad’s terrible jokes until it was time to watch Downton.
This year it obviously isn’t Mabel’s first Christmas, we’ve been invited to my parents for dinner on the 25th and also to James’s Mum’s. We always make sure we visit everyone during the festive period at some point so it’s not as if we make anyone in particular a priority, but I can’t help but feel Christmas day is well, the day. I’m hoping this year Mabel will understand a little more, if nothing else that she gets to rip pretty paper off what turns out to be lovely gifts.
I also think it would be nice to have a relatively relaxing day, not have to lift a finger, let someone else do all the work, eat celebrations for breakfast and stay in our pyjamas until 2pm and just nip down the road where our dinner will be ready….sorry, got a little carried away there. But the truth is actually, I want to have Christmas dinner at home. I enjoy cooking the festive meal with all the trimmings, setting the table with candles and our special seasonal table linen that only gets used once a year and playing The Pogues on repeat.
I think I’m pretty much set on spending Christmas day just the three of us, although perhaps we’ll invite family later in the evening for mulled wine and merriment. And I hope no one takes offence at our decision to remain all rather insular and hermit like in our own abode. I rather selfishly just want my daughter, my husband and that giant tin of celebrations to myself.
Where are you spending Christmas day? Do you find it difficult to juggle families especially now children are in the mix? I completely appreciate grandparents want to see their grandchildren on Christmas day too.
Will you be cooking Christmas dinner? For the last few years I’ve done pork (not a huge turkey fan), but would love some recommendations for an alternative.
As always, please do share your thoughts and experiences (some will be funny I bet!) in the comments box below.
You lovelies always hit the nail on the head don’t you! This thorny issue is massively on my mind right now. It’s Silvia’s first Christmas and last year I swore we would spend it at home, just the three of us. But throw some increasingly frail great grandparents, doting grandparents and a neat four hours between P’s and my parents and you have a Christmas cake of guilt, anxiety and a lot of time in the car. I just do not know what to do or where to go!
I have no advice or words of wisdom, but Silvia is a beautiful name!
Thank you! I love the name Juliet too. So classically beautiful.
Since I’ve written this post I now don’t think my parents have anywhere to go on Christmas day (my sister is possibly in Devon with her boyfriends parents) so now I’m more confused?! Argh!
Trust me, kids don’t always have plenty of Christmases with their grandparents (unless they are so very lucky or your parents are ‘young’) so I’d compromise and invite your parents for lunch. I’d give anything for more than the four Christmases I got with my Grandma, and sadly barely remember. Xxx
Lou you make a very good point, I didn’t envisage my parents being alone on Christmas day, I kind of assumed they would be with my sister/other family. I actually spoke to James after reading your comment and we are indeed inviting them 🙂 x
This is the source of my angst- particularly with my grandparents. We went on holiday for the last Christmas my Nannie was alive and I don’t want to do that again- she would be livid to hear me say that though! But then putting an 8 month old through a seven hour round trip and lunch with 20+ adults in a two bedroom retirement flat doesn’t seem fair either.
Glad you’ve come to a decision Charlotte- definitely enough people for venison now!
More cheerfully, venison is a banging Christmas roast. Lean as you like, flavourful and a real treat. Or if you do stay just the tree of you, roast duck with super crispy skin. You’ve got a hairdryer and some vodka right ??
Yep, we’ve done roast haunch of venison the last couple of years too (with a turkey crown for the traditionalists!). Great roast, and it’s nice to have something a bit different rather than an inflated chicken for lunch!
We alternate each year between cooking for hubby’s family at our house and going to my parents. Although John would be happy to have dinner with just us and the kids, it’s my worst nightmare. I’ve always had a huge Christmas at my parents, there are usually around 17-20 for dinner and it can get crazy so to go from that to just us was too much.
I have friends that still don’t spend time as a couple on Christmas day. Neither will compromise on giving up the dinner with their parents. When kids are on the scene I imagine something will have to give!
Cherish most of my friends alternate and never have Christmas just them, sometimes crazy is good x
It’s Juliet’s first Christmas too and we’re using it as an excuse to spend our first Christmas alone since we got together 6 years ago.
We’ll be doing fake Christmas on the 23rd at my family, coming back home on Christmas Eve and having some friends round for drinks and mince pies in the afternoon and then, on the day itself, we’ll be going to my husbands family in the morning – after waking up as a family!! But we plan to be back at ours for 11ish on Christmas Day morning where I will close the doors, put on my pjs and start the day properly!
We’re having duck – the Jamie recipe from one of his Christmas shows and we plan to eat late so it ties in with Juliet’s tea time so she can join us. Then, she’ll go to bed at 7 and we’ll watch tv in a food coma!
As you might be able to tell, I am very excited! I say do what you want. No one will begrudge you!
Ooooh! Lucy S mentioned duck above, will have to check out that recipe Jennifer, sounds like the perfect Christmas to me! x
We alternate between Christmas at my parents and at my sister in laws. Our families our an hour and two hours away respectively so we can never see both on the day, this seems the best way to do it. I would love to be able to host but we live in a small flat and it just isn’t possible.
Next year we will have an 8 month old and 4 year old and I have no idea how we will transport everything. I think we may have to buy a new car!!!
I think I should do a post on cars appropriate for families – I bought one just before Mabel was born and actually, I’m not sure it was the right choice….especially not if we have another child to consider! It seems that unless you buy a huge ruddy thing the boot is never big enough? Or perhaps we just have too much stuff!
This is always a big issue for me as my parents are divorced and one lives 100miles away and the other 250! We take it in turns with our parents. This year I think we are going to my brothers. its my sons first Christmas, and I was so looking forward to spending it in our new house, but It fell through yesterday and now I don’t want to think about it!!
Oh Claire bless you! selling and buying houses is so stressful 🙁
I’m sure you will have a wonderful Christmas at your brothers with your son x
Oh so relevant at the moment! We alternate – one year at my in-laws in mass carnage with a huge get together (where I still help my mum-in-law so am slaving in the kitchen all day as I can’t bear to watch her struggle on her own), and one year in our own house. We live too far away to do both. I would prefer to do it in our own house each year with our own traditions (as you say Charlotte, in pjs all morning) and for my son to wake in his own bed to see Santa has been. However my husband can’t give up having Christmas ‘at home’ with his family so its a mini battle each year even with the agreed compromise. I am sure as my son gets older (he is 3 now) he will want to be in his own home.
Christmas is whenever you make it!
It’s Thea’s first Christmas, she’ll be 6 months, and I’m working. To be honest I’d rather work this year and have next year off when she’s more aware of what’s going on.
I’m a nurse, so is my partner, my brother works in pub and my partners sister works as an emergency medical technician on an ambulance – and all of us have to work our share of Christmas and new year. It’s just what we’re used to.
This is a bit of a bone of contention in our house!! Christmas is always an amazing time in our family and my parents (who live in a large house) always make it really wonderful – decorations, amazing food etc etc. My partner’s parents now live in Europe and don’t really bother so much about Christmas and we decided with a toddler that we didn’t want to make the trip over at this time of year. So we’ll be spending the 24th having our continental Xmas eve fest (which I personally love!) and opening 1 or 2 presents (I want to get us all new PJs this year and start a tradition…..) then will be spending 25th just the 3 of us at home. We did this last year and it was a bit of a disaster as I tried to cook Xmas dinner which failed and my daughter refused to eat anything and refused to nap – argh! But I’m planning on doing a much simpler meal for all of us on Xmas day, going for a long walk in a nearby country park and generally chilling out. Fingers crossed I manage it! Then on 26th we will head to my parents house for family Xmas which will, as always, be lovely. So hopefully the best of everything this year!
Since getting together 9 years ago, we’ve spent EVERY christmas day at my husband’s parents. It didn’t matter before, as my dad spent it with his wife and her children (we visited on boxing day) and my mum lived abroad for a few years.
This christmas is Rafe’s first, and while we’re off to his parents again, I feel guilty that my parent’s seemingly miss out albeit they’re both coming to ours on boxing day. I recently suggested to my husband that at some point in the near future, I want to do Christmas at our own house, just the 3 of us so Rafe could enjoy his presents and not be traipsed around. I love cooking and have always wanted to do christmas in our home. My husband was horrified at the thought of just the three of us here! Looks like I might have a task on my hands!
This is actually the first year in a long time that it will just be us at home which I’m really looking forward to. I used to go and see my folks over in Brussels every year until I met hubby, then Matt & I went abroad for 2 Christmas’s (Key West & Las Vegas, sooo much fun!!) and then Mum & Dad were away in Oz so didn’t see them that year either. Unfortunately Dad died the following year so since then we have always had Christmas with Mum with us, once in Egypt as we couldn’t face Christmas without him in the UK and the last 2 years at home. Thankfully Matt’s mum and stepdad tended to go away over Xmas / NY so there wasn’t any issue over who we spent it with. However, this year Mum is with her new man and Matt’s mum is staying here. So we decided that we would have a nice Christmas at home with the 4 of us, Isabella’s 4th and Joshua’s 1st 🙂 I’m really looking forward to being able to just veg in our pj’s, watch Christmas telly and not worry about cooking & entertaining for guests (well Matt doesn’t anyway as he does all the cooking…..! Phew) and generally just chilling out. It’s great spending time with family but at the same time I’m looking forward to just spending time with our little family. Then after Christmas we have decided to make the dreaded journey up the M25/M6 to visit Matt’s mum in Manchester and then hopefully my aunt & her husband in Leeds. If all goes to plan Mum can stay with my aunt too so we’ll still be able to celebrate belatedly!! xx
Inga what is it with the M6?! James’s Mum and Dad (not together but live fairly near to each other) are both off junction 18 and I swear 75% of the time we travel there we get stuck.
Your Christmas sounds like it’s going to be wonderful x
Your Christmas of three followed by extended family merriment sounds great! Currently, being on the other side of the globe from family, we don’t have to worry about this predicament. Although, considering my family are in Ireland and Gavin’s are in Scotland… It’s going to make for future headaches alright.
As for alternative Christmas meals, I’m with Lucy S on venison!
Until recently we used to alternate between families – hosting the in laws one year and going to my Mum’s the next. Mum died at the back end of 2014 so it’s now just my sister and me for those years, and I suspect I’ll end up hosting it every year – which is fine, I’m a bit of a control freak and I love cooking so it works pretty well for me! This year Anna and I are having a ‘one last Christmas’ before we sell our childhood home, so she’s doing most of the running around, then next year I’ll be back to hosting the in laws.
I think we’re having a rib of beef this year (which looks extremely impressive!) but usually we do a haunch of venison with a juniper and port gravy and things like braised red cabbage and cauliflower cheese – and pigs in blankets, obviously!
Oh the family dilemmas. When there was just the two of us I was quite happy to alternate between our parents. Who wants to spend their Christmas alone after all? But now we are a family of 3 my feelings are quite different I would be perfectly happy to just forget about the rest of the world for the day. We have spent Anna’s first Christmas with my parents as they live in Europe and most of them haven’t met her at that point so it only seems fair to spend this year with the in-laws and I’m sure we will all have a great time. We have been mentioning for ages that our next Christmas however will be spent at home and honestly I can’t wait and am lining up our own traditions too – there will definitely be pyjama presents involved on 24th and maybe even fish for dinner as a nod to Czech Christmas traditions. Let’s just hope no feelings are hurt in the process.
I’m quite lucky that mine and Edd’s families all live relatively close by but there is a lot of them. Because of that we used to feel like we needed to visit everyone and I pretty much spent all day in the car. We’d start off at my mum’s house for breakfast, pop to my village pub to see all our family friends, head to see my stepdad, then go to see edd’s mum for lunch, go visit my granddad, then edd’s dad and finally back to mine. One year I ate 3 Christmas dinners as we didn’t want to offend anyone! For a few years my mum actually changed things around and we used to have our family Christmas dinner on Christmas Eve. It was really nice and meant that Christmas day was so much more relaxed. She’d do nice picky food for lunch or one year we had a lasagne! We actually talked about doing that again this year as we remembered how nice it was not spending the day cooking and instead sitting around in pjs and eating chocolates! The last few years we’ve hosted which has been lovely with the girls but this year we are heading to my sisters which will actually be really nice. Getting excited for xmas now xxx
Sounds like the Vicar of Dibley episode having all those Christmas Dinners!
It’s nice to have someone else host. Getting excited too!!
Why is Christmas such a stress? It should be a happy time to celebrate, but yet I feel myself already getting annoyed with trying to please everyone. It will be Iris’ first Christmas but Flynn’s first Christmas of actually knowing what’s going on (he’s 3 and a half) so like you I just want it to be us 4 together, so to keep everyone happy (hopefully) we’re hosting Christmas dinner at ours with both sets of parents coming about 2pm – so we’ll get the best of both worlds (again hopefully) Food wise – husband is a chef so after having him working the past 6 Christmas Days this will be his first one off – hooray! he says, he’s still cooking for us!! Beef and Turkey crown and of course Champagne on Tap!
Wow Keri – a chef, that’s going to be one amazing Christmas dinner! Mabel was very nearly an Iris 🙂 x
Same old pattern for us, only with much more gear in tow. Morning at home which with a 5 month old will actually mean morning instead of the lunchtime get up of our lazy days. Then we pick up the MIL and drop her at the BIL’s with a quick stop off then on to my parents for lunch and vegetating and Christmas telly. Dad has always done the cooking and makes it look so easy….from my view in the comfy seat in the living room that is. It’s only about 45 minutes in the car but with me, husband, baby, MIL, all the baby gear including the buggy and Moses basket, and a VERY bouncy young Labrador, it’s going to be a very cosy 45 minute journey.
One day, when we get the ‘big house’ I’m sure I’ll want Christmas at home but I’m hoping with the right amount of persuasion, flattery and egg nog, I’ll still get dad to do the cooking.
It’s really interesting (and useful!) to hear what other people do at Christmas, it’s always a bit tricky! We’ve been alternating as my parents live abroad so doing both in one day isn’t a possibility usually.
I’m actually really looking forward to the day we can do what you guys did last year, Charlotte, and host everyone at our own house. It sounds stressful but quite rewarding! Hopefully I’ll retire to bed feeling like a domestic goddess, not had that feeling before. 😉
It was great Kate – I’d definitely recommended. I loved choosing all the bits and pieces and for decoration as much as the food itself! Very rewarding x
Christmas with the in-laws is a nightmare for me. The first year we were together I went to the in-laws they served a nut roast and pistachio ice cream for dessert despite being told I can’t eat nuts. The second year they insisted they had to spend it with us again so we invited them to our house only for them to turn up two hours late because they thought it might be nice to go on a bike ride (without giving us any notice) so all of the food was ruined.
We now spend it on our own but are constantly pestered by my MIL about not spending time together at Christmas (despite the fact we go out for dinner with them for her husbands birthday at the end of November and she has a two buffet evenings for each side of her family in December, and we go to her sister’s house with her for a family do there too). We now spend either the Sunday before or Christmas eve with my hubby’s parents and because of this pressure I am lucky if I get to see my own parents in the week between Christmas and New Year.
The hubby and I are in total agreement that we dread the thought of Christmas when we have a family. I think we might have to start a tradition of going away for Christmas.
Charlotte, I totally feel your ‘I want to be home’ point. My little girl will be 18 months at Christmas and last year we were at home and my husband’s family came to us to stay (they live 2 hours away) whilst my poor parents had dinner on their tod just around the corner (I’m an only child). This year they are with us but I know that since my daughter has been born that I categorically do not want to go ANYWHERE at Christmas! Happy for people to come to us, I’m just not prepared to travel with a car full of presents and a screaming toddler when its easier for others without children to just pack a bag and jump in the car!
Charlotte there is that issue too – every year as a child On Christmas Day we had to travel to Wales as my Nan was on her own. I completely understand it of course, but we never once got to really open our gifts without rushing (we would have to leave by 10am) and then not get back until fairly late. I desperately wanted at least one Christmas at home. Some folks are fine with travel, and it depends on how far it is etc, but most people would find it difficult to spend lengthy periods on the 25th in the car not much fun – especially with young children x
I have been putting off organising what we’re doing over Christmas as it always causes considerable stress! This is our first year with a baby in tow, but the thought of being at home, just the three of us, gives me serious FOMO. My husband and I both have large families and they only live a couple of miles apart, this has both positives and negatives, I’m envious of all my friends who ‘go back home’ for Christmas and spend a week in their pj’s drinking prosecco for breakfast. For the last few years we have driven over to my parents so we can open all our presents alongside my younger siblings, then dash over to the in-laws so they can open their pressies, then back over to my mum’s so I can make dinner, then normally stay overnight and go back to the in-laws for a second Christmas day with them! I feel like I spend the whole holiday season driving around when all I want to do is put my feet up with a glass of baileys and a box of miniature heroes. With two cats and a baby, we’re going to have to spend some time at home this year, neither are willing to give up our ‘family’ traditions though and don’t want to upset anyone. So no idea what to do this year!
I love Christmas and since me and my husband have been together we have spent it together, it’s lovely! But obviously we like to see other family and friends too, so we now have a bit of a tradition – my family don’t live locally and my brother often works awful shifts, so we always without fail get together the Saturday before Christmas and have our own little ‘Christmas day’ complete with Turkey, stuffing, present giving and lots of booze – and sometimes monopoly and arguing ?. We then get to have actual Christmas Day at home together, and now we have a little person (it’s his second Christmas this year but was so tiny last year I’m seeing it as his first proper one!) I’m even more excited to have a day just the three of us. We do however have my husbands family drop in for a bit in the morning for presents though. Then on Christmas Day night we open our house up to all our friends – usually with drinking and merriment and it’s fantastic. Everyone is happy, we get to see all the people we love, but most of all our little family gets time in our jamas eating chocolate on the sofa! Xx
Kate this sounds similar to what we have done in the past pre-Mabel, I do love a little party in the evening 🙂
Your “own” Christmas day sounds perfect xx
I hate that Christmas is always such a thorny subject when it comes to where you spend it! Until recently we did the alternating between my family and in-laws – that was until FIL (the man who hates Christmas) decided to ‘cancel Christmas’ one year as he decided he didn’t want to host his ‘ungrateful’ children. Of course, this then meant spending two years in a row with my family as I wanted to stay ‘in sync’ with my sister, who also alternates between in-laws. That did not go down well. Apparently they simultaneously want us to spend Christmas with them, but don’t want us to visit – you can’t win!
This year, with the excuse of having a small child now, we have put our feet down and are having our first Christmas at home – we’re hosting my parents (and possibly the in-laws too – they’re making murmurings about coming) and I’m really looking forward to it!
For a number of years now we’ve hosted Christmas dinner, with both sets of parents invited to join us.
There’s really no option of leaving the in laws out (they’d be on their own otherwise) and they’re no bother. However it would be nice to have dinner at my mum’s one year, she cooks a lovely dinner!
I heart Christmas so very much! We alternate Christmas between my family and my partner’s. This year we are going to my partner’s. I love it. Last year we started a tradition of cooking for everyone on Christmas Eve. It’s good fun and nice to help out. Six weeks tomorrow…
Six weeks?!!!! Better get buying gifts and ordering the food… x
We are still working on the Christmas conundrum, it’s a headache every year as we’re so close to our families but also desperately want to break away to be our own family but aren’t quite ready!!
On the food side however… I absolutely love roast goose. Tends to be a bargain from lidl and aldi, and is a very traditional Dickensian Christmas dinner, not to mention utterly yummy lovely! It doesn’t stretch far though so a perfect excuse for having a trimmed down guest list
I feel a little guilty that my Christmas is straightforward after reading all these tales of woe. Me and the other half are only children so we’ve split Christmas’ between each others parents fairly easily over the past 6 years. As it’s Spencer’s first Christmas this year I set my stall out pretty early this year that it would be at our house with both sets of parents invited and the same for next year, I am not travelling even the short distance on the 25th with all his gubbins and I want the memories of his first yuletide to be at home, and I do love to cook and decorate, it’s a merry win win. X
We alternate – which has somehow turned into five Christmas celebrations in different places this year due to the divorce and international elements. I’d recommend a goose for dinner though, if you’re up for it.
This Christmas is also my daughters first, but to add to the dilemmas, it is her first birthday on Christmas Day itself!! I think I’ve been putting off thinking about it really, as there’s the usual “what are you doing at Christmas?” question, with the added bonus of “what are you doing for Esme’s birthday?”. Help!!
I don’t like to blow my own trumpet but we have Christmas Nailed!!! After years of arguments, tears (mainly on my part(during dinner at the MILs!!!), alternating between his & mine, etc etc. We have decided on the following….
Our front door opens at 8am… After this point any family can visit, bring presents, play with the boys, eat Christmas breakfast, (Sausage butties, Coissants & Bucks Fizz)
At 12pm we lock the front door and have some family time, just the four of us playing and enjoying being together.
At around 5pm we have the Christmas Dinner. Also nailed last year by cooking the meat on Xmas Eve (slow cooked Lamb & Gammon joint) and using disposable metal trays to cook the veggies. Meaning we only have our plates to wash up!!
8pm (once the littlies are in bed) the door opens again and people visit for drinks & nibbles & board games at their leisure.
Its utter Bliss!!
If only I was so organised every day!!
I’ve loved reading through all your plans and feel so festive now!
We are lucky that our parents are both very understanding and don’t mind us alternating. However, my family do Christmas in a big way so I much prefer my year’s with them, as opposed to my husband’s who wrap things up about 5pm.
This year it’s our turn to be with his family, but because of their ‘short day’ celebrations, we also get to see my family. So breakfast will be at my mums, then to my brother in-law’s for Christmas dinner and then on to my aunties or my mum’s (depending on where they decide to go) for the evening.
Next year we will have a 7 month old, so I’m excited that we are with my family, however we also have two dogs, who we don’t like leaving at home for too long, so I’m hoping we won’t have to drive around quite so much (I’d not even thought about the car space issue with pram, baby paraphernalia, and all the presents… eeek!)
Thanks for making me feel festive! x
We are lucky to have such things to concern us. Some people have no home, no family, no job, no gifts to give or recieve . At the end of the day most things are better when shared. We don’t know how long we are going to live so don’t know how long we will have to regret not spending time with others. I guess it’s about looking for the positives amongst the negatives. It sounds as if most people like Christmas to be at heir home – for this to be possible it has to be taken in turns. Right?