The age old debate. It’s one that normally starts when you first get in a relationship, gets harder when you get married and is downright impossible when you have kids.
I mean who do you keep happy by spending Christmas day with them? Which set of grandparents gets to enjoy those magical moments? Or do you just forget it all and spend it as your own little family?
We are pretty lucky that all our family live close by so over the years Edd and I have spent many a Christmas day driving around packing in as many visits as possible. One year, pre kids, we had three Christmas dinners in one day. It was ridiculous. I seemed to spend most of the day rushing around and never felt relaxed. It’s a good job I don’t really drink.
When you have children it’s hard to know what to do. Part of you just wants to hunker down as your own little family unit but at the same time sharing the Christmas magic with your wider family. I’m lucky that I have a close family and we all get along.
We’ve talked about going away for Christmas, we’ve contemplated spending it on our own but for me I love being with everyone. This year we talked about going out to eat but with two little ones that’s not exactly relaxing. Since having the girls I prefer to host myself, it’s just so much easier. Yes, I know it involves cooking and entertaining a lot of people but I really don’t mind. I actually find it more relaxing as after dinner I can just sit down. I then leave it up to everyone if they want to come along. Unfortunately that normally means I end up with a lot of people. I have a rather large family and then when you factor in other halves and Edd’s mum and partner too we are at around fourteen for lunch I think. Help!
I am actually a seasoned pro at this now though. Well sort of. I prep like a boss (in the words of Joe Wicks) the night before and get all the potatoes and vegetables ready and in pans of water on the hob. We are also lucky that I have a big double oven so we can just about squeeze in the giant turkey and all the trimmings.
I love having everyone there. It’s nice to be surrounded by family and although it may be crazy, and rather loud, it’s a lot of fun. The girls love it too. We get the best of both worlds as we have a few hours in the morning to ourselves when the girls have their stockings and a few presents so have that family time first before everyone arrives.
Our family normally arrive late morning to help with any dinner preparations and everyone normally heads home at the end of the day so we don’t have the pressure of people staying over as well which is nice. This year our village pub is opening on Christmas Day for a few hours so I have a feeling I will be shipping a lot of people out the way whilst I finish getting everything ready. Luckily the pub is only a few doors up so I may even get a cheeky celebratory drink myself as I can pop back to check the turkey!
So that’s me this year and I honestly cannot wait. I do love playing hostess (Martha Stewart eat your heart out) and adore having all our family round. It’s noisy and rowdy but the girls absolutely love seeing everyone and I think it just makes it all that more magical and Christmassy.
What are your plans this year and how on earth do you decide where to go? And if you fancy getting even more Christmassy we are talking about when does Christmas really start on Rock My Style and all about planning a winter wedding over on Rock My Wedding.
[…] all ears. Oh and while we’re on the subject of Noel, nip on over to RMF to chat about where you’re spending Christmas and RMW to talk winter […]
[…] And if you’re facing the age-old dilemma of where to spend Christmas now that it’s not just about you – head on over to Rock My Family. […]
Our Christmas plans are all a bit up in the air this year as we are due our first baby on the 22nd December. If the baby is here we want to spend the day just the 3 of us, with visits from grandparents, will we even realise it’s Christmas with a new born baby at home?! Otherwise we will be having dinner at my mum and dad’s.
So exciting Claire. That is going to be the best Christmas ever xxx
When family are farflung it gets much more tricky! I would really like to host but my Dad refuses to leave his parents to be hosted by his siblings at Christmas… and as we live 3 hours away that’s that! My husband’s parents are a mere 90 minutes away but as his dad is a butcher he is always exhausted and never wanting to see another turkey!
Going to spend Christmas Day at home just the 3 of us so Silvia has Father Christmas come to her house, then travel up to Nannie and Grandad in the evening when everyone else is in a sherry stupor. Fingers crossed!
This sounds perfect Lucy and Sylvia will have a wonderful day. I’m pretty confident I wouldn’t want to be eating Turkey either if I was your Father in law!! xx
That sounds heaven, Lottie! Room for any more?! Seriously though, we’re fortunate in that we have created a bit of a tradition where Phils family who we live some distance from all get together the weekend before Christmas which works well as everyone can then do their own thing on the day.
My Mum is Austrian so we celebrate with my family on Christmas Eve as we have all my life.
Christmas Day is then our own to lounge around in pjs, open gifts at leisure, go for walks and watch whatever we want on TV, and this has started to come into its own as our little family unit has grown. Everyone in the wider family gets to spend time with Fern yet we get the day to ourselves to build our own traditions and memories.
I really feel for those who are torn between what they feel they SHOULD do and what they ought to do. Even swapping it up every year sounds like a fair compromise but in actual fact prevents you from creating your own traditions. Good luck to anyone trying to navigate this dilemma!
Always space in my house Philippa! It’s so nice to have your own traditions too and we also see Edds Dad’s side of the family before Christmas so one less visit on the day itself. I love the whole Christmas Eve thing. When we got a bit older and were off with boyfriends etc on Christmas day my mum started doing our Christmas Dinner on Christmas Eve so we didn’t all have to rush Christmas day. It was so lovely as we had a long leisurely evening of festive eating, Christmas films and general fun. Hope you have a wonderful day xx
Even though my boyfriend and I have been together for 12 years, we’ve only had two Christmases together in that time! And one was when we were travelling and in Australia for Christmas, so no one had a choice! Usually I go to my family at my Gran’s (which is nearly 3 hours away from home) and he stays with his family (because the option at my family’s would be sleeping on the floor). This year is the last year (all being well at our 12 week scan, anyway) that it’s just the two of us, though – and then he’s promised to put his foot firmly down and lock everyone out on Christmas day and we’ll spend it just our little tribe. I’m foolishly hoping this will be more simple but I’m not convinced it will be…!
Firstly, congratulations! Such exciting news. Secondly, it will be simple if you make it. Just tell everyone they have to visit you if they want to see you or designated Christmas Eve and Boxing Day for family visits. Have a fun Christmas and hope you get to spend some of it together xx
Oh my, I’ve also been tackling this huge dilemma. I think we’ve come up with a solution that will suit everyone in some way.
My husband and I have been together 5 years. We started off keeping everyone else happy by waking up at my parents and having lunch with them. We’d then drive 20minutes across the city to my husbands parents. They don’t have a spare room so then I’d drive us home again. This would usually mean me not drinking ? I always felt in a rush to get to the next house and guilty leaving my parents when everything was in full swing.
We eventually got fed up with this and 2 years ago my husband surprised me with a trip to Paris. We had Christmas dinner sailing down the river (got very tipsy) then climbed the Eiffel Tower in the evening. It was the most magical Christmas ever. We really got to enjoy the whole experience.
Last year, I was pregnant so we split up and I spent the day with my parents and my husband at his. Telling everyone that next year we will not be doing this. We sowed the seed early that things are going to change when we are parents. .
I always spend the week before helping my parents. We go shopping and I end up wrapping all of their presents for them. I take my gran out to do her shopping as well and carry all of her bags so she can enjoy it.
This year, our little guy’s first Christmas, we are spending it at home with a Marks and Spencer’s dinner. Of course Grandparents were not too happy but they all understand. We are now having 3 christmases! We are spending the 23rd with my husband’s family, 25th alone and on the 27th, my parents are staying with us. It’s all go! Especially since we are then hosting my best friend for Hogmanay.
On another note and another long story! When I was little I lived with my not so nice biological mother. I remember sitting on the living room floor listening to her talking to my Dad on the phone. She then turned to me and said “tell your Dad who you want to spend Christmas with”. I’ve never forgotten this! Divorce is never easy, especially at Christmas.
Three Christmases sound great fun! And a lovely way to spend time with all of your family. So sorry to read about your situation when you were little, how heartbreaking. I’m pleased that you enjoy Christmas now despite this. I have friends who have been scarred for life after dealing with post-separation Christmases, it is so sad.
I’m very lucky! I left home and ended up with the best Stepmum ever. I LOVE Christmas. I was also very diplomatic in my response “well, we spend everyday with you so it’s only fair that Daddy gets us at Christmas”. People forget that Christmas time isn’t idyllic for everyone.
The age old dilemma… Your Christmas sounds lovely Lottie!! For my husband and I, we have spent the past few years alternating between his family in Wales and my family usually in France, sometimes in Scotland. Not exactly close by (we are in London) or easy to combine. And now we have our own small person I am keen to make our own decisions but it is tricky as we come from two entirely different families – his all loud and cheerful, singing carols, going for walks but with no thought really about presents, lots of stress about getting the meal out hot etc. Mine is all about getting up early to open stockings by the fire, quiet family time (I’m an only child, no boisterous Christmas shenanigans at mine!), a walk, and a wonderful meal. I would love to make it our own though, to see our families over the Christmas period but spend Christmas itself at home (or even host them! I love cooking, but I’m not sure I could cope with that many house guests…). When I was little all the neighbours came round for drinks before going home for their own dinner, which was lovely – a feeling of community and jollity but also family time too. Alas it may take quite some persuading…
We tend to spend the day with my mum and dad as my husband’s parents are separated and his mum is happy to do whatever we do so we’re very lucky that we get to see both sides on the day. My wee boy was born on Dec 5th last year and Christmas passed in a colic-y, PND haze so I’m really looking forward to this year and pretending it’s his first! My sister and husband will be there with their 2 month old too so it’ll be amazing, I can’t wait!! 🙂
Ahhh always a tricky one. Both our families are pretty laid back which is good but it’s still a difficult issue. Our sets of parents live about 50 minutes apart so it’s do-able to see both but we did this one year and didn’t enjoy it because it felt rushed and we just felt guilty for the ones we were leaving and the ones who were waiting for us to arrive! Last year we just said we’re staying at home, everyone is welcome… I think this is the best option for us because the decision then isn’t on our shoulders and it’s up to both families if they decide to come or not. Now we’ve got 2 kids we’ve decided we want them to be at home so we can start our own traditions and make our own memories, if both sets of grandparents come along and get involved that’s great too. Luckily neither of our parents put pressure on us, it must be so hard if they do. I do think though once you have your own family you are entitled to want to start your own traditions and neither family should be pressurising you to do anything, it should be your choice! X
This is exactly our stance Sarah and I think it works so well. The girls get to be at home and play with their new toys but we also get to see everyone too. Win win xx
I love Christmas but it is a really tricky one. For the eleven years before we had children we just went our separate ways. Since we had our little boy we’ve been alternating each year as both families are European and we both celebrate on Christmas Eve. This year we have a new addition, our gorgeous baby girl and I personally would prefer to host but hubby is not up for this as it’s his family’s “turn”. Our house is tiny so it would be a challenge to fit everyone in, but I’m dreading having to pack all the stuff needed for a newborn and toddler and also schelping over to the in laws and parents. Not exactly the relaxed Christmas I dream of. Hopefully next year we will have moved and can invite everyone over, as I also love the idea of creating our own Christmas and traditions.
Ah the annual Christmas nightmare! I’ve done the host everyone thing which ended in a massive row – never again! We usually alternate between my in laws and my mum, my dad lives in the USA so we’ve also done a couple of Christmases there. This year it’s our turn with the in laws. I resent the guilt trip from all sides if we don’t take it in turns “fairly”, it feels that the only people missing out are the kids as their rushed out the door each year. So I’m putting my foot down and insisting we spend Christmas Day at home just the five of us next year, the idea of spending the whole day in my pj’s sounds like heaven! Should make things interesting when it comes up in conversation during Christmas dinner………
We are pretty lucky to have these concerns aren’t we? Some people have no home. No roof over their head, no family , no job, no presents to give or recieve, no special food to eat. At the end if the day most things are better when shared. We don’t know how we may miss these things we find a chore when it is no more an option. Perhaps it is about trying to find the positives amongst the negatives. It sounds as if alot of us like to have Christmas at our own home, the only way this is possible is by taking it in turns – right? Have a happy Christmas.