After yesterdays battles with my four year old this post is very apt. I had thought the food issues were coming to an end but it appears not. For most of us trying to get your children to eat healthily is an ongoing struggle and it’s hard to know what to do or what is the norm.
When I started weaning both Molly and Alice they ate everything (except salmon, they never liked that!). Purees consisted of immense amounts of fruit and veg and they then progressed to lots of yummy home cooked meals. They were big fans of casserole, fish pie and anything packed with flavour. I thought this would be easy. How wrong I was.
Molly was 19 months when Alice was born and I’m pretty sure the trauma of having a new baby sister impacted on her eating habits. She may have been seeking attention or just playing up but mealtimes became a constant battle. She went from eating everything to eating nothing.
At mealtimes she would push every bowl of food away. It was heartbreaking to watch as Molly would spend most dinner times crying too as she refused to eat. It made me so angry to watch as I knew she was hungry. She was a skinny little thing already. Chewing was painfully slow. Each mouthful would take at least 5 minutes to eat. She became a bit like a hamster as she would put food in her mouth but not eat it. One time I told her to leave the table as I had had enough. 45 minutes later I found her still with a cheek full of food. Who does that?!
I tried all sorts of different things. I obviously tried lots of different foods, I ignored her, I shouted, I cried. I tried getting her involved in making the food. Tried making mealtimes fun with some silly songs and dancing every time she ate a mouthful. Probably none were right but what on earth do you do? She even stopped eating my Mum’s food which was unheard of as she loved her Nanny’s dinner.
The only thing she would eat and my one saviour was pasta and cheese! She wouldn’t eat sauce so I couldn’t even hide veg in that. Just pasta, a bit of butter and some grated cheese. Every day. For lunch and dinner. I despaired. This went on for a good 12 months and in fact nearly 2 and a half years later I still have battles on an ongoing basis. Most meal times she requests pasta. She will now eat various meals but it is hit and miss. Sometimes she’ll wolf down her casserole and others she takes a little nibble. The pasta and cheese always gets demolished. ALWAYS.
When Alice hit 18 months we experienced exactly the same thing. I think she watched Molly and just copied her. Every bowl was pushed away. Even if it was something sweet. She’d quickly pull it back when she realised it was yogurt or apple crumble! This time I just accepted it and let her either have bread and butter or pasta. My husband and I disagreed on this but I knew there appeared to be little I could do. I did have a few melt downs about it and tried to make her eat but with absolutely no result other than a very distressed mummy and Alice. A year later we seem to be through the worst. She now eats most meals and the last few days has discovered a love of broccoli.
It took me a long time to resign myself to the fact that it was better to feed them what they wanted rather than nothing at all. Maybe they won so to speak but believe me it is not worth both you and your child being constantly upset. You can beat yourself up too much about what they should and shouldn’t be eating but at the end of the day so long as they eat something that is good enough for me.
Have you had food battles with the littles and how did you cope with it? I think I could still do with any bit of advice I can get!
Image by Anna Clarke Photography.
Me …. I despair too …. I DREAD mealtimes!
My little boy ate super smooth fruit Ella’s pouches, toast and dry cereal until he was 2years and 9 months. Since then I have managed to get him to eat scrambled eggs, cottage pie renamed muscle pie, spaghetti bolognaise (rugby kickers pasta), fish pie (super swimmer pie) and sausages with potato waffles oh and of course pasta and cheese. It is a daily battle and i have to admit I do feed him most days after leaving him a while just to get something in his skinny little body. He’s just not really interested in food. He can totally feed himself ( ice cream and yogurt get scooped into his mouth with perfect skill) he just doesn’t really care about food.
My daughter who is now 16 months was total opposite she weaned like a dream and ate really well until she got a tummy bug at 8 months and since then it’s hit and miss. She will go days on practically nothing. Sometimes she’ll eat toast sometimes not, spag bol and cottage pie are sometimes wolfed down but more often than not pushed away. She is cows milk intolerant which makes mealtimes slightly more tricky but there is still heaps for her to eat she’d just rather feed our increasingly rotund Labrador.
I’ve spoken to health visitors, dietitians, friends etc and no tips help. I feel like I’ve tried everything to no avail. I have decided my approach is offer a varied diet and if they don’t eat I offer a pudding of some sort after they have to eat fruit first and then I know they have something in their tummy. I have shouted and stomped my feet but a toddler who doesn’t want to eat cannot be forced so I try the less stressful approach now and stress away from the table. Presumably they will discover joy of food at some point.
I love your names for food. That is such a clever idea! I may steal that one. I am very much with you on letting them eat something rather than nothing. Small children can’t be reasoned with and yes I know you can’t let them get away with everything but unfortunately you can’t let your child starve. It is just so frustrating when they used to eat well. I really hope your little one finds her love of food and if not a reckon some fruit and a pudding is just fine. x
My boy is 21 months and has just started this dining table tomfoolery. I’ve taken a different stance than you. If he won’t eat it, he doesn’t eat. I don’t make him eat things I know he really dislikes, like spinach for example. But if it’s a meal he’s eaten plenty of times before (which let’s face it, is most), then I point blank refuse to make him anything else.
Some nights it works, some nights he goes to bed with an extra big cup of milk and seems pretty happy with it. And while it may be the opposite tactic from the one you’ve taken Lottie, the Mum guilt is exactly the same. It’s hard to know if you’re ever doing the right thing. Because I’m not quite sure there ever is ‘the right thing’ to be doing.
It definitely is tomfoolery isn’t it Naomi?! They really know how to push our buttons. With Molly I did try the whole not giving her anything else but it just never worked for me and I think that I just gave up trying that tactic. Edd probably would have persevered as he is much stronger than me. They do get through it eventually and I’m pretty confident it is mostly a phase for kids but it is blinking hard work at the time. Good luck and keep going! x
It’s so hard because you find yourself trying to reason with them, but it’s worse than reasoning with a drunk person. I think the reason we’ve fallen into this move is that the night’s Ethan decides he doesn’t want dinner (which thankfully at the moment is about 1/10), he won’t even eat his favourite fruits if they’re offered. It’s like he just doesn’t want food. Full stop.
And there’s nothing more infuriating than spending 40 minutes, making a Jamie Oliver 15 minute meal only to have the plate flipped onto the floor. I think I lose my cool way quicker at the dining table than anywhere else in the house.
You are so very right. Both in the drunk person comment and in the 15 minute meals that aren’t 15 minutes! I do think sometimes they just don’t want to eat. Not sure I ever feel that way personally but these small people do baffle me! x
Hahahaha “there’s nothing more infuriating than spending 40 minutes, making a Jamie Oliver 15 minute meal only to have the plate flipped onto the floor”
1- Super funny
2- That makes me feel better to know other mums have the same issues!
I have a three year old and a 20 month old. We are in the midst of fussy eating for both of them.
Nothing works and so I’ve given up. They are at nursery four days a week. They get offered plenty of variety there.
At home they get sausages and chips (or potato rosti), and raw carrots as its all the veg they will eat.
Break threes are coming though as my 20 month old eats EVERYTHING at nursery, only plays up at home when his sister does.
My 3 year old is starting to try new things, probably out of starvation at nursery! So lamb and chicken samosas are now on the menu, and she even ate some of her roast dinner on Sunday.
Nursery don’t make any comment on her food, they just serve it and leave it. We all decided it wasn’t worth the stress, and persuasion never works anyway!
My brother was incredibly fussy. For years!!!! It still surprises me now that he will eat pasta and pizza (which he’s been eating for quite some time given he’s nearly 30). Even he was never malnourished.
X
‘spending 40 mins making a Jamie Oliver 15 min meal only to have it flipped in the floor’ cracked me up! So funny and true. Thanks for the laugh this morning x
Food and children – stressful isn’t it! We run weaning and other workshops for babies and toddlers and come across this sort of thing all the time. It’s important to remember that most children (barring a medical condition) will eventually eat and will not become malnourished. It’s just hard to override that mummy/daddy instinct to feed and not give an alternative! We often find sitting and eating a sharing plate together is a good way to coax them into eating, as is leaving them too it rather than hovering. And something that parents often miss is that their child is not actually hungry enough to eat what is offered because they have filled up on snacks during the day. Good luck to anyone going through this – my daughter is 23 months so I’m with you! x
Thank you so much for sharing. Definitely reassuring to hear and I think the sharing plate is a good idea. The girls do love all sitting down together to eat so I should probably try that much more often xx
We’ve been lucky in that Juliet has never been a particularly fussy eater but she definitely goes through phases of not being hungry – and of food refusing if she thinks she’ll get something sweet at the end of it. My stepson was absolutely fine when he was little but if give free access to a buffet would exist entirely on sausages and cucumber (which led to an embarrassing moment when he was sick and we had to explain to a member of staff on a HB holiday what he had eaten for the last 24 hours!).
Some of the best advice I’ve had is not to look at portion sizes or nutritional value over the course of a day but rather over a week, as it gives a more balanced view of what they’re getting and how much.
Oh, and we’ve found nursery great for getting J to eat different foods including ones she doesn’t like – I think they try to emulate their friends, and it encourages better eating.
Thank you so much for sharing those tips. I hadn’t ever thought to look over a week which is definitely a good one to try xx
Oh i’ve been going through this for the last 9 months. So pleased to read about others and know i’m not alone!!
George was absolutely brilliant with food until he was 9 months…we did baby led weaning…although my mum still insisted on feeding him with a spoon!!…and he would happily pick up everything and shove it in his mouth. Then he started nursery and I don’t know if it was because he saw the other children saying no or what but he almost changed overnight! At 18months now every meal time is a battle apart from breakfast where he will happily eat bowl after bowl of rice krispies, weetabix or cheerios. But he point blank refuses to try any fruit, he will only eat fruit pouches (although only just back on them after 3/4 weeks of refusing them) and the organix apple and date bars. Veg wise he will eat peas and corn on the cob..random! I’ve been so stressed with it recently as I was so concerned that he wasn’t getting his vitamins, particularly vitamin c at this time of the year. Have managed to get him taking vitamin drops now (we call them sweeties), he gets vitamins in his cereal and we have the “Big Milk” with extra Vitamin D. I’d much rather he was getting what he needed from a good balanced diet of homecooked meals but its just not practical sometimes. I have been really busy with work and just didn’t have the time to whip up all sorts of marvellous “hidden veg” meals for him as I would have liked to. He doesn’t have a massively varied diet at nursery (massive nursery envy the other day when I read Charlotte’s post about Mabel’s nursery…sounds amazing!), most of the other children there get fruit/veg as snacks as well as at meal times but as George won’t eat those he doesn’t end up having as much as others and some of the main meals can be a little processed sometimes (sausages, waffles, pasta sauces etc). I worry whether he is having too much sugar/ too much salt…plus we are trying to budget really carefully at the moment so I also can’t afford to keep offering him loads of things and then them get wasted….!! I did read recently that toddlers actually prefer a simple menu of just a few things and that their brains cope better with this at such a young age rather than so much variety so maybe I needn’t worry so much!
As my mum keeps reminding me, she grew up on very basic food with very little variety and their generation did ok!!
You are definitely not alone Lucette. I thought I was when Molly went through it but second time round I was a bit more prepared. We have also gone down the vitamin route which they seem to like although worryingly Molly seems to treat them as though they are sweets and begs to have her vitamin!I do think too much variety may be part of it as they are definitely creatures of habit. Good luck xx
I went through fussy eating very early – my daughter barely ate anything between the ages of 6 & 12 months. Looking back now it was probably not helped by me stressing about it so much when all my friends had kids who were “perfect” eaters. The best bit of advice came from my mum who told me that EVERYONE goes through some kind of fussy eating stage with their kids and although I was stressing out, it would right itself one day. Sure enough, my daughter (26 months) is now a brilliant eater & eats 90% of what we give her, loves eating out and trying new things, whilst many of my friends’ kids are in terrible fussy eating stages! I am hoping the good eating continues…….or maybe I just stress less these days when we have a day which consists of just eating yogurts and toast as I know it could be a whole lot worse.
Mums always know best don’t they. I say that as though I’m not a mum myself! I actually think going through it earlier was probably a blessing in some ways as you are right that most kids do go through it at some stage xx
I do the same – one day I hope I can impart words of wisdom to my daughter in the same way as my mum does! I hope it was a blessing having to deal with fussy eating early on, it’s certainly made me stress much less about food now, and I am big fan of looking at consumption over a week rather than a day as mentioned above, and remembering that I would probably eat just pasta and cheese every day for lunch and dinner if left to my own devices!!
Lottie we’ve started to go through this now at thirteen months with Hector. Like you he adored pretty much anything we popped in his mouth and ate far better than the rest of us combined up to this point. Then in the last two weeks it’s as if he’s decided that he won’t eat anything other than cottage cheese, bread and some fruit. It’s driving me insane to the point that I dread mealtimes. My mum assures me it’s a phase – something that both me and my sisters all went through and that the only thing I can do is to keep offering him lots of different foods until the day he decides to eat something. It’s demoralising though when you spend hours preparing something tasty and delicious to have it literally thrown back in your face. Like Sophie says above I’m hoping it’s something that will right itself eventually. The other thing that is worth mentioning is that Heccy was never a huge ‘eater’ even before he was weaned, in that he would never finish a bottle of milk. Instead he’s been a grazer with hungry days and then not so hungry days which I reckon is just part of his personality.
I do think most kids go through it but I definitely dreaded/still dread mealtimes. I gave up cooking for a while as it was such a waste making meals that they then won’t eat. hence them ending up with pasta most days as I know they will eat it and it only takes 10 minutes. Hopefully hector will grow out of it but in the meantime I don’t think cottage cheese and fruit is that bad. At least it’s remotely healthy. Mine would rather a party ring than a strawberry! x
Ahhhh kids and food!!!!
I have found both my two went through the painfully slow eating / eating like mice phase and I found the best way to work through it without combusting was to give smaller portion sizes and let them ask for more (I’m talking tea / tablespoons ) as it’s less daunting and then you can make a MASSIVE deal if they ask for more and also remember that they are way more in tune with their hunger than you or I…..which I remind myself of everytime I eat 6 bourbon biscuits for no hunger related reason.
Oh and slime smoothies….a load of fruit and green veg bhahahha! My girls adore them and have no idea they are eating the dreaded green veg ??
I do sometimes wonder if I give them rather large portions as they have potentially eaten some but it just doesn’t look like it. I definitely need to get on with making smoothies for them xx
This has made me feel better! My little one (2 tomorrow) eats well for nursery (three days a week) and also for my mum at home when she has him (one day a week) but as soon as I try to feed him the battle commences! I find it stressful and upsetting (he will throw food on the floor/at me etc…) especially by Sunday, when he has barely eaten over the whole weekend. He will happily eat snacks and yogurt all day long, and I do resort to that just so I know he has food in his tummy. I have no idea how to handle it tbh – I think I need to find a consistent approach as at the moment I sometimes leave it, sometimes try to make him, sometimes make alternatives!
My little one, Felix, is only 20 months and he is a pretty good eater-just from luck, nothing I can profess to having done or not done. We are awaiting the imminent arrival of our second baby now and I hope this does not impact his appetite!
Since 15/16 months though he had had times where he has become more picky. After doing some casual reading on the topic, I started to do the following things:
No snacks-this ensures he is genuinely hungry at mealtimes. I don’t enforce this at playgroup if all the other kids are enjoying a biscuit, but will definitely not offer snacks on a regular basis. When he is having days where he is clearly more hungry than normal, we enjoy a snack of cucumber sticks or grapes together. At least some vitamins in there!
Serve the meal and sit with him. I try to eat lunch or dinner *with* him so we can ‘chat’ and serve the food to our plates. If he is being picky, I will just put a tiny amount on his plate and see how he goes. At the childminders he has tea with other kids so at least mealtimes aren’t just one big battle, they are enjoyed from a social aspect too.
Not make a fuss if he won’t try something or will leave it. Just ask him if he is finished and then take it away.
Try to alternate meals he loves with ones he is less keen on. He loves a baked sweet potato with beans and cheese and I reckon there is a lot worse he could have than this, but it is so simple to make! I guess the sweet potato makes it feel a bit healthier and I try to use the reduced salt beans if I can.
Keep serving stuff he ‘doesn’t like’ and not take it off the menu completely. Just keep trying with it!
I have no shame in cooking up a M&S “chicken teddy” lol! Or any other of their kids meals if he seems to enjoy it too. Everything in moderation.
Not always offer a desert.
Great post by the way.
I think parents are hard wired to over react because nourishing our child is such a primal, innate need. If we are struggling, then it makes us go a bit crazy!
I am sure I was brought up on an unjustifiable amount of processed meat (sausage), ‘foods’ such as findus crispy pancakes, and stuff that was super easy to make that my wonderful Mum cooked at the end of a busy day at work bless her. I was also mostly formula fed and (anecdata at its best!) I turned out fine.
These tips are brilliant thank you. I am pretty sure I over offer the snacks and I am also guilty of that being party rings rather than something healthy. Bad mommy! I guess when they eat it doesn’t matter but I do know I should try to stop being quite so free with the snacks! My girls love an M&S chicken teddy! xx
My 18 month old is quite a good eater, however she will not eat veg!!! She’ll eat fruit until it comes out of her ears, but not beg will pass her lips.
Some nights she just takes one look at her meal and will not entertain it and I always give in and give her her favourite thing in the world, Weetabix! I just don’t like there thought of her going to bed hungry.
I hope this veg dodging won’t last forever!
I don’t even have children yet but I love reading this blog and the comments. Have you read the book French children don’t throw food? I’ve heard great things about it xx
Ooh, must check it out. Thanks Rebecca x
I’m totally late to comment on this but I just wanted to say thank you, reading this and all the comments has made me feel a lot better about my fussy eater! My daughter has only just (at 16 months) started to reliably eat one meal a day (breakfast – smooth porridge) until now she’s barely eaten a thing and mostly point blank refused anything except sometimes yogurt and smooth Ella’s pouches. I’ve tried to stay relaxed about it but at times have felt like a huge failure when all the other babies we know seem to be great eaters. I have to say I felt a bit worse reading the recent post about sugar free diets for babies / children the other week – I wish I had the luxury of choosing what my child eats and keeping her diet super healthy, at times ALL she has eaten is petit filous and of course I feel guilty that it’s not organic plain Greek yogurt but will she eat that?! Erm no. Anyway it’s nice to know I’m not alone with the fussy eating! x
You are never alone where these little monkeys are involved! Someone somewhere is going through the same thing and I’m pretty sure that most kids are fussy eaters at some point. If they aren’t you are very lucky. Petit filous has always been a favourite in my household too! x